Iamwilliame

I have been in several relationships over the years. My last was 4 years ago before I realized I was aro. I liked them all as friends but as soon as things got lovey dovey I shut that shit down. I usually made excuses as to why I wasn't interested and have yet to tell anyone I'm aromantic. I'm only a few months into accepting that this is me and I am happy this way.

Trust me, I'm puzzled as well. At the time when she and I were together, we both identified as bi-sexual. You have to understand, this was quite a few years ago. I was confused with my true feelings and very much in denial. I have always been less attracted to women in a sexual way and preferred their friendship more than anything. I am rarely attracted to anyone sexually. However, when I am, they are most often male. I do not act on those feelings but since I still feel them, I identify as aro and not aro/ace.

I liked the companionship and we were close friends but I was always looking for ways to be alone. I was looking for a friend and she was looking for a life partner. Also, I have never been completely ace so there was that part of the relationship that was working. Out of ignorance, I tried to make it all work. And to answer your question, my partner did notice the indifference to romance. She thought she could change me and I thought I could change. Thing is, I didn't really want to change. The day my divorce was final, was one of the happiest days of my life. It wasn't because I hated my ex. It was because I was free to quit pretending.

I am still trying to find the right time and way to tell my friends. I have no close family so it isn't a big deal there. I guess I'm afraid my friends won't take it seriously and will keep pressuring me to date and all that nonsense. How do you make people understand that this is how you are and how you want to be?

I had to learn the hard way. I spent many years trying to do the whole dating and relationship thing (I was even married for awhile and have a son). I know now being aro is a huge part of why none of my relationships were successful. I kept thinking I wasn't finding the right one but eventually, I realized I was so much happier when I was single and not in a relationship or worrying about being in one. I was just going along with what society expected of me thinking that was what I was supposed to do in order to be happy. Discovering that I was aro was a real light bulb moment.