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Status Updates posted by Untamed Heart
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Does anyone else find it utterly hilarious that some people complain about the odd comment on a (debate) forum being 'too long', when they've probably read books that are 100 times longer and possibly more in depth? (If they even do read). I get a bit pissed off at people complaining when they're just being lazy and most of the time the offending comment isn't even directed at them.
Sometimes you do need more than a couple of paragraphs to really get your point across.
(This is on another forum and didn't actually happen to me, but I did call the lazy idiot out on it).
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I do appreciate what you're saying myself lol. I feel the same way often! But what I often think of to try to empathize or to consider if I should've written the post wiser, for me when I find long comments difficult to read, it's usually because the comment was one of the following three: not my interest; or heated/emotional/abrasive; or unpolished/unedited/unfocused.
If a book or article isn't relevant to my interests, I'm not going to read it either. If it's heated, I'm probably only going to read it if I myself am heated and it's ridiculing something I also dislike. which personally I don't do and if it's unpolished, unedited, or unfocused, I'm not going to read the book or article for sure. so I recommend,
1) if I'm not willing to read through and edit it at least one pass, I'm going to delete it without posting. Sometimes this inspires me to write the same thing in three sentences in an efficient and clear way, and then I'm surprised and proud of my work lol!
2) if it's heated, I keep it short, and then pause for a minute and think about a way to add to my post also with a short message in a non-heated way. perhaps even remove the heat, if I can, which is only easy if I can find a way to say what I want to without heat.
3) if it's corner case interest, I "spoiler" the thread saying [long] and [disclaim my topic] as tags, so those interested know to read it and those uninterested in it or in {me as a friend}, can just skip it. For example, if I "spoiler"'d this post, I'd tag it [long] [advice on self-editing posts]
and for me it's a work in progress lol! it's difficult to not get upset by such rude criticisms. rarely do people offer constructive criticism in a fair manner, only ever are they rude, blunt, or irrelevant about their nagging. it's kind of funny kind of sad kind of frustrating.
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If you're ever having a bad day where everything's going wrong, just remember that Gordon Ramsey, the stickler for kitchen discipline, once set fire to a dish and threw it into a waste bin, still on fire, while being filmed for a TV show.
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That feeling when you wanted to say something to your peeps on Arocalypse then forgot what it was...
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Was kind of an annoying evening, since I found out too late that my self defence classes had been cancelled until further notice, since I've been the only student for over a month. I'd been really excited to go since yesterday, as it got cancelled last week as well. I just hope if they start up again with more students, I won't have lost my enthusiasm.
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Got asked when I was going to get married for the first time in several years today.
So liberating to say probably never.
And to think "just watch me" when person who asked screwed her face up and shook her head at me.
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Looking for a cheap-ish spinning wheel online, really don't know why there has to be a site that tells me what's on eBay that isn't actually eBay itself. Why does it exist?? I find that really aggravating.
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So, is there really no difference between just having gay thoughts as a straight person and having desires? I just posted it as a comment on a debate forum thingy and someone said they saw no difference. I didn't bother replying but I disagree - I definitely think they're separate things, but there is probably a varying degree of overlap for other people. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different as a lesbian - would I have enjoyed being in relationships with women better? I don't have those innate romantic/sexual desires for other women, though, nor would I be open to 'trying something out' with someone willing to do that with me. I very rarely have romantic/sexual thoughts about men, but I do have those desires once in a blue moon, even if the "signals get scrambled" so I end up not knowing what I want at all any more.
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What's an asexual's favourite tree?
An Acer maple
What do you call an asexual who does kung fu?
Spruce Lee
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Saw my ex for the first time in many months today, albeit from a fairly short distance, and don't think he saw me. Was a little freaked out and amazed by my totally shit memory for faces (I couldn't even remember what he looked like when we were dating but not physically together, truth be told). It did bring up a lot of conflicting feelings, but I'm feeling more sure about what issues I actually have now, and want to work on those, but not for anyone else's sake except my own.
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My computer just randomly exited the Internet while I was on YouTube. Can't wait to buy a new one...
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Stuff I've been pondering lately: have any women suddenly started having crushes on other women later in life, when they never did before? (I've never had crushes - romantic or otherwise - on other women, but I have sometimes felt a bit confused and questioned how straight I actually am and wondered if anyone had ever experienced that, rather than being bi or lesbian the whole time and either in denial or not realising how they actually did feel thanks to heteronormativity), and is it possible to gradually become aro over time? ALSO: I love indulging in romantic fantasies now and then, but I nearly always sabotage them in some way - e.g. I'll have a nice 'fantasy boyfriend' but after a short while I might make him want kids or do something else unforgivable... it rarely ends up being 'happy ever after'. Does that mean anything? LMAO!!
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Not gonna answer the first question since I'm not a woman; as for "is it possible to gradually become aro over time?"
I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me, although I'm also questioning whether my past "crushes" were actually special-interest-style squishes whom I were aesthetically attracted to. In any case, my desire to have any connection that could be remotely classified as romantic has gradually plummeted to the point of nonexistence (which is why I went from identifying as lithromantic, to identifying as totally aromantic). The most romo thing I did recently was consider the possibility of being my squish's boyfriend rather than queerplatonic partner, since I'm not sure if he has a squish, or an unrequited crush on me. Then my squish mentioned the idea of marriage (not even in the sense of anyone getting married--just the concept of marriage) and I was so romance-repulsed that I decided I could never be anyone's romantic partner under any circumstance ever.
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Thanks, that does make sense - I really don't think I could get married. The idea doesn't repulse me as such, but after feeling so awful and confused in most of my relationships (2 - 3 months on average), it doesn't seem like a good thing for me to do. I'd only do it if I met someone extraordinarily well matched to me and we still felt like being together after at least two years - IMHO that's not a realistic expectation (and I don't care if I'm never proven wrong). I also abhor the fact it costs so much to separate and there's so much upheaval involved, even if it's done on good terms.
Even if I'm not growing more aro, I'd still rather avoid romance, as well. I'm still happy being single and living on my own terms, even though I'm not fully independent yet
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And I just read that special-interest style squish link... I've definitely had that more than once, but it never actually occurred to me it could be linked to autism. I was diagnosed at 17, didn't know until my late 20s though and I'm still learning new things about how it affects me . I had a very long term obsession with an ageing rock star (5+ years) for one, and several obsessions with other non-celeb people along the way.
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I was dreaming about eating delicious icecream this morning, and this lovechild of two gay newsreaders was handing me a money off coupon for some of the really fancy stuff while I was in the middle of a foodgasm. Never been so disappointed to wake up!
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How do you even know if you're 'seeing the whole person', anyway? Also, I'm thinking of seeing a counsellor again. The lady I saw last time was great and I left with a different perspective, but we didn't really work on any issues. I was so focussed on trying to find out why I felt the ways I did with my ex, rather than possible causes, mostly because there weren't any tangible ones. I was depressed and anxious for no reason, but I am starting to identify potential underlying issues and really want to explore them. I don't want to get "fixed" in order to find someone (I really don't need a boyfriend), I just really want to know what's going on with my brain and become a better person for myself.
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Doesn't "seeing the whole person" mean being able to recognise both the flaws and strengths of someone?
I'm glad that you want to start exploring your mind more--that takes a lot of courage. I know that mental illness complicates my attraction to people, and right now I'm working with my therapist to figure out what things I'm uncomfortable with due to PTSD, and what things I'm uncomfortable with because I just haven't tried them yet.
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I think you're right, but to me, it's just another one of those things that people throw out there as 'dating advice' and never actually explain, maybe because they assume people already know what it all means?
I'm almost absolutely certain that autism makes things more difficult for me in relationships, to a greater or lesser degree. I realised as well, I'm probably more 'shallow' than I thought - I've always a little anxious or worried about boyfriends getting haircuts because it changes how they look, and it makes me feel differently about them for a short while. I find that interesting, especially since I'm not sure I've been (much) past primary attraction (another thing people don't explain ).
I hope you're able to work through your issues, too - it will be worth it, I have faith in you!
I feel I'm more on a quest for knowledge, than anything else. I don't want to get "fixed" in order to be able to date, I just really want to know what's going on in my head and make things more comfortable for myself, hopefully even become more assertive and stuff
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Things I've learned in the last few days:
I'm not 100% straight (was IDing as ace, but that went out the window on Friday in Tesco when I had a very weak, but definite 'pull' towards a male staff member, and have been vaguely attracted to other women too...). Maybe I'm about 96% het, not that I'm looking to get with anyone anyway. The Flippity Flop Feelings, Everything Is On Fire Ride isn't one I'm willing to take anyone else on right now, even if I didn't prefer being single.
Animal species that have no natural predators tend to be patriarchal (hippos, for one).
Romance apparently evolved between parents and their offspring as a means of ensuring they would be nurtured well enough to survive, and there's no biological reason romantic/sexual orientations need to match.
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*really need to work on all kinds of stuff and eat something at some point*
*procrastinates all evening*
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Found a sweet Cubone magnetic needle minder online today, since I've been doing a lot of sewing up of knitted stuff and somehow using a pincushion seems like too much of a chore (I'm lazy, don't judge me ) There was a really cool moulded bat skull one as well, but the postage was a wee bit too high for my liking
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Got an email from work saying my online course progress had been reset, I think it just means I have to do it again anyway as it's meant to be yearly, but I kind of feel like I played a really lame, drawn-out boss fight and forgot to save my progress.
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Alternative remake version of Beauty and the Beast - Trump vs LGBT? Trump/Pence as Gaston/LeFou, Townspeople as Trump supporters, the Beast as the LGBT community (often maligned, erased and deliberately misrepresented, misunderstood etc), Belle and the talking furniture as Allies.
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So, I play on a virtual pet site, it's loosely based on MLP and we have a Pony of the Week announced each Sunday, usually with a theme. Obviously this week's is Valentine's and... the pony is GREEN! I'm laughing so hard right now!
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Is it OK to use Google to find a local counsellor, or is it better through the doctor? I only asked if I could borrow the phone to ring one I'd emailed and got an inquisition from mum (not telling her why I want to go, though).
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I think it's definitely ok to use either ! A doctor would probably have one councillor whom they trust and recommend people to, whereas if you look online you can find multiple places near you and look through their reviews and extra information. It depends on what feels right or is easiest. Hope this was helpful x
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Really want to write some romance novels with plot twists like the main protagonists not getting together at the end, because they're mature enough to realise they're not a good match in spite of forming a strong bond through adventure, or a protagonist realising they're better off alone for some reason. Also, perhaps one featuring an aro-majority population? Idk. I like coming up with ideas but I'm terrible at writing
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Dreamt I was engaged to my ex (still felt pretty much the same in the dream as I did about him in real life, a little better but not significantly) and Eddie Redmayne was there as well for some reason, just milling about in the conservatory smiling politely.
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Why do I often find myself watching let's plays of horror games before I have to go to bed?
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Feeling like a ridiculous mess right now, as I was thinking about my ex and got hit out of nowhere by an absolute sledgehammer of emotion.
The ex I didn't get attached to and couldn't even be proper friends with after I let him go, because it felt so forced for me and I knew it wasn't fair on either of us to keep going, in either the relationship or friendship afterwards.
I was beyond ready to leave, almost numb, when I ended things, but later on felt like I could have, maybe should have done more, because I felt bad for hurting him like I did. I wanted to take my text back after I sent it, saying I needed to talk to him that Friday the 13th (to break up with him), but I couldn't see any other way forward. Not sending the text that day would have only been delaying the inevitable.
When I saw him at the art group in the weeks after that, I felt either indifferent towards him or like I'd made a mistake, but I didn't say anything as I knew it wouldn't do any good, and even if I'd felt like things would have been different, I didn't want to mess him around. I let him go so he could find someone who could return his love better than I could.
I had considered counselling or something, but they can't help manufacture feelings out of anxiety and vagueness, and I felt afraid of telling people how I felt because I thought they'd just say, let him go anyway, you're obviously not into him and it's not fair to 'lead him on', or even ask why I got with him if I'd felt like this might happen.
I feel like I was selfish, even though we both liked each other and I just wanted to give him a chance at the time. I'd been single through choice for the best part of 10 years, hadn't even been looking for anyone and thought it might be better this time. It was nice to start with, after a few 'blips' on my part, then just started going downhill. I was super excited for our first date, then felt like dying on the day and nothing had changed in the meantime to cause that.
I tried so hard to hold on, and did a lot of ridiculous, ineffectual things to try and trick my brain into just letting me feel something again, hoping my feelings might come back and stick around for once. I did have a few brief moments (from a few minutes, maybe up to an hour or two) of feeling that kind of warmth and happiness I'm under the impression you're supposed to feel in a new relationship, in between the wtf-ness. It was something I hadn't really felt before with anyone else, but the rest of the time was kinda horrible but I tried to ignore it . I should have left before I did, not waited to see if my feelings somehow came 'right'. I didn't understand what was wrong and everything was freaking me out, but I really shouldn't have dragged it out like I did.
I guess I probably should see a counsellor anyway. I broke up with him 8 months ago, haven't even spoken to him since sometime after I sent him my coming out letter, though I think about him now and again and hope he'll be OK. I shouldn't feel this way.
It's OK if nobody knows how to respond to this - I don't mind. I know it looks dramatic and attention seeking, but I couldn't keep it in once I started typing and it wasn't meant to be this long either. I am hurting inside, but I will be OK in time.
You've already helped me a lot, and I'm so grateful for that you don't even know.
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Feeling kind of sad and a little annoyed to find that something I posted months ago on another forum and wanted to read through again (when I was still trying to find answers to my 'romance confusion') got deleted at some point and I didn't have a copy saved anywhere. Pretty sure it's just part of a routine forum clear out thing, but I did want to read it again and see what jumped out at me now that I know more about how I feel lol.