DaviM703

She agreed to it not expecting it to be sexual, just then felt a sense of obligation because of my physical response and her past trauma conditioning, she was basically trying to learn to desexualize what the conservative Christian community she had grown up in had taught her was both inherently sexual and wrong, but still had conditioning from it that she hadn't deprogrammed yet.

On further thought I don't really think I affirmatively consented because I was so not prepared and kind of felt rushed into the whole thing, felt like she had taken advantage of me and then discarded me because she didn't like it until we actually had another conversation in which I realized that she had felt a sense of obligation because I was having an involuntary physical response because we were cuddling naked for the skin-to-skin contact. She had been conditioned to think that any sexual urges AMAB people felt were her fault as an AFAB person and her ex-husband had expected her to do something about it when he had that physiological response so she was conditioned to think she had to do something about it despite not even wanting to. So basically we engaged in sexual activity neither of us wanted and were both hurt by it. The biggest lasting effect now is that my best friend of 4 years, who I talked to in the few hours after everything happened, hasn't talked to me in the over 3 months since after I expressed violent thoughts that I never would have acted on but that were an expression of how upset I was and how powerless I felt when all this had just happened, and I am genuinely becoming afraid she will never talk to me again. Also, I have pretty much lost the ability to enjoy physical contact which I found very comforting before and have no sense of when I'm ever getting that back.

Recently had my first sexual contact with another human, who seemed like an especially good friend for me. She initiated it while cuddling (made sure I was okay with it) and I really thought it would go okay if I let her since she was poly and seemed really open with both relationships and her body. However, she was trying to get me to climax for a long time without succeeding and was apparently so triggered by some part of the experience that she now feels the need to not see me again and has blocked me everywhere we talked. I don't know how I was supposed to prevent something like this as I was not going to get into a romantic relationship nor was I comfortable with pure hookups with someone I didn't have any other relationship with, and now I've lost what seemed like one of the most special friendships of a quality especially hard to find.

Update: here is what I wrote about this question: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/the-relationship-between-heterosociality-and-the-lgbtq-community-5dbd71c451af

Question: do people think individuals who are specifically heterosocial, i. e. inclined to form friendships specifically with a gender other than their own, belong in the LGBTQ+ community? My case for why they might based on my experience: when everyone including myself thought I was a boy, people acted like there was something wrong with me for having the friendship inclinations I did and a therapist tried to tell me I should deliberately favor male friends in a way I think is somewhat reminiscent of conversion therapy and if they had been right about my gender, it seems to me like a form of not accepting people the way they are based on something related to gender and that's the same category of experience as people of pretty much everything that is agreed to be an LGBTQ+ identity have. It could be seen as a form of gender nonconformity, which may not always be part of someone's identity, but I also feel like friendship is devalued by society based on amatonormativity. I don't have a firm answer in my mind, just want to see what other people think since I am considering writing something about the question. I definitely feel like people who are specifically inclined to form friendship with a different gender face some of the same kinds of treatment by others as those with LGBTQ+ identities but so do those who just don't dress in a way seen as normal for their gender without it having anything to do with their identity. Therapists and others who give relationship advice do try to get those who tend to make different-gender friends to change that, but it is definitely not the same as the way people act like being gay or trans is morally wrong. Just want to see what people think.

This is basically a response to the belief that kids should not be allowed to know it is possible to be anything other than what they were labeled at birth: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/at-five-i-said-i-was-a-girl-no-one-believed-me-a5218793a6da

You're more than welcome here even if you are unsure what you are, we totally welcome people who are questioning and there are people here who can answer questions you may have about identities.

One time it kind of became a joke between me and a TA at my high school. I found it invalidating but didn't know how to properly express that it seriously bothered me because being on the autism spectrum makes communication harder, but it kind of became funny when other staff helped me do funny things in response. For example, a teacher helped me write a fake pink slip to her, then she gave me a candy bar as a supposed wedding present for me and someone I was friends with, and we responded by giving her a box for her things, so that became funny even though it felt invalidating and annoying at first.

I have the experience of people insisting I was secretly looking for something romantic with friends, and this is apparently enough of a problem for people in the LGBTQ+ community that I wrote this about it: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/other-peoples-relationships-are-not-yours-to-define-7ce6d8e21336

https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/why-man-and-woman-are-gender-terms-not-sex-terms-5aeb645683dd

I don't know exactly how it will go in the future but we are both staying in the area we grew up in for now. I am forming more close friendships than I had at that time too, and I also don't know how it will work because she was thinking of moving to Florida as her family members want to live there and she would rather be close to them, but with all the stuff that has been going on in Florida and other red states lately I feel more comfortable continuing to live in a blue state.

I talk a lot about being aromantic in this one too: https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/how-the-human-services-profession-failed-me-based-on-gendered-assumptions-b6491f83f43

That really doesn't sound fun, hope you get to feel positive emotions soon!

https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/the-one-vs-others-relationship-advice-that-devalues-all-but-one-relationship-568cdb9ff029

The number of articles like that compared to how few there are criticizing them made me feel the need to do something. Glad you didn't have to read that article, I only read that crap to inform my activism goals and criticize it.

This sounds even worse than what I got, though therapy for me was pretty bad too. It might be different for people labeled as girls based on gendered views that ending up married is more important for them based on differences described by Charlotte Perkins Gilman where men have historically been taught that success is having a successful career while women have been taught it's finding a good husband. The worst part of mine was trying to pressure me to deliberately favor male friends, saying this would alleviate the concerns of people limiting friendship with me to prevent "emotional affairs" if they were in relationships while completely ignoring the reasons friendships between men tend to be more limited, and also saying my already declared aromantic identity was invalid just because it was clear I was non-randomly mainly finding female friends since everyone knows that someone they know is one gender because their birth certificate printed before they could talk says so would never specifically favor the other of the only two that they ever think about for any relationship not based on romantic feelings. I was also automatically paired with male providers multiple times because evidently they assumed that was my preference without ever thinking to ask me.

https://medium.com/@DaviMcCrea/the-one-vs-others-relationship-advice-that-devalues-all-but-one-relationship-568cdb9ff029 Please share if you want to, I would like to spread these ideas as an alternative to what people learn to unconsciously think.

Contacting Discord seemingly worked. They emailed me they were opening an investigation based on my report and about a week and a half later her account was deleted, seemingly banned.

The only charges I know of being pressed were when the person was still a minor by the now most vocal survivor who at the time was most concerned about not ruining her life not thinking about how many other lives she was ruining and underreported it only reporting anything after their dad found out something had happened and made them file a report. Given that this person specifically was trying not to ruin her life at the time, it seems especially vicious that she and her partner claim this person was engaged in targeted harassment for 7 years or since 2014 at which time the person was only 12-13. Having read that person's whole 8-page letter on Facebook and also heard from other survivors, I would believe Trump's claims about Dominion voting machines before I would believe someone that young started a malicious targeted harassment campaign against an innocent person several years older and kept it up through all the increases in maturity of SEVEN WHOLE YEARS.

Cw: Sexual abuse There is this person in my local queer community, who recently moved from a town in the next county over that's within commuting distance and that I know many people in, who it is becoming more and more obvious is a dangerous sexual predator. A survivor from the town where the person used to live has gone very public with it in first a TikTok video and recently a much more detailed letter posted on Facebook. I have heard specific stories from other survivors of this person as well and have no doubt the person really is a sexual predator. To make matters significantly worse, the person runs a Discord server for queer nudist meetups which gives her easy access to people who may not know her in their most vulnerable state. I have tried to warn people about this, but the person and people close to her have tried to gaslight me into thinking I and the most vocal survivor are engaged in targeted harassment, and when all I had heard was someone's personal story they didn't want to make public, I tried talking to other people in the server to warn them without being specific and they accused me of sounding transphobic since the individual in question happens to be a trans woman. Further, this person seems to be a lot more popular and with a lot more close connections in the local queer community than me. Feel nervous messaging more people from that Discord server after how negative of responses I got, but this detailed Facebook letter is a lot more information than just suggesting the person might not be safe to hang out with. Anyone have any ideas how I can help people stay safe and stop this person from harming more unsuspecting people in nude hangouts?

You are now an action figure of a major general. Since action figures are inanimate objects, that's what you are now. I wish I could fall asleep more easily.

Your sleeping pattern separates from you and becomes its own being capable of reasonable thought. Now this additional being is very reasonable and rational, but you no longer have a sleeping pattern so you are awake 24/7 and always too tired to think. I wish I had more ideas for things I could wish for.

I like it okay, maybe 6/10, nice voice but I don't personally find the melody the most memorable. Here's mine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua59gbaq5U8