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Kickaxe

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Posts posted by Kickaxe


  1. On 3/4/2018 at 5:46 AM, Skittles87 said:

    I've always wondered about those. They look so uncomfortable, like man-corsets.

     

    I don’t know if it’s true, but I was told that cummerbunds were originally worn to dinners, and that the pleats go up so they can catch breadcrumbs. I guess people kept all sorts of stuff in there though.

     

    • Haha 2

  2. Honestly I’m a sucker for romance in war settings. Not just all romance in war settings, but the kind that use it as a tool to explore war and how it effects regular people and their relationships with others. I like Casablanca, For Whom the Bell Tolls, and 1984. 

     

    You can find a similar post I made somewhere on this site discussing romantic poetry. Rita and the Rifle by Mahmoud Darwish is absolutely stunning. It’s originally in Arabic but I posted a translation for anyone who’s interested (and it’s also a song performed by Marcel Khalife, if you want to hear the lyrics sung. It has a really long intro so don’t be tricked into thinking it’s instrumental)

     

    Honestly though, I think I may just enjoy war stories. A lot of my favorite stories revolve around war and don’t involve romance. The Things They Carried is probably my favorite book. It makes me cry every time. I think the reason I enjoy romantic stories in that context is that it’s very connected. Everyone is effected by war. Whatever your orientation, war sucks, and it can tear you apart from the things you love. In this way, I think the element of war adds to authenticity and understanding for me. I may not understand romantic love, but I do understand fear and loss, and that allows me to connect.

    • Like 1

  3. @DeltaV

     

    Oh my goodness I typed out a whole thing and then it just posted nothing?

     

    Probably my fault somehow, I had like three drinks and then tried to post it so I take full responsibility for anything that went wrong there. Anyway, what I was going to say was:

     

     

    I'm by no means perfect at speaking Arabic, and I didn't do the translation myself, but I am confident I can give a good explanation of the line in question if you would like!

     

    The line is: 

     

    لإله في العيون العسليه (Lillah fi alaiyoon al'asaiyah)

     

    The first word is لإله (Lillah) which is actually the word الله (Allah) meaning "God," and the prefix ل (Li) meaning "to, for, or belonging to."

     

    The second word is في (fi) and simply means "in". It can also mean on, or some other things, but here it definitely means "in".

     

    العيون (alaiyoon) translates literally into "the two eyes" but it's not difficult to specify number in Arabic. There are different rules for dual and plural, so to use a regular plural would imply that she had more than two eyes. For this reason saying "the two eyes" is just as convenient and casual as it would be to say "the eyes" in English.

     

    العسليه (al'asaiyah) means "the honey".

     

    When you have a definite noun followed by a definite adjective in Arabic they form one definite object. So when you have what is literally "the two eyes the honey" in English, the most accurate translation would really be "the two honey eyes".

     

    So strictly speaking, a completely literal translation would be "to the God in the two honey eyes". But this sounds really weird, and is really weird. The syntax just doesn't work. "The God" is changed to divinity, because it's used in the same metaphorical sense that we use that word. We don't say that God is literally in things in English, we say something is divine. If we do talk about God in something we usually refer as the spirit of the trinity as well, but that's not how it's used so divinity works better.

     

    "The two honey eyes" is changed as well. First they remove the unnecessary "two" since English doesn't have dual rules so simply saying "the eyes" works better. Then they specify "honey-colored" instead of just saying honey. That way we don't think her eyes are literally made of honey.

     

     

    Whew, that was fun to rewrite. Hopefully someone will find it interesting.

    • Like 1

  4. I put "drinks very occasionally" but really I don't drink (I say as I have a beer). I'm not old enough to drink, at the ripe old age of 20, but I've had a couple drinks before with my family, and I once did a shot of everclear to stop my friend from drinking it (she was already way too drunk and that stuff is poison). I'm currently on vacation in Europe, and I'm enjoying having a drink or two with lunch or dinner, but beyond celebrating my 21st birthday I don't plan on drinking a lot once I return to the states. I'll probably drink a little socially with my friends, since that's what ROTC people tend to do, but I really don't like the idea of being impaired.


  5. I've never been a huge fan of romantic poetry, it often seems cheesy, unrealistic, overdone, and generally like a cop out poetry subject to me, but recently while studying Arabic I discovered the texts of Mahmoud Darwish. He's a Palestinian poet who writes about his home country and about the war, and love is also a subject that comes up in his poetry. I was shocked to discover that one of my favorite poems by him was a love poem about a woman he was separated with due to the war in Palestine. It's called Rita and the rifle.

     

    If any of you speak Arabic, this is the text (sorry it's from the left,  I'm on my phone and it's being weird):

     

    بين ريتا وعيوني . . بندقيه
    والذي يعرف ريتا ينحني
    ويصلي
    لإله في العيون العسليه
    وأنا قبلت ريتا
    عندما كانت صغيره
    وأنا أذكر كيف التصقت
    بي وغطت ساعدي أحلى ضفيره
    وأنا أذكر ريتا
    مثلما يذكر عصفور غديره

     

    آه ريتا

     

    بيننا مليون عصفور وصوره
    ومواعيد كثيره
    أطلقت نارا عليها . . بندقيه
    إسم ريتا كان عيدا في فمي
    جسم ريتا كان عرسا في دمي
    وأنا ضعت بريتا . . سنتين
    وهي نامت فوق زندي سنتين
    وتعاهدنا على أجمل كأس واحترقنا
    في نبيذ الشفتين
    وولدنا مرتين

     

    آه . . ريتا

     

    أي شيء رد عن عينيك عيني
    سوى إغفاءتين
    وغيوم عسليه
    قبل هذي البندقيه
    كان يا ما كان
    يا صمت العشيه
    قمري هاجر في الصبح بعيدا
    في العيون العسليه


    والمدينة
    كنست كل المغنين وريتا
    بين ريتا وعيوني . . بندقيه

     

    Here is a rough translation of the poem in English:

     

    Between Rita and my eyes there is a rifle
    And whoever knows Rita kneels 
    and prays
    To the divinity in those honey-colored eyes
    And I kissed Rita
    When she was young
    And I remember how she approached
    And how my arm covered the loveliest of braids
    And I remember Rita
    The way a sparrow remembers its stream

     

    Ah, Rita

     

    Between us there are a million sparrows and images
    And many a rendezvous
    Fired at by a rifle
    Rita's name was a feast in my mouth
    Rita's body was a wedding in my blood
    And I was lost in Rita for two years
    And for two years she slept on my arm
    And we made promises
    Over the most beautiful of cups
    And we burned in the wine of our lips
    And we were born again

     

    Ah, Rita!

     

    What before this rifle could have turned my eyes from yours
    Except a nap or two or honey-colored clouds?
    Once upon a time
    Oh, the silence of dusk
    In the morning my moon migrated to a far place
    Towards those honey-colored eyes

     

    And the city swept away all the singers
    And Rita
    Between Rita and my eyes — A rifle

     

    i think it's beautiful, and it manages to pull me in and make me sympathize with this man in a way that no other love poetry has.

     

    Are there any love poems you like? What do you think of this one? Is love poetry as a subject overdone? Is it a cop out subject?

     

    I want to hear what the rest of you think.

    • Like 2

  6. Late to the party here, but just thought I'd let you know that I agree with omitef! People change over time, and romantic and/or sexual identity is honestly more about vocabulary and ease of discussing your current feelings and experiences for me than anything else. If being aromantic fits how you feel you're perfectly welcome to identify that way, and if you ever find it doesn't describe you anymore it doesn't mean that you were wrong, it just means that these issues are complicated and fluid. I personally have been aro my whole life, but that doesn't make me any more or less valid than any other aro person. So, welcome to the site!

    • Like 2

  7. Digging this one up again because I just rewatched Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. Talk about a show that knows how to do friendship. Ed and Winry end up together but that's expected from the start. But at the end, when Roy and Riza DIDN'T end up in a romantic relationship? I was just so damn surprised and excited. It's not often my favorite friendships get to STAY my favorite friendships.

    • Like 3

  8. How about a "short" list!

     

    I got along far better with guys than with other girls in elementary school because there was less drama and worry about crushes/romance... Until around middle school when my guy friends had to go and mess everything up. (I am bi, but middle school was a different time and that kind of thing wasn't as openly accepted as it is now, so I only had to worry about romantic advances from my male friends.) It took me a while to pinpoint exactly WHY it was that I got along with guys so much better but I realized eventually it was because they didn't expect me to get all gooey and talk about who I liked.

     

    The first time I got asked out I ran away. Literally. I was at my locker in seventh grade and an acquaintance came up to me and asked me out and I slammed my locker shut and sprinted to my english class without saying a word. I feel bad for the guy, but it was my first reflex, he really caught me off guard.

     

    I got the "Instantly disliking anyone I had a "crush" on in middle school the minute they said they liked me too." thing as well. I dated a guy for approximately one week my freshmen year and I didn't talk to him at all because I had a sudden dislike of him/desire to never see him again. It's very clear now why that happened. My only real relationship was my senior year. It lasted a few months and ended in disaster because no matter how hard I tried or reminded myself how great of a friend/person he was, I just wanted to lock myself in my room and never talk to anyone ESPECIALLY him again.

     

    My intense love for/overprotective feelings for my close friends probably belong on this list as well. How anyone could rank a relationship above the companionship and deep plutonic love you obtain from a true friendship was beyond me... Until I realized that I'm just a weirdo who can't feel romantic love, and I'd just have to take their word for it. 😅

     

    My favorite show growing up was Star Trek Next Gen, but I never liked the episodes with Counselor Troi. Looking back it's because a lot of them revolved around romantic plots. I didn't mind the minor romantic subplot, Riker was my favorite character and he definitely had his fair share of that as well, but most of the time it wasn't the POINT. There was other stuff going on too. Or it was used to explore cultural differences and problems like that, and I completely didn't mind romance as a plot device in that sense. (Riker may have been my favorite, but Barclay had the best episodes, Brent Spiner was the best actor, and I have a present day obsession with Wil Wheaton)

     

    Romcoms. I always thought they were this form of comedy that was kind of satirical and was humorous due in no small part to it's wild exaggerations of romantic situations, and I wondered why there were so many of them. But eventually I found out that they're not meant to be wildly exaggerated, and that only the jokes and circumstances are the root of the comedy. 

     

    I could list more but I've already written quite a bit, so I think I'll leave it as is.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    • Like 2

  9. Hey all, I'm pretty bummed right now so welcome to the pity party.

     

    My best friend got married a couple years ago and moved to another state, but we've both put in effort (though I've arguably put in more) and our friendship is still going strong. She prioritizes her husband WAY over me, which is to be expected but still stings sometimes. She seems to go way overboard with it? For a long time she wouldn't even Skype with me when he was home because she wanted to spend time with him, when she literally lives with him and we barely get to talk sometimes. I like her husband just fine but sometimes I get really annoyed with him too, like the other day I was talking with my friend on the phone and he hung up on me.

     

    Anyway, my friend and I used to have this tradition (I won't get too into detail about it) where we would get specific foods and she would sleep over and binge watch tv shows with me. I'm currently studying abroad in another country and I've been really bummed with the time change and workload and not having any of my friends around. I did however recently discover the show Rick and Morty, and asked her if we could have our regular tradition over Skype, because I really wanted to see her reaction to the show. She said yes. I was super psyched and I walked to town and hunted down the closest things I could find to our traditional food in this country.

     

    Our scheduled time comes around, it's 4pm for her and 8pm for me, so I'm the one who will be staying up late. She realizes a bunch of Flash/Arrow/Supergirl/AOS episodes were added to Netflix, and she kinda wants to watch those but I tell her it's really important to me that we watch Rick and Morty together, I'm clearly excited. She searches for the show and it turns out it's not on Netflix in America (sucks for you guys, hahaha). Anyway I say no big deal, I find another place to watch it online, send her the link, and tell her she can just plug her computer into the tv. She says she doesn't want to unplug the ps4 because she might accidentally mess it up and she and her husband use it for everything. I explain that the HDMI cable doesn't actually do anything for the ps4, and that even if she unplugs the wrong cable it'll be fine as long as it's off. She says she still wants to wait for her husband to get home to have him do it. I had been getting progressively more upset this whole time because she clearly just wanted to watch Agents of Shield and didn't want to watch the show with me, and I finally just hang up on her (bad move I know but I was upset).

     

    We then talked a little on Facebook messenger after that and I explained that this was really important to me and that I didn't want to do it tomorrow or after her husband got home. I also told her I didn't want him plugging the HDMI cable in for her because it was our tradition and it's the only thing we have that's JUST our thing and I don't want him involved. I tell her how stressed I am and how important it is to me. I tell her how hard I looked for our traditional food, how it hurts that she wouldn't even just watch the show on her computer instead of her tv. I don't even have a tv here, that's what Im doing. I apologize for getting mad and hanging up, but I also tell her that I'm still upset. I tell her that if she wants to talk it out she can call me and I promise not to hang up again. She says she doesn't know how to handle this because we've never had a fight like this and that she wants to resume tomorrow. I tell her I'll probably feel worse tomorrow. She doesn't respond. I tell her to enjoy her tv show and that I'm going to bed.

     

     

     

    Wow this ended up being really long, I'm so sorry but that friend is usually the person who I talk to about my problems and I just don't know where else to get advice or to vent. She's probably going to go talk to her husband about this, kinda makes me even angrier.

     

     

     

     

    tl;dr: My friend and I got into a stupid fight because she wouldn't listen to me about the importance about one of our traditions and she wanted to watch Agents of Shield instead of doing said tradition over Skype while I'm exhausted and friendless studying abroad in another country. Also she cares about her husband more than me but that's to be expected.

     

     

    Am I in the wrong here? I'm really mad but I also really care about my friend and don't know what I'd do without her. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO???

    • Like 2

  10. 5 minutes ago, 6star said:

     

    Excuse the generalization, but guy friends generally respond pretty well to offers to fool around. This has just been my experience. So they might be a good place to start. Apps like Tinder are crawling with folks who wanna hook up; choose wisely though. You're gonna want to establish a good rapport with anyone you're hooking up with so you can tell them frankly what you want out of the experience. 

     

    This may seem like a stupid question, but I know nothing about any of this. I've had a lot of problems in the past with my male friends wanting to date me. It's ruined many a good friendship. Will fooling around make that more likely to happen again? I don't want anyone getting hurt, especially my friends, and I know a lot of allos get their romantic and sexual wires mixed sometimes.

     

    Tinder seems a bit daunting to be honest. If there's the expectation of a hookup (as there would be on a site made for hooking up) I'm afraid I'd be more nervous with my inexperience, and less apt to trust the person I'm with.

    • Like 1

  11. So I've got a question or two I've been dying to discuss and this seems like a good place to do it.

     

    How do you lose your virginity without a relationship? As a 21 year old girl who is aromantic allosexual, I've never had the opportunity to have sex simply because I really don't want to date. I don't know how else to find a sexual partner I trust enough to lose my virginity to.

     

    also, although I'm not particularly attached to my virginity and would love to have sex, I know the first time can be uncomfortable or even painful. This seems like reason enough to tell a potential partner, but would they really be able to tell? Is there any way that if I didn't tell someone I was a virgin they would be able to figure it out?

    • Like 4

  12. I'm Lutheran, and I don't go to church much but I read from my bible and practice on my own when I have time. So I still consider myself fairly active in my faith. I'm not really surprised to see so many atheists here though. I'd love to hear more about what you all believe and why, it's always fascinating to hear other people's points of view.

    • Like 2

  13. A while back, Rogue One came out, and I rejoiced at the fact that these characters who I loved had such a beautiful and complex relationship which miraculously didn't turn romantic. It got me thinking about other movies I've watched in my life where characters have that dynamic, and other than kid movies, the only one I could think of right off the bat was Chain Reaction with Keanu Reeves.

     

    I was wondering if any of you guys wanted to discuss the choices made in writing and directing movies and why it seems so difficult for them to leave romance out, since it is so prevalent and often seems to be put on he back burner until the end of the movie when it seems rushed or pushed in unnecessarily.

     

    I was also hoping you guys might suggest some movies.

    • Like 4

  14. 9 minutes ago, SoulWolf said:

    My friend: "What are you going to do for Valentine's day?"

    Me: "Go to the dentist."

     

    I just about spit out my drink. I've been binge watching 30 Rock and I'm watching the episode where she goes to the dentist on Valentines Day.

     

    As great and intelligent as that show is, it also has episodes that just bore me due to romantic content. Although I do have to say I enjoyed her relationship with Matt Damon, their breakup scene was the greatest thing I've ever seen.

    • Like 2

  15. 7 hours ago, DeltaV said:

    Some people think like this and by asking “why?” they attempt being an amateur therapist to cure you.

     

    I clicked through that link and read the comments and the OP actually seemed very reasonable. His wording originally wasn't very good, but he was willing to express his thoughts and invite people to educate him on a subject that can be difficult to relate to if you aren't a direct part of it. He was worried about mental illness, and simply wanted to make sure that people are getting the care they need, even if he was completely wrong. In addition, he actually changed his mind when confronted with a well laid out and logical explanation. His "why?" was a legitimate, if ill worded and heavy handed, "why?"

     

    If everyone could have an open mind and a willingness to put their thoughts out on the table and the humility to admit they were wrong, life would be a lot easier. I think it's important that we remember to be patient with people who are questioning us, even if they are insensitive or mean, because there are a lot of people out there who legitimately have our best interests in mind and just have a warped sense of how we can be happy. We have an opportunity help those people understand and broaden their horizons.

     

    Of course, some of them are just mean, and if you ever need backup with one of them I learned how to punch someone yesterday.

    • Like 4
    • Thanks 1

  16. On 1/23/2017 at 11:11 PM, James said:

    I'm curious to see if anyone else has seen the two instincts in such direct conflict, and if either of the two has been able to "win" like my aromanticism did. 

     

     

     

    I'm in a similar boat. I've never had sex, but it's not for lack of attraction. Im personally bi, and am definitely interested in sex, but I'm not willing to risk someone else getting attached and having to hurt them (but that's partially due to some baggage left behind from my one attempt at a relationship in high school though). And the other thing is, while I don't feel the need to be particularly close to someone to have sex with them, I would need to make sure that the situation is safe, so I'd have to know the person and be comfortable with them to some extent, and that makes things a lot more difficult. This is especially true for my first time with a guy because I'd need to know that whoever I'm with would be attentive to that. Otherwise I'd be afraid of it being painful and awkward. I feel like there's a huge benefit to being able to have that romantic connection because it makes it so much easier to find someone who you can trust in such a vulnerable situation, whereas anyone I would trust with it I either have absolutely no sexual interest in, I'd be afraid they'd get attached, or I know they wouldn't be interested in a non romantic hookup.

    • Like 1

  17. Most of my best friends when I was little were guys. Everyone thought one of my friends and I liked each other because we would always walk home from school together, and someone had claimed they saw us holding hands. This was highly embarrassing to both of us, and people had already been haranguing me about crushes for years, never believing me when I said I didn't have one. Naturally, I told one of the girls in my class (who was notoriously bad at keeping secrets) that I had a crush on another guy, my problems went away overnight.

     

    of course, a few years later I found out that that friend did in fact have a crush on me, and I had just assumed he didn't. (I wish I could say this is the only time I've made that mistake, but alas, you all know the struggle)

     

    I also remember my mom telling me that my sixth grade teacher had told her he was worried I'd have trouble finding a relationship since I always played football at recess and was friends with the guys in my class, and that they might only think of me as "one of the guys." *sigh* if only that were true.

    • Like 7
    • Angry 1

  18. I got into a huge fight with my mom before I left for college, she gave me the silent treatment for weeks and I only found out why because she complained about it to my brother. I'd had a boy around a few times, and had invited him to a family event. My mom had assumed there was a romantic interest there which was not. He hadn't been around in a while since we were both getting ready to leave for college and we didn't see each other regularly at school anymore, and she asked me where my boyfriend was. I asked who she was talking about, and when she specified I laughed and explained to her that we weren't dating. For some reason she got mad (still not sure exactly why). For two years she believed I wasn't dating simply to spite her.

     

    To to be fair I'm not out as aro to either of my parents. When I came out as bi my dad said I was "confused," so I'm really hesitant to bring up being aro, as I know he won't believe they exist, and my mom will probably just be really sad because she places so much importance on romantic love and relationships.

    • Like 4

  19. Hi, I'm not really sure how to do this since this is really the first online community I've joined. So bear with me please.

     

    I'm 20 years old, female, a college student, and a lover of all things dorky. I'm aromantic and bisexual. I've come out as bisexual to everyone important in my life, but I've only brought up being aromantic to one of my really close friends. It's just sort of a tough thing to bring up since a lot of people don't even realize it exists.

     

    Anyway, I've never actually met another aro person that I know of, and while my friend who knows is awesome, there are just some things that we can't really functionally discuss together, so I was hoping to find some common experience on here. 

     

    Anyway I hope that was an adequate introduction!

    • Like 3
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