Ettina

On 10/17/2021 at 11:37 AM, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

I think just the word ‘friend’ without any specification definitely doesn’t have that same societal weight as boyfriend or fiancé, but I think ‘best friend’ does.

I’m only a senior in high school right now, but having a BEST FRIEND seems like it’s more of a long-term relationship than a friendly acquaintance.

While ‘really good friend’ doesn’t have the same effect, that specification from the broad umbrella term to a relationship title is an interesting distinction. 

I think that's because you're still a kid. In adulthood, saying you have a best friend can come across as childish, or else they assume it's someone you've known since childhood and continue to use the same term even though you're not still actively seeing each other every day.

I've felt like the opposite is true for me. I've wanted kids for a long time (and now I'm pregnant! Finally!) and I've gotten a lot of flack from people who think I shouldn't reproduce for various reasons - because I'm disabled, because I'm not planning to raise them in a stereotypical mother + father family structure, because I need assistive reproduction and "why don't you just adopt?" (as if adoption is so simple and easy), because they think aromantic means loveless, and because there's a number of people who think no one should reproduce and conveniently target anyone but the fertile heteros who are producing the majority of children.

My family has always supported me, though.

Most of the aro advocacy I see treats aroaces as the default aros. Mostly because a lot of it is borne out of aroaces feeling alienated by allo-ace centric ace communities.

Update: I'm pregnant!

On 5/12/2020 at 1:14 AM, The Angel of Eternity said:

I do not want kids. First off, procreation requires sex, and I am absolutely repulsed by sexual stuff (I'm asexual). I'd rather take a bullet to the head. Also, overpopulation is an issue today. I won't be contributing to that. I do, however, want pets (namely, a cat or two, and an African Grey).

Procreation doesn't require sex. I'm pregnant and I've never had sex.

Also, human overpopulation is a myth to deflect attention away from the problem of unequal resource distribution due to capitalism.

On 8/27/2020 at 5:47 AM, Oatpunk said:

Aroace and childfree are different things.

I've been trying to conceive via sperm donation, because I want to be a single parent by choice. Anyone else aro and want to have kids? I feel like aro spaces are often overwhelmingly childfree to the point where sometimes I feel erased because I'm aro and one of my biggest dreams is to be a parent.

On 7/24/2019 at 3:57 PM, nonmerci said:

Funny, for me is the opposite : I am more repulsed by sex than romance. Like I don't like sex in books, but I don't mind romance usually.

Same. I'm sex-repulsed and romance-favorable, personally.

For me, romance-favorable feels important to mention in aro communities, because I sometimes feel alienated by the assumption that all aros dislike romance and have negative reactions towards romance. 

On 10/6/2020 at 7:28 AM, nisse said:

 

conflating aroness and aceness is infuriating and just plain wrong, but i think the idea is the sharing an experience of not having an attraction many people deem inherently human. i wish alloaces wouldn't do this thing, because i genuinely believe there's sense in aspec as a community of aros, aces, and all the other folks in-between. the lack of an attraction is what we have in common, like.

Plus, I feel like the concept of aspec is valuable for aroaces. It's important to acknowledge the split-orientation folks too, but aroaces shouldn't have to feel forced to divide themselves between two separate communities for something that is often a unified experience in the same way that gay, lesbian, straight, etc are for people with non-split orientations.

Personally, I don't find "fetishizing" a useful term, and I feel that it's pretty much inextricably linked to kink-negativity to the point where I'd be happy just completely tossing that term in the trash heap.

A lot of times, when people talk about "fetishizing" as a harmful thing, what they're really talking about is objectification. Which is treating someone else as if their thoughts/feelings/desires don't matter, all that matters is how they can meet your desires.

The fact that you seem to be more inclined to have squishes on trans guys doesn't strike me as a concern at all. What's important is how you actually treat the trans guys in your life, not what types of attraction you feel towards them.

I'm an aromantic bi-asexual. In my case, I'm grey-ace, so I do feel attraction sometimes, and when I do, it can be to multiple genders.

On 1/22/2019 at 12:16 PM, yeshomonoromo said:

They love trans boys and how they wear binders and how they are masc as hell and so smol.

But do they see them as guys, or as butch girls who they're willing to humor because they're cute?

33% alloromantic ace

33% aroace

25% aro

I'm surprised allo ace was so high. I think it's confusing not being romance-repulsed with feeling romantic attraction.

To me, including allies under LGBTQIAA+ makes about as much sense as including white people under POC. I don't need to be included in the POC umbrella to be anti-racist, so why should we include allies in the LGBT+ umbrella? Being an ally doesn't make you part of the group, it makes you an ally of the group.

I'm not sure if I'm autochorisromantic or not, but it's definitely adjacent to how I experience romance. I don't feel romantic attraction, but I do find romance fun to fantasize about or read about sometimes.

I'm both female and other.

Emotional vulnerability is not exclusive to romance, it's a feature of any really close emotional bond.

Basically, it's the emotional equivalent of a cat letting another cat lick their neck. You allow another person access to stuff they could use to seriously hurt you emotionally, because you are confident that they won't.

For example, when I was first questioning my sexuality, I briefly thought I might be a pedophile (confusing squishes for sexual attraction). And the way I dealt with it was by confessing my worry and the reasons for it to my mother.

That was me making myself emotionally vulnerable. She could have freaked out and told me that I was a disgusting monster, and I'd have been absolutely crushed if she had. But the whole reason I told her was because I was very certain that she wouldn't react that way - that she'd listen and support me and help me figure this out. And it turned out I was right to trust her with that.

I headcanon Odo from Deep Space Nine as greyromantic asexual. A bunch of good aro moments with him reacting to romance, especially with regards to Loixanna Troi's attraction to him.

I can relate to a lot of those!

On 5/23/2017 at 9:21 AM, Ice Queen said:

Not all of them. What I meant it that there are some who keep chasing it despite knowing it is ephemeral by nature. In other words, they think that only because they're not in love with their partner anymore, then something must be wrong and thus they walk away.

I don't think those people know romance is ephemeral. Stories about romantic relationships tend to focus on the beginning imply that they should love each other in that way forever. I don't think I've ever seen a fictional romantic relationship that directly discussed limerence fading without implying that the relationship was in serious danger if they didn't get it back.

Plus, limerence-seeking can be an addictive behavior for some people.

Try to get into DBT sooner.

I like the last line.

I tried to watch Little Shop of Horrors at the age of 8. Not a good idea.

My family regularly watched Mars Attack when my younger brother was little. (The first time my Dad watched it, my toddler brother started going "at at at" as soon as he saw the disguised Martian.) I was fine with it, and he was OK when he was too little to understand what was going on, but he's told me that apparently we let him watch it when he was just getting old enough to be terrified by it.

For me, being autistic and aro, I'm terrified of how I'm going to survive when my parents die. At least I have a brother to support me, but he's got his own struggles, so who knows? If I wasn't aro, I'd be looking for a partner who can help me out, but being aro makes that a lot more complicated.     

Question #14 can't be answered because it has no option for not shaving anywhere.

Question #65 asks about your favorite 'monkey' and then lists gorilla, orangutan (which they spelt oragutang?), chimpanzee and lemur, none of which are monkeys! 

Question #91 - wtf is anallophilic? They only define it much later. Apparently it's another word for ace? 

Question #92 has no option for me - I never feel attracted to people, and if I suddenly did, I'd be too freaked out to do any of those options. (Instead, I'd probably just act uncomfortable, and then at the next soonest opportunity talk to my mom and analyze what was going on.)

Question #117 I have absolutely no clue what animal someone else would associate with me.   

Final results:

Your Raw Score is: 315, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous

Your appearance is Feminine

Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.

You appear to socialize in a androgynous manner.

You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity.

You indicated your were born Female.

ANALYSIS:
Female to Male Crossdresser 
NOTES:

• You are in a statistical minority as a anallophilic crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Your motivation for crossdressing may be driven by the undirected nature of your sexuality, as a way to more fully explore the Male gender role.

A lot more accurate than I expected given the ridiculous and flawed questions.

And by the way, my motivation for 'crossdressing' is a) comfort, b) not wanting to be sexually attractive, c) wanting stuff that actually fits, and d) wanting better quality clothing.