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Procrastinating

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Everything posted by Procrastinating

  1. I really love it. I do enjoy daydreaming about love, but I do also like not having a relationship.
  2. 1- get an analysis of my situation and get a point of view. In my opinion you should focus on getting out of the country that would put you in prison before focusing on anything else, but I am no expert. 2- Is my attraction to younger people normal? Can this attraction disappear over time? You did not indicate your age. If you are like 18 right now it's not abnormal to be attracted to people who are like 16, that's around your age. If you are in your 20s or something though that isn't the most normal thing. As long as you don't act on it and date a teenager though...it's just important you don't act on that. If you are currently 18 or 19, yes your attraction to teenagers will disappear over time, because you will soon no longer be a teen yourself. 3- Is my desire to have younger friends related to my sexual orientation? can this desire disappear too? No, who you want to be friends with has nothing to do with your orientation. Honestly there's nothing wrong with having friends of a different age. Some people are just like that, clicking more with younger or older friends. As long as like, you aren't trying to befriend 13 year olds or something as an adult. 4- can I qualify as gay even if I do not intend to practice sodomy? Or is there a more appropriate term for me? Yes. 5- can I meet this ideal person? If so, can I find her on specific dating sites with personality tests? Or is there another safer way? You probably will eventually. Don't rush it, you have time. 6- Are my expectations and demands too high? Idk 7- Why do I have this thirst for affection ? It is quite normal for allo people to want to find love. Heck even some aroace people are affectionate, just to friends instead, lmao. 8- have some advice. My best advice to you is to just stay safe. Sorry you're in such a difficult situation.
  3. In middle school I thought I was bi. I told this guy who liked me, he walked away and said, "I think I should stay away from you then." So I said, "Just kidding." Then I tried to tell my best friend. She did the same thing. So again I said I was kidding. Ironically she has now realized she is bi, and I have realized I am not. I forgave her, she was a product of her environment and had misunderstandings about the LGBT+ community. I said things about things I didn't understand back then too. My best experience coming out was when I came out to my father. He was just so wholesome about it. Unfortunately that was the last time I ever saw him.
  4. Even if other people are saying they only had 1-3 crushes, what all are they considering a crush? Because I feel like even when allos don't have a strong crush at the time they are often still seeing people that they find cute or interesting. A crush is like when you reach the stage someone is on your mind all the time. I know before I realized I was aro I would try to have crushes and I'd try very hard. I would pick someone I find aesthetically attractive, say I liked them, then talk about them to my friends a lot because I felt that's what I was supposed to do if I liked someone. But it wasn't a real crush. The feeling of, "I'm supposed to do this" was much stronger than any actual interest in the person. Even forcing it though, I only had a "crush" every 3-5 years or so. My point is that, I just don't do that, I'm not always thinking about who I can be romantic with, I don't find people likable in that way, I am just not able to be open to that. However, when I talk to allos, they are all "I want to find love." Or "Ooh that person is kinda cute." Even when they don't have a crush I think it's often on their mind. So even if your friends only have had 1 - 3 crushes, is it on their mind a lot? If not they could be arospec too. Is it on your mind a lot? I think that is the real indicator here. Of course now the concept is because you're trying to figure out who you are, but what I'm asking is, are you constantly finding people that you could like? Going 5 years without a crush is a pretty long time, from what I'm reading I do suspect that you could be arospec, but only you can know.
  5. I had to look for them but I am now following a few. @lautet, @misplaced.aroace, and my personal favorite is @angstyace. I personally have a tiktok, I'm @thecloudyend. I make aro content sometimes. The more you interact with aro content the more it will pop up. I recommend searching and interacting with any content you find interesting. Or start with who people are recommending to you. Edit: I just realized this was posted 2 years ago...lol
  6. She's not being a friend. Being not straight isn't even the point here, the point is you communicated your boundaries and she continues to cross them. If I were you I would just get up and walk away every time she did that, without a word. And if she continues, I'd just stop talking to her. Life is way too short to spend time on people who does shit they know makes you uncomfortable. But that's just me.
  7. There's actually quite a wide variation of gender expressions and how people experience gender. It makes a lot of sense to me that there are so many terms for gender.
  8. When I was in 4th grade, some kid asked me what I liked in a guy. I didn't know what to say, I didn't even realize I was supposed to like guys yet. I definitely didn't like guys, so I didn't know what to say I liked. So I made something up, and said long arms. I got really made fun of for that one.... When I was a kid, someone asked me who my crush was. When I said I didn't have one, they said, "Everyone has a crush" so I picked one at random. I thought this is how all crushes work. You just pick them. It was only like last year that I realized, most people don't pick their crushes. I really thought...everyone was like that.
  9. Hello, I am currently questioning my gender. Idk what I am, but I do know I really like when people use they/them pronouns for me. If I realize I'm cis, would it be weird for me to go by exclusively they/them pronouns?
  10. If they hate themselves for it they haven't come to terms with it, most likely. They feel something is wrong with them. I like who I am, but what I don't like about being aro is how hard it is to be aro in a very sex and romance obsessed society. That also may make it harder to accept for some people. The norm is you grow up, find a partner, settle down. The norm is to have a dating life. People assume something is wrong with you if you have no romantic or sexual experiences. They think you're some reject, it doesn't even occur to some people I have no experiences like that because I just don't want them. Maybe the people you're seeing who hate being aro hate it because of how aro people are treated.
  11. Gender is about how you feel in your body and how you picture yourself and how you wish to be perceived.
  12. I never understood why someone entering a relationship means their friendships will change. I never understood why a new girlfriend someone has known for two weeks is more important to them than their friend of several years. I also cannot understand changing your looks just for your partner. Some people won't cut their hair if their partner doesn't like it. Why? It's your hair.
  13. Transmasculine is a term that includes trans men as well as nonbinary people who identify as masculine, right? So in theory, couldn't you also add another gender label on top of that? Or am I wrong about transmasc being an umbrella term? Sorry if I am. Also you could spell out transgender masculine. Edit: Oh some people already mentioned you could add nonbinary on top of that.
  14. I want to wear one, but I find there are less options for white rings than other rings. I am still looking for a reasonably priced ring that isn't just a blank silicone ring.
  15. I decided to search too and the aro flag came up multiple times. People think it's dreamsexual flag. "Dreamsexuals" trying to claim that it isn't the aro flag. That kinda hurts. Look at this dang reddit thread. In this particular case it isn't exactly like the aro flag but it's pretty darn close.
  16. When you have a new romantic partner, do they feel more important to you than your friends? What does it feel like to be in love? Is it possible for it to feel like unhealthy attachment? Because I had a friend I had unhealthy attachment to, and I thought that's what being in love was, but now I think that wasn't love. So I'm trying to understand if I have been in love or not. What does it feel like to have a crush? How do you know you have a crush?
  17. So I just found out that when people have a crush on someone and the crush doesn't like them back, they can't just stop feeling the feelings??? I thought everyone could just stop feeling a crush???

    Before I realized I was aro and had "crushes" I'd just...stop if they didn't like me back (they never liked me back).

    Wow I really am aro lol

    1. queer_kaleidoscope

      queer_kaleidoscope

      Hold up I thought the exact same thing-

    2. SilenceRadio

      SilenceRadio

      I've heard some gray-a people having had the same experience as well, but for sexual attraction:

      Quote

      Lock-down mechanisms, being able to turn off sexual attraction based on context, inappropriateness. In a public setting, or if someone is unavailable (monogamously committed, asexual, not into you, etc). Is that repression? Is it inherently bad? Is it useful? How do you unlock, if context changes? Certainly this experience seems alien to media, which is often about unstoppable attraction. Can allo people do this? Do they notice? How conscious is it anyway?

  18. The city is green. As in ecofriendly and everyone likes to take care of their plants. It's a law that people must be allowed to have pets, landlords cannot refuse. People are allowed to get married, but it's only for fun, because you don't get any legal benefits from it. Instead, if you want those legal benefits associated with getting married, you can prove you've known someone for a certain amount of time and that you care about each other, and you're allowed to do that for friends. This way, if your best friend of 10 years who you do everything with goes to the hospital, you will be allowed to visit them, you will be allowed to take time off work to do so if you need it, and no one will give you crap for it because people value friendships here at least as much, if not moreso, as romantic relationships. In elementary school, kids are not telling each other, "everyone has a crush" when someone says "I don't have a crush." In middle school sex ed, no one is acting like you will definitely be into sex and relationships, sex ed(which is definitely offered without controversy) is just information, and a safe place to ask questions. No one judges you for being single here, and platonic coparenting is completely normalized. People generally assume you are friends with your ex here, unless you say otherwise, because it's not seen as the standard to hate your ex just because you were romantic with them at one point (seriously wtf is with that??). This, however this standard will not raise the cost of living. There are rules in place to keep the rent prices manageable. In irl society the normal of couples living together and both of them working has led to higher expected household incomes and higher rent. That won't happen here, because it's just as normal for someone to live alone as it is for them to have friends or partners living with them. Oh, and someone mentioned clothes stores. Inclusive sizes. And not the "inclusive sizes" you see at companies advertized on tik tok where bras only go to a size G, stores will have everywhere from xs - 5xl+ clothing and if someone is bigger than that employees will order their size, no fatphobia here, and no making people have to resort to wearing a bra that's too small for them just because the only bras sold in their size are $70+ and theyre a poor college student who can't afford it. And since someone brought up binders, let's talk about healthcare. Healthcare is trans-friendly and doctors don't act weird about it (Which sadly is common irl). And trans people have access to counseling and transitioning services, for free.
  19. YMBAI you didn't realize people actually took relationships seriously until you were like, 17.
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