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Jot-Aro Kujo

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About Jot-Aro Kujo

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 01/20/1998

Personal Information

  • Name
    Alex
  • Orientation
    Aromantic bisexual
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/her
  • Occupation
    Graphic design student

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  1. I'd be interested. I can do writing, art, or graphic design.
  2. Depends. Was it ever established between you two that your relationship was an exclusive and monogamous one, and if so, that a QPR would violate this arrangement? Did he discuss the concept of this QPR with you beforehand, or did he enter it without telling you? If he has knowingly violated the terms of your relationship, then yes, it is absolutely 100% ok to be uncomfortable. If not, then it's probably either a matter of conflict between you and the friend in question, or you're insecure. Either way it's something you should talk to him about, as well as something you should try to evaluate in yourself. Find out what the root of your discomfort is, and then you can decide how to deal with it.
  3. Well, no, he's not your zucchini, not any more than two people both saying they have crushes on each other would automatically be partners. It's not a description of feelings- It's a description of consensual relationship arrangement. So, unless one of you said "Hey, do you want to be in a QPR?" and the other one said "Sure!", then he's not your zucchini, even if you both have squishes on each other. Secondly, I think the important thing here is to think about how you're defining the term "squish", and how he's defining it. For example, you say you think he's "just feeling friend love"- But to me, and many other people I'm sure, that's what a squish is. And how can you know he doesn't feel similarly about you to the way you feel about him? I think, really, what you should do is forget about terminology. If you're defining a squish as one thing, and he's defining it as another, then debating it isn't going to get you anywhere; What's important isn't the language, it's the feelings. Talk to him. Figure out what he's feeling, and what you're feeling- Regardless of what terms you use to describe these feelings. Figure out what you both want from your relationship. Do you want something different from what you have now? Why or why not? What does he want? These are the things you need to talk about, not whether or not you have squishes, because it sounds like at this point that's not the question you need to be asking each other.
  4. Who says a lifelong partner has to be romantic?
  5. In all fairness, "allies" are often included as a way to allow closeted people safer access to support. So, say, someone could tell their parents "Oh, I'm not gay, I'm just going as an ally." and their parents would be none the wiser. Personally though, I prefer LGBTQ+, or LGBTQIAPN, I think they're more inclusive.
  6. Not all nonbinary folks identify as trans, and not all agender folks even identify as nonbinary. I’ve heard from some who don’t consider themselves nonbinary because this term implies participating in some form of gender- To some people, being agender is not being some gender that’s not within the binary, it’s not participating in the system of gender at all, meaning they’re not nonbinary in the same way “colorless” isn’t somehow a secondary color just because it isn’t a primary color. Of course, plenty of agender folks do consider themselves nonbinary and/or trans. But not all do. So while it’s debatable whether or not there should be an A for ally, to say there are two As and they stand for ace and aro is to erase agender people.
  7. And where would you say agender people fit in in this?
  8. Sounds like romance repulsion to me. Just because you like someone as a person doesn't mean you like them in every scenario- Like, I love my grandma, but I wouldn't feel very comfortable going to see a graphic horror movie with her, right? You might love this person as a friend, but feel uncomfortable in a romantic situation with them. And you may very well not be comfortable in a romantic situation with anyone. There's nothing wrong with that, and I would advise you to take care of yourself and not put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable. Speaking from experience... I think the only way to really handle it is to break up with them gently, sooner rather than later. I've been in a similar situation, and it only got worse and worse until I didn't want to be around them at all. If you just say something like "Hey, I think you're a great person but I don't think this whole romance thing is working out, can we go back to being strictly friends?" you have a chance at saving yourself, and frankly, your friend, a lot of frustration.
  9. Hello, nice to meet you! I'd say some things to keep in mind if you're new to the aro community are: Allosexual aromantics exist too, and are an important part of the community despite our lack of recognition. (And no, we don't have a problem with being called allosexual. Personally I'd feel uncomfortable with just being called "sexual"? Alloros are a weird bunch, huh...) Many people refer to the ace and aro communities as a collective as the "a-spectrum" In addition to no-romance-ever aromantics, there are many identities under the aromantic umbrella, including grey-aromantic, demiromantic, cupioromantic, lithromantic, etc. These are collectively referred to as "aro spectrum" or "arospec" for short. Not all aros want QPRs. Although there is... some debate over how to refer to these types of aros, some commonly used terminology includes aplatonic, nonpartnering, or nonamorous.
  10. While it's of course totally up to you to define your relationship terms and what you're both most comfortable with, I think you really should start by examining why qp doesn't feel like "enough" to you.
  11. Ask her. Does she want to be in one? How important to her is romance? Can she be in a QPR and have a romantic partner, or do you want this to be her only partnership of any variety? We can't read her mind. Alloromantic folks are not all identical in their desires, and not every QPR is the same by far. If you don't know how she would feel about something, ask her.
  12. I get that, and I wish you the best of luck. In a situation like that, there are some things you can do that can help you heal, and help you avoid accidentally making statements that can be just as harmful as some things Christians say. 1. Educate yourself about other religions. Read up on the basics of other religions, and if you know folks who participate in other religions, ask them directly about their beliefs. Most people are happy to answer questions, so long as you're polite! 2. When you make an assumption about religion, ask yourself- Where does this assumption come from? Where did you first encounter whatever you're thinking about? If it's something you've heard about a religion other than Christianity, did you hear it from people who actually practice that religion, or is it something you heard from Christians or Christian-centric sources (e.g. schools, ex-Christian atheists)? Do you know for certain that this is something most participants in a certain religion believe, or is it only particular groups? 3. This may sound like a strange one, but talk to Christians from other backgrounds, too. I know Christianity as a whole does have some things that can be difficult to accept as a non-Christian, but there's still a huge difference between different groups, and to equate them all can be unfair- This is a mistake I see from many, many non-Christians. To give a common example, saying that all Christians are privileged and totally free to worship is ignorant at best when here in the U.S., there have been many incidents of black churches being subjected to terrorist attacks. I'm not saying that anyone has to stop being uncomfortable with Christianity as a whole, but it is important to know how to talk about that discomfort in ways that don't accidentally promote racism, etc. Good luck and if you have any questions, I'm happy to answer. I'm a lifelong eclectic pagan myself.
  13. I don't think your content was offensive- But I do think it would be important for you to learn about religions other than white conservative Christianity. You seem to be equating "religion" with white conservative Christianity, and while I do agree that that particular type of religion has done a lot of harm, it is by far not the only type of religion out there. To use "religion" as a synonym for white conservative Christianity is another form of glorifying white conservative Christianity, as it implies that other religions are not real religions or simply do not exist, and white conservative Christianity is the only "true" religion. Many of the things you described do not exist in other religions, or at least not in the same form. For example, did you know abortion is allowed within Judaism- And, in fact, to criminalize abortion would be to deny Jewish women their religious freedom? Did you know that I, someone who is very religious, grew up being told I'm going to hell for being a devil worshipper? Did you know that many pagan traditions do contain stories of homosexuality and unusual gender concepts? Did you know that in medieval times, there were many Islamic scientists and mathematicians who were incredibly ahead of their time and made many contributions to science? Did you know that just a few days ago was Holocaust Remembrance Day, a day in which we honor the millions of people who were killed for their religion during the Holocaust? By all means, be angry about the things white conservative Christianity has done. But do not call the rest of us the same as them.
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