DaviM703

I would go with money, I'm actually interested in different forms of transportation so an easy way to get around without using them doesn't feel like what I most want.

Money or the guarantee of living to age 200?

22 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I assume you mean elementary or high school? In my experience, around puberty kids tend to get obsessed with relationships not so much necessarily because they actually want them, but because society tells them they're supposed to care about them. At that age, romance is seen as cool and mature, thus liking romance is also seen as cool and mature, and thus to some degree people go on about romance in order to prove how Cool And Mature they are. Which doesn't make it less annoying of course, but my point is, they're really just doing it for the attention. Give it a few years and people will be too busy crying from the stress of college applications to care as much about relationships.

I definitely agree with this, even I was obsessed with relationships at middle school age because of society.

I recently discovered my squish of the last three months is on the opposite side of the issue from me, but that doesn't make me feel negatively toward her since I understand the perspective of people who it's actually about babies to which her liberal views on most other things make clear to me it is for her. We talked a little about that yesterday, just about respecting each other's views, and today we had what was quite possibly our best interaction ever, letting me know without any doubt she is really my friend, despite both knowing we have different views on this issue.

Update: there was some level of misunderstanding and she does consider me a friend. I know she has a lot on her plate with classes as the semester is almost over and with work; I still feel a little concerned about how much she seems to depend on one person for pretty much everything but also have hope that I might be able to become better friends with her by talking in the summer or as stuff in the relationship changes since it still seems like the honeymoon phase.

I think stuff related to this has been talked about more here than in most places, but I've realized social orientation/platonic orientation is barely known in the general population or academic literature. My experience strongly suggests that it is a real thing that may be innate in a similar way to sexual or romantic orientation, as I was always more inclined to make friends with girls than boys from when I first started getting to know classmates and, though I once was best friends with one boy for three years because he became a lot more interested in me than any girl was, likely due to most people around me being primarily homosocial and thinking I was a boy. Does anyone else have experience of always feeling more drawn to one gender or one side of the gender spectrum for making friends? And if so, do you think it is innate in a similar way to sexual/romantic orientation?

You are teleported onto a star. The star is so hot that it incinerates you within a fraction of a second.

I wish I could only develop squishes on people who want to be friends with me.

The person I've had a squish on for over 2 months now says she apparently doesn't do friendship beyond just talking in class except with her girlfriend. I don't get how it's healthy to depend on one person to this degree as a matter of personal policy. What makes it even worse is how friendly she is all the time to everyone around her. Like as long as it's clear she's in a relationship obviously no one will feel anything for her that they think something can come from, like her alloness and caring most about romantic relationships means obviously squishes either don't exist or don't make anyone feel anything significant. I wish people who had no interest whatsoever in friendship with anyone could at least not be so nice to me.

You get run over by a car since the driver can't see you.

I wish allos cared more about friendship than some of them seem to.

It turns out one of your classmates was hired to kill someone and took the job just so no one who would actually do it would with the intention of saving the person. Now, because of your wish, that person gets killed.

I wish there weren't so many people who hate others just for being different than them.

Update: I'm in the process of telling her. It is still really hard to find time to talk in person but I told her I wanted to talk about my different feelings as an aromantic person. She said I could message her on Facebook which I have now done only to tell her about friendships being important to me/my existing best friendship feeling like something that was meant to be even though not in a romantic way and that I can feel drawn to people in non-romantic ways where I don't desire anything exclusive. Still waiting for a response to that to say more but I am already feeling anxious and I think she might know that what I am starting to describe is what I feel for her. She is usually very friendly but today asked why I waited for her after class, then said she guessed it was okay, so I'm not sure exactly what to make of that but I know she was feeling less well physically today and we did have a pretty nice conversation for like 2 minutes following that exchange.

If anyone wants to take it, the link is https://s.surveyplanet.com/zewdqlx4 and I especially need more men to take it.

I'm definitely not asensual, I feel significant desire to hug or cuddle my close friends and squishes. I hadn't really heard the term before but it makes sense. My best friend isn't really a fan of physical contact, she is comfortable with it with me but mainly does it for me and not for herself, so I suppose that term might describe her.

I have a squish on my lesbian classmate who is in a serious relationship and is different in a lot of ways from most people I have had squishes on before. For one thing, she is a lot more talkative with everyone around her, also significantly more athletic and more of a partyer than most people I click with. But despite these differences I feel a significant connection to her based on personality traits and mental health experiences we seem to have in common. She doesn't have much time to talk between the homework for a full courseload and working enough hours to pay for her own education but some stuff is definitely happening in the last couple weeks (more conversation and first light hugs). In an online class discussion recently she talked about the concept of soulmates with the belief that everyone has one which doesn't feel like it takes the aromantic experience into account. I did message her about how it's a little different for me and she thanked me for educating her, but I'm sort of wondering now how to explain having a squish to her without making it sound like anything that could be a threat to her relationship since people who believe strongly in the concept of soulmates likely tend to be the ones who will do more at the expense of friendship to protect one relationship, though I feel it is mainly straight people who more seriously limit opposite-sex friendships for that and she is a cis lesbian and I'm an AMAB non-binary person, so I don't think it will be the same as with some people but am still just anxious about everything related to developing friendships because of how many times it hasn't gone well.

You have a cup of hot tea with potato chips in it. The combination is too gross to drink.

I wish COVID would stop mutating.

You do, but it's in such bad condition that it's not safe to go inside.

I wish I had more money than I do.

You graduate right now, but your records show you didn't properly finish all the curriculum. Because of this, no college will accept you and the only employer that will hire you in McDonald's so you spend the rest of your life flipping burgers.

I wish a higher percent of people supported those who are different from them.

You can teleport, but your clothes don't teleport with you.

I wish there weren't so many anti-vaxxers.

I'm non-binary so don't feel like the labels of heterosexual/homosexual apply to me since they are in reference to which binary someone is, but I am mostly attracted to women and non-binary people, more often AFAB people but have definitely been attracted to transfemme people too. I think the label that best fits me is trixic.

Everyone except you dies. Now no one gets mad at you for whatever you do but there are no other people to have any kind of relationship with.

I wish a lot of people didn't still assume I was a man no matter how I present.

This sounds a lot like my experience. I just thought I was a guy without thinking much of it since I was raised to think so, but I could never conform to the social patterns that people thought a guy should. My therapist said over and over that looking for male friends seemed to him like the best solution to feeling like I couldn't have close friends because of amatonormativity and partner jealousy, and I just felt frustrated that was all he kept saying over and over but had a very hard time telling him why it was wrong. Even knowing I got along much better with women than men it took me several more years to figure out why. I didn't feel totally confident about identifying as not a man at first, the first couple shopping trips I did to get new clothes after changing my pronouns were only stuff from the men's section that just looked more gender-neutral before I got comfortable getting clothes meant for women. If you made a post about feeling this way then you are really feeling it and that's valid.

I get squishes on women and non-binary people, sometimes transmasc people but never cisgender men. May be related to differences in social norms and typical social behaviors by which the male norms involve less personal connection and are more just about doing stuff together which isn't a type of friendship I get that much out of. I know there are some exceptions to this but I perceive most cis men as less like me until I learn otherwise.

I told my squish about what I was feeling, not sure what the best way for this was. I gave her a link and was talking to her about the type of feeling, and inadvertently made her uncomfortable with the conversation because it felt too personal for her. I'm in a class with this person and think she seems like a really good friend, but not sure how to fix this situation

There are a few by Ava Max that I think could work as aro songs. Not Your Barbie Girl is probably the most of an aro-relatable song, but So Am I is also relatable as it is about the experience of being different and My Way is about not conforming to a female role, which traditionally includes being partnered with and subservient to a man. Salt is a good one about doing well after a breakup which I know some people here like.

I've definitely gotten the impression societal beliefs about romance are sexist, like the idea it should be men pursuing women and that men should pay for everything on dates while women are the more passive partner in pretty much all situations. With the level of importance of women in my life as all kinds of influences and all my close friends who have a binary gender, I sort of wonder now if that's a factor in my aromanticism as well as being related to one of the reasons I don't identify as a man. Definitely not all of it as I'm uncomfortable with romantic kissing and settings designed to be romantic, but it may be a factor.

That seems a lot like me, I've never really been comfortable with formal dances and I've also been more comfortable with funerals than weddings in recent years. I also haven't been drawn to the idea of college parties, which may be good since lots of students at my college got suspended for them last year with COVID going on.