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Phobe

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Personal Information

  • Name
    Pho
  • Orientation
    lithro/grey
  • Gender
    non-binary
  • Pronouns
    they

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Tadpole

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  1. I was confused about my aromanticism for a long time because I'm EXTRA bisexual. I get sexual crushes on people allllllll the time, and they're usually intense. I just don't fall in love with them. I can and have experienced limerence, but it burns out quick and always vanishes if I find out my feelings are reciprocated. So that def added to my years of mislabelling as romantic.
  2. Bi --> Gay Woman --> Straight Man --> Bi My sexual identity was complicated by my gender identity. I came out as bi in middle school, faced some nasty biphobia and internalized it all to hell, so I began identifying as gay. But I'd always struggled with my gender, and eventually claimed a trans male identity. Strictly identifying as a man and strictly identifying as woman-attracted just wasn't gonna fly though. I'm too much in the grey. So I reclaimed my bi label, and adopted a non-binary label. With so much going on with my gender and sexuality, I paid almost no attention to my romantic inclinations. I assumed I was just broken somewhere, or traumatized without knowing how. I figured I'd eventually work things out. I did, it just wasn't the result I expected
  3. I'm a Sir/Daddy/pup sister to a pup/little, a Daddy to a pup/boy, a Trainer to a pony, and a pup/boi to a Sir. On top of that I have other casual play partners and the majority of my social circle are Leatherfolk. I pretty recently wrote about how kink relationships are my ideal, and how my involvement in BDSM helped me come to terms with being aro-spec. https://www.pupplay.info/2018/01/03/how-pup-play-helped-me-realize-im-aromantic/
  4. 10 Words of Affirmation 8 Quality Time 6 Physical Touch 3 Acts of Service 3 Receiving Gifts ... I don't wanna say that this is heavily influenced by me having a praise kink... But it is. It so definitely is. I'm gonna go ahead and kinkshame myself now, I'm so sorry.
  5. The amount of teens in here is wild. What I remember most about high school is that romance was pushed to the nth degree, and you weren't considered cool unless you had a partner. Nobody I knew was aware of aromanticism, or even the concept of being happily single. Gen Z has more access to resources than we did, and I'm so happy about that 26, and only realized I'm aro super recently.
  6. This is what's kept me so drastically confused over the years, because I'm a very tactile person. I'm naturally affectionate to friends, and flirty with sexually attractive strangers. I'm confident and I come on strong. I have sex with 90% of my friends. Sex is a norm in my friendship model just as a side effect of the type of people I hang around with. Hanging out with a friend typically looks like: get coffees, talk and joke around, watch Netflix, have sex, cuddle, talk some more. The key difference is that all of those actions are me and the other person expressing friendship and sexuality, not romantic feelings. This becomes extra complicated when I'm especially close to that friend, such as being invited to their family functions. When somebody has a crush on me and I become aware of it, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Instead of the casual sex and light-hearted joking, they'll suddenly be shyer. They'll start going out of their way to TRY and please me with gifts. They'll ask to kiss me during moments that aren't sexual, which is the big red flag. If this starts happening, I stop having sex with them. Most people take the hint at that point. If they don't, I'm straightforward and usually have to end the friendship. Blessedly this doesn't happen very often. Being a highly sexual person has definitely made it harder for me to realize my aromanticism, but once I took notice of the lines I won't cross-- It clicked. There ARE lines, but they're probably different for everyone, and vary from culture to culture.
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