impala67

I also find myself in this predicament. I see people close to me and friends in coupled groups and it's "Oh I want a relationship" or do i? I enjoy platonic affection. But imagining myself in a relationship with a person is like....eeeeh it depends cuz if it was a dear friend of mine I wouldn't'mind but the whole romance gestures and mouth kissing is a huge no. Basically I was fine with how I was vibing and living life as an ace aro until all my close peeps got into romantic relationships or married. Unsure if that means I'm not a hard aro. What I do know is the idea of having a committed companionship sounds lovely. I entered a whole internal crisis when everyone around me paired up leaving me alone. Comphet is a thing so yeah I imagine compulsory romanticism is what plenty of aros experience leading us to re-question things again and again and again.

I'm not always aware of being connected to humanity. It's more of a whenever I think about it or am pressed to be made aware of how different my existence is to most of humanity... that's when I feel the most disconnected to humanity. So right now as I type this thinking about it in a very focused way *shudders* it feels odd.

Thank you both for the responses. Honestly the feedback helps a lot. 🥺 it lightens the heaviness on my heart

I've been losing sleep trying to figure out what I feel and why. I think maybe I figured it out? But I'm not sure. For context: Since Feb I've been figuring if I've ever experienced romantic attraction. On my journey to discovering I am in fact quite Aro I've been pretty open about it with my close people. One of which includes my best friend. Long story short after she started acting of character at the possibility of me and her working together at the same place she came out to me and told me she has more than platonic feelings which threw me for a loop. She wondered if I thought I could ever reciprocate and honestly... I think what I feel for her is best described as alterous attraction. After a long and hard convo with her about what she wants and what I can't give she was very understandable and said she was gonna move on and try to get over me. I felt so bad. I almost said that we could try dating but I know that I shouldn't force myself into something I don't want. For a hot moment I really thought I lost her as a friend. But she was ok after 2 weeks of no contact and she started dating this guy. I was so happy for her until I met him. So many red flags. I brought them up to her and she is either refusing to see them or she really is blind to it. He is not a good guy for her. And it bothered me so much that he would be taking advantage of her that I thought maybe I was romantically attracted to her if I'm losing sleep. I figured out that I feel just so f*cking guilty that because I can't give what she needs she turned to someone bad. Like it'd be my fault if he were to SA her or get her to change herself or anything go wrong or something. Has anyone ever experienced the scenario of rejecting someone you're close to and them doing unhealthy or making bad decisions to get over you? I feel like shit right now and I wish I could love her in that way so she would be out of his reach. IDK what to do. Should I stage an intervention with our friends? Is this normal?

I have a friend who is exactly like this. They need to be engaged in some way with others. For her she is either completing a sudoku or plans out outdoor activities when it comes to socializing. They really enjoy crafting in a group setting with close friends. I once organized a 'paint with bob ross' evening and she really enjoyed that.

Oh nice! Knowing the context a bit more, I guess making a move towards a QPR would initially be awkward but would make a funny story in the future. 🤗

My first squish was when I was 4 then 7. Hmmmmm then became hyper focused on fictional characters until college. I think all of my more intense squishes have been post college tho. Totally thought until I learned about squishes this year that those were crushes. The one I had when I was 4 was because I thought he dressed so cool with his ripped jeans, black shirt, and oversized jacket. Hahaha it might have been gender envy tho. I remember telling him that I wanted to be his friend during recess and promptly getting told I was weird and not pretty. Threw a ball at his face and he didn't seem so cool anymore after that. Nooooow the girl I wanted to be friends with sooooo badly when I was 7 had all the cool crayons in class and she would always wear sparkly clothes. I wanted to color with her using those crayons but when I asked she told me to go back to my country. I remember being confused and thinking that she was pretty stupid for thinking Texas was its own country. My current squish is on my best friend who recently told me that she is in love with me... which sucks cuz she desires a full-on-super-sweet-you-get-cavities-romance and I can't fulfill that expectation if we do a QPR. I wish my squishes would someday land on an ace or aro or ace aro person.

I am sorta in the same boat as you. I always thought I was bi cuz my friendships with women tended to be intense but hey guys looked great too. But I learned about asexuality and aesthetic attraction ...and things clicked. I'm ace but I must be romantically attracted to both. Right? Nope. Heard about aromantic spec and well... the tunnel vision I would get with certain friends were just squishes. I was just experiencing intense platonic attraction and wanted to hang out with them sooo much. But I never got butterflies or lost sleep thinking about what they were doing. This friend I have tho, I love spending time with her and I can be myself. We already cuddle and take naps together and it would be nice to be room mates so we can spend more time playing video games, cooking, doing yoga etc. But I don't want to date them. No kissing. Hell, even saying "I love you" is too romantic for me. I thought about asking her about a QPR but she is super romantic and wants all the romantic stuff that I'm learning now that I can't give. We just wouldn't be compatible for one. I think bringing up QPR with your friend is a good start. Definitely talk about what you would want out of a QPR and invite them to for input as to what they want out of one too. If what you both want out of a QPR vibes, then great. Go for it! It can always change or evolve if that is what you both want. It can also end if it's not something that works for you two. No QPR is the same and it's what the folks involved want it to be that is super key. Sometimes it can work out and sometimes it just doesn't. Communication is super key tho.