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aro_elise

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Everything posted by aro_elise

  1. idk, not too often. i have one now, on an internet friend; she's awesome. about a couple a year? i'm not sure when to define it as a squish, like when the desire for friendship becomes intense enough. and i have/have had them on several celebrities.
  2. here's a coincidence. ok so what you need to know is i play tennis. when calling the score, 'love' means zero, ex. 30-0 is thirty-love. there's this joke most tennis players are familiar with which goes: "never date a tennis player; to them, love means nothing". get it? well, in my case (if you take 'love' to mean romantic love), it's like a double joke because both parts of the double entendre are true. i considered coming out to my bf at the time by following this joke with "yeah, funny thing is..." but i do have some tact so i saved it for later.
  3. ahhh so many of these. can i just say, you guys are awesome, it's so cool being able to talk about this stuff with people who get it. or in this case, don't get it, i guess. anyway, so as not to be too repetitive, i'll just acknowledge the mentions of normative monogamy and say that i think that ties into amatonormativity a lot. being aro and poly, the whole thing is just wild to me. the whole 'one true love' ideal strikes me as absolutely preposterous.
  4. i see that stuff all the time, emotionally abusive behaviour in romantic relationships. not letting your partner be friends with, talk to, or even look at other people of your gender. monopolizing their time and energy. having complete authority over what should be mutual decisions. starting a fight and trying to pin the responsibility on your partner, making them apologize. and then when you combine that with sex, like using it to get what you want from your partner romantically (or vice versa), to make up, etc., frankly, i find it all horrifying. and from what i've seen, in hetero relationships, the woman is usually the culprit. the fact that a fair number of allos consider it perfectly normal, even cute: i have no words. remember, the vast majority of abuse, rape, and murder victims are those of their partner or ex.
  5. as i understand it, a crush involves romantic and usually sexual attraction, which tend to be interconnected (??!,?). since i've never experienced romantic attraction, i've obviously never had one. i have my own term, 'aro crush', for the combination of platonic and sexual attraction (unrelated, coincidental), whereas a squish is just platonic, but i think the former can fall under the squish category; the requirement is platonic attraction. when i have one, it's pretty much a more intense desire for friendship with the person: being happy when you see or talk to them, wanting to do more of it, to share time and interests with them, and thinking about them frequently. additionally with an aro crush: thinking frequently about how hot they are, wanting to do sexual things with them.
  6. for me, i can feel like i do know who they are as a person even if they (obviously) don't know me. for example, my biggest squish of all time, dan howell (you know, the youtuber?). actually he's an example of what i call an aro crush, which entails platonic and sexual attraction, whereas a squish is just platonic (right?). he and phil (on whom i do have a bit of a squish), i've been watching their videos for over 2 years, all those hundreds of them, i've read their book, seen them on tour, etc. i'm confident in my assertion that they're truly kind, funny, smart, creative, and amazing people. and dan's hot. same with some band members, i've seen a bunch of interviews, maybe concerts, and more. i actually have a squish on a girl whose youtube channel i've only been following for a couple months (she's not famous) and i don't know what she looks like. i join the chats in her live streams and always have a great time. she seems really cool and we have stuff in common. so yeah, that's how it works for me. of course, seeing and talking to them irl is nice, but not always necessary.
  7. i absolutely don't want kids for many reasons. -pregnancy and labour sound unbearable -even if i had the time, energy, and money required to raise a child, i wouldn't want to spend them that way -it would get in the way of pretty much everything i do want to do with my life -i generally don't like kids -the only positive thing i can imagine is sharing companionship and love with your child, which i can do with someone who's my own age and isn't causing me all this negativity, you know, like friends none of this has any relation to my aromanticism. and due to all of it, i think i'd make a pretty poor parent. i've been babysitting for 6 years and seem to be considered good at it by kids and parents alike. of course the only thing which gets in the way is my not exactly liking kids, but most of them aren't so bad, i just wouldn't want to spend more than a few hours at a time with them. and based on how frequently i get hired and hear their parents chastise and complain about them, neither do they. as some of you were saying, maybe they should have given some more thought to their decision to have kids. what, did they think their child(ren) would be perfect? didn't anticipate much effort in raising them for 18 years? only 3 years in and at the end of their ropes. yikes. to my mom's credit, she had no complaints about pregnancy and labour (2.5 hours, no drugs, i was 7 days early, only child, she was 38, also only child), nor any about the whole rest of it. apparently i was very well-behaved, sweet, and smart, and she absolutely loved spending time with me, she'd wanted a child (especially a daughter) for quite a while, and it was as wonderful as she'd imagined, etc. my dad, too. they'd been married 7 years and were well emotionally and financially prepared. good example of fit parents right there.
  8. if i'm sexually attracted to someone, i would love to sit on their lap and make out with them, but it has to be distinctly sexual. to me, romantic kissing entails mainly gentleness and closed mouths and i definitely don't want that. similarly, like, let's just touch each other's chests, none of this caressing shit, you know? and the whole perfunctory thing, like greeting kisses: why? no. same to publicity; anything sexual has to be a private thing, for me. i also like oral sex and dislike holding hands and cuddling. even with friends, it seems like an unnecessary invasion of personal space.
  9. but like, ok, when i was with my ex, he respected my aversion to romantic stuff, which was great, but i was very aware he was romantically attracted to me and just that made me uncomfortable at times. and obviously not having it reciprocated wasn't ideal for him. if i were to have any sort of relationship with another allo in the future, it would have to be very brief, you catch my drift, otherwise, as i say, it's not a good situation for anyone involved. throw in the particularity of my "type" and it seems quite unlikely.
  10. I'll check them out. I'm sure I'll like them better than most stuff. I could talk about this all day, too. And I definitely look like it; if you listened to my music and then saw me you'd probably laugh. I'm trying to think of other songs I've managed to put an aro spin on. Here are a couple: The Kids Aren't Alright by fall out boy (https://youtu.be/WR7U7_cKJw4) for the line 'and in the end / I'd do it all again / I think you're my best friend' and Casual Affair by panic! at the disco (https://youtu.be/zyx0W5UhJGM)--pretty self-explanatory.
  11. youngblossom is aro/ace. They have separate videos about each identity. I came across another youtuber who I'm pretty sure was gray-aro and heterosexual but I can't find her.
  12. Honestly, the combination of romantic and sexual is a bit unsettling to me. Maybe my tenuous understanding of romance is what's off, but like whenever I hear about it it just strikes me as bizarre, and if I find something appealing in a sexual context (like a fic) and suddenly there's romance involved, it's a turn-off. As I say, I have a hard enough time with romance, throw anything else in there, even if it is familiar to me, and you've lost me.
  13. I don't get many squishes but I have one now, on an internet friend. Basically I like talking to her, even listening to her (she does live streams on her YouTube channel), and I think about her fairly often. I can be platonically attracted to anyone and sexually attracted to guys. When I feel both for a guy, I used to think it was a crush but now like to call it an aro crush. When I first got the notion that I might be aro, I was pretty conflicted and tried to convince myself I wasn't. Now, though, I am one of those people you mentioned who's happy to be aro and to have found that way to identify. You sound like you could be but you totally don't have to decide now or ever whether that feels right. I hope that helps some and I'd be glad to offer any more insight.
  14. I don't remember exactly how it's been all these years but generally I won't go a week without at least reading one fic. Usually more. I have a few ships in rotation. And yaoi is included in the other formats I occasionally choose. And sure, that's part of it, the not being attracted to women. My friends and I watched a movie about two girls dating and I couldn't watch much of the sex scenes. My friend was amused by this, said "you're so straight". And my straight female friend actually prefers f/f, which I can't figure out. Anyway, yeah I remember James, that description made me laugh and stuck with me.
  15. @Apathetic Echidna yay! i'm 19 so I wasn't aware of the awesome music in the mid-2000s but I am now. after pierce the veil, my favourites are panic! at the disco, fall out boy, my chemical romance, twenty one pilots, sleeping with sirens, bring me the horizon, all time low, and get scared. my favourite song (from the same album as stay away from my friends--yes, my favourite album) is called Besitos. I just love their lyrics, all the bands I mentioned, and of course the sound.
  16. my favourite band is Pierce the Veil and they have this song called Stay Away From My Friends. it's about when Vic (the lead singer) broke up with this girl and she started to hang around with his friends a lot, almost try to steal them away from him. I like it because it places emphasis on the importance of friendship, whereas most breakup songs would be just about the person's ex. also, I really like the following line: 'and as you tie me to the bed for good I say / that I want you in the most unromantic way'. the verse is actually about Vic's depression (which I also have), the 'you' referring to it rather than to the girl, though it does have sexual connotations. Vic isn't aro, but it's a really beautiful song and I always smile when I hear the 'unromantic way' line. I even like the way he writes romantic lyrics in other songs; I just love everything about this band. i'm emo trash so the majority of my music is about depression and stuff, which I like, both because I can relate to it, and because I can't relate to the romantic lyrics which are so prevalent in so many other musical genres, so, in contrast, you know. I write lyrics myself, and they follow a similar pattern. I actually have a song about my experience with aromanticism and my first and only relationship. anyway, Stay Away From My Friends is my favourite song in terms of aro-ness. you can listen to it and check out the lyrics and analysis here: https://genius.com/805067.
  17. i'm heterosexual, but gender has no effect on my platonic attraction. I can be attracted to a guy in both ways (what I call an 'aro crush', which I used to mistake for an actual crush), but it would be incidental, unrelated. I currently don't have one but I have a squish on a female internet friend.
  18. this is so interesting, this variety of answers. and I don't think i'd feel as comfortable sharing this anywhere else as I do here. let's start by acknowledging @Ettina's reference to fanfiction. I've been reading it on a regular basis for about 3 years. always gay (m/m), almost always sexual. I've tried the visual format but I generally prefer reading--even imagination alone will suffice. yeah, i'm attracted to guys in the sense that I might want sexual relationships with them (i'm virgin but have some experience) but first of all, it's usually more of a feeling than a thought so explicit as 'I want to have sex with him', and second, the majority of guys I am/have been attracted to are band members, fictional characters, you get the idea. and as I was saying, that's nothing compared to the thought of guys together. those of you familiar with the term 'fujoshi' are surely applying it to me now, quite accurately. this has all been about part 2 of the question (sexual attraction); part 1 (libido) is basically a result of it. I do masturbate, like 5-15 times a month? I actually started at around 8-10, not that I even knew what it was or whatever. basically, my sexuality is so separate from anything else; I saw someone on here (can't remember who) list theirs as 'hetero but so aro it doesn't even matter' and I definitely relate to that. it's just like another...idk, hobby? relatively minor part of my life? I hope this makes sense; at least more in the context of aromanticism, as you guys understand split attraction and all that.
  19. slytherin (with hufflepuff tendencies)--i'm ambitious and confident but honest, fair, and hard-working. and probably Aphrodite--i'm a fashion design student and I love beauty (not just in people). though i'm gifted and arachophobic, so there's an argument for Athena.
  20. exactly! on my semi-anniversary with my ex, he got me a bouquet of lilies because he remembered they were my favourite. I certainly appreciated it but get this: after I told my mom i'm aro, she brought up the lilies, asking something to the effect of 'didn't I think that was sweet'? I said 'no more so than if they'd been from a friend'. she seemed genuinely surprised.
  21. here's another thing we can bring up: i'm poly (I think). I feel like the combination of amatonormativity with toxic monogamy, or, more mildly, the 'one true love' ideal is a whole different level of--I like @Apathetic Echidna's word choice--crazy. it's all interconnected, all this and of course heteronormativity, and it doesn't make sense. yeah, to each other, we do seem normal, but if you take that to mean 'common', you're no doubt well aware that we're really not. my posts never have quite the cohesion or substance for which I aim, and that's because I have a hard enough time thinking about all this, never mind articulating it.
  22. but I think the thing is the character isn't seeking out romance. they think they don't want it (explicitly aro or not) but then they fall in love with their friend/sexual partner. and yeah, as we both pointed out, it's quite similar to the whole sexual orientation debacle; amatonormativity and heteronormativity are pretty interconnected.
  23. right? any allo, straight or otherwise, they seem so consumed by relationships and all that. if they're not talking to or about partners, then it's potential partners. people they're "interested in". me, i'll occasionally be like 'oh, he's hot, ok, moving on' or 'hey, he's attractive and fun to be around, cool.' pretty much. I'm going to group the following excerpts together: yeah, to allos, there are two types of attraction: platonic, which is just friendship, and romantic+sexual: it doesn't separate, and it doesn't mix with the former. (I find the concept quite startling so I HOPE this is an over-simplification.) so when we're sexually attracted to someone, allos can't imagine that we could also like and care about them non-romantically. it's either a traditional (romantic+sexual) relationship or a hookup. Not that there's anything wrong with either of those, but I do find their 'aros only care about sex' routine says more about them than us.
  24. there are plenty in the couple years before I started identifying as aro (at 17) but I think the earliest was when my best friend and I used to plan hypothetical weddings and honeymoons. seriously, we had a notebook and we'd plan a whole bunch, including themes, dresses, locations, menus, etc. I don't remember how old we were, around 8-11. we also sketched dresses--I've wanted to be a designer since I was about 6. anyway, I never once imagined my own wedding. yeah, i'd think about my dress, and even about the other aforementioned aspects, but it was just...what i'd like, not what I wanted. does that make sense? like, not "I want to get married in the winter" but "a winter wedding would be beautiful". and I certainly never gave any thought to my future husband whatsoever. to this day, I think everything about a wedding would be great fun (and I do plan to design and make myself a dress, just to have) except for the marriage part. similarly, any depiction of romance in media had no effect on me beyond "that looks like a fun activity to do with someone you like" (platonically, maybe sexually). never anything to the effect of "that looks so romantic, I wish I had a boyfriend". I was totally neutral towards romance, until my personal experience of what it's like, which happened sort of in tandem with my discovery of my aromanticism: since then I've been fairly repulsed.
  25. wow, i'm the exact same. and yes, I agree we're deemed simultaneously not straight enough and not queer enough. there's only one person I know for sure is totally on the same page as me in terms of my orientation: my good friend. she calls me 'straight but not', knowing i'm cool with it. we've talked about it and I know she's genuinely curious about my aromanticism and does a pretty good job of understanding it for someone who isn't (she's gay). we can talk and joke about it and it's really great. but almost every allo doesn't get it and doesn't want to. when I came out to my best friend (she's straight), she didn't really react. like, she accepted it, but didn't have any questions or comments and hasn't mentioned it at all since. which I guess is fine, I know she loves me and isn't the sort of person who would have a problem with anything like that. anyway, it's been about 2 and a half years since I came out (to myself--obviously you don't tell the whole world all at once) and I've certainly encountered my share of negativity, from the infamous "you just haven't met the right person" to "you're just making stuff up to be special" to "so you only care about sex?" and plenty more. interestingly, i'm virgin and spent a while trying to convince myself of the former points. and my personal favourite, I swear this happened: "so you're a serial killer?" I think it's just so hard for them to separate romantic and sexual attraction in their minds; my old high school lgbt+ club leader, who was well into her 20s, even said explicitly that to her they were the same, when I tried to explain asexuality vs aromanticism. my bewildered disbelief should maybe have been one of many signs that I was aro, but I accepted it eventually and am now pretty much at total peace with it, unlike many people.
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