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Everything posted by aro_elise

  1. i'm always glad to talk about my experiences and feelings, tbh i could just answer questions like an interview. or like a narcissist 😆 i'll make a post of my own if something inspires the idea. if you guys have ideas, by all means, post away.
  2. my roommate has a friend with benefits, and their 'friendly' activities include having dinner and wine in his backyard, going out for ice cream, and painting together. upon hearing this, friends of hers insist that the two of them are dating. she told me she doesn't have romantic feelings for him (and i believe vise versa). they don't kiss, cuddle, hold hands, etc--pretty much their only physical contact is sexual. to be honest, it sounds a lot like the sort of relationship i'd like. however, she wanted to know what i thought since she said some of the platonic things they do she wouldn't do one-on-one with other friends, and she doesn't want him to date or sleep with other people, partly but not entirely because of covid. while i couldn't relate to those last feelings, i said that if she and he agree they're "not dating or in a relationship" then they're not, and it doesn't so much matter what they call it, as long as they're happy with what it is. since she knows i'm aro, she also asked how i would feel about doing 'date-like' things with someone, and i said fine--again it's not so much about the activity as our feelings; if i knew or felt that the guy was romantically attracted to me or considered the activities romantic, i wouldn't like that, but if we were on the same page, great. she seemed to follow that, and surely applied it to the way she thought about her relationship with this guy. i suppose i'm just sharing this because it's not often i can have a conversation about relationships with an alloromantic where we share many feelings/attitudes, and it was cool. and i wanted to point out how amatonormativity also affects allos (which i know is well-established)--remember how people tried to label her relationship as romantic just based on a description of it without understanding the actual feelings of the people involved.
  3. hey! same ✌️ i'm glad you found the term and community, it is a relief, isn't it? and the whole thing about sex being associated with romance, yeah, it's so great when you're comfortable with your orientation and can be comfortable going into a sexual experience knowing it's just what you want. back when i was dating my ex and kind of in denial about being aro, it made everything complicated--stuff i'd normally enjoy, like hanging out and making out with him, but when it's romantic for him, it's uncomfortable for me. you're totally not alone and i'm glad you like it here.
  4. i read those descriptions, and i related to a few for squishes and a few for sexual attraction, like this one: "Most of the time, you’ll try and avoid them and just stare at their beautiful face from afar." 😄 the guy i'm into, whenever i see him i totally check him out, i think i'm pretty slick though. mostly it's watching him play tennis (so he's not looking at me) and i'm just thinking 'nice serve, nice face, nice shot, nice abs.' if he walked right by me i'd have a hard time looking at him or greeting him casually. and i try to look good if i know i'll be seeing him, which, @wintergreentictac, you said you don't even do. and i want a wedding but not a spouse, just the dress and party. and i started identifying as aro at 17, i'm now 22 and still haven't felt romantic attraction. of course, you can only know your experiences up until this point, and if you feel that the term 'aromantic' reflects them, go for it, and if that changes, that's fine. not sure how helpful that was, feel free to ask me any questions.
  5. i have such an aro crush (squish + sexual attraction--it's gonna catch on), it's this guy at my cottage, like the town, i liked him last summer and now that i'm seeing him again it's back.  the thing is, shooting your shot up here is so high stakes, everyone would get wind of it if i even looked at him a certain way.  but i want to...next summer.  i'm playing the long game.  can my aro allos relate or do i need to woman up?

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. aro_elise


      i've been coming up with all these ideas, like taking a private tennis lesson with him, but i'm like, do i really want to start off by sweating, demonstrating my inferior skills, and paying him?  no.  i figure i'll just make conversation, eventually tell him i think he's cute, and then if it doesn't work out, just not be seen in this town for a couple years. 😄  for now i can practice with guys at home, where i can just disappear into the millions of people--the exact opposite situation to this one.  props to you for going for it.

    3. Queasy_Attention


      Aw, I think doing a tennis lesson with him would be great! It's fun to do an activity with someone and end up equally exhausted and embarrassed lmfao

    4. aro_elise


      aha i'll think about it, maybe i can rope my friend into joining in, you know, moral support.

  6. yeah i have that fear and i've expressed it to my best friend, as well as my logical belief that she won't actually love me less. and i wish it were easier to find the kinds of relationships i want without worrying about the others being romantically attracted to me/having my romance repulsion triggered or whatever. but i don't wish i experienced romantic attraction. i used to wonder, you know, what it would be like, but you could wonder about all kinds of ways things could be different. being aro is who i am and i like it.
  7. @WilmaW since you mentioned hoo, i feel the need to plug my old post: right?!
  8. yes! the 'ay' from aro and the rest rhymes with -pocalypse. the only valid answer. well, ay-row-calypse (first two syllables = aro) can stay but you're on thin ice. 😄
  9. what i was going to say. like, someone who identifies as 'bisexual' (and nothing else) is most likely also biromantic, but the former term is meant to encompass the whole attraction thing. we generally don't see specific reference to romantic orientation unless it differs from sexual, for example i believe the most common combination is bisexual heteroromantic--i have encountered a few people who have identified themselves as such. that being said, outside of the a-spec community, not a ton of people are aware of split attraction, so when someone includes ace representation, in their mind, they're not excluding aro--they may think that the two necessarily go together, or they may not think of it at all. among those who are familiar with aromanticism as a separate orientation and (essentially purposely) exclude it, i don't know. maybe it has to do with them not seeing it as valid, either as part of the lgbt+ community or at all.
  10. hey! don't be nervous, it's chill here. sorry, is it not? romantically attracted to two genders? i'm not bi-anything but i feel like all the prefixes apply the same way to romantic and sexual orientations. anyway, welcome.
  11. wow, you said it. i'm gearing up to try the club/tinder thing (when safe) and i'm lowkey dreading weeding through the romance. like when i have sex/make out with dudes i, like, consciously try to make sure it doesn't get romantic and it's like ughhh if i could just not worry... and the smut thing with sudden romance, no joke, it's like that jolt when you've been lying on the beach baking like a pizza and you walk into the comparatively freezing lake, instant regret. thought i'd pipe in here as well, i'd like a few, varying in length, just whatever happens naturally. can also be friends/do 'date-like' activities or not, again, just if we vibe like that. and i'm poly so they can have other sexual/romantic partners or whatever, or a triad would be cool (2 guys of course). so yeah, as long as i'm attracted to them and we're compatible and not romantic, it's chill. if you have any more questions, i'd be glad to help.
  12. hospital for souls is a beaut--the spoken part at the beginning, ooh--but deathbeds is my absolute favourite. and yes, while there is a hell goes hard as hell, sempiternal's gotta be their best.
  13. ahh that's my scene! pierce the veil is my life. i love concerts and of course just listening on my own. and i'm learning to fry scream and when it actually sounds good it's so exciting. like when you check out a new band and the first song you hear is just love at first listen? awesome. exactly!
  14. ok my parents are cool with me being aro but unrelated, my mom emotionally abused me (picking on everything, hella gaslighting, stuff i've prob repressed) so i thought i'd weigh in. though she has apologized and she's like, a good parent aside from that, i'll never forgive her. i've just accepted that and kind of moved on. like i don't waste energy, you know, it's just over. of course it sucks, but what's there to do. so yeah, i guess if you think there's no way they'll understand or make up for it or whatever, i recommend the 'move on' approach. good luck.
  15. exactly! i'm heterosexual and polyamorous and i've only ever been with one guy, but people accept that i'm straight (if that's what i choose to say for simplicity's sake--and i haven't told anyone i'm poly). like, whether i'm involved with 0, 1, or more guys, i'm still aro and still poly. i do find it odd that people define their orientation(s) by their behaviour, like "i'm straight because i date/have sex with guys," "i'm poly because i'm in a relationship with 2 people". "if i kiss a girl am i bi?" (my answer: well, not just because of that, but was your motivation to kiss her not attraction?) similarly, i'm not aro because i don't date; i don't date because i'm aro, as in, without romantic attraction there's nothing leading me to want a romantic relationship. anyway, to answer @hart watcher's question, i've told my parents and a couple close friends i'm aro, like in a sort of coming out moment, and besides that i just mention it if it comes up naturally, not purposely trying to reveal or hide it.
  16. found another one! 'i'm not in love' by kelsey lu https://youtu.be/Nsl4d2nOGg8
  17. yes, it's normal, particularly in the early stages of the journey of identifying and living as an aromantic person. i also dated someone to try to be allo, and cried when we broke up, but out of relief. but i do remember thinking that since he was so great, if it didn't happen with him (romantic attraction/enjoyable romantic relationship), it wouldn't happen with anyone. like that was the test, and the results were in. i must echo you and the others by saying that you should continue to be aware of amatonormativity and the opportunities for happiness outside of romance, and i believe that when you're happy with your life because it makes sense for you, the lack of romance in it will seem like one of many positives, rather than a negative. however, if you are genuinely interested in aspects of romantic relationships such as dates, physical and/or emotional closeness, or whatever, it is possible to have that with someone who understands that you're not romantically attracted to them, and isn't to you either, if that's something which would make you more comfortable--it is for me. sometimes people ask me what my ideal relationship would look like, and i say it's not so much about what it would look like from the outside, or what activities it would involve/exclude (to some extent, sure), but how it would feel. if it's that you want to actually experience romantic attraction, i suppose you know you just have to find peace with the probability that you won't. i hope you do find that; it's a great feeling.
  18. hey! i'm pretty similar. same age; i started identifying as aro at 17, after a long transition from denial, to maybe i'll call myself aro in my head but like i'm not committed, to acceptance. and i've had squishes since i was young, and thought the ones on guys were crushes. and i like your interests 😄 the only difference is i've always been 100% sure i'm 100% heterosexual, but i also don't consider it a big deal. i look forward to hearing more of your thoughts too.
  19. this may not be a simple or surprising thing, but traveling. i guess the thing is, i don't have to be doing a specific thing, like seeing popular attractions or whatever, just being in a different place is so cool to me. i just walk around and get the feel of it. i want to go everywhere. i've heard that it's pretty common for americans to never leave the country, like not because of money or work or whatever but because they just don't feel like it, and that's crazy to me.
  20. aro heterosexual woman, ring finger is longer (but probably shorter than most of your baby fingers)
  21. my best friend is all i'll ever need. (i want sexual partners, but that's different--i mean for closeness/love.) i want to live with her at some point, but i'm honestly fine with the idea of her finding a romantic partner/husband and living with him for life. i want to be all over the world anyway, not in the same place for long. and besides her, i'd prefer to live alone (i have a roommate due to circumstance, until next april.) i've entertained ideas of asking my best friend for a qpr or some kind of like, unofficial friend-wedding, but i don't think anything would actually change; i don't want it to (except to see her more often). as for my friends other than her, i'm happy to have them, of course, and i'll be happy to make new ones. i feel like what i want i either already have or it's within reach.
  22. oh right, it's pride month.  no parades, but still celebrating 🎉:aropride:

  23. listen to yourself. if it's who you are or it's right for you, be honest with yourself and don't apologize. that's the kind of freedom and peace you can't even explain. if you want it, go get it, no time like the present. if it's not making you happy, let it go. sometimes you'll be unhappy for no reason. get help. it's ok to not be ok, and it won't always be like this. god loves you and is with you always. you're perfect. i love you. oh, and love allison the best way you know how, forever. i hope you know how lucky you are.
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