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aro_elise

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Posts posted by aro_elise

  1. i made this reply to a new male member wondering about the same thing:

     

    "yeah, ok, i've been thinking about this.  idk how to phrase this but a possible reason for more women identifying as aro is that it's more...noticeable to us?  because of the stereotype that women are more romantic and men are more sexual, like, i think some guys just don't really think much of it.  and it seems tied to heteronormativity, so being heterosexual could definitely be a part of it.  (i know that made it hard for me to realize i was aro.  the whole "you just haven't found the right person" rhetoric is thrown around in an apparent effort to assure us we're 'normal' and we kind of believe it.)  anyway, the ratio of actual aro-spec men compared to women and non-binary people could be more even, maybe even in favour of men (idk, hypothetically) but it's like, 'oh, that's how it's supposed to be.'  is that off-base?  i mean, a lot of people don't recognize the difference between not prioritizing relationships/"serious" relationships (ugh, that's a whole other discussion) or not being one for overt romantically-coded expression, and actually not experiencing romantic attraction, i.e. being aro.  including many aros, at first.  sorry, that's a lot to introduce right away.  just a taste of the kind of discussions we get into here.  ?  welcome."

    • Like 7
  2. On 3/16/2018 at 2:18 PM, James White said:

    I'm in Organic chemistry right now, and we're covering aromatic stabilization. I keep jumping when I hear the word.

    i do that too.  a waitress described a special which contained "aromatic spices" and when she left i said to my parents "i can't hear that word anymore."

  3. On 9/13/2018 at 1:55 AM, Naegleria fowleri said:

    I've often wondered, if I'd grown up with two parents who loved each other romantically and all that stereotypical stuff, would I have ended up romantic?

    it didn't work on me.  ?‍♀️

     

    i put 'born aro'.  yeah, it can be fluid, but like @running.tally i think that's a dangerous way to describe it because it's used to suggest that queer people will become not queer, and even if it does change, it doesn't invalidate previous identities.  i've always been aro (even if i didn't always know it) and i feel strongly that i always will be.

    • Like 4
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  4. @David Box @eatingcroutons i once had someone (online) tell me i was lucky to be aro.  they were very emphatic, describing the assumed advantages and asking "do you even realize how lucky you are?"  tbh it kind of bothered me.  like, i agreed with some of what they said, but there are also disadvantages.  i felt like it wasn't their place to tell me how good i had it when they couldn't understand--hadn't even thought of--many of the experiences shared by aros, not to mention the ones i personally had, which were some of the worst of my life.  it's not just avoiding romantic heartbreak and drama.  and i told them that.

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  5. If only others tired of saying we're "too young" or "just haven't met the right person" as quickly as we tire of hearing it.  Your experience with romantic relationships sounds similar to mine and I doubt either of our identities will change, but as @Holmbo said, it wouldn't matter if they did.  I've identified as aro for about 3 years and my feelings about this identity have only grown stronger and more positive.  As long as I have good friends, which I do, I won't wish for a long-term romantic relationship.  If you do want something besides friendship, look into the concept of queerplatonic relationships, which are committed, very close platonic relationships which may or may not include romantic and/or sexual elements and may look similar to traditional relationships/marriage in other ways such as cohabitation, sharing finances, etc.  In any case, I hope you have/find meaningful relationships which work for you.  Welcome to the community.

    • Like 3
  6. wow, this is so interesting to me 'cause i'm definitely not demi.  so that's the best perspective i can contribute: it sounds like this is the case for you since you are demi, based on the fact that i can't relate.  basically, i'd sleep with any guy(s) (i'm poly) i was significantly attracted to and felt comfortable with, if the situation presented itself.  it just hasn't (well, with my ex, but long story).  my sex drive is unrelated to this.  a relationship like that does sound cool, but i'm glad you're still close with him.    

  7. ok i can't find it but you know the meme of the guy looking at a butterfly like "is this _____?"  well in this version the butterfly was 'any positive feeling towards another person,' the guy was 'me before i knew i was aro' or something, and it said 'is this romantic attraction?' 

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  8. hmm, hard to say.  i like the one you mentioned, @James White, partly because i'm poly.  (also, i know i've said this, but your 'Heterosexual, but so aro it doesn't even matter' still cracks me up every time, because LARGE MOOD.)  how about 'i like friends and/or benefits but not boyfriends'?  (by the general definition.  i might call a qpp a boyfriend.  and 'not girlfriends' is implied.  in the interest of keeping it concise.)

  9. 42% aro (not ace), 0% romantic and sexual.  i kind of anticipated some of the corresponding results, like the "i don't see how you could fall in love with someone you just met" option, well, yeah, but i don't see how you could fall in love with ANYONE--that's clearly supposed to be demi, so i didn't pick it.  and yeah, for the "would you want a relationship?" one, i picked "under no circumstances" because while that's not exactly true, i wouldn't under any of THOSE circumstances.  so i think it worked pretty well.  also i remember doing this like a couple years ago, i think i picked pretty much the same answers.

  10. i found a good one today, lads.  so i'd read rick riordan's 'heroes of olympus' series and thought it would be awesome if there were an aro child of aphrodite but i hadn't considered piper, 'cause, you know, jason.  then they show up in 'the trials of apollo' series ('the burning maze' spoilers ahead) and they've broken up and these lines of dialogue had me like ?:

     

    piper: jason's great.  he's my closest friend, even more than annabeth.  but whatever i thought was there, my happily-ever-after...it just wasn't.

    apollo: your relationship was born in crisis.  such romances are difficult to sustain once the crisis is over.

    piper: it wasn't just that.

    apollo: *anecdote about an ex*

    piper: it was me.

    apollo: what do you mean it was you?  you mean you realized you didn't love jason?  that's no one's fault.

    narration: she grimaced, as if i (apollo) still hadn't grasped what she meant...or perhaps she wan't sure herself.

    piper: i know it's nobody's fault.  i do love him.  but...like i told you, hera forced us together--the marriage goddess, arranging a happy couple.  my memories of starting to date jason, our first few months together, were a total illusion.  then, as soon as i found that out, before i could even process what it meant, aphrodite claimed me.  my mom, the goddess of love.  aphrodite pushed me into thinking i was...that i needed to...look at me, the great charmspeaker (she has the power to bend people to her will with her words).  i don't even have words.  aphrodite expects her daughters to wrap men around our little fingers, break their hearts, et cetera.

    apollo: yes.  your mother has definite ideas about how romance should be.

    piper: so if you take that away, the goddess of marriage pushing me to settle down with a nice boy, the goddess of love pushing me to be the perfect romantic lady or whatever--

    apollo: you're wondering who you are without all that pressure.

     

    ohhh man.  it's perfect.  and rick's sooo great with representation that...i mean, not getting my hopes up, but how awesome would a canon aro piper be?  anyway, that's one of my favourite headcanons of all time.

     

    • Like 11
  11. can i just say, i took that quiz, tried to be generous, and got 12--some were about my feelings for my best friend and some were about my past experiences with my ex (like trying to make myself love him), but i was very disturbed by the questions and the notion that many people would answer 'yes' to many of them.  i've always been bothered by how jealous, possessive, and irrational allos seem to be, but it just continues to shock me.  sorry if this sounds offensive, if anyone disagrees with my perception, feel free to tell me why.

    • Like 4
  12. 13 hours ago, Cee Fox said:

    Ah what an interesting topic. I'm very into shipping but I guess it depends on a few factors. For example, I don't ever really ship characters in a book but I always ship anime characters. My ships are generally all over the place too, some straight, some gay, some bromances/platonic. I'm not necessarily romance repulsed so I don't really hate canon ships but I usually find them bland or generic. I do have a quite few anti-ships or NoTPs, one in particular that makes me grind my teeth if I even think about it. Sorry for all the fandom slang I'll explain if I need to.

    no need ;)  i have lots of anime ships, myself, as well as other characters and celebrities.  the relationships i imagine for them are the sort i wouldn't mind myself: platonic and/or sexual.  i definitely have brotps.  i'm not really against the notion of romantic elements in and of themselves; it just doesn't add anything for me, and often in fiction and especially fanfic, the way they're handled does detract from my enjoyment of the ship and story, for two reasons: the one you gave, and also that i'm fairly romance-repulsed.  i'll admit that i ship some m/m pairings in a purely sexual context just because i find it attractive, but the ships in which i'm more invested tend to have, for lack of a better word, more to them (canon or not).

    • Like 1
  13. On 4/3/2016 at 9:02 PM, PhysicsOwl said:

    I dated a guy for about 8 months because I didn't know I was aro yet. Being in that relationship was actually how I realized I was aro, because I was previously lumping a lot of my aromanticism in with my asexuality and thought I could have a romantic relationship. Once I was in the relationship, I realized I felt trapped and uncomfortable and I'm not into physical affection, but I took me a long time to break up with him because we should have been really good together and I wanted it to work. He's great and we're friends again now, but it was really hard after a while for me to force myself to spend time with him and be a 'good girlfriend' even though I wasn't really sure I liked him.  

    this is totally me except that i'm not ace.  we were friends, he was pretty hot, i was questioning (*cough* denying) being aro, i thought dating him was the answer.  it was not.  in retrospect it was one of the worst experiences of my life but i could hardly have asked for a better one, you know, considering.  really.  i think i kind of needed it, to help me sort stuff out.  and yes, i do feel terribly for what some might call 'using him' but i'd never hurt him or anyone intentionally and he doesn't begrudge me.

    • Like 5
  14. update: after i finished free! (really liked it) i watched dramatical murder (not really my thing but if you like sci-fi stuff i recommend it) and yuri on ice--loved it.  i was told yuri and victor were together in it, which turned out to be...not exactly true, but i'm holding out for the next season.  anyway, if you haven't seen it yet, watch it.  it's going to be hard to top, for me.  i'll continue to update.

    • Like 1
  15. wow, you guys are serious.  i'm basically just a massive fujoshi.  i started with 'junjou romantica' and 'sekai ichi hatsukoi' and have seen parts of some more...18+ ones.  also 'kiss him, not me', which felt rather like a personal attack but i loved it, a bunch of 'free!', and a couple ghibli movies--my ex loved them.  i have several on my to-watch list, and i'd like some actual yaoi manga (rather than online, which i do occasionally read).  

    • Like 2
  16. i ship in the sense that i imagine the sort of relationships for characters or people which i would want: platonic and sexual.  my friend actually asked me this, if i was aro, why did i ship people?  and that's my answer: they seem great together, in a non-romantic way.  maybe a romantic way too, i can't tell, doesn't matter.  my otp is phan (dan and phil).  before even getting into sexual or romantic possibilities, their friendship is incredible and it's clear that they love each other very much.  it's beautiful.  and yeah, ok, sometimes i ship people in a purely sexual way.  i'm a fujoshi, i see two hot guys (or more--i'm poly) and brain goes "picture this...".  i realize this is sketchy territory but even if i ever met any of these people (actually, i have), i wouldn't mention it.  fanfiction and fantasies, my friends.

  17. straight.  i never doubted i was heterosexual, so i just assumed i was heteroromantic and when i felt sexual and platonic attraction towards a guy i thought it was a crush (i now refer to the phenomenon as an 'aro crush').  when i came across the term 'aromantic' and the concept of romantic attraction or lack thereof, i thought it sounded like me but tried to dismiss the notion because surely i just hadn't really experienced it yet as i'd never dated.  a year and a relationship later, i was like "oh man, i'm aro as hell".  two more years later, still am.

    • Like 3
  18. ahhh so many of these.  can i just say, you guys are awesome, it's so cool being able to talk about this stuff with people who get it.  or in this case, don't get it, i guess.  anyway, so as not to be too repetitive, i'll just acknowledge the mentions of normative monogamy and say that i think that ties into amatonormativity a lot.  being aro and poly, the whole thing is just wild to me.  the whole 'one true love' ideal strikes me as absolutely preposterous.

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  19. as i understand it, a crush involves romantic and usually sexual attraction, which tend to be interconnected (??!,?).  since i've never experienced romantic attraction, i've obviously never had one.  i have my own term, 'aro crush', for the combination of platonic and sexual attraction (unrelated, coincidental), whereas a squish is just platonic, but i think the former can fall under the squish category; the requirement is platonic attraction.  when i have one, it's pretty much a more intense desire for friendship with the person: being happy when you see or talk to them, wanting to do more of it, to share time and interests with them, and thinking about them frequently.  additionally with an aro crush: thinking frequently about how hot they are, wanting to do sexual things with them.

  20. On 6/1/2017 at 1:09 AM, sweetbitter said:

    I just wonder how can you have a crush/squish on a person that you don't know? I thought that first you need some kind of acquaintanceship with someone... 

    for me, i can feel like i do know who they are as a person even if they (obviously) don't know me.  for example, my biggest squish of all time, dan howell (you know, the youtuber?).  actually he's an example of what i call an aro crush, which entails platonic and sexual attraction, whereas a squish is just platonic (right?).  he and phil (on whom i do have a bit of a squish), i've been watching their videos for over 2 years, all those hundreds of them, i've read their book, seen them on tour, etc.  i'm confident in my assertion that they're truly kind, funny, smart, creative, and amazing people.  and dan's hot.  same with some band members, i've seen a bunch of interviews, maybe concerts, and more.  i actually have a squish on a girl whose youtube channel i've only been following for a couple months (she's not famous) and i don't know what she looks like.  i join the chats in her live streams and always have a great time.  she seems really cool and we have stuff in common.  so yeah, that's how it works for me.  of course, seeing and talking to them irl is nice, but not always necessary.

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