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Everything posted by aro_elise

  1. me: damn he's cute

    my self-doubt: must be a crush

    me: lmao as if 

    1. NotHeartless
    2. aro_elise


      haha right, i'm just thinking about him a lot, but if i try to think about anything romantic with him (or anyone) i'm like, ew no.

    3. NotHeartless


      I know what you mean. Happens to me when I have a squish or sexual crush sometimes (thinking about someone a lot but well, without romantic feelings).

  2. Soulmate by Lizzo! Not my usual taste in music at all but the lyrics are great, you gotta check it out. Self-love with a side of feminism 👌
  3. yeah, platonic/queerplatonic is a squish. personally, when i have a squish + sexual attraction i call it an aro crush. 😄 i randomly said it once and just stuck with it. if it's just sexual attraction i don't call it anything, i just say he's hot or whatever. i believe 'crush' is usually romantic + sexual but could also be just romantic (like allo aces would use it, right?), but you can use whatever words you like.
  4. pretty repulsed. being on the receiving end of romantic affection or even attraction makes me uncomfortable, as does pretending to reciprocate it--i don't do that anymore and i'm not open to a romantic relationship even if there are other aspects of it i would enjoy. as for other couples and fiction, it's not a huge deal, usually just kind of weird, boring, or annoying.
  5. he sure is. i came here to recommend my favourite: dial m for murder.
  6. platonic friendships, sexual relationships, maybe QPRs, or combinations of those. i do love being alone but i think 'little to no interaction' would be a stretch.
  7. aro_elise

    Body Mods

    just earrings, and i dye my hair a lot but it's natural at the moment. i'm considering getting a tattoo but the permanence freaks me out.
  8. aromantic just means you don't experience romantic attraction, which logically tends to lead to disinterest in romantic relationships, but that's not what defines the orientation. (some aros enjoy dating, and some are interested in queerplatonic relationships.) it sounds like you do experience romantic attraction but maybe infrequently or fleetingly. if you feel that that's accurate, you could go with gray-aromantic. another possibility is lithromantic, meaning your romantic attraction disappears when it's reciprocated. otherwise it's certainly possible that you're not on the aro spectrum but you just have a different approach to romantic and/or sexual relationships--nothing wrong with that. it's not selfish to not want a long-term or very involved relationship; i don't know what would make you think that, to be honest. you don't owe anyone your time, affection, or anything else--as long as you're honest about what you're looking for in the relationship, if you do enter one, which again, you certainly don't have to. if the other person doesn't share your feelings or attitudes, it's not your fault any more than it is theirs.
  9. tbh some people will even think that if you do come out. like they can't accept that you're not romantically and/or sexually attracted to anyone; they think you're hiding or repressing that attraction, whatever gender(s) they think it's towards. like i told a friend my orientation and we were talking about platonic relationships and i talked about my best friend and he said "i think you love her romantically". he thought it was more likely that i'm heterosexual and homoromantic than het aro. not that that's not a possible combination, but it's not common, and more importantly, i'd told him my orientation and my platonic feelings for my friend! another friend thought that since i'm virgin i must be gay or religious (i am that, but that's not the reason). others assume my lgbt+ community involvement/allyship must mean i'm gay or bi. and of course pretty much everyone who detects any indication of my heterosexuality assumes i'm also heteroromantic, though probably unconsciously. all this to say, it kinda sucks, but it just be like that. like the others said here, you can tell people your orientation or not, that's your choice, but either way they can make assumptions you might not be able to change. just like, try to associate with people who don't make you uncomfortable and remember that what you know is more important than what others think.
  10. i'd say platonic attraction can just be wanting to be friends with someone, like not that strong, and then wanting a qpr could be described as queerplatonic attraction (it's in the initialism). my squishes tend to be somewhere in between; i don't know which i'd call them. like i don't think i've ever wanted a qpr with a specific person (but not opposed to the general idea), but there is a difference between having a squish and just liking someone as a friend. so yeah, we're using all these terms--squish, platonic, qp, etc.--and they exist at different places on the spectrum of platonic attraction or whatever you want to call it, not to mention at a slightly different place for each person. also, for me, there can be sexual attraction involved but certainly not always (obviously never in the case of girls). they're unrelated types of attraction but they can just happen to coincide. like, "oh, he's fun and nice and also hot." do y'all (allo aros) not relate?
  11. in conversation, my coworker said she didn't want to assume i wanted to marry a man, so i said "i don't want to marry anyone, but i like guys."  how's that for a vague but accurate summary of my orientation?  on the spot, too.

  12. Care 100% Loyalty 50% Fairness 78% Authority 44% Purity 61% Liberty 53% Your strongest moral foundation is Care. Your morality is closest to that of a Left-Liberal. i'm surprised care is the highest--maybe it sort of means kindness--but not surprised by left-liberal.
  13. interesting, i kind of assumed most aros did. i definitely do.
  14. haha yeah. i'd never considered that i might be anything other than straight because i thought it was synonymous with heterosexual, nothing else to it. one day i just stumbled upon explanations of aromanticism and split attraction and thought "hmm. interesting." and so it began.
  15. not going to pride this year 😕  i'm working, and i have no one to go with.  are you guys going?

    1. aro_elise


      last year i went with my friend and her uni friends, one of whom is actually aro, but this year she's going with her family, and again, i don't want to antagonize my new employer.  it's chill, though, i don't mind not going every year.

  16. @Apathetic Echidna ash hardell? and i've seen a post somewhere by a woman who identifies as queer and polyamorous but not aro-spec--while she has mostly casual romantic/sexual relationships, she lives with her longtime qpp. she did use that term, but not 'squish,' but you know, it was clear she experiences queerplatonic attraction.
  17. just aesthetic attraction things: i saw a gorgeous woman at a party and said to my mom "she's so pretty!"  though i've told her i'm definitely not, she may think i'm bisexual.  it's far from the first time i've observed a lovely lady.  😆  but wow, she sure was.

  18. 1. i don't really know what to say to that; to me, attraction is just something which exists (whether or not i experience a certain type), whether i like it or not. if you mean distinguishing types of attraction then yes, i define four types: romantic, which of course i don't experience, and sexual, platonic, and aesthetic, which i do. i don't separate sensual, since for me, certain things which tend to fall under that are romantic and others are sexual (and hugging is platonic), so i just sort them into those categories. 2. yeah, it makes sense to me. i definitely like people in a platonic way and i do get squishes; it's not always clear where to draw the line between a squish and the less intense "they're fun, i wouldn't mind talking to them" that everyone (like, allos) gets, but i don't think it really matters. i don't call it part of my orientation, though--like, if i gave it a prefix it would be pan, but i feel like that's the case for pretty much everyone. it's just nice to be able to understand how i like a certain person, like before i knew about aromanticism, let alone squishes, when i'd get them on girls, i never thought the attraction was romantic or sexual, never doubted my heterosexuality, just thought "huh, she sure is cool. crazy." (same with aesthetic attraction towards girls: "she sure is pretty. yup, that's that.") i knew what i was feeling, i just didn't know what to call it. of course i'd get squishes on guys, too, and if it was only platonic i'd think the same thing, but if it was also sexual (or whatever you'd call it when you're a kid, you know, thinking they're cute), i might mistakenly think it was a crush. so yeah, my discovery of the world of aromanticism and relevant terms was useful in many ways. 3. well, i've explained what i consider attraction, so i guess anything besides those four are...not. love, to me, is a feeling; i wouldn't say i love a squish, and sexual or aesthetic attraction certainly wouldn't lead to love. rather, i love very close, longtime friends and family members. so the only time attraction could lead to love is if it's platonic and we end up developing a special relationship of that nature. (of course i might also find that person beautiful, for instance, but that's not a factor in why i love them.) actually, there is an exception to that: longtime celebrity squishes who mean a lot to me for whatever reason, even if we've never met; i love a few of them. well, what other feelings might be within this realm? admiration...sure, i can admire someone's talent, intellect, character, etc. without being attracted to them, or it could be part of the reason for my attraction, probably platonic. but i guess i consider attractions to be types of feelings, anyway, just a distinct class of them.
  19. found the term at 16, went from denial through various stages of uncertainty, to acceptance around 8 months later, at 17. so that's when i count it, when i first said to myself 'ok, i'm going to identify as aromantic,' even though it still felt kind of daunting so i told myself i didn't have to stick to it or tell anyone. i became more and more comfortable with it, and my first coming-outs (boyfriend and parents) were about 5 months later. i can point to a couple other significant events along my journey; as i'm sure you all know, it's not a single, definite moment. or maybe it is for some, i don't know. but yeah, 17.
  20. that does sound like my experience. especially if she's heterosexual, or bi/pan i guess, she might assume her romantic orientation was concordant, or even be unfamiliar with the concept of romantic orientation. and in any case, enjoying your company and friendship (possibly a squish, sure) could have led her to believe dating was a logical next step...part of the idea of amatonormativity (basically the idea that romantic relationships are the most important type and are necessary for happiness), which is not separate from heteronormativity. and yeah, i kept trying to make it work, i thought i just had to get used to it, but i never did. i'm glad to hear that you're taking an interest in her possible aromanticism while acknowledging that it's up to her to label it or not, and continuing your friendship.
  21. i get it, i would hate to lose a friend that way. i actually had this friend, i'd told him i was aro at some point (it just came up randomly), and several months later he told me he was "interested in [me]" and asked me on a date, saying that he understood i wouldn't feel the same way. so we went on the date, which was just like a dinner between friends, and then kept being friends. now he has a girlfriend and i've moved to a different building and we've pretty much drifted apart. more recently, i complimented a random girl on campus on her band hoodie (always a good thing to bond over, imo) and we started talking and exchanged numbers. partway through, i got the impression that she was flirting with me but hoped i was just paranoid (but the signs were pretty clear). she later texted me asking if i wanted to "go out or hang out," even suggesting a gay bar, and i wildly improvised a lie about having a boyfriend, for some reason, but agreed to get coffee with her. i was a bit disappointed because i'd hoped we could be friends. so i worry, when i try to strike up friendships or even casual conversations, that i might inadvertently give someone the wrong impression. and yeah, what with allos developing romantic attraction over longer periods of time in some cases, it's not like i can relax or whatever once a platonic relationship has been well established, even if i am out to them--see anecdote 1. it kinda sucks, tbh.
  22. cool, i'll be 21 on sunday! close birthdays.
  23. same, 'cause they supposedly go together, right, so i was like 'ok i guess that's what's going on.' though it helped (if confusion is helpful) if i also liked them platonically, like i thought finding someone hot was the difference between wanting to be their friend and wanting to date them. not that i consciously thought about it much before discovering aromanticism.
  24. welcome! that group sounds like fun, i'd go if there were one where i live.
  25. same, i love their friendship. i already have an amazing best friend but yeah, they're great together. and i know i've said this but dan is my #1 celeb squish. i'd go allo for him 😆 jokes, i just love him a lot
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