Jump to content

aro_elise

Member
  • Posts

    403
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    41

Everything posted by aro_elise

  1. it's actually 3 initialisms: bondage & discipline dominance & submission sadism & masochism so any of that stuff falls under it--of course they often overlap.
  2. yes, it's about attraction to a specific person. like i could be horny and want to do certain sexual things with some hypothetical partner(s) (because they're enjoyable), but if there's no one i'm attracted to--and that's likely, because i'm very picky--oh well, not happening. also, i could find someone attractive, but there could be some reason i don't want to have sex with him, like if he's an unpleasant person, or i know we're sexually incompatible. but you can't help finding them hot, like you know those women who say crap like "men are proof that sexuality isn't a choice"--to be clear, i think that's a weird, sexist thing to say even as a joke and i would not change my orientation if i could--but it does illustrate the same point.
  3. like just enjoying your own company? i definitely do. for the past year i've been living alone at my cottage where i don't have friends and it's been nice enough, i miss the city itself more than the socialization i did back there (though that too, to an extent). while i love hanging out with my best friend and sometimes enjoy bigger/more lively parties or whatever, i'm definitely more of an introvert, i'm independent, and i'm my favourite person, so i'm never lonely. i would imagine that aros in general would tend to feel this way. like i think there are people--aros and allos--who prefer to socialize simply because they're extroverts, and then there are people who are always jumping from one social event/relationship to another because they can't stand to spend time with themselves, maybe they're insecure or don't have much of an identity, i don't know, but i have to imagine if aros were ever that kind of person they'd sooner or later be forced to learn not to be. luckily i always loved myself and had my own interests and goals--i wasn't relying on my peers for those things so there wasn't much adjusting to do when it became clear that i wouldn't be outsourcing them to romantic partners. so there's my amateur psychological assessment. or narcissistic pontification.
  4. yeah kind of. when i heard of split attraction i was confused because it's like: -'there's sexual attraction, right?' -'yeah, i'm with you' -'and romantic attraction' -'uhh you lost me' so i was like, how can i know whether i feel romantic attraction if i don't understand what it is? i see now how that should have been the answer right there. and of course there's the 'maybe i just haven't felt that way yet' (as arophobic people like to insist) but it's like, i've found boys cute since i was like 7, but i've made it this far in life without wanting to date any of them whatsoever? hmm. (then i dated someone and found that i really, really didn't want to.) and like @Sili said, it was helpful to talk with other aros, you know, totally relating to their experiences as i didn't when allos talked about that stuff.
  5. it's ok if they consent 😉 yesss my favourite sexual experience was with this guy who let me peg him and be really rough with him. love not having to hold back. total domme, if you couldn't tell. i also have the classic heterosexual person fantasy of a threesome--two bi guys, of course. what can i say
  6. i'd love if pretty much everyone i wanted some kind of platonic or sexual thing was also aro, so i wouldn't have to worry about them wanting a romantic thing. 'cause that's what it's about: the "agreement and understanding," not whatever it may look like
  7. i'm moving back to the city, this time with my best friend.  we're going to be so happy 💚  

    1. Erederyn

      Erederyn

      That's awesome! I'll also be moving with my best friend in a couple of months and super excited.

  8. i babysat for like 9 years. just for the money. hard pass on having to take care of them for more than a few hours at a time and it costing ME money (where would i get that money if i couldn't leave them to work?) and i can barely take care of myself, partly due to depression, which again, having kids would elevate to suicidal-level depression, so. to say the least i find it odd when people still try to convince me to have kids. like obviously it's disrespectful to me but more notably, it's cruel to the hypothetical kids. i would be upset if my parents hadn't been so delighted and prepared emotionally and financially to have me, why would you want a kid to be born to a single person who's the opposite of that?
  9. that's pretty much what i did, though i wasn't so self-aware, basically i was trying to prove to myself that i wasn't aro and ended up doing the opposite and hurting both of us. some good did come of it afterward--at just 17 i was able to accept my aromanticism and the fact that i never have to date again (nor did i ever). was it worth it? probably not. it's hard to say what would have happened if not for that particular experience. but i can say that i think your friend deserves to know how you really feel. often said, for good reason, communication in any relationship is so important. without it, any mutual happiness is just luck. whether with her or other people, you can always try a variety of things, such as dating without romantic expectations. relationships of any kind are what the people involved make them. yay relationship anarchy!
  10. my latest real-life aro headcanon: tennis player thanasi kokkinakis ?

  11. i don't call it anything but it would be pan. gender is not a factor at all.
  12. yeah it's cool, people can be nice-looking the same way other things are, like landscapes. i took an elective in university called 'philosophy of beauty' where we talked a lot about aesthetics, and, you know, there are different units, and 'human beauty' was one, and i felt like a lot of people were treating it as a whole separate thing and/or conflating it with sexual/romantic attraction, and i was like...no. or like we talked about how platonic love is about the 'beauty of the soul,' it's like yes, well that's an entirely different thing. yes, in the venn diagram, there's a circle of beautiful people and inside it, a small circle of hot guys. i'm also a fashion designer in the works--my dresses are my art and so i want to display them on the most aesthetically attractive models, as a painter wants the nicest canvas and frame or whatever. like i would go through a line-up and pick them out (figure and face both important), and then get their makeup and hair done right.
  13. yeah that's where i draw the line between a squish and someone i just want to be friends with. like i have a coworker who's really funny and i have fun working with him but it's not like the squishes i've had. they're more intense, i'm excited rather than just glad to see them, i think about them when i'm not with them, etc.
  14. i'm mostly romance-repulsed when it comes to myself in a romantic situation; when it's other people it's usually just weird/annoying or neutral. like when i was dating my ex, doing romantic stuff was really uncomfortable and unnatural. and i get kind of paranoid about people being romantically attracted to me. i'd describe my feelings about women in a sexual context as repulsion, so i can imagine for (many) sex-repulsed aces it would just be that, but about everyone. so, to sum up, in descending order of appeal: (having/imagining) sex with men: ? romance with anyone: ? sex with women: ? right! can't believe people have sex with people they love, that's so weird to me.
  15. i would genuinely rather die lol
  16. well, being heterosexual, i figured i was just straight, as in, also heteroromantic, and then i found out about aromanticism, and went through the thrillingly slow journey from denial to tentative acceptance to embracing it. slow but direct--never had any feelings which led me to even consider any other possibilities.
  17. i've actually given this plenty of thought. i basically live alone (at my cottage--my parents are mostly back at the house) and it's great. i've definitely imagined myself living alone for most of my life. but i would also love to live with my best friend at some point. she's actually looking for an apartment and invited me to live with her and i sadly had to decline because i can't pass up living rent-free. but sometime. not necessarily opposed to living with more than one person but i can't imagine who they'd be. i used to have an apartment with my friend in university, which was fun at times but more often i would have preferred to have it to myself. i have mixed feelings about living with a sexual partner, like a fwb. there's the obvious advantage of, you know, convenience, but normally when i have them over i do a full-on cleaning/beautification of myself and the house, whereas when i'm alone i like to be messy and just not worry about anything. this isn't as much of a problem with friends--i don't need to impress them. ? but no matter what, i need to have my own bedroom. i also like to travel a lot and want to spend time (whether a few days or a few years) in many different places; i hate the idea of being confined to one place for long (/routine/lack of freedom in general), so i'm certainly not thinking about a permanent living situation.
  18. the mood for tonight: wanting a fwb.  like i want to go on little weekend vacations.

    1. MulticulturalFarmer

      MulticulturalFarmer

      Newbie question: What's the best and safest way to find a FWB? And how long do you wait before deciding to have sex?

    2. Just a Bear

      Just a Bear

      A little weekend vacation sure sounds nice....

    3. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      @MulticulturalFarmer just noticed this.  i'm not sure there's a best way, and as for the other question, whatever works for the people involved.  i've only had one fwb, from tinder, classic.  we had sex on the first "date" or whatever you want to call it--we didn't know then whether we'd continue to see each other (and i've had hookups where we didn't) but obviously in this case we did.  when we're comfortable with each other and want it, i figure why wait, but everyone's different.  mutual attraction with an existing friend could also lead to adding a sexual component to the relationship, but i can see where that might be more high-stakes.  i mean, the same ways you meet people to date--pretty much anywhere--just be clear about what you're looking for.

  19. new idea: share a song whose lyrics are meant to be romantic, or could be interpreted as such, but that you like. could be that it works in another context, like platonic love. maybe you just like it in its original context, idk. here's mine: i'd really love to see you tonight by england dan and john ford coley (1976) it was a huge hit back then; my mom (who was a teenager then) loved it and still does. it seems to be about casual dating--romantic but not committed--and i like to spin it as casual dating in a fwb/relationship anarchy way. as a bonus, it has a nice sound independently of the lyrics. but here they are: hello, yeah it's been awhile not much, how 'bout you i'm not sure why i called i guess i really just wanted to talk to you i was thinking maybe later on we could get together for a while it's been such a long time and i really do miss your smile i'm not talking 'bout movin' in and i don't want to change your life but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around and i'd really love to see you tonight we could go walkin' through a windy park take a drive along the beach or stay at home and watch tv see, it really doesn't matter much to me i'm not talking 'bout movin' in and i don't want to change your life but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around and i'd really love to see you tonight i won't ask for promises so you don't have to lie we've both played that game before say "i love you" then say goodbye i'm not talking 'bout movin' in and i don't want to change your life but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around and i'd really love to see you tonight i'm not talking 'bout movin' in and i don't want to change your life but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around and i'd really love to see you tonight i'm not talking 'bout movin' in and i don't want to change your life but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around and i'd really love to see you tonight
  20. same here, no advice, just commiseration. i'm also romance-repulsed and love platonic love. super disappointing and uncomfortable when a friend or someone you thought might become one is romantically attracted to you. i'm glad that will never happen with my best friend of 17 years since she's straight and i'm glad things worked out with yours.
  21. i just took a survey for a-spec people and a question was 'do you have a community, either online or in person, that you feel loves, respects, and understands you?' and i immediately thought of you guys and answered 'yes' so thanks ?

  22. don't like it. if the other person sees it as romantic, like with my ex-bf, it's very uncomfortable for me. as for platonic, it just doesn't do anything for me; physical touch isn't one of my love languages or whatever. i like my space. or if i do want physical (non-sexual) contact, it would be hugging. my former fwb liked to cuddle in bed so i would, i didn't mind. (tmi: especially since he did so much of what i wanted.) but i wouldn't want to when we were just like hanging out in the living room. so yeah, it ranges from neutral to strongly dislike.
  23. i was trying to find a way to ask about aesthetic attraction too. for me it can be a contributing factor in squishes, but as i say, they can certainly be just platonic. and my aesthetic attraction can also be toward any gender, so you know, whatever. yes, sometimes it's just aesthetic; i don't count that as a squish. it doesn't give me the feelings, so for me it's not hard to tell that's all it is. actually same, i guess my last one was this guy at university a couple years ago. no reason, just haven't happened to have one recently. exactly, yeah, like my feelings for my best friend are stronger than for anyone else, but it's comfortable, platonic love, not a platonic crush or however you define a squish. (never was, actually, we were basically friends from the first time we met. actually most of my squishes never became friendships, at least not close/long ones, and i'm fine with that.) always? and it's not separate? interesting. does one type of attraction necessarily precede the other? oh i have another question for everyone! how old were you when you had your first squish? (even though you probably didn't know to call it that until much later) i had them almost as early as i can remember, like 4 or 6, idk. more of them back then too, i think.
  24. i've told a bunch of people. in an actual coming-out thing like where i bring it up--first my bf at the time, then my parents, then a close friend at school, then my best friend. all in the beginning, 6 years ago. other than that, just if it comes up and it's easier to say it than hide it. so some friends, therapists, a fwb.
×
×
  • Create New...