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aro_elise

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Everything posted by aro_elise

  1. i have a little decoration which says 'never date a tennis player. to them, love means nothing.' me being an aro tennis player, it's a many-layered joke.
  2. yeah i've also thought about the fact that it doesn't include queer sexual attraction (even of alloromantics), like the message is that love can't be wrong--well what if it's not love? some people aren't even ok with straight casual dating/sex so it wouldn't be a big leap for a queer person to feel especially that acceptance depends on them being in a loving relationship. i suppose "attraction is attraction" doesn't sound as good.
  3. when my friends are talking about dating and i have nothing to say for 20 minutes

    1. AroAcedragon13
    2. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      my best friend went on a couple dates with this guy and slept with him and then he said he didn't want to keep seeing her and she was telling me about her feelings about it, saying she can't separate her romantic and sexual attraction.  she knows how puzzling that is to me.

  4. feel like i had a stroke. couldn't be less relatable.
  5. i just went out with some new friends (some from bumble bff) and someone asked everyone like how important sex was to us in a relationship and i said, well i don't date, and after a couple follow-up questions, one girl asked "are you ace?" and i said "aro" and she understood.  i was like, cool.  i really liked her, i think we're going to hang out again.

  6. oh well basically you have sexual thoughts. and you want to stare at them and it can be distracting, like if you're watching a show or something with a hot person in it. i've also heard people compare sexual attraction to a craving, which i think is pretty accurate, like imagine there's a spread of food but only certain things really appeal to you. some may be aesthetically appealing but that doesn't necessarily mean you want to eat it. you can draw the comparisons to people. i guess.
  7. yeah, pretty boys, you know, like twinks (who like girls). i'm attracted to a very small percentage of guys but the attraction can be very strong. i'm not sure how to answer "what it means" but if you have any other questions i'll do my best!
  8. (me just reading these out of curiosity...some interesting/funny ones)
  9. truly baffling. i feel like i realized i'm poly (and i use that as an antonym for mono, rather than something i feel really applies to me) just after i realized i'm aro, because it's all part of amatonormativity, right, so it was like, well i don't understand romantic attraction at all, but especially not to just one person at a time. yeah, that whole picture--monogamous marriage with kids--when i think about the fact that most people want/have that, i'm genuinely shocked.
  10. champagne. also like iced oat lattes
  11. update: we got an apartment! changed my mind, i really miss the city and i want to live with her and decided it was worth the extortionate amount of money. our move-in date is august 16th and we're so happy.
  12. no but i have a t-shirt with a heart with the flag stripes
  13. that was how coming to identify as aro went for me too. like yeah, to address which is more "certain", you could argue, well, wanting to bang dudes is something i do actually experience, whereas wanting to date them is not...so far. but let's be real, only aphobic people argue that. i don't see people saying i can't be sure of my disinterest in getting stabbed.
  14. definitely not. i don't like that it's a romantic thing even if not in my case, like i wouldn't like saying i'm married because people would assume, you know. idk who i'd marry anyway, like i guess my best friend but she's probably going to marry a romantic partner someday. but no, i wouldn't in any case.
  15. bro i have a huge squish, you know the ones that lowkey make you question your aromanticism, and it's on a youtuber lol this takes me back

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      kurtis conner

    3. Ikarus

      Ikarus

      @aro_elise That guy! I forgot about him. Gotta watch him now! He’s rocking that mullet look too Oh Yeah! 

    4. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      i discovered him recently.  he's cute af and i love his personality and views, absolute king.  my favourite will always be dan howell though.

  16. i have to say both, i'm equally aggressively aro and heterosexual. when i think of, like, sexual attraction to a woman, romantic attraction to a woman, romantic attraction to a man--i really can't imagine any of them as more likely than any other.
  17. casually came out to a coworker today when she was talking about being ace

  18. actually no, it's just uncomfortable for me. i want people's attraction to me to be the same as mine toward them, whether platonic, sexual, or none. (oh except i'd like if anyone found me aesthetically attractive.) in an ideal world, of course; i don't expect it to work out that way.
  19. i tend to agree; we only did some stuff. though it's hard to say how much my feelings about romance were influencing my feelings about sex, you know, the whole situation was just...tricky. but even after i accepted that i wanted one and not the other i wasn't in a rush. i went to prom, it was fun. again, among my friends, it wasn't like that--only one had a date. i made my dress, there was a pre-party with drinking, a party bus, then there it was just a nice social event, then i went home.
  20. yeah i'm gifted so my high school experience was not like in shows/movies haha i was literally going to class and hanging out with my friends, it was a good time. some of us dated, not many of us had sex, tbh i wasn't really thinking about either (i mean i found guys cute but that's it) until the whole fiasco in grades 11-12 when i was questioning about being aro and i got into a relationship. i actually think younger than that is too young, at least for sex. i know some of the non-gifties were/are up to some crazy stuff but 🤷‍♀️
  21. bondage is restricting your partner's movement, like tying them up. sadism--the opposite of masochism--is when you get pleasure from causing pain/suffering (physical or emotional). here we're talking about sexual sadism, which entails sexual pleasure, not to be confused with "everyday" sadism, which is emotional satisfaction, like you enjoy when bad things happen to people. this is considered a mental disorder, as is sexual sadism when it extends to enjoying the non-consent of a victim. in bdsm, some people like to engage in "consensual non-consent": like a negotiated roleplay where one partner pretends to resist/not enjoy it. not me, i like when he eagerly submits, expresses his enjoyment, begs for more.
  22. yeah it's mostly about power dynamics, consensual of course, could be sexual, non-sexual, or both--some people have a "24/7" bdsm relationship. for me, as you might guess, it's strictly sexual. i'm glad to answer any questions :)
  23. interesting, i just stumbled upon this and i see the conversation isn't active but i'm contributing anyway. basically i don't relate, i am the stereotypical allo aro in this case, like almost fraysexual but not exactly. because it doesn't matter what sort of relationship, if any, is preexisting, but if there is an emotional one, i turn that off at that point. and i know this sounds bad but i just see my partner as an object. please don't misunderstand--i very much care about enthusiastic consent. like that's actually what i find so cool about casual sex, that it's just about this experience between two or more people who want the same things in that moment and communicate in order to make it a positive one. i can kiss them without love and hurt them without hate--just lust--and after we can return to what we were before--strangers or friends. i think that's so cool; i don't see any contradiction there. to some extent i agree, but if you do talk about it and you happen to be very compatible, that one experience can absolutely be the best. but if you're looking at probability, yeah, great vanilla sex is still a better-than-average outcome. being aro, kinky, and very picky when it comes to sexual attraction, well, at least for me it means i don't often have sex at all, but that's just the way it is.
  24. not at all, i don't notice gender when it comes to platonic stuff. i mean, in the same way people say "i don't see race"; obviously you notice--what you mean is it has no effect on how you feel about someone. there's never been a noticeably more prevalent gender in my friends or squishes, except maybe in like primary school when it was more common to socialize with your own gender outside of class, but that's a societal thing. my best friend is a woman but there was a 50% chance of that, again probably more since we met when we were very young. i don't get the whole, like, "girls' night" thing, i don't get why bachelor/bachelorette parties/showers are gender-specific (obviously i won't be having one but hypothetically i'd invite all my friends...i guess the thing is straight people don't want to see strippers of their own gender lol but anyway). i don't talk about different things with women, except maybe feminism, just as i talk to you guys about aromanticism, or any number of other examples; there are certain people you can have more galaxy brain discussions with. but the only way i'm drawn to a certain gender is sexually, and that's inconsequential to how i feel about them as a person.
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