Just a Bear

I haven't been in a relationship in a long time so I don't have anything to say about it unfortunately. but I definitely want a qpr and I'm alterous. I've had my alterous attraction be romantic three times now. which is nice, but I don't know if I need that. For me my ideal relationship is a partnership with compatibilty and attachment, and attraction doesn;t really matter for that. I think I need physical intimacy (sensual intimacy). I don't really like romantic gestures and romantic intimacy, but if a romantic person doesn't want too much of that I'd be ok partnering with them. I guess I'd like and be ok with a certain amount of it, especially when it comes to shared activities that emphasize the connection we have. I don't really know what I can expect from a qpr.

I don't really get sad. But I can be squickd out by ramance.. it can really make me uncomfortable. I can like it though. I haven't read or watched much in a few years now... If you feel like missing out there always is a qpr and aromantics can be cupioromantic where they don't feel attraction but still want romantic relationship

right this is me helllooo I had a difficult childhood and I'm pretty sure it is why i'm so sensitive. I never thought I had adhd, but recently they adjusted the symptoms for adults with adhd and the symtems seem to describe me very well. I'm also autist for sure. No diagnosis on adhd, though my doc literally prescribed meds the second I mentioned thoughts that maybe I'm adhd which I find very questionable

So the only things that caused attraction in me was either 1) the person's appearance or B) their personality or C) both and I've been absolutely clueless when it comes to people being interested in me in a romantic way and me trying to be friends with people of the opposite sex made them think I was interested in them romantically but like when I ask myself "what would I get out of a romantic relationship" the answer is, "well you know having someone to do stuff with, also cuddles and kisses" What if I'm romantic-light? what if kissing to me isn't romantic and I'm just not romantic? I do feel emotional attraction and honestly feel like the large majority of the time that attraction would better be classified as alterous but there have been a few times where it was intense and I assumed it was romantic because I've always assumed I was romantic but if I'm alterous, then why label intense emotional attraction as romantic at all? being in a romantic relationship is totally cool with me but so is a QPR and so is a friendship And if I don't get cuddles and kisses in my life who gives a flying fuck? I'm super confused and it's 4:32 am and I'm not asleep so let's just ask aromantics how to tell if something is romantic? and be nonsensical while doing so? what do you think? I'm just confused. In theory I'd like a romantic relationship, but every time I go to look for potential dates I chicken out. I finally make a post looking for dates and one person reached out and we've talked but like... so far it feels like a friendship to me. I haven't seen them yet and while we've talked it hasn't been the typical conversations that caused attraction for me... I just don't know what to think about this. I'm dancing around the idea of asking them if they are thinking of this as a romantic possibility we're exploring together, becasue while I posted "looking for dating" in the post I was like "I'm totally down for friends too" meaning "people of the wrong gender" but that can totally be misunderstood and thinking about this proposition of "so do you see this as a romantic possibility" is just making me realize that ... I don't care if it is or not. I'm just happy we've talked and played a game together. What I'm really looking for right now is friendship and with the except of feeling intense attraction to the point where I thought "I'd do x with them" or "I'd do anything with them" or "I'd do anything for them" like... I've never actually felt a desire to date and the only reason I'm looking for a date is after feeling the most intense attraction for a person literally three months ago, and someone telling me it sounded romantic but like what if I just am capable of feeling alterous attraction intensely, what if the ideal relationship for me is a "oriented aro ace" QPR???

It was hearing about alterous attraction and wondering how that was different from romantic attraction. turns out, I feel alterous attraction, and not romantic attraction.

I'm on the fence as to whether I want to raise kids or not. if I would, it would probably be adopting or fostering older kids.

I don't have a preference. I could share a sleeping space with someone, I could be in a separate sleeping space from them. I could be with one partner, I could be with multiple partners, I could be with people who aren't my partner but still live with me anyway.

I check a few times a week. I barely post though. I feel like this site doesn't see very much content postings.

There are a lot of things that make me think I'm aromantic, but I feel so hesitant to use the label because I definitely want a partner. I want a significant person in my life, someone who I can hang out with and do things with on a regular basis. And I want someone who I can trust will be still with me in the future. I always thought that was what romance was, but romance is about stuff like romantic gestures, about intimacy, and about loving someone more than anyone else and putting their interest above your own and above other friends. And those things I just don't have any desire for. So I'm wondering if there are other people who want a partner, or a significant person, or a commited relationship in their life, or something of that sort. Someone as the cliche goes, more than just a friend, that the relationship is beyond the scope of a friend you see on occasion, or a coworker you don't get close with. Someone who's involved in your life.

Hello all! I'm hoping this ends up with a lot of posts. I checked the longest posts and there wasn't a question like this. What factors played into your discovery that you were aromantic? How did you know? What about your aromantic experience really told you that you could find this label meaningful/discriptive of your experience?

Babies would overwhelm me. I would not be able to handle raising a baby. And raising a kid and teen would give me a lot of anxiety too....

Solo polyamory means that someone has multiple intimate relationships with people but has an independent or single lifestyle. They may not live with partners, share finances, or have a desire to reach traditional relationship milestones in which partners’ lives become more intertwined.

I don't find the term "significant other" to be necessarily romantic, but idk, what do I know. I could be wrong.

can an aromantic person fall in love, or is "falling in love" something that makes someone romantic?

I don't even understand what true love is supposed to be. doesn't mae any sense to me.

I've had a handful of squishes, they lasted somewhere between a week and a few months, I've had squishes for both genders and it's just as strong either way. But, I have had more female squishes than male squishes.

well, I'm not that, so that means I'm aromantic, right? finally, a real answer to my pressing question!

a-cafe is coming out should be in january. this link is their discord server, if you want to follow them and get updates https://discord.gg/BPGX654u

So I just read this entire thread and only understand one thing. Does this mean I’m aromantic? LoL! Being alterous is confusing. One thing I don’t get is why can’t two people of opposite gender be close friends and not be romantically invested in each other? I always was looking for a female friend but so many times had romance inserted in some way either by the person or their friends.

you can date whoever you want to. reasons not to date would mostly be to not lead them on. If you don't feel romantic attraction for this person, they might feel like you were deceiving them, if they found out. You might want to tell this person you don't have feelings for them. and also, you might want to tell them how you feel about a qpr. What you're describing about being partners with a best friend but not feeling romantic attraction, that would be a qpr.

I have no interest in nightclubs either.

If you feel crushes and desire for romantic relationship, that would be romanticism yes. Either you would be alloromantic, or greyromantic. Someone greyromantic feels romantic attraction weakly, or rarely, or only under specific circumstances. If for you alterous attraction is the end result of your romantic attraction, then maybe you could identify as alterous. I identify as alterous. I can sometimes feel romantic desire, but it is rare. So I identify as both greyromantic and as alterous. My alterous attraction comes much more strongly and more often then romantic attraction.

unfortunately it's pretty common for romantic partners to prioritize each other over everyone else. Being second best may very well unfortunately happen with this person. I wish I had better things to say than that. I didn't say this at first because of the rule of life, "If you have nothing good to say, it's not worth saying." but then there's the rule of life, "don't let someone with a question go unasnwered." yeah I clearly made those rules up on the spot. I hope you feel important to your qpr, and that even when/if they get a romantic partner, you'll still feel important to them. It's what you deserve. whether or not it will happen, is something we just cannot know until it happens. And we have to kind of embrace the unfortunate truths like this. We have to let uncertain be uncertain. Being able to live with uncertainties like this is important. Be prepared for either result to happen.

The only thing I could find was this site which says a crush can be over in a week. So short crushes aren’t that unusual. I was thinking, feeling short-lived crushes could mean you’re grey romantic, but I don’t actually know. Maybe two day crushes are more normal than not, I don’t know. But my crushes weren’t short lived. I had a crush that lasted a decade. My feelings for my girlfriends all died out after two months after breaking up. I felt liking for them during the whole relationship. So based off my experience, a short lived crush would be unusual. I feel like crushes usually last longer than just two days. And the other thing I’m thinking is, a crush that only lasts two days isn’t something you’d base a relationship off of. if your feelings disappear that quickly, there’s no time to build long term attachment and commitment with them in that time. Other than that , I’m not sure what your question here is. So I hope my thoughts help in some way.

I totally relate