Hi there. I'm new here but I wanted to reply to your post because your experience sounds a lot like my own. I have felt like maybe I am aro and/or ace for about 5 years and in the last few years I've come out to some of my friends. But I have never been in a relationship before and I've always wondered. Part of my struggle is that I like the idea in theory, having a person who is "my person", and I'm afraid of being left alone when all of my friends start to find significant others. I love romance in fiction, but when I encounter it in real life/if someone confesses feelings it freaks me out and I bail. I just find romantic feelings in real life to be fundamentally awkward and embarrassing.
I don't think I can answer whether you are aroace, but I'll say that I have pondered these same questions a lot: "what does a crush feel like?", "can I have a crush on someone I'm not friends with?", "what's the line between platonic and romantic?", and wondering if I just have high standards while trying to figure out what standard the person would have to meet for me to date them. I've even tried going on dates for the first time recently, just to see what it's like. For me, I've used dating apps because it feels "safer", like the person is completely removed from the rest of my life and that makes me feel like there is less expectation, less judgement, and if it becomes awkward it's a clean break. (And I've actually found that going on dates, even and especially the good ones, has made me more confident in identifying in the aroace umbrella. Go figure. For me it just feels that, whatever my specific label is, I don't experience romance and attraction in the way that my allo friends describe it.)
Whether or not dating apps feel right to you, I think it's perfectly reasonable to try going on a date if you want to, and you do not need to tell anyone about being/questioning your aroace identity if you don't want to. If you do want to lay out that you may be aroace and you'd like them to know before going on the date, that's not inconsiderate, that's actually quite considerate in my opinion! They may decide not to go on the date, but if they do decide to go after knowing where you stand, that is their own decision. And if you don't want to tell them, that is okay too! Agreeing to or even asking someone else on a date does not obligate you to ultimately feel any way about them, and does not mean you are in a relationship. Dating can absolutely be casual, and you can definitely ask for a testing period as you called it. From what I've heard/experienced, the first few dates basically are considered a testing period and then you'll discuss what you want going forward. But if you're already friends with the person it might be a good idea to be more explicit about it, just to say "I really like you as a friend and I'm not sure if I feel more. I would be interested in going on a date or two to see how I feel before getting into a relationship". You may be treating dating as an "experiment", but isn't almost every first date an experiment in some way, even for allo people? Lots of allo people go on dates to get to know each other better and to figure out if they're interested in a romantic context. Maybe they realize they are not, which happens all the time. I even have friends who had a crush, went on a couple dates, and then the crush fizzled out. You are not responsible for the feelings of others. Yes, you should be careful about leading people on, but it is totally normal and reasonable to go on a date with someone, and then say "you know it was nice to hang out with you but I don't really want to go out again." To me, that's not leading them on. You went in with genuine interest in getting to know them and/or seeing if you felt interested in them romantically, and whatever you ultimately feel or don't feel is okay. You don't have to tell them you're aroace to say you're not interested (of course you can if you want, but you don't owe them that as an explanation), and you also don't have to feel you are romantically attracted to them to agree to a date. My friend told me she has a second date policy where unless the person is a hard no, she will go on a second date because on the first date things are usually too awkward to tell if she likes them or not.
I'm actually curious to see if other aro people have thoughts about the morality of going on dates as a questioning aro. But this is my feeling on it. Hope this giant long response was helpful.
