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Everything posted by DaviM703

  1. Does your school have a provost you can talk to? At my school, students have been advised to talk to the provost if a teacher is doing something wrong and teachers actually have gotten in trouble for things they did. Also, are there any other advisors for your program? You might be able to ask to switch if there are. If he keeps doing things you've specifically asked him not to then you can get the police involved and file a harassment complaint. You can probably file a Title IX complaint since that covers any form of gender-based discrimination or harassment and it doesn't seem like he would be treating a man like this.
  2. @Coyote I think visibility is important more for aromantics who haven't figured out their identity than anything else. Using your dungeon analogy, being in a dungeon not in solitary confinement is still better than being in a dungeon in solitary confinement, which I think is a good description of what it feels like to be surrounded only by people who feel a desire for this type of relationship you know isn't for you and feeling like the only one who doesn't fit the norm of having those feelings. I felt pretty much like that before I discovered the term "aromantic."
  3. @Cristal GrisI think it can definitely be harder to have friends if you have mental health issues or are aromantic in a society where romance is seen as the most important thing. I'm glad you at least know what's going on because I think that can be very helpful and so can talking about it. @running.tallyI'm glad things have improved so much for you. Thanks for the positivity you spread here. I definitely already had some mental health issues including some anxiety before the stuff in middle school with the dating scene, but it became worse for me then. I don't think being aromantic is to blame for any of it though; I think amatonormativity is for making me think I really wanted a romantic relationship and become distressed about not being able to find one and for teaching people of all orientations that romantic relationships are always more important than friendships.
  4. (TW: depression, anxiety, suicidality, self-harm) Hi everyone. Happy Mental Health Awareness Month! So, I was looking through the forums, and I'm not sure if there's a thread like this already but I think it would be good for us to have a place to talk about mental health. I don't talk about this much but I've struggled a lot with mental health for many years. It started in middle school when I was having trouble figuring out what I wanted and thought I should be getting into a romantic relationship since that was what I had been told to want at that age. It got worse when some of my best friends got into relationships, and I started feeling more isolated as a result. I became depressed and started feeling the need for more contact with single friends, which ended up being too much for them. I was having trouble at my school as a result so I ended up going to a short-term program early in high school designed to help students going through something, then another program for students with mental health issues where I stayed for the rest of high school. During this time I felt isolated and felt like I couldn't fit into any group of people without wanting a romantic relationship, which I figured out around this time that I didn't. A little after this, I had another friend who withdrew herself from me when she got a boyfriend, and I became suicidal and went to the hospital for it around this time. A little later, I had a highly toxic friendship with someone who first acted like she wanted to talk to me all the time and then suddenly withdrew from me a lot but still kept manipulating me into staying best friends with her and not actively seeking other friends. She would cut herself and send me pictures to manipulate me in various ways, and I started cutting myself around this time as well. My mom and therapist kept telling me in an invalidating way that they thought this friendship was secretly a romantic relationship, which certainly didn't help my mental health either. Eventually this person just stopped talking to me, which hurt at the time but I honestly think it was the best thing for both me and her. For a while I was still damaged by that friendship in a way that made it hard to maintain other friendships, but I think not being as close to anyone outside my family for a while was actually helpful with that. Soon after that I started going to my local community college, where I found some support, especially from one of my professors, but still didn't have a lot of connections for a lot of the time, which I avoided noticing by focusing on my classes. I still have anxiety and sometimes depression, but it's gotten a lot better than in high school, and I haven't been self-harming since starting college, though I still have the scars which I have been wearing long sleeves to hide even though they're not that noticeable anymore. I think discussions about this are important and not had enough. I would just like everyone to remember that mental health is nothing to be ashamed of and it's okay to get help if you ever need it.
  5. I think I'm starting to have a lush on my friend who is probably the most accepting student I go to school with. I sort of feel like I should tell her about it but I'm a little worried it will create weird feelings between us and I really don't want to lose her as a friend since there are so few people who seem as understanding and supportive of my aromanticism as her. I also don't have a lot of experience being sexually attracted to people as I think I am gray-ace or demi. Does anyone have any advice for how to handle this?
  6. It sounds to me like you're aromantic and asexual. The definition of both is about not having a type of attraction, which matches what you say about not being attracted to anyone. Touch aversion is a separate thing but a fair number of aro-aces are that too.
  7. I'm out to pretty much everyone including my family, and they are generally accepting now but they previously didn't believe me because of how I had seemed to know that I wanted a romantic relationship before, not getting that that came from the external influences of the media and what they had taught me. My parents have definitely become more accepting of me than they once were, and I think they have also adjusted their views of romantic relationships and marriage a little bit so they don't see them as an essential part of life for everyone.
  8. I've had mental health counselors try to tell me I either secretly wanted a romantic relationship or that not being in one wasn't good for me (the latter mainly before I discovered the term 'aromantic'). I did really believe I wanted a romantic relationship in the past, and after I figured out my identity, I found that people including mental health counselors as well as my mom didn't seem to get the concept that maybe it was everything the media and my parents had taught me that had made me think I wanted a romantic relationship rather than my actual desires and they kept mistaking my friendships for something romantic just because I tend to make friends with women more than with other guys. I also understand what you're saying about not having a sexual relationship because it can be hard to have a non-romantic one. I usually think I'm demi or gray-ace, but I sort of think that may just be the result of not being comfortable getting that close to someone who might see me in a romantic way and I'm also not interested in random hook-ups with people I don't know.
  9. I actually now have a backpack with a diamond pattern in the aromantic colors. I still haven't found anyone who recognizes the colors but I've joined an LGBTQ+ group which I feel like I fit into much better than I fit into the general population.
  10. I'm out to pretty much everyone at my school, because pretty much everyone there is accepting and I want to promote visibility in any way I can.
  11. I think what would help most is trying to find people who are either aromantic or poly. I kind of feel like my family and counselors I have talked to sometimes seem to think just finding more people who belong to romantic couples to be friends with would solve all my problems, like they don't get that whether or not the other person is in a monogamous romantic relationship makes a difference in what I can get out of a relationship.
  12. I do still feel hope. I think what would be best for me is to have a zucchini (or a few of them) who are also aromantic, but I'm not even sure how to meet other aromantics. I find one thing that helps me is YouTube personalities who sort of seem like friends even though they don't actually know me, and I have good communities of people online, just not offline currently. I also go to a pretty small community college; I think I'll be at a bigger college next year though I'm not sure how much difference that will make.
  13. Does anyone else feel like they can't really form meaningful connections with other people? I feel like that's a big issue for me, in large part because most of the people I've gotten along with best have romantic relationships that are their top priority and that limits how close I can get to them without it being seen as an "emotional affair" or something of the sort, as well as because I don't feel that well understood by people who aren't different from what's seen as the norm in terms of romanticism/sexuality. I've felt especially isolated this semester and am sort of feeling like it's not likely to get that much better ever.
  14. They didn't really say much about the events but they did say everyone on either spectrum is welcome. Maybe they'll get some allosexual aromantics to be part of it. Also, other than the logos of the organizations organizing it, there is also only one purple word. So I don't think we should assume yet that it's not designed for us, because they definitely want us to be welcome there. If we find out that all the events are more about asexuality then that will be different but we don't know anything about the events or speakers yet.
  15. I feel the same way. I would really like either a best friend or zucchini, because I find it hard to have friends in this society that puts such high priority on romance and I want someone who will be there for me and not treat me as less important than a romantic partner.
  16. I think if there were other ways to get the same benefits that were just as easy to get, that would make a difference. Marriage could also just be a symbolic thing that people get, like the state just recognizing that people have one because it will make those people happier but not giving them any rewards for it that are systematically denied to anyone not married, if people would be more open to that than not having the government be involved at all. I like Elizabeth Brake's ideas that people should be able to license non-marriage relationships in the same way for types of benefits that can only be given to multiple people such as including someone else on your health insurance.
  17. I think you're right that it is important to a lot of people. I don't really think it needs to be abolished, I mainly think all the discrimination against people who don't choose it should be abolished and that if marriage can be licensed then you should be able to license other types of relationships too and get the same benefits for it.
  18. I actually like that idea Crou. I think the institution of marriage the way it is is discriminatory and even if I end up having one friend who is closer to me than anyone else I don't want any relationship of mine to be labelled as a marriage, officially or not, for several reasons. For one thing, I've heard a story where a man is given two loaves of bread. He meets two poor men who need food and gives a whole loaf to the first one but only a half to the second, then feels bad about it and goes back and gives him the other half. I feel like, like the man in this story, I don't want to have to give less of something, in this case the things I share with the people closest to me, to a second equally deserving person just because of what I give the first one which is basically what the institution of marriage would compel me to do. I also feel like the general attitude in our society is that you should protect a marriage at all cost no matter how it hurts other relationships, and I don't want to give one relationship the power to prevent me from having other good relationships. And also, marriage records are public documents, which means if I were to get legally married and was involved in spreading aromantic visibility, I feel like someone could dig the record up and publicize it to invalidate me so I would be silenced if people assume that marriages are inherently romantic. However, if the system were reformed so we could have different kinds of legal contracts for different relationships with no number limit or package-deal assumptions, I would probably want something like that to get the type of benefits currently reserved for married people without the negatives I just described.
  19. I'd be fine with that. I think people should be able to have whatever types of relationships they want without a license, and marriage as a government-licensed institution discriminates against people who don't have just one most important person and basically makes it legal for the government and employers to discriminate against people just for not wanting to be married.
  20. I'm taking this, but I think the name of this topic should be changed because love and romance aren't the same thing and it seems like what it really is is a survey about romance.
  21. I forgot to post yesterday, but I think my favorite aesthetic is the combination of dark blue and light gray. I find that aesthetic relaxing and also familiar since the combination of blue seats and carpeting and other things that are light gray is common in places and vehicles where I've been. And for today, I think some of my favorite memories with family are trips I've been on with them, to different parts of the U. S., Canada, and Italy. These have been fun experiences that we were able to enjoy together.
  22. I think what I love most about my family is just that they have been there for me and been relatively supportive as I've been figuring myself and my life out. I know there are some families that would still be continuing to tell me I wasn't really aromantic and should be looking for a romantic relationship, so I'm glad to have a family that supports me and treats me as valid even if it did take them some time to get there.
  23. I find it hard to pick one movie. I like a lot of Hitchcock movies, some I can think of right now are North by Northwest and Vertigo. Those movies have interesting stuff happening throughout with lots of plot twists. I also like a lot of Studio Ghibli movies such as Spirited Away which also have really interesting stories as well as great animation. And one I think I should definitely mention is the Disney/Pixar movie Brave because of it's seemingly aromantic protagonist who (Spoiler alert!) basically manages to fix the system that was trying to force her to get married and gets to live the way she wants to. Given all the amatonormativity in lots of movies, I think it's great that a movie like that was made with a protagonist who has no interest in romance or marriage and actually fights for the right not to marry.
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