Untamed Heart

The Secret Life of Bacon

Purple (though I really like nearly all colours) Black (it's my happy colour) And Colour I thought someone had blown up a microwave there!

Life is too short to worry about the pearl-clutching of people who take the 'everyone is so selfish now' thing way too far and imply everyone should be some kind of slave to everyone else (i.e. if you want to live on your own terms/not have children/not get married, even if you don't exclusively care about yourself only, apparently that's still being selfish according to some...)

Pretend you're like a modern day version of Cleopatra I'd rather hug a cactus covered in sandpaper than get married

As in, I'd rather take a bath each week in a tub full of ice cream than get married?

I'd rather drive a fast car round a tricky obstacle course that was on fire than get married I'd rather be a rebel and learn self defence and household management for single people than get married

Granted, they now portray it realistically but all the actors have fierce rivalries and anger management issues, causing them to break into sword fights every five minutes, so the plots never go anywhere. I wish my dad were more erudite.

YMBAI: you listen to the song It's Raining Men and just start pondering the logistics of building an umbrella that would withstand someone landing on it from a great height, and wondering what would happen to all the bodies after the 'shower' was over? How would these men even survive falling out of the sky? So many questions...

This, especially the last line. I mean, even a lot of people who say that secretly regret having them at all. I also dislike that strangers think their opinions on your choice to be child free or not even matter lol. Some of them are really hypocritical/contradictory too. Like, you can't just have no kids but [insert arbitrary number] is "too many" (even though that depends on the parents). If something happens and you're finding it hard to get emergency childcare or something, there's always someone who will look at your situation and say you should have thought about that before having kids. Yup, I'm gonna consider every hypothetical situation and the likelihood of finding my hypothetical family in each one before I decide whether or not to get pregnant or impregnate someone else... Glad I only have the "but why don't you want kids?!" BS to deal with.

You're not as alone as you think - other people have really weird feelings that make no sense towards 'romantic interests' as well. Some of them even understand what you're talking about! The impression you get of romance and love is a Hollywood sham - it really is easier for you to be by yourself. I'm glad you didn't buy into the toxic messages too deeply, at least. Also, thanks for the memory of kneeing that dickhead you used to hang out with in the groin. It might have been an accident but he deserved it.

This is pretty much how I feel for the most part, too. Added to that, I get very anxious and stressed out when nothing's even wrong. I think I'm really insecure as well, but I'm really unsure as to whether therapy of any kind would resolve those underlying issues to the point where I'd actually be able to enjoy a relationship, or whether it really is just how I am. I suspect it is the latter, though. I look back on my other relationships/crushes that I tried to pursue and all I really see is infatuation/idealisation of the other person at best, and a superficial connection on my part (though it's taken me a while to realise this). A couple of guys (one a crush who did eventually start liking me back, the other a boyfriend) I didn't care a bean when I walked away/let them go. I wanted things to be so different with my last boyfriend, but it was still a relief to let him go, because I was fighting myself every step of the way when we were together.

Ah, if only we could print posters of that and stick them in convenient spots

I think if you're aware you don't see boys, or girls in 'that' way at the age you are, especially if many/all of your peers are getting crushes/going out with someone, I'd say it's a fair chance you are ace/aro. That's not to say it won't ever change in the future, as for some people sexuality/romantic attractions can be more fluid, and some people are 'late bloomers', but really only time will tell and it might never happen for you. I don't think you necessarily have to be a romantic/sexual person either, to experience other kinds of attraction such as sensual, aesthetic etc.

I'm not afraid of being alone per se, but I'm wondering how I'm going to survive on my own in the future, especially as I only work part time and have no real idea how to get a better job, especially where I live. I'm too stubborn to move, too. I have no real skills aside from art I guess, and my ideal kind of job (aka fantasy) would involve working by myself or with minimal contact with other humans. I know I could always try and persuade someone to live with me and split rent/even a mortgage (again, I'm probably living in a fantasy thinking the latter would be possible), but I have no intention of deliberately finding a partner with a better job than I have, for such purposes. At best it would feel disingenuous. Reading about mortgages is kind of scaring the shit out of me, but that's kind of the route I want to take at the moment.

I do agree with you there, and I realise after reading the replies here I'm probably being really biased (since dad wasn't really that hands on and more interested in going down the pub, I feel like my mum was essentially a single parent. I really admire single parents and people who raise kids in non-traditional set-ups, where it works, just don't like it when someone does Easy Street when they could/should be more involved or supportive and grumbles when they get asked for that). I'm down with pretty much any family dynamic that works, and that does also depend a lot on who's involved. I saw this documentary a few years ago where a man had something like 8 wives raising their children together and it seemed to really work for them. I really liked the concept of it.

I'd imagine this is very possible (and all snark is forgiven lol). I think that even if you're really sure about wanting children, there's not a whole lot that can prepare you for it, not even child minding really, because you know you'll get to give them back. I think having other people round who can help, paid or not, would help provide some balance but not everyone's that lucky. This is what I wanted to get at earlier, before my brain fart while it does work out better than some people expected, the stakes are too high for me to feel it's a reasonable risk if you're on the fence. If you really do regret it but also don't feel you can give them up for adoption? It disturbs me a bit to think about how that must feel. I totally agree with you here as well I get why it's encouraged, and applaud anyone who does step up to the plate, but it's wrong to imagine everyone should/must aspire to it.

Or, the reasons why it really isn't that unreasonable or selfish to not want children if you just... don't thread (I hope this is OK in this part of the forum!). Now, this isn't meant to shit on parents and people who do want kids, because people either have that desire/like children or not, and it is a tough job (and as gets pointed out, we do have to keep the population going lol), but rather discuss stuff like the things that society either conveniently brushes under the carpet or plain doesn't want to acknowledge about parenthood that could possibly put some people off, aka covering up the fact it probably isn't as great as it's made out to be, or not everyone enjoys it even though apparently you're supposed to love it. I was reading a thread on a different forum last night (aimed at and run by parents; I'm child free but sometimes end up there during forays for information/advice via Google. They do have some interesting topics though lol) where someone was saying they hated being a parent, though they still loved their kids, and had tons of replies in general agreement - over 500! Reading it further cemented my desire not to have children, because it really sounds like hell to me, but it also got me thinking about how some people say it's selfish and even 'irresponsible' not to have them, which I disagree with on many levels. I think not liking children or not having a maternal or paternal instinct/desire, simple as they come, are good enough reasons on their own. There's not anything wrong with you if you just plain don't like kids. Not to mention the obviously high global population already - there are clearly already enough people parenting in all it's forms out there to give the people who are left cold by the idea some slack. The nuclear family model isn't the best for raising children - especially where most/all of the work is left to one parent. I had this post planned in my head at work and as usual coming to write it, it hasn't gone how I wanted at all, but they're basically my own reasons for not really wanting to have children myself and justifying it (not that I care if people do think I'm selfish - I just don't see the point and like my life as it is without them). Feel free to add your own and discuss your feelings on the topic

Most of the times I've told partners I loved them, I didn't feel like I meant it or I wondered if I really did (because at least one of them said I didn't love him, but wouldn't explain when I explicitly asked what he meant or what love actually was - he just said it wasn't what I thought it was. Yeah, that was really helpful to someone trying to figure things out ). But I know I feel and mean it if I tell friends/family (not often, because I also feel some resistance to saying it, but at least I don't feel like I'm lying when I do say it).

Off-topic but my favourite song from Lion King is 'I Just Can't Wait to be King' I like the love song, but mostly because of the tune lol

Apparently I'm a lesbian then as I have longer ring fingers lol.