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Twilight Firefly

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    Greyrose
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    female
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    she/her

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  1. (Kinda NSFW, but nothing specific or graphic) I didn't think I'd ever reconcile with the greyromantic/greysexual side of me. A lot of the times I feel like I'm lying to myself or that I'm just a broken or antisocial allo—but I think I've finally come to terms with the way I am. I have libido, but people don't trigger it. It's kinda just...there in my bloodstream, and fictional characters seem to be where all my romantic and sexual energy gets funneled to. I think going outside with a group of people helped me get back in touch with reality and helped me realize the part of myself I tend to neglect in favor of fantasy (fictional characters). And then last night I came across a Reddit reply that defined sexual attraction as desire triggered by the specific person, and that put so much into perspective, because I can see myself 'fooling around' but not because someone specifically is triggering it, rather, because there's a mutual itch that needs scratching. (Though I can't rule out that maybe someone, somewhere is attractive in that way to me haha.) Crazy to think a Reddit reply was the thing that ended up making me feel pride and harmonious with myself, but everything sorta clicked into place and I felt happy. Just wanted to share this experience since I thought I'd never be at peace and then it finally happened :3
  2. Yep, that sounds a lot like me, I definitely feel strange considering whether or not I could be arospec while feeling intense romantic attraction for fictional characters. It's like I'm split in two almost and I don't seem to fit snugly on either of the allo-aro "poles". Like I know I'm capable of the attractions, and they do sometimes cross the threshold into reality, but not nearly as strong or often with real people as in fiction. I'm glad to know there's someone else like me out there! Yeah I've been drawn to fictional characters since I was 4 years old, so it's pretty much ingrained in me, like a second nature that's just a part of who I am. I do worry about the "growing out" of characters at some point and then having exclusive attraction to real people, which is a funky thing to worry about, though I suppose it's because a lot of my writing is driven by the fictional characters I like, and RPF isn't really my jam X`D This was really comforting to hear, cuz I've been grappling with whether or not there's some sort of issue where I just brick with real people, but maybe that's just how I am, feeling more in fiction and occasionally poking my head out of my shell for real people XD Thanks for your response! It's helped me think about how labels work, and I think I'll go with what feels the most me at the moment. Maybe I could use greyromantic to describe the funky grey zone I'm in right now, and maybe that'll change down the road. Maybe the "dullness" in my IRL attraction will spark up, or maybe it'll stay the same. Time'll only tell.
  3. Ouu yeah you bring up a really good point about the fictional characters. I'm not sure how I'd react to them becoming real, like it'd be uncanny to me if they suddenly went from their 2D designs to IRL humans, and it probably wouldn't engender the same response. But if they retained their original designs, then I anticipate I'd want to be with them. Though most ideally, I'd want to exist in a fantasy world and interact with them via an avatar character of sorts. I definitely feel most comfortable when things are in the context of fictional characters/worlds. I could very well just have a block when it comes to real people for some reason. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens when I'm socialized more and meet new people, though it never hurts to wonder about myself. Thanks for your response!
  4. Yeah, re-examining my real life attractions is what made me start to question myself in the first place, like wait a minute, these intense feelings aren't actually romantic ones, what does that mean haha. Thanks for your input!
  5. So I'm a bit of a silly case. Majority of my crushes (for me that's sustained romantic and sexual attraction) have been on fictional characters. I enjoy writing and fantasizing about romance and sex, but it's within a fictional world and focused on fictional characters. I know what the attractions feel like and can distinguish them (at least with fictional characters I can), and I consider myself romance-favorable in real life. When I do have a crush on a real person (which is rare), it's not nearly as intense as it is for these fictional characters. I think there's only one person I can definitely say I had sustained sexual and romantic attraction to, and even that, while strong, wasn't on the level of some of my character crushes. We were apart for years and it's arguable I was in love with a memory and not the actual person. He's the last real person crush I've had, and I started crushing on him way back in 2014. I am capable of forming deep bonds with real people; one of my best friends feels like "the one", and our relationship and my current attraction to her isn't romantic or sexual. I thought it was those attractions in the beginning until my tempestuous emotions settled into what they are today—a very engulfing love that's deeply platonic if not something beyond. The one person I did date when I was younger I feel strongly for too, and he's another person I'm pretty sure I confused deep platonic attraction for romantic attraction, since soon after I broke it off, things felt right again. I feel intensely for him and crave his company but in what I heavily suspect is deeply platonic, as the recent hint of him possibly having romantic interest in me sorta squicked me out. The fact that I can feel romantic attraction in fiction is what really stumps me. I've heard you can be arospec/acespec and still be into fictional characters, since that's not necessarily always reflective of what you like/want/are attracted to in real life. But at the same time, it makes me wonder if I'm allo and just not meeting the right people and thus overthinking everything. Does this sound like greyromanticism? Or perhaps just a pickiness when it comes to real people? There's plenty of perfectly logical people I could've had a crush on, but didn't, so I'm pretty stumped.
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