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Ettina

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Everything posted by Ettina

  1. New Relationship Energy (NRE). Though from what I've seen they mostly use it as another term for limerence. Anyway, I have a feeling that I've been terming squishes, but it's kinda weird. It's like it suddenly hits me, and for a few seconds to minutes I'm just overwhelmed with how wonderful they are and how much I love them. And then it passes, but I still feel very close to them and want to be with them a lot. My first squish I can remember was on my 2 year old brother, and I've squished on cats, kids, and rarely on close friends. The only times I've squished on a stranger have been with a newly adopted kitten and with a friend of the family's newborn baby. (Who I don't really like very much now that she's grown into a bratty, mean kid.) Except for those two, I've always squished on someone after I got to know them for awhile (say acquaintance/minor friend level). And the humans I squish on are pretty much all either small children or people with autistic traits.
  2. I confess that my first years of university, when I was hanging out with my best friend every day, were the happiest I've ever been, and now I'm in despair because I don't think I'll ever be that happy again. Is this your tumblr? http://lunaticonthenile.tumblr.com/post/156412996557/if-theoromantic-doesnt-yet-exist-as-a-term-it Because if not, you're not alone.
  3. Ironically, the most common type of split attraction (at least according to the one and only study I've found) is heteroromantic bisexual.
  4. Careful! I'm a psych major!
  5. Here's some examples I could find of possible hetero/homo varioriented people: http://www.shybi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=96763 http://www.tiggyupland.com/tag/heteroromantic/ http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=154810 https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/31a9vk/heteroromantic_homosexual/ https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-be-a-homoromantic-heterosexual-man https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/1pzmlg/homoromantic_heterosexual/ https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/465jvp/realizing_that_i_am_heterosexual_homoromantic/ https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130910233236AA53aof They're not common, but they're out there.
  6. Yes. People who are heteroromantic homosexual or vice versa would be an example of this.
  7. I'm XNXP. And I'm not a big fan Myers-Briggs types, because a) the Myers-Briggs scale isn't very well validated scientifically, and b) all four 'dimensions' that the Myers-Briggs measures are normally distributed, meaning that most people are right near the border on most traits and the classification as (for example) extrovert or introvert depends on only a couple points difference in score. Hence why I used the Xs above for the two dimensions that I scored close to 50% on. I prefer the Big Five test. My own scores: Openness - 90th percentile (creativity, curiousity and intelligence) Conscientiousness - 2nd percentile (organization and planning) Extraversion - 83rd percentile (basically the same as the Myers-Briggs scale) Agreeableness - 32nd percentile (getting along with others easily) Neuroticism - 96th percentile (emotional instability and susceptibility to negative emotions)
  8. I have never shaved, and only worn makeup on Halloween. I also don't wear a bra. In my case those are all choices made for me by my sensory processing issues, but it does mean that I hate the idea that you're 'supposed' to do those things (and even having a disability-related reason isn't enough for some people to give it up?).
  9. I like the ace flag with the purple, black, grey and white. I'm getting my office painted in those colors.
  10. 2001: A Space Odyssey Hunchback of Notre Dame Muppet Treasure Island Treasure Planet South Park Movie
  11. I came out as ace and aro as soon as I figured each of those out. My fetish (reading mind control/regression fics) was another matter, and I angsted about it a bunch and considered not telling them before realizing that I wouldn't be able to let go of my shame about it unless I came out. I've told my whole family, but only really discussed it in detail with my Dad, who was initially weirded out but then got into scientific speculation about where fetishes come from. (Scientific speculation is the #1 format for our sex talks in general, so this was a great sign!)
  12. So far, yes. The next lowest score I've seen is 3.
  13. #3 and #11 can also apply to polyamorous people. And your description doesn't really capture the experience of aromantics who aren't romance-repulsed. (I'm assuming that this is because you are romance-repulsed yourself?) But still, that's a pretty good list.
  14. Regarding anagnori's list, here are my responses: When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. I don't really get that feeling. I didn't get it about autism, asexuality, or really anything I've discovered about myself. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. More like myself. When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Yes, at first. And then I described what I consider a squish and someone said that they wouldn't call that a squish, and now I have no idea if I have squishes or not. I have something non-romantic and intense, but is it a squish or something else? You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. Yes! You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. Yes. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. Used to be. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. Yes. That's why I used to think I had crushes. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I used to think crushes had to be sexual, and romantic aces just had a screwed up concept of friendship and decided that they wanted romance because they wanted to be close to someone. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. Not if it's really well-written, but only about 1% of romances I've seen in fiction I would consider well-written. I also get very upset if an engaging non-romantic bond gets turned romantic. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. Yes. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. Not really? I did choose my 'crushes', but I didn't think I was choosing them. Does that make any sense? You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. No. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I am asexual, so no. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. They haven't really done that. During my confused self-deluding phase I had only one (messed up) friend, who never mentioned anything like that. Only now do I actually hang out with romantically involved teens, and I've had only a single conversation with one of them about their feelings. And I could relate to them because the feelings they were discussing weren't romance-specific. (Anxious attachment type feelings.) Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. I don't really have an opinion about it. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Yes. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Yes. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. Actually I find the idea of one night stands or friends with benefits more incomprehensible. I'm more ace than aro. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. Yes, but my answer might be different if I'd had more contact with other aces. I'm sex-repulsed, so any hint of romantic interest from an allosexual has me wanting to nip it in the bud quickly. If a romantic ace had a crush on me, I might go for it. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. N/A Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. N/A Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. N/A A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. Haven't really had anyone likeable suggest something like that - only pushy creeps. My Dad says I don't act flirty at all (I can't really tell) so I'm guessing the guys who care about reciprocation just back off before I notice anything. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. N/A You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. N/A When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. N/A You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. Yes! You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Yes. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yes! It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Yes, yes, yes! You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. Both. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Only in Mass Effect. Kaiden, just because I'm interested in your childhood doesn't mean I want a relationship! I wish I didn't have to be rude when you came to comfort me later. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. Small community, but I do go to university and no one did it for me. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yes. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. I don't say or do romantic things. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Yes. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. Yes. Platonic and sensual. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Most romantic activities, if with the right person, would be platonically enjoyable to me. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. My brother. He's the person I'm closest to. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Not really. I can't really maintain more than one close friendship very easily, and I prefer to just focus on one person. Trying to be that close to all my friends would be exhausting. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. I don't really care, as long as we don't have sex. Or kiss. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. No. But I think what I'm missing is a best friend. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. Sounds kinda lonely, and I'm not sure if I will have the independent living skills for it. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. I think I would feel that way. I certainly have in video games, like Katawa Shoujo. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. No. Except for kissing, I have no real objection to most romantic things. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. Yes, but more because all of those situations are noisy and overloading. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. Yeah, but they are! I mean, do you know how many sex scenes in romances are actually rape or potential rape disguised as consensual sex? It's horrifying! You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. No. If I ever get married it'll be a small quiet thing. The idea of having a big wedding celebration is way more objectionable than being married!
  15. Did you ever get an answer from him?
  16. I'd be really interested to know which questions most alloromantics answered yes to and most aromantics answered no to. Because that test is mostly screwy, but it does seem to have some questions that reliably distinguish aros from allos. And maybe if we pruned a bunch of the really unusual stuff out we'd actually have a decent test. So, my question for both aros and allos - would you be willing to list the questions you answered yes to? I'll start, as a cupio-aromantic (scored 15): Items I said yes to (being kind of generous): 3, 7, 8, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 53, 98, 112, 134, 137, 155, 174
  17. It very much depends. Are they romance repulsed, or romance favourable/indifferent?
  18. Very true for me. For a long time I didn't believe that romantic orientations existed, and chalked up my aromanticism to my asexuality. Very true for me. For a long time I didn't believe that romantic orientations existed, and chalked up my aromanticism to my asexuality. Very true for me. For a long time I didn't believe that romantic orientations existed, and chalked up my aromanticism to my asexuality.
  19. I would consider that cupioromantic, which I see as a type of aromantic.
  20. The way I use the terms: General political opinion on sex: Sex-positive Sex-neutral Sex-negative Reaction to the prospect of you having sex: Sex-favourable Sex-indifferent Sex-repulsed/sex-averse Incidentally, I'm aroace, politically sex-positive and personally sex-repulsed. I'm also romance-favourable cupioromantic (I see those two as mostly synonymous, but cupio implies that you wouldn't just enjoy it if it comes up but actively want to seek it out).
  21. The emotion isn't work, the relationship is. I totally get this, because every relationship requires work, especially if you live with the person. I argue with my parents and sometimes my brother, and we all work really hard to get along better, because we love each other and we live together.
  22. Sex can trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone involved in the formation and maintenance of attachment bonds. So typical humans are biologically predisposed to love someone they've had sex with. Someday I'd like to study the brain activity and hormonal reactions to sex and romance of aro/ace, allo/ace and aro/allo people. I bet I'd find interesting results.
  23. According to research, 17% of autistic women are asexual. I don't know if it's similar for men. Nor do I know if there's any link with aromanticism. In any case, with the estimate that asexuals are 1% of the population, the rate in autistic women is clearly very elevated. But still, 83% of autistic women are allosexual.
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