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piroshki101

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Everything posted by piroshki101

  1. So I remember when I used to think that someone would just like me and then everything that society told me would come true. Then my sister told me that i needed a bit more self-love and so I worked on loving myself a bit more and then I discovered I was aromantic and asexual. Also my sister knew that I was ace before I knew...I mean she literally asked me if I was ace once, but I digress. Another funny thing was that I thought that I could fall in love with someone from another country...turns out that finding people's accents pretty does not equate to attraction.
  2. Saw some archived thing in aromantic relationships and it was about healthy friendships and how abusive one's are overlooked (on the 18th page and it's the topic at the very bottom if anyone wants to look at it). It made me realize that I got out of a toxic friendship with another aro-spec, as well physical boundaries weren't respected, they didn't listen when I set boundaries, they never really communicated anything, they tried to make decisions for me, they were definitely manipulative to a degree, they weren't non-judgemental from what I remember, and they didn't admit their mistakes. So that's most boundaries being failed which left me to not feel respected by said person. There was also another person who did very similar things, though a bit more convulted as they also didn't take accountability for their mistakes, I always felt scared around them, so I'd say intimidation was a lot (this person was also aro-spec). I began to realize that I deserved better. Once I realized they were toxic, though I'd known these people for 5 years and I decided to cut ties.
  3. I asked some classmates of mine (awhile back) when they first got "crushes" and there was a huge range of answers. Some felt their "crushes" around kindergarten, while others felt it around elementary school. Also I definitely agree that there would be conflations of different attractions.
  4. I 100% agree that gender doesn't really exist as it's a construct. And for me, before really knowing that I was trans, I first learned about the term non-binary. I'd also experienced dysphoria through puberty, but I didn't know what it was back then. When I was younger, I knew that I wasn't a boy or a girl, but I was scared to question, so I tried my best to perform as my assigned gender. I wasn't really happy, and a video taught me about the term non-binary and after my very long repressed feelings, I decided to face my fears and around that time I also realized "Hmm...wait a damn moment...if I don't vibe with my assigned gender, then...then I'm trans...holy shit!". So yeah the reason I know that I'm trans is really cause I don't vibe with my assigned gender, as it just never felt right.
  5. There were a lot of signs when I was younger, as I'd never had any crushes. I kinda just ignored it (did the same thing with my gender identity). Then I read loveless and watched Jaiden's video and I was like "I might as well just accept it!". I did figure out I was ace before though because I legit thought sexual attraction was a joke, but figuring out I was aro was harder for me to accept so it took longer for me to find out.
  6. I watched Yuri on Ice and one of the Yuri's ate a piroshki and I was like damn...that looks good, I should try that at some point. Basically the food caught my eye, so yeah. The 101 part doesn't have much significance. So yeah, food is so fucking good.
  7. So I had figured out that I was ace. And one of the biggest signs was just giving up on stories with romance in them because I thought that they were boring. I also didn't realize that people actually had the desire to date someone (or multiple people). When I was in middle school I hadn't liked a goddamn soul. I thought that if I moved somewhere else that maybe I could just fall in love somehow, which was also wrong. I realized that I'd probably get comfortable with myself and friends, and then I kinda just ignored that feeling. I had no idea what attraction was and I still don't get it, though I can guess what others feel. I thought that I was pansexual/panromantic because I just loved everyone. I thought that everyone had a story to tell, and that was beautiful, so I thought "mmm yes...that must mean romance, totally...wouldn't date anyone....but I feel some attraction, right?!". And then I read loveless and my brain just went "this is more relatable then usual....wait...NONONONononno...no...not another crisis...AHHHHH!!". I looked up aroaceflux and was like "maybe that could be me?". The problem was I always felt aro and ace, everyday, but I was kinda desperate and wished to have some amount of attraction. Then I watched Jaiden animations "Being not straight" video and I started to accept that I was aroace and that there was nothing wrong with that. I delve into some research and now I've arrived where I am today (also I had a gender crisis going on at the same time and have concluded I'm transmasc and nonbinary). So yeah, there were so many signs and I ignored them simply because I wanted to fit in. Once I stopped trying to fit in, I started to question and you know the rest.
  8. I realized that my friends probably were the greatest so I'm gonna try to befriend people who aren't as toxic.
  9. I FUCKING LOVE BEING AROACE!!! I've realized that I should just sit back and enjoy life with friends/familial relationships. It's fucking awesome!! Sorry for my amount of cursing but my whole childhood I always tried to find someone and I never did, but now I realize that I can breathe for the first time. I've known I'm aromantic since January, so 7-ish months, and nothing has changed. Figuring out I was polyamorous was a bit of a curveball but now I'm just relaxed again. I'm excited for what the world has in store for me. I'm excited for what I can create in my life (art, stories, and lifelong friends). Basically, being aromantic is one of the coolest things that could've ever been a part of me :)
  10. I love being aro because I feel so free. I can finally just live my life without that much drama. I can create the drama through stories or read 'em cause that's enough. I also can finally breathe because there is no pressure to get into a relationship. I know that I'm loved and cared for by my friends and that's enough for me because I wouldn't have it any other way :)
  11. That is absolutely fabulous!! I sent a post on reddit, but they thought I was confused (to a degree) so, uh...I dunno, but I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one. HURRAH!!!
  12. Well hello there, I think I might be polyamorous but you see I'm aroace. I dunno how it'd work, but I guess I realized I'm not as non-partnering as I thought. Like I don't particularly want to date people, but it'd be nice to be around be and sort of have a family? Am I making any sense? That's basically why polyamory doesn't seem too bad for me as I just want to be around people even if I can't give them you know the stuff they want.
  13. When I was younger I thought that you were supposed to choose a pretty person or someone you wanted to be friends with, though to be fair I mixed many up with gender envy...it was a strange and confusing time. I'm beginning to love being aromantic. Accepting my aceness was quite easy, and I don't question it that much, but I do question my aroness more. I really only get squishes on my best friends because circumstances. I want to say how much I love my friends and how wonderful they are....oh yeah I also created a spotify playlist for that...totally worth it. I just want to give them all hugs and cuddles. I have some days where I hate being aromantic, but today is not one of those days. Some days I feel a loss for a life I'm never going to have. It's like I'm mourning. I may mourn some more, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy. I want to live my life out as a (probably) non-partnering aroace. I really just love people, and I'm pretty content with that at the moment. Whatever I do, I hope that my path is one that's fun.
  14. I...thank you I needed this. I guess I'm just afraid of being alone, ya know?
  15. So as the title says I'm struggling to feel pride within my aromanticism because sometimes I don't feel aromantic enough. I'm demiplatonic and I have a squish on one of my friends or do I have two squishes? (basically do I have squishes on my best friends because I decided to befriend them during similar circumstances?...As in we bonded in being lonely...wait..HOLY SHIT!! Yeah that'd make sense...I know I'm conversing with myself but eh)..I dunno...I hang out with them a lot. Sometimes it feels invalidating because I know that people may think that there's something more between us, but like...noo...I would die because that sounds tiring af but in media omfg it's adorable) (sometimes)...he's just one of my bestest friends. Also I fucking love my friends to the earth, the stars, the universe, and all the way back again. Would literally die for them, but a romantic partner..nah dude...I'd be like...I'll help you and then avoid you. But yeah, what can I do?
  16. I probably should meditate, as I always come to the same conclusion about how I feel about this friend, like they're my bestie...I just don't want other people to "ship us"...happened before...hated it...never again for as long as I live, so yeah. This did actually really help though...as I've realised I most likely have social anxiety...cause my palms are always sweaty...around literally everyone. I'm gonna give this a try though, but I'm certain those that I call my best friends are squishes (this was after just trying to breathe and have fun with some friends)...my head is a lil' bit more cleared as ma brain did not want to work earlier. Also I think sometimes I just wish I could fall in love or just feel something beyond friendship, but alas I cannot force myself or I'll be in a pretty bad mental state and just exhausted. I was able to realize last night (probs the morning...it was really late, but I was tired and did no look at the clock) was that I'm really just afraid to be alone (pretty sure I'm non-partnering at this point). I think the other part of it is also just amatonormativity just sometimes gets to me and well it you know, sucks. Thank you for your help as it was very much appreciated :)
  17. You know what...I honestly don't know feelings right now...I thought I didn't like them and I don't wanna like kiss 'em on the lips, cause that's nasty and I don't want to date them, but I really REALLY LOVE THEM!!! BUT THE PROBLEM IS I'M ALSO TOUCH STARVED so AHHHHHHHH!!!!! Also I would kiss all my friends good night if I could, but I'm demiplatonic so AHHHHHHH!!! I really only have to best friends at the moment and I love them so SO MUCH!!! I want them to be in my life but I also want to make more friends, but I need a connections and I want to have deeper relationships with my other friends. Also the one friend that I bring up, though not often...unless I do..FUCK...you see I was afraid that there was the possibility that they liked me...but thankfully they don't, but I dunno I guess want part of me still wants to fall in love, but not with them or anyone, cause kissing is gross (in the romantic/sexual sene at least for me), but then I'm also curious and it's really fucking me up...but then I dunno if I'm touch starved and stuff. Also I just I see them as a brother, so like HUH? Also I see my other bestie as a sister...and I would do the same things! WHAT AM I FEELING?! Is it alterous?? A SQUISH?! (Okay I'm starting to think it might cause dating (even platonically...would love to hang out with both of ma besties but they don't get along) just seems really tiring and sometimes it's really to decipher what I want from what society expects from me and sometimes I just wish I normal...and I think I'm probably just afraid of being lonely...well I am though so...AHHHHHHH). WHAT AM I GONNA DO???!! (also sorry for the cursing)
  18. So...I was scared that I might've been starting to like a friend, but that was really just me mixing up sensual attraction with romantic attraction...again. Cause you see they thought that they'd liked me before and it turns out we're both aro...now I'm apothiromantic...but like I would totally platonically kiss someone, but if they meant it romantically...covid rules apply...as in 6 feet apart or further please. So yeah I also figured out I'm on the aplatonic spectrum (demiplatonic)...and once I figured that out it really just clicked. How the realization occurred: "Oh SHIT!! I would not date this friend!! I literally see them as a family member and I you know platonically kiss my family members (kinda obvious about the platonic). I'm just bi/pansensual and demiplatonic!!". So yeah I just wanna kiss ma friends and hug them...though I'm perfectly fulfilled with hugging...I just need to hug more people. CURSE SENSUAL ATTRACTION (respectfully so)!!
  19. Okay, good to know, I've decided that I'm going to talk to him because it's best to talk it out, so yeah :), also thank you. Update: I talked to them and it went wonderfully, so hurrah!
  20. Alright first off, I don't want to be anything more than friends, as my squishes have been few and far...and crushes non-existent. And then they said that we were more than friends and that I knew what that meant. Oh also I ended the qpr that I was in with this person. But like I'm really scared that they might be attracted to me. He's one of the few people that I hang out with, and I know I need to really set my boundaries with this person, as he literally feels like a brother...so yeah. Basically how on mother fucking earth do I set boundaries without anyone getting hurt?
  21. A lot of things...but mainly how I'd sometimes just forget that people you know actually have you know sex. Also not understanding celebrity crushes that were probably sexual in some way...I was like "What do you mean?! There's a standard?! What is going on?!". I just thought that they were all beautiful, or thought that they were cool people, so yeah...still don't' get it.
  22. I think it was around 5th grade. I remember the first time I heard someone ask me what my crush was was before some class started. I said no and they were shocked, so I proceeded to force crushes for the next couple years, but had one squish...like OH MY GOD...I still wanna be that person's friend! I digress, but yeah that's about my first memory of when people first got crushes, though they'd always put it in truth or dare and I thought that was a bit mean...like what're ya'll doin' in others' business.
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