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aro_elise

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Status Replies posted by aro_elise

  1. i have such an aro crush (squish + sexual attraction--it's gonna catch on), it's this guy at my cottage, like the town, i liked him last summer and now that i'm seeing him again it's back.  the thing is, shooting your shot up here is so high stakes, everyone would get wind of it if i even looked at him a certain way.  but i want to...next summer.  i'm playing the long game.  can my aro allos relate or do i need to woman up?

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      aha i'll think about it, maybe i can rope my friend into joining in, you know, moral support.

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  2. i have such an aro crush (squish + sexual attraction--it's gonna catch on), it's this guy at my cottage, like the town, i liked him last summer and now that i'm seeing him again it's back.  the thing is, shooting your shot up here is so high stakes, everyone would get wind of it if i even looked at him a certain way.  but i want to...next summer.  i'm playing the long game.  can my aro allos relate or do i need to woman up?

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      i've been coming up with all these ideas, like taking a private tennis lesson with him, but i'm like, do i really want to start off by sweating, demonstrating my inferior skills, and paying him?  no.  i figure i'll just make conversation, eventually tell him i think he's cute, and then if it doesn't work out, just not be seen in this town for a couple years. 😄  for now i can practice with guys at home, where i can just disappear into the millions of people--the exact opposite situation to this one.  props to you for going for it.

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  3. Anyone know of any good aro songs? 

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      the only ones i know of by an actual aro artist are those on moses sumney's album 'aromanticism'.  my favourite self-love song is lizzo's 'soulmate'.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  4. i'm 22 now!  i guess i've known i'm aro for about 5 years...it feels like ages.  

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      thanks!  i was also born on a tuesday, may 26th.

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  5. This is personal but I had sex for the first time (with my ex-bf and current friend, who knows I’m aro), and later when we were going to sleep he put his hand on my waist and kissed my shoulder and I thought ‘yeah, this isn’t working for me’.  I had a feeling this is where split attraction would get tricky.  I hope it gets easier. 

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      It was fine.  We agreed not to be sexually involved anymore—stuff’s just too complicated between us, we’re good as friends.  But with future partners, yeah, establishing that stuff will be important. 

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  6. Whenever I have a conversation about aromanticism with one of the friends I am out to, she always says that many people from our generation (millennials) do not have a partner and that I am thus not that different from everyone else. Apart from the fact that it is not true, I get that she just wants to make sure that I do not feel like I am weird but it feels so incredibly invalidating everytime she says it. It feels like she just completely disregards the struggles I have had (and still) have when it comes to accepting my aroness. 

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      i get it, i was so nervous to come out to the people who really matter to me, even though i knew they'd be supportive.  it does sound like your friend wants to be.  good luck.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  7. Whenever I have a conversation about aromanticism with one of the friends I am out to, she always says that many people from our generation (millennials) do not have a partner and that I am thus not that different from everyone else. Apart from the fact that it is not true, I get that she just wants to make sure that I do not feel like I am weird but it feels so incredibly invalidating everytime she says it. It feels like she just completely disregards the struggles I have had (and still) have when it comes to accepting my aroness. 

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      have you told her this?  it's possible she doesn't understand the difference between the reasons some others don't have/want a partner and the reason you don't (your orientation).  i understand why it would bother you.  i had someone emphatically tell me how lucky i was to be aro since i would thus avoid romantic heartbreak and drama, and while i do, it's not that simple, and i felt it wasn't their place to make that comment.  i would suggest making your feelings known.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  8. Today I was called disgusting for not experiencing any romantic attraction to those I'd have sex with by a friend :')

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      well i'd feel disgusted if a sexual partner were romantically attracted to me.  some people just think their way is the only right way.  sorry to hear about it.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  9. I've started just to shrug and say queersexual for my sexual attraction. Technically speaking I'm heterosexual but my aesthetic attraction is seriously homo-leaning that causes a certain amount of chaos, so much so that at one point I thought I was gay. Unless anyone knows a better descriptor! I'm definitely aromantic though, no doubts about that!

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      i experience aesthetic and platonic attraction to plenty of girls but i identify as completely heterosexual, always have.  i identify as queer since i'm aro.

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  10. I'm feeling a lot more confident in my aromanticism. I'm still not totally sure, but I think I'm ready to break up with my girlfriend... wish me luck! :aroicecream:

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      good luck!  have you told her you're aro or are you going to?  telling my bf, and later, breaking up with him, were big steps for me and they made me so much happier.

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  11. I recently met someone and we get along rather well, apart from the fact that she is so frickin romance oriented. She is always looking for a relationship and is somehow always in love. 

     

    About a week ago we were playing 'would you rather' with a couple of friends (including her) and I got the question 'would you rather never have sex again or would you rather never find true love?'. Well for my aromantic bisexual (and virgin but hey I really want to have sex) ass that was an easy answer, but she then gave me a 30 min lecture about why true love was the best thing in the entire world and that it was incredibly sad that I would pick something as horrible as sex over the amazing concept of true romantic love. I am still annoyed by it

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      yeah, it happens and it's annoying.  like, you're not telling her that romantic love shouldn't be a part of her life; why does she need to tell you it should be part of yours?  also, the question wasn't "what one thing in the world matters to you: sex or romance?"  just because you're interested in one and not the other doesn't mean you don't have love or any other wonderful things in your life.  if that's what your friend--or anyone--thinks, i find that "incredibly sad".

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  12. me: damn he's cute

    my self-doubt: must be a crush

    me: lmao as if 

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      haha right, i'm just thinking about him a lot, but if i try to think about anything romantic with him (or anyone) i'm like, ew no.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  13. not going to pride this year 😕  i'm working, and i have no one to go with.  are you guys going?

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      last year i went with my friend and her uni friends, one of whom is actually aro, but this year she's going with her family, and again, i don't want to antagonize my new employer.  it's chill, though, i don't mind not going every year.

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  14. OMG I FORGOT. FEBRUARY 15th WAS SINGLES AWARENESS DAY. Happy Belated Singles Awareness Day everyone!

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      and starting now, the 17th, it's aromantic awareness week!

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  15. So I basically described feeling aromantic to my mom but didn't tell her I'm aromantic. I was like I wouldn't mind dating but I don't feel a need to I'm okay without dating and she was like yeah that makes sense but knowing her if I said I'm aromantic she would just tell me I have to wait for the right person and that I'm still young so it was an odd situation

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      when i was questioning, i described aromanticism to my mom and she thought it was "sad," then when i came out she said she "wasn't worried about dating at 17 either" even though i was in a relationship at the time (wow, that was over 3 years ago?), but i tried to explain further and i think she accepts it, my dad too.  like i think the possibility that i'll change is definitely in their minds but like they're going with it for now?  idk, it could certainly be worse.  good luck.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  16. I’ve noticed that the color green seems really appealing to me now lol. I wonder if it’s a subconscious thing because I’ve finally accepted my aro-ness. 

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      it's tied into a few things for me.

      -i'm aro

      -my birthstone is emerald (may)

      -i'm in slytherin

      -i'm vegan

       

      and i do just like it as a colour.

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  17. Was explaining aromanticism to someone today (a stranger who overheard me talking about it with someone else) and when I explained that I don't get crushes or date or anything like that he legit asks me, "So... what are your goals then?" Lol. We had a good chat.

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      yeah i'm in uni and i've had a few people ask (usually because of the flag sticker on my laptop) and they've been cool about it.  i was explaining split attraction to my friend and he said his ex-girlfriend was "bisexual but only wanted relationships with guys" or something and i said she was probably heteroromantic bisexual, which is the most common combination.  so yeah, i don't purposely bring it up, but i don't usually avoid it.

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  18. Was explaining aromanticism to someone today (a stranger who overheard me talking about it with someone else) and when I explained that I don't get crushes or date or anything like that he legit asks me, "So... what are your goals then?" Lol. We had a good chat.

  19. Woooo we've hit 1,000 members!!!

  20. off topic but after i relapsed with self harm i asked my roommate to take my blades (and the one from the blender, in case).  it was uncomfortable but i'm kind of proud of myself.  you have to make deliberate decisions to heal.

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      thanks.  i remind myself that if i ever want to start seeing a therapist again, find one.  i do tend to wait until the damage is done rather than take precautions to prevent it in the first place but i'm working on it.  good luck to you too.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  21. There’s a person I wanna be friends with but idk how to do that 

  22. just btw, i'll gladly answer pretty much any question you have for me, whether apropos of something i wrote or of nothing.  i may not be thrilled with everything allos ask me, but i know you guys are always motivated by genuine interest and open-mindedness and i love talking to you.

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      thanks, both of you.  (ahh i haven't been on in a while!)  i've enjoyed it, too.  i do follow a few aro blogs on tumblr.

    2. (See 10 other replies to this status update)

  23. just btw, i'll gladly answer pretty much any question you have for me, whether apropos of something i wrote or of nothing.  i may not be thrilled with everything allos ask me, but i know you guys are always motivated by genuine interest and open-mindedness and i love talking to you.

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      i feel like it does in that i take them more seriously, like we discussed: when i make a commitment to my friends, even to hang out, i follow through (unless there's a good reason i can't).  not many people i know are like that.  maybe it's my generation, but it seems to be an expectation to be with your partner all the time, but acceptable to blow off your friends for no reason.  i do fear that friends will leave me especially when they find romantic partners.  i won't stand to be their back-up plan when they break up.  my biggest concern down the road (probably way down) is about my best friend getting married, though i trust that she'll have time for me no matter what--she's such a good friend that it would be insulting to think otherwise--i just have to keep reminding myself of that, and of course that i want her to be happy.  

    2. (See 10 other replies to this status update)

  24. just btw, i'll gladly answer pretty much any question you have for me, whether apropos of something i wrote or of nothing.  i may not be thrilled with everything allos ask me, but i know you guys are always motivated by genuine interest and open-mindedness and i love talking to you.

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      not really, or maybe i don't understand the question.  i mean, there's the stereotype that women are into romantic stuff, especially compared to men, but that's not the only female stereotype i don't fit.  i still definitely identify as a cis woman, though, without really being able to say why.  i've just never had any problem with it.  i agree with 'choice feminism': don't feel like you have to conform to or defy gender roles, presentation, etc.; just do what you want and identify how you want, pretty much.

    2. (See 10 other replies to this status update)

  25. just btw, i'll gladly answer pretty much any question you have for me, whether apropos of something i wrote or of nothing.  i may not be thrilled with everything allos ask me, but i know you guys are always motivated by genuine interest and open-mindedness and i love talking to you.

    1. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      yeah, idk whether i consider my polyamory to be part of my orientation, i mean, i guess it's a choice, but like...an obvious choice.  i don't think it makes me lgbt+; again, all i'm looking for is respect.  realizing i'm poly was much less monumental than my journey to identifying as aro.  i guess i didn't think much about it--i didn't think much about relationships at all, but i was exposed to the idea and thought, well, that makes more sense than the alternative.  in the ways in which i can see myself being attracted to someone and/or forming a relationship, i can imagine that happening with more than one person at once.  i believe it's like you said--it's not necessarily a goal as i'm not even really looking for one partner, but i wouldn't restrict myself from the possibility.  monoamory seems to involve a fair amount of jealousy and possessiveness--often linked with amatonormativity--the whole notion that people aren't supposed to find anyone but their partner attractive, that some aren't allowed to spend much time with friends or with anyone of the opposite gender (in a heteronormative context), and of the 'one true love'/soulmate thing in which one person perfectly fulfills all your needs is quite as bizarre to me as the concept of romantic attraction itself, and makes no more sense than a restriction to one friend.  so yeah, it's kind of related to my aromanticism in that i reject that whole narrative and don't inherently prioritize any type of relationship over any other.  i just want to be able to love someone, or simply to enjoy their company, without immediately assigning a set of arbitrary rules to our relationship; to define it or not to, in whatever way works for us.  i have encountered the term 'relationship anarchy' before (on here, actually) and i believe it fits my mindset well.  my close friend and two of her housemates are poly (and lgbt+; one of them's aro and is my friend's sexual partner) and their various relationships to each other are all clearly full of love, trust, and freedom.  this is the sense i get from the poly community overall.  

       

      i'm enjoying the conversation as well.  oh, and no, i just discuss aromanticism on here.

    2. (See 10 other replies to this status update)

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