anzu2snow

I'd prefer to be in the cool temp category. 59 degrees F isn't that cold. As long as I have the right attire, I'm ok within the 35F to 80F range. It's too much for me otherwise. Sadly, our winters and summers are getting more extreme here. Last summer, it hovered in the mid-90's and occasionally broke into the low 100's. Add smog to that and it's oppressive. It's gone down into the teens for winter. These are definitely not our 'norms'. It's unbearable for me.

Red, black, and color from the survey. Specifically, I love blood red, black, and white.

Most of the time it's in first person, usually me in them, and they're like real life. I've had mostly nightmares since I was 2. Hardly have good ones. They truly feel real. Almost too real. That makes them even scarier. I've tried lucid dreaming, and I can't change any of them during it. In fact, things got worse in those recurring dreams the next time around. I've had a dream where I slowly decay in a coffin. I feel, smell, touch, etc. everything. Another where I'm repeatedly ran over by a car. No, I don't wake up when I 'die' in these dreams. They just keep going. I've heard that's unusual. I've gotten used to them, and even wrote a collection of 12 short stories based on them.

I take hot showers. Hot enough that it's steamy. It's very relaxing, makes me feel extremely clean, fogs up the mirror so my dysphoria isn't triggered when I get out, and it's nice at the end of the day. I can't stand cold showers. I can never feel clean enough, my skin toughens up, and the feeling is unbearable to me. I also have a few skin issues, and oddly a hot shower helps with those.

I'm a Reform Jew. Was born and raised that way. My mom was Jewish ('was' because she passed away 6 years ago), and my other parent was raised Catholic. However, that other parent isn't Catholic, feels closer to Judaism, but feels she's Buddhist. Her family did not approve of her marrying a Jew, and my mom's Ultra Orthodox sister refused to go to the wedding or talk to her for 7 years. My parent's side occasionally tries to convert me...Makes for an odd mix of things when I meet either side in person. In that way, it's good I don't live near any of my other relatives besides my parent. There is quite a bit of amatonormitivity and heteronormitivity going on in Jewish communities. Even though I'm not orthodox, I've known congregants from synagogues (I'm not a member of either of the local ones anymore) try to set me up with someone. There's also a 'responsibility' of men to 'fulfill' the duty of satisfying their women sexually. Women are considered sexual beings. We're also told to be fruitful and multiply. There's a prayer that's beautiful, but it's referring to G-d as their 'beloved'. For us, G-d is referred to as a man and a woman. Typically a woman on Shabbat, or our Day of Rest. The interesting thing is we also feel that G-d is beyond gender. Everything and nothing at the same time. Interesting growing up with that when you're agender. Also, since we 'wrestle with G-d', many are atheist. I'm not, but even Ultra Orthodox Jews can be. We don't have a blind 'devotion' or something to G-d. We're told to question everything. I've thought about being more observant (like Modern Orthodox), but just can't right now. I can't go to a synagogue as much as I'd like, because I have an autoimmune disease. It would cost more to be fully kosher. Plus, I live with someone who doesn't eat kosher at all. Just lots of circumstantial stuff.

I'm 32, and will be turning 33 in November.

I've come out to pretty much everyone. It didn't get as big of a reaction on facebook as I did with telling them I'm ace. Facebook is where most of my friends and family keep in contact with me. I think many people don't understand it. At least, they seem to be learning through some of the stuff I post. I think one of the worst reactions was when I came out as aro ace last Thanksgiving. We were at a couple's place, who have been friends of the family for years. They're pretty much family now. Anyways, it was after most people had left, except for the hosts, my parent (she knew beforehand), me, and this older lady who's set in her ways. The hosts were cool with it (even thought the idea made sense), and wanted to learn more. That lady kept saying things like: "You'll change your mind some day." "You just haven't found the right man." "It's just a phase." When I got into talking about how I wanted to be in a qpr, she didn't quite get it. She said: "Isn't that just friendship?" "You want a companion, you can get a dog." It was weird. The hosts and my parent were sticking up for me, but it was difficult. Coming out as agender was even more out there for some people. I only came out with that about a month or two ago. Again, most people just want to learn about it. Hopefully, people who are thinking about coming out will have positive outcomes.

I don't drink. Mainly because of my meds, but I also never really liked the taste. I do like it when it's used in cooking. All the actual alcohol burns off, you get an interesting flavor left behind, and it tenderizes things like meats. My parents wanted me to be into drinking it. As a kid (probably around 9 or 10), they introduced me to manishewitz. It was ok, but not as great as grape juice to me. Later, in my teens they tried to get me into riesling. Still, wasn't into it. For my 19th birthday in college, all the girls on my dorm floor tried to get me to drink a lot. They tried to get me to drink a huge tumbler of mixed wine coolers. I threw it all up immediately. They took me to Greek Row, and gave me beer. Hated the taste, but gave in to peer pressure and drank it. Got a little tipsy, but not bad. That was one of the last times I actually drank alcohol. Was not a fun time, and seeing the girls get really drunk and their personalities change was also a turn-off. I think truly the last time was when I was about 23. (I'm 32 now.) I couldn't sleep and had horrible withdrawal symptoms from a med. My mom suggested I have a huge glass of vodka quickly. That was...an experience I didn't want on top of everything else. It didn't really help me. I don't understand the obsession with it.

I have a lot of faves. I think Gintama tops it for me. It'll have you laughing hysterically one minute, and crying the next. Crying at even seemingly stupid things. The action's awesome, the story is actually complex (people who have only seen a few episodes will probably say there isn't one, but that's so wrong), every character is unique in their own way and have something to offer, the main character has a lot of flaws but for some reason seems stronger because of them (he seems more human this way), there are aliens and samurai (strange and interesting mix), and so much more. I have a lot of fave manga, too. Probably Kuroshitsuji tops them all. The art in the manga is gorgeous and detailed. The story has so many twists and turns. I usually can predict what's going to happen in many manga/anime, but this is different. It's really dark, but I like that. I don't think the anime series is nearly as good. Although, the Book of... anime versions have been exactly like those manga arcs. So, they're pretty good.

This was weird. Lots of sexist things, and for some questions, I couldn't agree with any of the answers. Things were worded oddly, too. Some, didn't seem to matter with the subject. I just was curious what the results would be, even though I'm a cis woman. Ended up being androgenous, appearance is female, apparently am ftm, have had mild conflicts with my gender identity, and crossdress. Interesting, but a whole lot of nope. Although, I have to say, some days I'm really into feminine things like makeup, certain clothes, jewelry, etc. Other days, I could really care less. Like, have zero interest. So, I guess I might swing a bit on that. But, certainly not into stuff that would be considered masculine. I've been misgendered in the past, and it felt so wrong. Not a great thing.

I've been playing the clarinet since I was 10. Was in concert band, pep band, marching band, and pit orchestra in high school. Marching band in college until I almost (never found out if I did) broke my tailbone. Walked differently ever since, but I really miss it. Now I just play for myself. For me, it's calming and boosts my self esteem. I would like to start a klezmer band some day. I also played fiddle about a year before I started playing the clarinet. Before that, the recorder.

I'm aro ace, 32, and have only had one romantic relationship. It lasted for about 2 1/2 years. I didn't seek it out, and I kind of feel like I was suckered into it. I met him when I was eating at a cafeteria in college with about 5 other girls I was friends with and were from the same dorm floor. Also, had similar interests, and they got me into anime. Anyways, he suddenly appeared while we were talking about anime. He kept staring at me and talking only towards me. My friends were iffy about him. Eventually we became close, and I thought we were good friends. About a month later, he said if I don't tell him I love him within a week, I'll never see him again. It kind of shocked me. Thinking I didn't want to lose a good friend, I said it. At the very beginning, it was incredibly suffocating and he wanted to monopolize my time. He didn't want me spending time with my friends, and friends grew distant anyway. I eventually got used to it, and felt like I had to pretend. I liked some of it at times, but never initiated it. Never got over the bruising kisses and bone-crushing 'romantic' hugs. He'd also carry me sometimes, which was scary to me. I grew very emotionally close to him, and then on Valentine's Day (supposedly one of the most romantic days of the year), he dumped me over the phone across the state. It hurt badly, but not romantically. Just emotionally/platonically. I've had many guys try to date me, but I was so oblivious, I didn't realize I was on dates. I've tried to date because my parents kept urging me to. That just felt incredibly awkward, a waste of time, they were interested in doing things I wasn't, and the guys seemed creepy to me.

When I went to my 10-year high school reunion, there was I guy I thought I was good friends with back then. The first thing he blurted out to me was: "I'm married now!" And, then proceeded to quickly walk away. No hi or anything. I was really confused and stunned. This was the guy who did a science project with me at his place, had study sessions there, invited me to a bunch of parties (again at his place, and there were mostly guys at them), asked me to stay and eat dinner with him after studying, etc. I was confused by some of it at the time, but apparently he liked me romantically? Strange. There was another guy I thought I was good friends with back in high school. I've told people about him, and apparently he seemed almost stalkerish, and really romantically interested. He asked me to have him as my +1 at the band dance/party, joined band even though all he did was hold a banner during parades and normally was apart of the choir, always sat next to me, got angry if my other friends sat next to me, also invited me to parties, asked me to be his partner at graduation, etc. I was oblivious to it all. Only thinking about things like the dress and food when I thought about having a wedding. Not about an actual partner. My parent was upset about this recently. (This was before she knew I was aro.)

When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Yes Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. At first, I was reluctant about it, but after thinking over it and reading other people's experiences, I embraced it. Pretty happy about it now. Somewhat freeing, too. When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Yes. I've only had about 4, but it definitely made sense. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. I do have trouble telling when things start to get romantic. I can tell full on romantic stuff, but there seems to be a weird in between thing. You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. True. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I'm pretty sure I haven't. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. I used to have trouble with telling the difference between romantic and aesthetic attraction. Now that I know there are different types of attractions, it's more definite for me. I do experience aesthetic and platonic (?) attractions. Very strongly with the latter, and differently than the former. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I used to, and still kind of, feel like it was all fake. Especially, if it seemed overexaggerated. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. Sometimes I'm indifferent to it in stories. Sometimes it's gag-inducing. Very rarely is done so well that I like it. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. Yes. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. No. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. I didn't care, so N/A? If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I'm asexual... You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. Yes. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. Yes. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Yes. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Yes. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Yes. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. Sort of, I guess. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I have been in a romantic relationship. I didn't look around or try to be in one. Was kind of suckered into it. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, or I would say suffocating/smothering. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. Yes. I never initiated it, either. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. Yes. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yes. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. No. I was very emotionally attached, and he dumped me over the phone while across the state. It hurt badly. It wasn't in a romantic way. Hard to describe... You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. Yes. You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Yes. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yes. It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Yes. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I'm usually oblivious. The rare times I'm aware of it, I feel very uncomfortable. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Yes. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. No. I don't live in a large community, and I don't live where there are a lot of people my age. When I was in college, I didn't feel 'romantic feelings'. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yes. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. I guess? Only, I've never liked the idea or felt like dating. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. I liked the emotional and platonic parts the most. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Yes. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Yes. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Hmmm...I'm not usually a touchy-feely person. I'd probably prefer to be the most emotional/huggy (if I feel like it) with one super close best friend. Not all of them. I want to stay close to the others as well, though. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. Yes. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. Yes. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. No. I'd still would like to share life experiences with someone. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. No, not usually on the enjoying things labeled 'romantic'. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. Yes. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. Nope. I usually don't think about that part. Probably the oblivious part of me. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. Yes. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Yes. I've always thought of just the dress and maybe food, never the partner. My parent was upset by this recently for some reason.

When I was little, even on up through my teens, I would actually say that I hated romance in the media. Romance-based movies never appealed to me, yet my friends were into them. Also, some of those trashy romance novels. I never understood why someone would be into that stuff. It seemed fake. There are rare moments that I like romantic scenes in movies/shows. They have to be done right, and quickly move on afterwards. When my friends would talk about crushes, I think as early as when we were around 10 or 11, it was strange. Everyone seemed to like people a certain way that I didn't. I did have what I called crushes. My friends asked me what I thought about when I saw that crush. I said I would really really like to be best friends with them, get to know them more, and do fun things together (like watch movies, have in-depth discussions, etc.). My friends thought that was weird. They said when they see theirs, they think about kissing, going on what would be considered dates, hugging, and whatever romantic stuff they could think of. I've only had about 4 'crushes' or I guess they would be squishes. I'm 32. So, even that's not much. When I think about having a wedding in the future, I've always just thought about the dress and food. Never the actual partner. It was an excuse to dress up and eat good food. If I do end up being in a qpr in the future, and we have a wedding, I think it'd be cool to take out the romanticized stuff. Like, hug instead of kiss at the end. Have it as an excuse to party, see family and friends, celebrate the relationship, have good food, an excuse to dress up, and more. It might be weird, though.