If every time I get into a relationships with someone I thought I liked I start to feel romance repulsed not because I'm scared of the relationship itself but because I realize I don't like them romantically but prefer them as friends may I be aromantic or on the spectrum?
To give you a context: I thought that my last crush was the biggest I've ever had in the past ten years. From the start I was interested in him but I vividly remember that it became a "real crush" because at some point I thought: "Okay, maybe he can become a crush, maybe I can have a relationship with him, so I need to develop real romantic feelings". And they kinda developed? But even at that point if I imagined me and him in particularly romantic situations I felt kinda repulsed. Then we started dating but we broke up in less than a month because I realized that I didn't like him in that sense and started panicking. None of the romantic moments we had felt real to me, I didn't like them at all. It lasted so much just because I kept lying to myself. This was the last of others events which were all similar to each other.
