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Phobe's Achievements


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  1. I was confused about my aromanticism for a long time because I'm EXTRA bisexual. I get sexual crushes on people allllllll the time, and they're usually intense. I just don't fall in love with them. I can and have experienced limerence, but it burns out quick and always vanishes if I find out my feelings are reciprocated. So that def added to my years of mislabelling as romantic.
  2. Bi --> Gay Woman --> Straight Man --> Bi My sexual identity was complicated by my gender identity. I came out as bi in middle school, faced some nasty biphobia and internalized it all to hell, so I began identifying as gay. But I'd always struggled with my gender, and eventually claimed a trans male identity. Strictly identifying as a man and strictly identifying as woman-attracted just wasn't gonna fly though. I'm too much in the grey. So I reclaimed my bi label, and adopted a non-binary label. With so much going on with my gender and sexuality, I paid almost no attention to my romantic inclinations. I assumed I was just broken somewhere, or traumatized without knowing how. I figured I'd eventually work things out. I did, it just wasn't the result I expected
  3. I'm a Sir/Daddy/pup sister to a pup/little, a Daddy to a pup/boy, a Trainer to a pony, and a pup/boi to a Sir. On top of that I have other casual play partners and the majority of my social circle are Leatherfolk. I pretty recently wrote about how kink relationships are my ideal, and how my involvement in BDSM helped me come to terms with being aro-spec. https://www.pupplay.info/2018/01/03/how-pup-play-helped-me-realize-im-aromantic/
  4. Travel! I've never been out of the country and have only just barely been out of the province. Finally got my passport, so I'm gonna make myself venture forth at least once in 2018. Reconnect with friends in Toronto and get more involved in my hobbies. Take English riding lessons. Get a snake.
  5. 10 Words of Affirmation 8 Quality Time 6 Physical Touch 3 Acts of Service 3 Receiving Gifts ... I don't wanna say that this is heavily influenced by me having a praise kink... But it is. It so definitely is. I'm gonna go ahead and kinkshame myself now, I'm so sorry.
  6. 84.46 WPM, 100% accuracy. I work administration in an office, so I'd better be able to type decently.
  7. Many times, but the funniest was the first. The first happened when I was just an 11 year old sprout, so I blame age as much as I do anything else. A fellow 11 year old asked me out to see Attack of the Clones in theatres, and I jumped at the offer because I love Star Wars. I'm afab, and had been a tomboy growing up. The boy who asked me out had been a friend earlier on in elementary, but he'd moved schools years before so I DID find it weird that he'd called /me/ to ask. We hadn't hung out since he'd moved all those years ago (which is a long time when you're a child). In line for the movie we happened to bump into my best friend at the time, who was another boy. They were immediately rude to each other, and I remember being baffled. They challenged each other to a game of air hockey, and were so overly aggressive and mean to one another. I remember being bored out of my skull and confused as all hell why they were acting that way. When me and the boy I came with were watching the movie, he made all these comments about how cute Anakin and Padme were in their romantic scenes and I remember brushing him off like ??? Dude??? This is clearly unhealthy? Anakin's nuts and Padme could do way better. Plus I just wanted to see some lightsaber action, I didn't care for how "soft and smooth" Padme's skin apparently was. I could tell the boy I came with was bothered by me saying this stuff, but I couldn't tell why. I was super grossed out when he offered to share his drink with me. GERMS, MY FRIEND. I haven't seen you in 4 years, I don't know what kind of cooties you're carrying! After I denied the drink, he was grumpy and silent the rest of the movie. After he took me home I never heard from him again. My mom asked me later if I'd realized that was a date and whether I'd been nice to him. I was genuinely shocked. I was even more shocked by what my best friend's behaviour indicated, but that is a whoooole other story that ends less happily lmao.
  8. This is truly interesting for me to think about having just recently realized I'm arospec. My sexuality has been fundamentally important because it meant being openly bisexual in a small town growing up. I was harassed by both adults and peers for it. Several teachers even expressed that they were uncomfortable having me in their classes because I was bi (I must mention this was 2006-07). Being bi politically motivated me. It's what drove me to seek out The Village in Toronto, to go to Pride, to join the NDP for a stretch, and to engage in activism. Being bi spurred me on to LGBT community involvement at large, and is what has made my social circles largely queer folk. My life has been IMMENSELY impacted by being bi, so right at this moment I must say that my sexuality has been bigger. However. Looking back on how much loneliness and pain and confusion I've endured all because I was aro and didn't know it is pretty huge. I've felt broken and incomplete for yeaaaars. I have already written an article for a kink site I've written for prior about how being aro impacts my involvement in Leather (though it may not get published, it still happened). It may be that being aro takes an equal footing with being bi on the direction of my life.
  9. To update people who may be keen on my relationship drama: The split happened on the 11th. It was amicable, but still heartbreaking. My exes are doing well, and I myself am looking forward to a life where I'm more honest with myself and with what I want.
  10. The amount of teens in here is wild. What I remember most about high school is that romance was pushed to the nth degree, and you weren't considered cool unless you had a partner. Nobody I knew was aware of aromanticism, or even the concept of being happily single. Gen Z has more access to resources than we did, and I'm so happy about that 26, and only realized I'm aro super recently.
  11. This is what's kept me so drastically confused over the years, because I'm a very tactile person. I'm naturally affectionate to friends, and flirty with sexually attractive strangers. I'm confident and I come on strong. I have sex with 90% of my friends. Sex is a norm in my friendship model just as a side effect of the type of people I hang around with. Hanging out with a friend typically looks like: get coffees, talk and joke around, watch Netflix, have sex, cuddle, talk some more. The key difference is that all of those actions are me and the other person expressing friendship and sexuality, not romantic feelings. This becomes extra complicated when I'm especially close to that friend, such as being invited to their family functions. When somebody has a crush on me and I become aware of it, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Instead of the casual sex and light-hearted joking, they'll suddenly be shyer. They'll start going out of their way to TRY and please me with gifts. They'll ask to kiss me during moments that aren't sexual, which is the big red flag. If this starts happening, I stop having sex with them. Most people take the hint at that point. If they don't, I'm straightforward and usually have to end the friendship. Blessedly this doesn't happen very often. Being a highly sexual person has definitely made it harder for me to realize my aromanticism, but once I took notice of the lines I won't cross-- It clicked. There ARE lines, but they're probably different for everyone, and vary from culture to culture.
  12. I had a two and a half hour phone call with my best friend last night about all this. He's happy I know myself a little better, and has also encouraged me to be open about being aro sooner rather than later with my partners. I have a wine and cheese party scheduled with another friend tomorrow, and I plan to open up to him as well and get his advice. I'd appreciate it if I could get him to go with me to see my partners, as I don't drive myself and will more than likely need to give them space afterwards.
  13. One of my partners is more aloof. His love is subtle, and I can handle being around it more so than the other partner. Said other partner is very expressive about his love, which I think would be great for someone who wasn't arospec. Sometimes when they're being demonstrative in a romantic sense, I encourage them to go spend time with each other rather than me. This unfortunately has the effect of making them both pretty sad. I believe I'll need to break up with them in the New Year. I don't want to hurt them over the holidays, but I do need to tell them what I've discovered about myself and that pretending to be in love isn't going to work for me. This is going to be doubly hard because I enjoy the friendship portion of our dynamic. More on the fixing/care side! I keep people's leathers looking spick and span, and make repairs when needed. I'm looking to get into the crafting side of things within the next few years
  14. Hey. So. You can call me Pho. This is all very new to me, as in I had an epiphany two days ago and have been having a minor crisis of identity since. I'm 26, and hadn't had a relationship since high school. This bothered me for a long time, because I thought a romantic relationship was something I wanted. However, when I've had the opportunity to enter relationships I've been pretty put-off by the idea and escaped asap. When I have crushes on people, I can never tell whether it's a legitimate crush or just lust. When a crush returns my feelings, I lose them immediately. But I agreed to a poly relationship with two men earlier this year, despite not having feelings for them. The further along the relationship goes, the more romance-repulsed I become despite them being exceptionally great people. It occurred to me that I am at my happiest and my most fulfilled when I have an intimate friendship with someone, and that that's probably what I ultimately want. A QPR sounds amazing to me. Looking back on the last decade and taking into account that I've likely been mislabelling lust + friendship as romantic feelings and not actually desiring a romantic relationship, I came to the realization I might be aro. Aside from this hot mess, I am heavily involved in the Leather community in my spare time. I live alone with my cat, I enjoy tea, get up to furry fandom shenanigans every now and then, like watching let's players despite not being a gamer myself, and would live off chicken fingers gladly.
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