PerformativeSurprise

Yet another INTJ here. 

22 hours ago, Rebekah said:

Also, I never really understood the idea of sharing a bed. Like, how am I supposed to sleep when I'm overheating because someone is next to me and every time I fidget I risk waking them up?!

I can completely relate.   I've had to share a bed with friends and family members on occasion, and I hate it.  When I was little, I distinctly remember wondering how people in romantic relationships dealt with this problem.  Nobody could possibly want to share a bed, right? I remember assuming this was just another price you had to pay if you got married 

I'm not touch averse, but I'm not a physically affectionate person either.  I like hugs most of the time, but that's about it.  I tend to get annoyed if people are too physically affectionate with me; it makes me a little uncomfortable.

Nope.  I hate the taste of alcohol, and I hate the idea of anything impairing my judgement.  Since I don't like the taste or the idea of being tipsy/drunk, and it's expensive, I see no reason to drink.

42 minutes ago, Spud said:

I realized when I was little that there were so many songs about love and my reaction was kinda:

"Why can't people write about anything else? Love is so boring. You can write songs about literally anything, and the one thing people choose is love 90% of the time!"

I still feel this way....I don't mind love songs per se, but I do get annoyed that they account for the vast majority of popular songs.

4 minutes ago, Vega said:

I'm a bad aro because:

- I am a fairly unemotional and cold person who doesn't easily form relationships. (Not to say I don't care for the few friends I have, of course.)

Same here.

Went to a couple of bookshops I hadn't been to before and also bought some summer clothes! (This is more exciting when you're as hard to fit as I am...)

7 hours ago, DannyFenton123 said:

*Assignment to find songs that describe Romeo from Romeo and Juliet*

 

*Scratches head*

 

*Looks up romantic songs*

 

I am not ready for this madness.

Maybe it would be easier to look at it from a different (non-romantic) angle?  The play isn't really about romance at all--the love story is just a catalyst.  It's about the devastating effects of hatred and prejudice.  It's about how the very people who were supposed to be guiding and protecting what was most precious to them--their children--were in fact the cause of their destruction due to the families' own blind hatred.  Viewed from this lens, Romeo (and Juliet) was just a kid who was sacrificed at the alter of prejudice.  His family wouldn't listen to what he had to say and pushed him further and further, not realizing the damage they were doing by forcing their own views onto him.  He refused to buy into their prejudice and fought it, but ended up losing out in the end because he was a kid with little power.  

(Sorry, I'm a huge Shakespeare fan--I'll stop going on about it now )

Interesting topic.  Hmm...let's see.  I can't think of many off the top of my head, but here are a few noticable ones for me (two of which you mentioned):

• I don't get squishes
• I often enjoy fictional romance
• My friendships are less intense and emotionally involved than most people's (romantic and aromantic)--I prefer casual friendships

I think for me it wasn't just the lack of interest in dating, but the fact that I found the very notion of me being in a relationship ludicrous.  As in I would literally laugh if someone asked if I was dating or if so-and-so was my boyfriend.  I just couldn't imagine any reason why I would do such a thing.  From the looks people gave me, I realized this was not a normal reaction and tried to stifle it.  

Side note: When I was trying to type the word "ludicrous," it was flagged by spellcheck.  It took me a minute to realize I had spelled it "ludacris" like the rapper 

Ugh, that's terrible.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  But I don't think you handled it so badly.  

I'm not sure how I would've handled that...I probably would have just gotten angry. Ha. Usually when stuff like that happens, when I feel like someone has disrespected me (or others), I get mad and don't hide it. It's honestly the one surefire way to overcome my social anxiety--get me mad, and I suddenly get quite assertive .  If the group did that of their own accord and without the guy's consent, I would probably tell them off and take him aside and be nicer about it.  But if the guy was involved, I would just tell them all off and not care about embarrassing him.  No one should be pressured like that--it's selfish and disrespectful.  I'm told I can be pretty harsh though, so I can understand taking a softer approach as well.

Absolutely not. I have zero desire to have children.  Being aro ace could be effecting things, but I honestly don't think so.  I don't think my personality or temperament are suited to raising children.  I'm not good at relationships in general, and I think that would have a very negative effect on any potential children.  I would feel very irresponsible raising kids, even if I wanted them, since I feel like I would make a bad parent.  I don't think that would be fair to the child at all. 

My projects are in, and as of today my exams are finished! I barely know what to do with myself now. 

25 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:

 Later on I had some kimchi, a dish my flatmate used to make.

I love kimchi! Actually, I just love Korean food in general.  I used to almost always have a thing of kimchi in my fridge.  But mine was store bought--homemade is much better (not that I can make it or anything.).

I took my course exam, which wasn't a disaster, and treated myself to a coffee and brownie 'cause chocolate (and  ) makes everything better 

I like your traffic light analogy, and I would agree.  I'm also fine with light PDA, but if it becomes too intense, it makes me uncomfortable.  It can just seem really obnoxious sometimes.  It doesn't help that I'm also a kind of sex-repulsed ace, so if it seems sexual to me, then I'm definitely uncomfortable.  Honestly, it's a bit hard for me to separate the two and determine if it's the aceness or aroness that makes me uncomfortable with PDA.  I know that I also get uncomfortable with people being overly into each other in public, if you know what I mean.  Like when people seem to be unaware of everyone else and seem in their own little romantic world.  So I guess I get uncomfortable on two levels 

59 minutes ago, Dodgypotato said:

Before I knew that crushes were real and that I was ace and aro and all that, someone asked me what I find attractive in people. I had no idea what to say. I was like, "Uhh.. Umm... I... I guess.. If people are kind and nice??? I've never really thought about it??? WHATABOUTYOU?" I must have come across as super weird. He started talking about liking tall women or something stupid like that. Then I dug myself into like 10 holes. I was stumbling so much and so lost and confused he must have thought I had a crush on him or something.

 

 

I always hate those kind of questions! Whenever someone would ask about what my "type" is or what qualities I find attractive in a partner, I would freeze up or try to deflect. Now that I'm more open about being aro I just answer honestly,  but before I would get super awkward.

That does seem pretty comprehensive.

Also, I find it amusing that the way it's written makes it seem like a listing of diagnostic criteria 

I also get asked for relationship advice fairly often, which I've always found odd.  I mean seriously, what on earth gave anyone the impression I know anything about the topic? I guess it is just that I approach it so rationally (since I have no other way to approach it). Also, my BA is in Psychology, so that could have something to do with it. Ha. I don't usually mind, but sometimes it's a little awkward for me, particularly if the person is emotional about it, and I have to try to be sensitive.  

So today in one of my language classes the lecturer was going over possible topics for our upcoming oral exam.  On the day of the exam, we'll each randomly pick a topic from the pool, and we have to discuss it for about 10 minutes or so. One of the possible topics we could get is "dating and marriage," since we had a unit on it this term.  With my luck, that'll be the topic I select   

I finally finished writing my term paper due on Tuesday! I wasn't sure I'd finish it in time to do much editing, but now I have a few days, so I feel better.  Now onto my two final exams and other linguistics term assignment 

• "You say that now, but what if you meet the most perfect guy? *gives knowing look* Bet you'll change your mind then " 

5 hours ago, Lume said:

"I know exactly how you feel, there were times when I didn't want a relationship either and I really enjoyed being single!" (Glad for you, happily married! Still, that's not what I mean)

Ah yes, I've gotten this one before too.  It was nice that they were trying to relate, but they definitely missed the point.

17 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

 Luckily my sister has a son, so they can't put the guilt trip of never giving them grandchildren on me.

My brother doesn't have a kid yet, but thankfully he wants one. I feel like I'm off the hook...so he better not change his mind 

9 hours ago, nina said:

Apparently, I told my them that I wouldn't be having any children when I was 3 years old  They laughed about it back then, but now that I'm approaching my 30s, they don't find it funny anymore. I know that they're still hoping that I'll "change my mind". They also know that I'm against marriage, but I never explicitly mentioned aromanticism, so they think the reason for it is my politics, that they think I'll eventually "grow out of" as well. 

I can relate to this.  I've apparently claimed I would never get married from about the time I learned what marriage was, and I've also said I don't want kids since I was very young. My family thought it was cute at first too, but I think they started getting concerned when I hit my twenties and didn't change my mind.  I think even the family members who don't explicitly know about my aro aceness have given up on the subject now.  They don't tell me I'll change my mind anymore, at least.  

The only family members I've explicitly discussed it (being ace and aro, although I just explained aromanticism without using the term) with are my mom and brother, but they were both good about it.  My mom was very confused, but she tried really hard to understand .  She never makes comments about me having a partner or getting married anymore, and sometimes jokes with me about it, so thankfully she took it really well.  With my brother it's a complete non-issue.  

I do feel like my brother paved the way though and made it a bit easier for me.  He's gay, so I wasn't the first to "come out" in the family.  My family was very religious growing up, and we're from a conservative, religious area, which of course made things very difficult for my brother.  But thankfully my mom at least is 100% supportive now (and not religious anymore)  . So by the time I came out as an aro ace, my mom had experience .  My dad is not supportive of my brother at all, and I haven't even bothered coming out to him.

YMBAI your friend(s) comment excitedly (and a bit jealously, it seems) on how you could end up getting a boyfriend while you're abroad, and you don't realize you've made a face until they say with a surprised look, "you don't want to?!"

9 hours ago, DannyFenton123 said:

"This boy is sooo hot, and it's really annoying because he's my cousin!"

 

*Double take* *spit out water* *record needle scratch*