DaviM703

For videos about aromanticism I'd recommend The Asexual Goddess.

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You're not too young; I knew at 15 that I didn't want a romantic relationship, though it took until 17 to discover the term. And I haven't tried it either but I know I don't want to, the same way most people know they don't want to kiss a pig without ever doing it. If you feel like you identify as aromantic then that's totally valid. And don't listen to spellcheck because spellcheck is a bigot.

@DogObsessedLianne One good title I know of is The Black Veins by Ashia Monet. Aromanticism isn't explicitly mentioned in this book, but Ashia says it will be later in the series and the book focuses mostly on friendship.

It's entirely your choice, but I've found that people don't usually seem to notice my scars, or at least don't say much about them. I kept them covered up for close to three years, but no one really noticed them after I stopped.

I can relate to this. I've considered myself gray-ace for a while because sex isn't the most important thing to me and I'm really not interested in a lot of sexual activities, but I do feel like I would like a sexual relationship that isn't romantic and don't know how to get that in a way that won't hurt anyone, and I'm not really comfortable doing hookups with people I don't know at all.

If you don't feel sexual or romantic attraction then you can definitely identify as aromantic and asexual. It's not always possible to know why you feel the way you do, but orientations are about feelings and are valid whatever your reason is for feeling or not feeling something toward certain genders or anyone.

Hello fellow aros! Just wanted to let you all know there's a new book coming out today by aromantic author Ashia Monet. The book features aro-spec characters and no romance arc. It's a YA novel about a found family of magicians who go on a road trip to save the world. The title is The Black Veins, it's the first in the Dead Magic series, and you can buy it here: https://theblackveins.carrd.co/

I feel this way a lot. I get the feeling that most people around me are going to want to be with their partners most of the time as I get older and I'll be less able to be close to anyone as a result.

@Coyote Those are all good points. I did mean people who would identify with the label and aromantic community if they knew about it. We can't determine which individuals that would be, and therefore shouldn't call individuals something they don't call themselves, but I think most aromantic people, once they identify as such, believe that they were aromantic before realizing it. I definitely believe I was. And I agree that knowledge of the concept alone, without the message that it's okay to be aromantic, isn't enough. Just like children can grow up with parents who think homosexuality is morally wrong, and their parents can tell them that but it won't make them feel like it's normal and okay if they start developing same-sex attraction. However, the topic here is about if we should be promoting visibility. I think pretty much everyone on this site, if they were to spread aromantic visibility, would do so in a positive way that sends the message it's okay to identify as aromantic.

Friends have definitely done that to me. That's why I have so few of them.

@Coyote What I meant is that there are aromantics who don't realize it in society, and that for some of them, learning that aromanticism is a thing is the only thing that will get them out of feeling like they have something wrong with them and are alone in that way, and visibility is necessary for them to learn about it.

I've definitely experienced that. I've had friends basically start treating me like I don't matter anymore when they have a partner and sometimes even avoid talking to me.

What specific things are you asking about? I think they can have a say about things that go on in their house, but other than that I think things like what classes you take and your life at college are up to you.

It definitely sounds to me like you're aromantic. What you like in fiction or even in real life when it doesn't involve you doesn't define your orientation; only what you feel yourself.

I found and identified with the label at 17, but from 15 I knew that I wasn't interested in the kind of relationship that it seemed like everyone else really wanted and cared more about than anything else. I have actually been doing a lot better since connecting with the aromantic community online than when I thought it was the way just I was.

Does your school have a provost you can talk to? At my school, students have been advised to talk to the provost if a teacher is doing something wrong and teachers actually have gotten in trouble for things they did. Also, are there any other advisors for your program? You might be able to ask to switch if there are. If he keeps doing things you've specifically asked him not to then you can get the police involved and file a harassment complaint. You can probably file a Title IX complaint since that covers any form of gender-based discrimination or harassment and it doesn't seem like he would be treating a man like this.

@Coyote I think visibility is important more for aromantics who haven't figured out their identity than anything else. Using your dungeon analogy, being in a dungeon not in solitary confinement is still better than being in a dungeon in solitary confinement, which I think is a good description of what it feels like to be surrounded only by people who feel a desire for this type of relationship you know isn't for you and feeling like the only one who doesn't fit the norm of having those feelings. I felt pretty much like that before I discovered the term "aromantic."

@Cristal GrisI think it can definitely be harder to have friends if you have mental health issues or are aromantic in a society where romance is seen as the most important thing. I'm glad you at least know what's going on because I think that can be very helpful and so can talking about it.

@running.tallyI'm glad things have improved so much for you. Thanks for the positivity you spread here.

I definitely already had some mental health issues including some anxiety before the stuff in middle school with the dating scene, but it became worse for me then. I don't think being aromantic is to blame for any of it though; I think amatonormativity is for making me think I really wanted a romantic relationship and become distressed about not being able to find one and for teaching people of all orientations that romantic relationships are always more important than friendships.

(TW: depression, anxiety, suicidality, self-harm)

Hi everyone. Happy Mental Health Awareness Month! So, I was looking through the forums, and I'm not sure if there's a thread like this already but I think it would be good for us to have a place to talk about mental health. I don't talk about this much but I've struggled a lot with mental health for many years. It started in middle school when I was having trouble figuring out what I wanted and thought I should be getting into a romantic relationship since that was what I had been told to want at that age. It got worse when some of my best friends got into relationships, and I started feeling more isolated as a result. I became depressed and started feeling the need for more contact with single friends, which ended up being too much for them. I was having trouble at my school as a result so I ended up going to a short-term program early in high school designed to help students going through something, then another program for students with mental health issues where I stayed for the rest of high school. During this time I felt isolated and felt like I couldn't fit into any group of people without wanting a romantic relationship, which I figured out around this time that I didn't. A little after this, I had another friend who withdrew herself from me when she got a boyfriend, and I became suicidal and went to the hospital for it around this time. A little later, I had a highly toxic friendship with someone who first acted like she wanted to talk to me all the time and then suddenly withdrew from me a lot but still kept manipulating me into staying best friends with her and not actively seeking other friends. She would cut herself and send me pictures to manipulate me in various ways, and I started cutting myself around this time as well. My mom and therapist kept telling me in an invalidating way that they thought this friendship was secretly a romantic relationship, which certainly didn't help my mental health either. Eventually this person just stopped talking to me, which hurt at the time but I honestly think it was the best thing for both me and her. For a while I was still damaged by that friendship in a way that made it hard to maintain other friendships, but I think not being as close to anyone outside my family for a while was actually helpful with that. Soon after that I started going to my local community college, where I found some support, especially from one of my professors, but still didn't have a lot of connections for a lot of the time, which I avoided noticing by focusing on my classes. I still have anxiety and sometimes depression, but it's gotten a lot better than in high school, and I haven't been self-harming since starting college, though I still have the scars which I have been wearing long sleeves to hide even though they're not that noticeable anymore.

I think discussions about this are important and not had enough. I would just like everyone to remember that mental health is nothing to be ashamed of and it's okay to get help if you ever need it.

I think I'm starting to have a lush on my friend who is probably the most accepting student I go to school with. I sort of feel like I should tell her about it but I'm a little worried it will create weird feelings between us and I really don't want to lose her as a friend since there are so few people who seem as understanding and supportive of my aromanticism as her. I also don't have a lot of experience being sexually attracted to people as I think I am gray-ace or demi. Does anyone have any advice for how to handle this?

I'm out to pretty much everyone including my family, and they are generally accepting now but they previously didn't believe me because of how I had seemed to know that I wanted a romantic relationship before, not getting that that came from the external influences of the media and what they had taught me. My parents have definitely become more accepting of me than they once were, and I think they have also adjusted their views of romantic relationships and marriage a little bit so they don't see them as an essential part of life for everyone.

I've had mental health counselors try to tell me I either secretly wanted a romantic relationship or that not being in one wasn't good for me (the latter mainly before I discovered the term 'aromantic'). I did really believe I wanted a romantic relationship in the past, and after I figured out my identity, I found that people including mental health counselors as well as my mom didn't seem to get the concept that maybe it was everything the media and my parents had taught me that had made me think I wanted a romantic relationship rather than my actual desires and they kept mistaking my friendships for something romantic just because I tend to make friends with women more than with other guys.

I also understand what you're saying about not having a sexual relationship because it can be hard to have a non-romantic one. I usually think I'm demi or gray-ace, but I sort of think that may just be the result of not being comfortable getting that close to someone who might see me in a romantic way and I'm also not interested in random hook-ups with people I don't know.

I'm out to pretty much everyone at my school, because pretty much everyone there is accepting and I want to promote visibility in any way I can.

There is a Facebook group called Aromantic Talk. It mainly works by someone posting something and others can comment on it. I don't think it's really a chat but maybe a chat could be created in it.