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Everything posted by DaviM703

  1. I believe that there are more of us than anyone knows due to our relative invisibility that makes many of us think romantic relationships are for everyone and keep trying to make them work. I almost ended up on that path myself, but difficulty in finding romantic relationships gave me a chance to reflect on why that was something I felt like I needed and realized it wasn't something I really felt and had just been pushed on me by society. My plan now is to try to spread aromantic visibility so people who may be aro but not know it can find out that that's an option.
  2. You could definitely be aromantic. If you don't see your relationships or attractions as romantic then they're probably not. I have only really been interested in having that type of close friendship you describe with females; I've never been quite sure why and some people have tried to invalidate my aromantic identity with a logical fallacy about that fact about my relationships, but since they don't feel like anything romantic to me that means I can still be aromantic and so can you if that's the label you feel fits you.
  3. Another one I would suggest adding is Me, Myself, and I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha.
  4. It does sound like you might be aromantic, though only you can determine that for sure. I think you should explain your situation to her before ending anything. I don't know your ages from this post, but I know that parents and legal guardians have more power than they should in many cases with anyone under 18. If you do identify yourself as aromantic, her parents might be more comfortable with you knowing you don't have romantic feelings for anyone, but I think it's more likely they'll think you're just pretending so you can see her. But my best advice is just to tell her about your feelings and see what she wants to do about it. Do you know how much she is into romantic stuff? Because some people, even who don't identify as aromantic, care more about the person they are with than the type of relationship they have.
  5. Welcome to the community Clarice. Here's some ice cream. You can like romance in stories or movies, or have romantic fantasies, and still be aromantic. Aromanticism means not feeling romantic attraction to real people, and other than that there's a lot of variation between us.
  6. Hi everyone. I shared my story about being aro on Matthew's Place. Here it is if you want to read it: https://medium.com/matthews-place/learning-about-aromanticism-deff2ca1486?source=collection_home---2------0----------------
  7. I'm hoping the general public can know something about our labels so that people who may be on our spectrum can label themselves more easily. I'm mainly hoping to let them know aromantic is a thing and that it's a spectrum, and that will give people who may be on the spectrum enough information that they know what to Google to find more specific information.
  8. You can have a gender preference and still be aro. I tend to be more interested in making friends with girls and I don't want to be romantic with anyone. This may help understand the difference between preferring a certain gender and romantic feelings: maybe you are more interested in having a cat than a dog, and that probably doesn't mean you are romantically interested in cats. Or maybe you are more interested in having a dog than a cat, and that probably doesn't mean you are romantically interested in dogs. So it's basically the same way with being more interested in developing a platonic relationship with one gender than with the other and it doesn't mean you can't be aro.
  9. I think a lot of people could benefit from knowing that aromanticism is a thing. There may be more aromantics who don't know it's a thing than anyone realizes. Also, with the type of assignment that Boston College and two colleges in South Korea have, I think it's about time more people find out we exist. I'm taking a public speaking class in the fall so I plan to start speaking about it then.
  10. I can see where you're coming from, but I do think my sister felt like the narrative she grew up with and still believes, that romance is basically a universal human thing, was threatened by any movement we might start to fight against amatonormativity. I feel like alloromantics do have the majority of the power to control the media, which is why most of us grow up believing that romance is for everyone and we will have a romantic relationship someday that will be the most important relationship of our life. You mentioned straight men being afraid of being seen as feminine or gay, but I don't think most white people are afraid of being seen as black; they are more afraid of having their narrative about the Dream and its accessibility being challenged by counter stories from members of other races. I feel like any group that puts out a dominant narrative can have fragility if they feel like the narrative their group is putting out and they feel is the "truth" is being challenged by someone they don't understand as well.
  11. Hi all. So I learned about the concept of White Fragility at school. This is a basic description of it: I found online that there is a similar thing called Straight Fragility, which is basically the same but about sexual orientation. And recently, I was talking with my family about the movie "The Dating Project," based on Boston College professor Kerry Cronin's dating assignment. I haven't seen the movie, but I've read articles about it and a discussion guide I found online. And the discussion guide says that Shanzi, one of the people in the movie, said that everyone secretly wants to date and just doesn't want to admit it. I mentioned this and my sister said in a defensive way that she probably just meant most people, or everyone who is "normal" or not aromantic. I know she said everyone and meant it. Does anyone else have experiences with responses like this, which are what I think should be called Alloromantic Fragility?
  12. I'm taking a speech class in the fall, so I'm thinking of making some kind of speech there that will help improve our visibility, probably also talking about how it's become a thing for schools to assign students to date. I've been working with my former sociology professor on ideas for how we can become more visible.
  13. I love hugs and cuddling if it's with the right people. I said sometimes for kisses because I'm fine with little kisses but not on my mouth, and I'll give little kisses on the head to people I cuddle with.
  14. Hi Jess. I'm David. I also love cats as well as dogs and like music of all genres. Welcome to the aro community.
  15. Just to let people know, I emailed this professor, and got an update that's very different from what I thought about her. She has had good conversations with students who identify as aromantic, which means she is aware of us, and she gives students lots of extra credit options that they can only choose up to 4 or 5 of, which means it doesn't hurt them not to choose the dating one. With this information I don't think we should keep trying to get her fired, but I still hope to help us become more visible. Also, I don't think this has been mentioned on here either, but there's a new movie about the assignment, and I have no reason to believe that mentions us at all, and if it doesn't the assignment could still be brought somewhere else in a way that is harmful to us. But the professor who created it knows about and supports us.
  16. If anyone wants this to stop, you're welcome to sign and share this to at least get us some visibility: https://www.change.org/p/boston-college-fire-the-professor-known-for-making-students-date?recruiter=665024078&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition&utm_term=triggered
  17. One thing she said in the assignment guidelines was that it had to be someone of "legitimate romantic interest." That thing she said about not everyone being drawn to romantic relationships was definitely inconsistent with what she actually seems to think about her students based on those assignment guidelines. Has it ever occurred to her that not everyone has "legitimate romantic interest" in anyone? If assignments like this become widespread, especially if they are mandatory, it could become a form of systematic oppression against us and force most of us to accept the crappier jobs due to not being able to obtain a college degree.
  18. Has anyone heard about the Boston College professor who assigns her students dating? I find it hard to believe a professor actually does that, or that the school hasn't fired her for it. What do other people think of that situation?
  19. I felt like we deserved our own article on Wikipedia, so I started developing one which is still a stub that needs sources and more information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aromanticism Someone has nominated this article for deletion, and there is a discussion page linked to from the notice about that. I posted an argument that I think will help but if anyone else can help it would be nice to have someone expand and add sources to the article. (I don't really know how to cite sources in Wikipedia.) It would also be nice if more people could write arguments against deleting the article on the discussion page about the proposed deletion. If anyone here edits Wikipedia, it would be nice if someone could help with that.
  20. I'm in Ithaca, NY. It's hard to find people here and it gets lonely.
  21. Hi. I'm in college now at my local community college. I think there are about 4,000 students there. Does anyone have any idea how many aromantics a school that size is likely to include, or how I can figure out who they are? I find it harder to develop friendships/relationships with non-aro people because of their interest in stuff I'm really not into.
  22. Hi. I'm David. I live in Ithaca, NY and don't know any other aros here. I really want aro close friends or a QP, and I prefer to be affectionate with females. My sexuality fluctuates but I usually identify as ace and somewhat sex-repulsed. I've been trying to find people to be close to online without much like. I would really like to talk to more aros so I'm glad this site exists now.
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