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Everything posted by briesplease

  1. @Eklinaar Yah I'm sure I'm not alone. Like I don't mind discussing my attractions and relationships with my close friends, I am just one of those people that believes not everyone is entitled to that information, as I am not not entitled to theirs. @aro_elise I open about my aro-ness when its relevant, I don't feel like I'm hiding anything, I just don't think it matters. All of my relationships are very personal to me, It made sense to me that I may have a wlw experience eventually, but because I didn't feel too strongly about i just assumed I was straight. but @Holmbo you may be right. I never really consider that I may be a gray ace because I really do like sex but just never cared to go out and get it which I just assumed was due to being super aro.
  2. So I've always just assumed that I was straight, but I was always open with talking about attractive women but always kind of left at that. I was never averse to the possibility, but because I'd never really had an experience or every felt like I "liked" women so I just assumed. I've recently had my first wlw experience which I enjoyed, it opened my perspective on what I like, but I am still feeling kind of weird. Like it's cool that I now know that I'm not straight (still hesitant to chose a label, so I am still questioning but identify as queer.) but have no desire to act on it, like I have no desire to actively pursue men that I find attractive unless it's a more convenient situation. I'm feeling weird because I want to feel "true" to this new discovered part of attraction, but because I'm super aro and I never felt that my sexual desires were the least important part of my life. Like I really hated ever talking about my sex life with people to the point that people assumed I was gay anyway. I still feel the same way, but I don't want it to feel like I'm hiding my life even though I know that I am just a secretive person. I dunno, I think Im conflicted with the culture of the LGBTQA community and wanting to be out and proud and having this be the forefront of my identity, but I don't feel this way. I really don't think it's important for people to know all of my business. Like who gives a fuck who I fuck, but also knowing that why should anyone need to know? Has any one else experienced this? asking for a friend (me)
  3. Holy by Jamilla Woods! for all my fellow black aro girls
  4. Pretty much! My advice is never usually "dump them" unless I can see (from a pragmatic viewpoint) that the person they're in a relationship with clearly doesn't care / is toxic to them and putting them through hell for no reason. I was heralded for my practical and "real" relationship advice until I came out. But I figure if my allofriends want to suffer through amatanormativity they can, I just want to release their minds to the realm of possibility that their romantic life could be even more prolific and self loving (rather than loathing) than they imagined!
  5. Did anyone else's allo friends think you gave them great relationship advice until you came out to them and then they began saying that you can't possibly understand (i.e. give valid advice)?
  6. I've been a veggie since my junior year of high school, and have been practicing yoga for just as long. I try to meditate every day. I literally can't walk past litter I have to pick it up. I walk or take the bus if it's late I try to reduce my consumption, so try to thift and buy whole and as I need it. I will go barefoot if I can, and I have to be outside if its nice out. I always love outside critters like frogs and snakes and weird bugs. I love trees I spent a month volunteering with reforestation and conservation efforts in Zambia and Zimbabwe. As realistically anti capitalist as I can be while in uni. I cry at sunrises and sunsets, and I am a typical biology major who thinks life is cool as fuck.
  7. Hi Welcome! Yah I don't ship much, but what are you into?
  8. So far I'm very heterosexual and VERY aromantic so my sexual attraction is usually aesthetically tied. I usually immediately know I'm sexually attracted and move to initiate a sexual interaction (Seems aggressive, but it's more casual, consenting, and context appropriate than I described and not very frequent.). These feelings aren't usually tied, or followed by any romantic desires, but maybe more sexual ones lol. I do tend to have sexual desires for the same person for a long time. My sexual attraction is more physical than say my sensual desires to caress or cuddle my friends which develop with time from a want to show I care physically. and the way I FEEL is very different when experiencing these.
  9. I've been lucky to cultivate long-term sexual nonromantic a few times. Lust and sensuality were definitely staples of the relationships, but I can say that a more emotional bond was created through LOTS of mutual respect for the situation (generated through communication about the schematics of the relationship), willingness to interact with each as non-sexual, non-romantic individuals for each others pleasure/friendship (Giving each other rides, cooking/eating meals together, healthy chit-chat even if we're trying to right to the point, touch/cuddling/partner care). Though they are very intimate due to the nature of the relationship, theres an understanding that this aspect of the relationship is/ can be private. There is no room for possessiveness or jealousy, just honesty. I can say that there was no real attempt to make a deep connection with these partners before I started a sexual relationship. But we did create a deeper friendship than "just fucking" as we continued exploring the sexual relationship. These relationships were interesting especially in the sense of us not being exclusive, romantic, or dating in any sense, and having no obligation to each other (except to tell the other when you need time, or the situation is no longer working.), but still a closer relationship than other day to day nonsexual, nonromantic relationships.
  10. okay! I'm going through something like this right now! I've been fighting with myself because I really like this girl but I'm aro af so like I wanna ask to just be around her right?? But it's been such a strong feeling I'm like okay I'm gay(?) and I think If I wanna do like romo stuff and I'm like nahhhhh, and then I'm like do you wanna do her and fuck I don't want to do that either. So I'm like ???? How can I be feeling this strongly for this person, and JUST want to be there friend???
  11. my mom makes the "when you find the one" comment, trying to be inclusive, but she's just jabbing me to keep trying.
  12. Got two weeks in before my mom said "normal people" when referring to allos when talking to me. Which is actually pretty good considering we were even considering aros exist in this conversation about "why mens freedom to make unprovoked suggestive comments and "compliments" towards women" is actually a good thing.
  13. @ladyasym It's so hard to try to convey that you want to be friends, or that you don't want to do the flirty stuff. Trying to meet people "the modern way" is so exhausting.
  14. This question made me realize that I am not out to that many people. I'm out to my mom, I've never felt the need to come out to my dad because he's the only person who doesn't seem to need labels in order to accept/understand me as a person, and I don't think I'm "hiding" anything from him. I came out to my mom on an intense car ride where I asked her to stop inquiring about my love life because it's not relevant (we have a lot of those.) and she asked me about several male friends of mine, and when I'm just going to "choose one", and stop denying that I was just friends with all 4 of my male friends (which I was). I said that she didn't have to worry about them, when I say I'm going to hang out I'm literally just going to hang out. I don't remember what exactly I said to her, but I explained that I was aromantic and what that meant. She got so sad, she told me my brother also came out as ace (though I suspect him to be aro/ace) to her, and just wanted to know "what she did to make us this way". I sporadically come out to random people who really aren't affected at all by this information. I came out at work (all queer women.) after I spent three weeks internalizing my moms comment about whether I'm aro or just gay. Which in fact I realized I wasn't gay (my best friend confirmed this weekend ; i told her the whole thing and she was like "dude I'm gay everyone you know is gay, you're not gay you'd know."), and just aro af. I told my job at our staff meeting about my identity crisis with my sexuality, then concluded with "so please don't ask about my sexual/romantic life it doesn't matter, and it does not dictate who I love. ". They received it really well, and nothing changed in our relationships. I lost one of my best friends (I as actually heartbroken for weeks) after coming out. he called me "another one of those selfish, ultra liberal, tumblr bitches." turns out he just wanted to fuck me (he was in it for the long haul apparently.). Monday I came out to my friend in one of my classes because it was relevant to a story I was telling, and she literally said "yo dude me too." wtf right? so some downs, but some gems.
  15. Ah yes, another over-caffeinated (If i'm following the biologist trend correctly), and stressed aro. Also your sexuality in your bio is real talk. Like I've tried to tell people that I wish I could go back in time and never tell anyone I was het- because now it doesn't even matter, and just an annoying fact in my life that I literally never think about, but everyone thinks about it for me.
  16. @James White Thank yo for the ice-cream! That's amazing and comforting to hear, Hi all! I'm a biology major studying microbiology, with a humanitarian affairs minor! What about you all? @Apathetic Echidna I am pretty chatty, but it's only because apparently I've been starving to be able to have these conversations. It's extremely validating to be able to read other peoples experiences and relate them to my own. It's not been painful, but it's been kind of emotional to have a lot of the thoughts and emotions I've experienced in my life be represented by other people, and not just conversations I have with myself. I'm excited to be here, thank you for welcoming me.
  17. Sorry I edited the hell out of this. I don't really find myself jealous of my friends romantic partners, but I do relate to the sentiment highlight in purple. I get mad when their partner makes them forget/abandon things they like to do, when it seems like their partner is isolating them-- not in terms like Oh I never get to see you anymore, but in terms of "Hey can you come out to this thing I'm doing?" and they respond "No I have to have dinner with X" but they have spent every waking moment with their partner but can't spare like 45 mins to be with you. -- It's hard to feel like you're screaming through sound proof walls when your friends lets romance blind them. All of my people are really far from me most of the time since I'm in school, I'm a bad digital communicator, so staying in touch in these friendships mean quick texts, writing letters on birthday, and then really long and intense reunions. Again, like no time has past our wave length meet and it feels so good to be with them again. I don't mind this. I'd rather have a forever friend that I only see once ever 2 years that a friend that with me all the time but don't have that same feeling. With these friends, I know that them getting married won't change the feeling of when were together, people won't understand it, but it's ours. *super sappy I apologize* I think If I were to be in QPP later in life (still not sure if that's something that I want) it would have to be with someone also aro. Because my sexual life is very different from my love (platonic/~rom) life, the sexual component of my life wouldn't come from my QPP. I don't desire that and it makes me uncomfortable to have those two components together.
  18. That's definitely when I began suspecting, it was almost cyclical. I also had one person say that i "lead too many people on" so I unfortunately became quite withdrawn from trying to develop close friendships like that. Overtime I've been "officially" pursued I've disengaged immediately. It made me so uncomfortable. I was fucking around on tinder yesterday and swiped right for like the second time in the year I've had the app (I just like to see who's out there.) As soon as he started talking I was like "sorry this was a mistake this isn't your fault I am already extremely bored I shouldn't have swiped right."
  19. Yes, I don't even know the artist, i nearly cried reading "[important person] comes out as aromantic"
  20. I'm not playing "hard to get" I don't want to be got No, i'm not waiting for that one "perfect person", I'm not waiting for anyone.
  21. I used to think all my friends are crazy (I still do sometimes) about the things and behavior they'll deal with for the sake of romantic love. Or the the leaps and bounds they'd take to make someone like them; the changing of appearance, and behavior to win the romantic affection of another person. It always irritated me. people joke about "Dump him" culture, but I am always 100% serious.
  22. i NEVER understood shipping. It was always so random and weird to me. I never associated that me being aro until now
  23. I dread going home my mom always brings up my love life (which I deliberately tell her not to because it doesn't exist and it makes me uncomfortable) and she literally probes it until I break down and cry. EVERY SINGLE TIME. She always asks me if I'm really aro or "actually just gay". "Any boys?" from my family members, I fucking hate. Just let me alone (literally.).
  24. I agree with you about needing a life with intimacy which is what is so confusing for some people, I think, about the arospec identity. Every nonplatonic intimate relationship (I've only been in one "officially romantic" relationship) I've been in has ended due to issues with romance and infatuation. I have a few sensual relationships with my closest friends who are not arospec, but I feel like I'm just waiting for them all to find a romantic partner, and I hate that feeling. I know they love me, but it's hard to convey that I feel their intimacy is important in my life without them thinking it's possessive, or romantic. I also don't feel like I want to come out as arospec to everyone I meet, which sometimes feels like the solution but I know it's not. It also ruins the idea of trying to meet someone "organically".
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