i_photosynthesize

It took a while, in high school and middle school I ignored romance under the guise of being too preoccupied with school since I was the top student (quickly became gifted kid burnout). But I had a good guy best friend, and when everyone kept asking who my crush was and wouldn't accept no one as an answer, I gave his name since he was nice and we got along well. I didn't really care whether we dated or just stayed friends (they were kinda the same in my mind), but I came to actually believe I had a crush on him. I don't know if what I felt was actually a crush, I'm assuming not, but we eventually started dating. We kissed and whatnot, it wasn't horrible so I didn't mind (turns out I'm sex neutral/averse ace), we went on dates. It felt like a bit of an upgraded friendship and I like cuddling so why not? After about 2 years (I've since learned that my concept of romance and romance timeline is way off) and us both being at different colleges, it wasn't working out. I started thinking I was bi a while ago, I was feeling stifled being in a relationship, I wasn't happy. He said that he felt like we were just friends and nothing more. That really confused me, I still don't quite understand the difference between romantic and platonic relationships/feelings. Anyways, we broke up and I'm much happier single, but I realized that I don't think I've ever had crushes or romantic feelings. I'm still figuring it out, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the aro spectrum and I'm doing by best to come to terms with it. :)