Chloé

23 hours ago, James said:

Don't use subjective language, because that encourages people to doubt you. 

Thanks. This actually REAAAAALLY helped me today. 

On 17/09/2017 at 10:23 AM, MandraSedai said:

Unfortunately, I can relate to the feelings of loneliness. I don't really have advice on how to overcome the feeling though. But you're not alone? So that's a thing. Sorry for the rather uninteresting response.

Thanks. Don't be sorry!!! Glad to know that I'll always have the internet. 

If this isn't the right place for a post like this feel free to tell me and where I could post this. 

So right now I feel really lonely. I've never felt lonely because I was alone before; in fact, I enjoy being alone (I'm an introvert).

But ever since I've discovered that my sexuality, romantic orientation, and gender are the triple As, I feel more and more alone. I've talked to my two best friends about this, but either they don't really understand or they think I'll change or "get over the phase". I don't really blame them though. Being hetero and having an aro friend and being asked to understand what they're feeling is impossible.

 I am really not ready to talk to my family yet, and I have no one in my life that is in my city that I can see regularly that is aro ace and agender. No real life person that understands and can relate and give advice and joke about how romance movies are hilariously ridiculous, or anything like that. And since I've always had either Theo, Justine  or Chanel to talk to, I've never felt lonely. But now that I have feelings and thoughts that no one around me can relate to? I don't know if I can handle it. Plus it really doesn't help that I want to become close friends with this guy in my class (he is in love with jazz and music too) and that everyone just assumes I'm deeply in love with that guy... LIKE NO MAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS "TRUE LOVE" OF YOURS IS AND I'VE NEVER FELT IT SO STAAAAAHHHP (aro moment )

Basically I feel lonely, I have no aro real life person in my surroundings, and it feels like it's slowly eating me up inide, so if anyone has any tips or advice on how to cope with this PLEASE TELL ME!!!! LONELINESS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE FEELING 

Thank you for reading this uhhh...

...vomit of feelings and emotions.

Really appreciate anyone who cares about an internet stranger like me.

YMBAI you pretend(ed) to have an intense crush on some dude that is somehow popular with the girls and a jerk at the same time.

On 8/25/2017 at 4:45 PM, NullVector said:

Yep, sounds like a teenage boy to me 

I used to be one of them, so let me try to help out here! Unless things have changed a lot since I was one, teenage boys:

1. Have all these new hormones that are making them totally crazy (I'm sure this applies to girls as well, hehe, but it generally manifests itself in a different way...)
2. Have LOTS of social pressure to get girlfriends, so that they won't be "losers" anymore (pressure that they put on one another and on themselves)
3. Must NEVER EVER talk about their feelings (and ESPECIALLY not to other teenage boys!)

So,  just bear these things in mind. Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying you should let him take liberties with you because of them. Be a nice supportive friend, but stay firm about your boundaries, is what I'd suggest. I don't think you need my suggestions though, you seem to be doing a great job there already  

I don't think much has changed since you were a teen  

And yes, that's what I've been trying to do; nice to Nik, but nice to myself as well. He seems to be pressured by most of the other guys at school to like someone, so I'm pretty sure it's just a high school crush and that he'll move on and be fine. I just don't want all my friends to leave meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :'( 

"Your best friend isn't the one who you've known the longest, but the one who said "I'm here for you" and proved it."

So I have three best friends at the moment, Chanel, Justine, and Nik. All three of them helped me in times when I really needed someone.

I'm extremely scared of straight guys that get crushes on me. Unfortunately, Nik confessed he had a crush on me a few months ago. Then, he said he "got over me", and just yesterday, texted me that that was a lie. Clearly, he has no idea what to do with his feelings, so I straight up texted him that I'm most probably aromantic. Honestly, he had the best reaction I could ever hope for.

Nik: Yeah, remember when I woke you up at 4AM to tell you I didn't like you anymore? That was lie. I had to say it sooner or later, so

Me: Well I figured

Me: I mean, ok, uhm well I'm probably aromantic so

Nik: so

Me: do you even know what aromantic is?

Nik: well I had to look it up, but even coming from you, it's still kinda surprising

Me: how is it surprising?

Nik: Eh, i don't even know. it totally matches you though

Me: Well I'm winning this game of mario kart

Nik: you mean you finally got gud?

Me: damn right, Nik

Thankfully, Nik is an awesome guy and he's still my friend. Unlike most dudes out there, he sees no point in ending our friendship simply because I don't like him back. However, he'll surely find some other girl -or boy, if he finds out he's gay/bi/pan- and I really fear the day where Nik and Chanel will leave me. Luckily, Justine seems aromantic as well, but hasn't discovered that yet (hehe).

Chanel is constantly babbling about how she loves everyone in her class, they're all so cute, but some of em are dicks, and she doesn't want to fall for a dick, and yada yada yada. And I simply can't help but tell her not to fall for anyone. But she keeps going on about her dozens of crushes, and so on. She's my best friend, and it seems she'll always choose romance over friendship.

Well I simply adored Disney and still do. I loved the animation more than anything, but I was very content with the plot, most of the time. One thing I did say was "How did the kiss make Snow White alive again?" and my mother would reply "Chloe, you saw the movie! It was true love's kiss!" and I would reply "Well do all the dead people in cemeteries have no one they loved or that loved them?". I was certainly a cheeky little child, but I still loved Disney movies, I was simply very confused when "true love" became the answer to everything. That's probably why Lilo and Stitch is my favorite movie of all time! 

Other than that, I hated and still hate romantic books, like the bachelor, or Divergent. I also covered my eyes and screamed "EWWWWW" whenever people would kiss in movies. I also said "I'll never get married! Never ever!". Guess I was aromantic for most of my life!

On 8/22/2017 at 5:46 PM, NullVector said:

Hi Chloe, welcome to arocaylpse  

 

 

You'll learn more as you get older, of course - but that applies to all of us, however old we get  Too young to know anything is a bit nonsensical to me, like saying you've learned nothing in 14 years! (has somebody actually said this to you?)

 

 

They might be right. Then again, they might not! For example, by way of analogy, I've read things written by people who've said from quite a young age that they didn't ever want kids. Everyone told them they'd change their minds once they got older. Then, at some point, they became adults who'd never had kids. So it's probably possible to have ideas about this sort of thing from a young age (see this thread for some aro-specific examples). Just remain open to both possibilities, I guess (and hopefully your family can do the same).

 

 

Is there anyone more neutral/nonjudgmental that you can talk to, that will give you more space to talk about your feelings? Like a close friend that you trust, for example? If not, you're welcome to continue talking to us here as well, of course.

 

 

Hmm. I can see how a comment like that could be hurtful for you (I hope for your sake that she didn't mean it that way). The human experience is pretty broad. Some humans experience romantic love, some don't. They're both equally human; their humanity just gets expressed in different ways. At least, that's how I look at it. A great scientist or spiritual leader, for example, might not 'love' in a traditional 'romantic' sense, but they can give love back in other ways, like to humanity as a whole (their kind of love can be more general, rather than being directed towards a specific person).

 

 

I think I can relate here and recall feelings like this when I was your age. Although, unlike you, I would never have identified as asexual, I would become very anxious in situations where there was the slightest hint of 'romantic intent! (in my case, whenever I was with a girl I was attracted to, I both wanted something to happen and didn't want it to happen, at the same time - but since I'd never heard of sexual vs. romantic orientations, I was very confused for a long time!) So, even if it doesn't feel like it right now, I think you're lucky to have found some words and concepts to help understand some of these feelings, at a reasonably young age still.

 

 

You can try explaining and communicating your experience of being human to them , but really it's outside of your control whether they listen or try to understand - so don't beat yourself up if/when they don't make much effort to do so! Some people are just a bit closed-minded, unfortunately, or tend to over-generalize their own very specific ideas about what it is that makes people happy. Maybe they'll change their minds when they're older, eh?  Like I said, you can always carry on talking to us on here, if you're short on 'real life' people and you find it helps to have some people to bounce ideas off?

Thank you so much for this! This really helped me. I think I'm short on "real life" people indeed so I'm probably gunna stick around here for some time. 

I am aromantic and asexual, and I haven't come out to anyone yet, BUT I did imply it when my mother and I were talking about a romance movie. I told her I'm probably never gonna have a boyfriend and I really wasn't interested in being in a relationship. She replied with the "Oh, you know, you'll tell me that when you're 20. You just haven't found the one yet." I have done the same thing with my grandfather, and he replied with the same answer, laughing it off. My father had the same reaction, and so did my aunt. My closest friends had the same reaction, and continue thinking I have crushes on every single guy on Earth even though I clearly told them that I hate being shipped with other people. My little sister also thinks that I have had crushes on multiple people, while they were all wrong assumptions. 

Now, I'm fourteen (in 8th grade), and I'm considered "too young" to know anything about my sexual or romantic orientation or my gender. So now I'm starting to think they are right, and I need more time to find the right person for me. It's just that these standards and beliefs that loving someone romantically is such a huge part of being human really throw me off. And the fact that everyone laughs off who I am -or who I think I am- really hurts me. I feel so left out in my everyday life since romance is such a huge topic at school, at home, everywhere. My mother even said that if you don't love romantically, you're almost not human.

So right now I feel very confused, and I don't know who I am... but very recently, a boy confessed he had a crush on me, for the first time in my life. I told him I don't have a crush on anyone, and so I didn't like him. Just the thought of liking him back filled me with utter dread, and made my stomach feel sick. I am aromantic and asexual, and there's nothing wrong with that. The only problem is, no one seems to accept me, and I feel like I should just repress my feelings and never talk about it again, but that would only hurt me. So I wanna try talking to someone, even if they don't believe me. It's just, how do I explain to someone who thinks "true love" is 99.99% of being human what aromanticism is? Someone please help me!