Untamed Heart
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Status Replies posted by Untamed Heart
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I've noticed you stated your hetero greysexual. I was curious if it's more like hetero-demisexuality? Whereas you only have sexual attraction when you're great friends with a man and you have great chemistry. You obtain a squish, like a romance crush but only on a friendship level.
Having sexual attraction is just the mental / emotional side of the orientation but sexual arousal is the physical sensation and the reception of such, not necessarily will you act on the physical / biological urge.
Or do you have specific tweaks to the grey / demisexuality where you're a sapio, a person turned on by someone's intelligence and the way they present themselves in an intellectual manner with others, including yourself?
I mean, there is so many areas to look into and research, let alone articulate about ones own self and how you view people.
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That's really insightful, thanks! The whole aesthetic attraction was definitely what was happening with me when I realised I liked my ex. I didn't realise that's all it really was until I came here. I can relate to liking the idea of being with someone more than the reality, as well.
I feel, at least right now, I'm kind of too independent to want to deliberately seek anyone out. Even when I was a child, I didn't really make huge efforts to develop friendships with most of the other kids in school. I guess I'd be anxious avoidant, or around that ballpark.
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I've noticed you stated your hetero greysexual. I was curious if it's more like hetero-demisexuality? Whereas you only have sexual attraction when you're great friends with a man and you have great chemistry. You obtain a squish, like a romance crush but only on a friendship level.
Having sexual attraction is just the mental / emotional side of the orientation but sexual arousal is the physical sensation and the reception of such, not necessarily will you act on the physical / biological urge.
Or do you have specific tweaks to the grey / demisexuality where you're a sapio, a person turned on by someone's intelligence and the way they present themselves in an intellectual manner with others, including yourself?
I mean, there is so many areas to look into and research, let alone articulate about ones own self and how you view people.
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I think it's more that I'm not sure what to do when I get into a relationship; my feelings can fade pretty easily, and I get really confused and anxious about everything. I've only been happy in one relationship; it was long distance and we only ever met once. I don't think it would have lasted if we'd been able to date in person, though.
Most of my crushes are more romantic feeling than sexual, or platonic. It's definitely not demi, because I can get crushes on people I don't know that well. I've only had one crush on someone I'd already known for a long time
not sapio either, because I have fancied people who weren't very bright before 
I do prefer interacting with intelligent people, but I don't find intelligence a turn on in itself.
I call myself grey because I don't seem to match the 'romantic profile' of anyone I know personally, even in my own family.
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That feeling when you wanted to say something to your peeps on Arocalypse then forgot what it was...
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Got asked when I was going to get married for the first time in several years today.
So liberating to say probably never.
And to think "just watch me" when person who asked screwed her face up and shook her head at me.
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Got asked when I was going to get married for the first time in several years today.
So liberating to say probably never.
And to think "just watch me" when person who asked screwed her face up and shook her head at me.
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Yep!
strangely enough I rarely ever get asked if I have a boyfriend/husband. I don't find it that annoying when I do get asked, because I have very firm convictions about only wanting to get married if I find the right person, and don't care if that never happens. It's just nice that I only get asked once in a blue moon 
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Sorry, I messed up my comment on your thread
Just leaving a note since you liked it before I updated it.
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So, is there really no difference between just having gay thoughts as a straight person and having desires? I just posted it as a comment on a debate forum thingy and someone said they saw no difference. I didn't bother replying but I disagree - I definitely think they're separate things, but there is probably a varying degree of overlap for other people. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different as a lesbian - would I have enjoyed being in relationships with women better? I don't have those innate romantic/sexual desires for other women, though, nor would I be open to 'trying something out' with someone willing to do that with me. I very rarely have romantic/sexual thoughts about men, but I do have those desires once in a blue moon, even if the "signals get scrambled" so I end up not knowing what I want at all any more.
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So, is there really no difference between just having gay thoughts as a straight person and having desires? I just posted it as a comment on a debate forum thingy and someone said they saw no difference. I didn't bother replying but I disagree - I definitely think they're separate things, but there is probably a varying degree of overlap for other people. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different as a lesbian - would I have enjoyed being in relationships with women better? I don't have those innate romantic/sexual desires for other women, though, nor would I be open to 'trying something out' with someone willing to do that with me. I very rarely have romantic/sexual thoughts about men, but I do have those desires once in a blue moon, even if the "signals get scrambled" so I end up not knowing what I want at all any more.
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In summary, what you *want*/*desire* is your orientation; what you think about is what you think about; what you do is what you do and doesn't affect your orientation.
Well, that is basically what I was thinking, and thanks for your reply
it was really more of a rant about other people not being able to separate things like thoughts/feelings, because they're blatantly not one and the same 
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I probably have something wrong with me... As it was brought up as I was talking to an old bestfriend, I really do have some... fixation problems. I just. Obsess over someone or something really bad at times and even people I normally do care about doesn't feel like they matter at those times. I still try to act normal to them but just. Barely tolerate them. And like. When I am out of that obsessing period, then I have a not caring about anything stage and kinda return back to normal but then feel hallow inside. It can be character, person I really admire, a story, a rp, a personality theory, anything. And that can be really bad for human interactions because I really don't care most of the time and feel like I am just faking it often times. Also, since I am still a human being I might end up talking with someone about what I was obsessing over too if they really like it too, which might lead to a randomly made friendship and since emotions there are INTENSE I don't even realize that we barely know anything about each other but feel pretty attached to each other by then and when my interest to topic cools down, there is often some messy friendship breaks.....any idea what the problem might be? Don't wanna go to see some professional help without at least some idea of what it might be?
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I think you would probably benefit from going. I know I felt a kind of relief when I found out, because I did have that feeling something was 'off' and I could never put my finger on it, though it seemed like everyone else (i.e. horrible kids at school) could see how I was different. I'm not great at the interaction thing either - if I had millions I'd probably end up living as a semi-recluse or something
It's still your call at the end of the day, but I wish you luck whatever you decide to do
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I probably have something wrong with me... As it was brought up as I was talking to an old bestfriend, I really do have some... fixation problems. I just. Obsess over someone or something really bad at times and even people I normally do care about doesn't feel like they matter at those times. I still try to act normal to them but just. Barely tolerate them. And like. When I am out of that obsessing period, then I have a not caring about anything stage and kinda return back to normal but then feel hallow inside. It can be character, person I really admire, a story, a rp, a personality theory, anything. And that can be really bad for human interactions because I really don't care most of the time and feel like I am just faking it often times. Also, since I am still a human being I might end up talking with someone about what I was obsessing over too if they really like it too, which might lead to a randomly made friendship and since emotions there are INTENSE I don't even realize that we barely know anything about each other but feel pretty attached to each other by then and when my interest to topic cools down, there is often some messy friendship breaks.....any idea what the problem might be? Don't wanna go to see some professional help without at least some idea of what it might be?
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No worries about the long reply
more detail is better if you go to someone for a diagnosis, anyway.
I'm not going to say it's definitely autism, but I have been through periods that sound quite similar, and I was diagnosed with Asperger's (now apparently a defunct term) when I was 17. I didn't find out until about 10 years later, but I can definitely see that I hyperfixated on certain people and somewhat neglected others in the mean time. One guy I was fixated on (for over a year, maybe two) I walked away from with barely a second thought a few weeks after I "woke up" from it. I also have weird mood swings/fluctuating interest (like, intense interest/happiness, then literal depression/anxiety/low or no interest for a while but wondering why the hell my feelings went away) in most of the people I develop a crush on. But I also get the 'feeling close without really knowing them that well' thing. God, I loathe it!
But I agree it could be autism, ADHD, BPD or hyperfixation (or some kind of combination of any of those).
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i haz just realized i am biromantic, am i still welcome here?
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Saw my ex for the first time in many months today, albeit from a fairly short distance, and don't think he saw me. Was a little freaked out and amazed by my totally shit memory for faces (I couldn't even remember what he looked like when we were dating but not physically together, truth be told). It did bring up a lot of conflicting feelings, but I'm feeling more sure about what issues I actually have now, and want to work on those, but not for anyone else's sake except my own.
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My computer just randomly exited the Internet while I was on YouTube. Can't wait to buy a new one...
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so apparently shipping is a thing in "Attack on Titan"
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So I just had the sweetest conversation today with two of my friends about how glad we are to know each other and I was able to open up to my friend about how she's my favorite person on Earth and how it was my squish on her that made me realize I was aromantic and I'm still kinda riding that wholesome high. I love my friends so much.
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Stuff I've been pondering lately: have any women suddenly started having crushes on other women later in life, when they never did before? (I've never had crushes - romantic or otherwise - on other women, but I have sometimes felt a bit confused and questioned how straight I actually am and wondered if anyone had ever experienced that, rather than being bi or lesbian the whole time and either in denial or not realising how they actually did feel thanks to heteronormativity), and is it possible to gradually become aro over time? ALSO: I love indulging in romantic fantasies now and then, but I nearly always sabotage them in some way - e.g. I'll have a nice 'fantasy boyfriend' but after a short while I might make him want kids or do something else unforgivable... it rarely ends up being 'happy ever after'. Does that mean anything?
LMAO!!
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And I just read that special-interest style squish link... I've definitely had that more than once, but it never actually occurred to me it could be linked to autism. I was diagnosed at 17, didn't know until my late 20s though and I'm still learning new things about how it affects me
. I had a very long term obsession with an ageing rock star (5+ years) for one, and several obsessions with other non-celeb people along the way.
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Stuff I've been pondering lately: have any women suddenly started having crushes on other women later in life, when they never did before? (I've never had crushes - romantic or otherwise - on other women, but I have sometimes felt a bit confused and questioned how straight I actually am and wondered if anyone had ever experienced that, rather than being bi or lesbian the whole time and either in denial or not realising how they actually did feel thanks to heteronormativity), and is it possible to gradually become aro over time? ALSO: I love indulging in romantic fantasies now and then, but I nearly always sabotage them in some way - e.g. I'll have a nice 'fantasy boyfriend' but after a short while I might make him want kids or do something else unforgivable... it rarely ends up being 'happy ever after'. Does that mean anything?
LMAO!!
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Thanks, that does make sense - I really don't think I could get married. The idea doesn't repulse me as such, but after feeling so awful and confused in most of my relationships (2 - 3 months on average), it doesn't seem like a good thing for me to do. I'd only do it if I met someone extraordinarily well matched to me and we still felt like being together after at least two years - IMHO that's not a realistic expectation (and I don't care if I'm never proven wrong). I also abhor the fact it costs so much to separate and there's so much upheaval involved, even if it's done on good terms.
Even if I'm not growing more aro, I'd still rather avoid romance, as well. I'm still happy being single and living on my own terms, even though I'm not fully independent yet
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I was dreaming about eating delicious icecream this morning, and this lovechild of two gay newsreaders was handing me a money off coupon for some of the really fancy stuff while I was in the middle of a foodgasm. Never been so disappointed to wake up!
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How do you even know if you're 'seeing the whole person', anyway? Also, I'm thinking of seeing a counsellor again. The lady I saw last time was great and I left with a different perspective, but we didn't really work on any issues. I was so focussed on trying to find out why I felt the ways I did with my ex, rather than possible causes, mostly because there weren't any tangible ones. I was depressed and anxious for no reason, but I am starting to identify potential underlying issues and really want to explore them. I don't want to get "fixed" in order to find someone (I really don't need a boyfriend), I just really want to know what's going on with my brain and become a better person for myself.
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I think you're right, but to me, it's just another one of those things that people throw out there as 'dating advice' and never actually explain, maybe because they assume people already know what it all means?
I'm almost absolutely certain that autism makes things more difficult for me in relationships, to a greater or lesser degree. I realised as well, I'm probably more 'shallow' than I thought - I've always a little anxious or worried about boyfriends getting haircuts because it changes how they look, and it makes me feel differently about them for a short while. I find that interesting, especially since I'm not sure I've been (much) past primary attraction (another thing people don't explain
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I hope you're able to work through your issues, too - it will be worth it, I have faith in you!
I feel I'm more on a quest for knowledge, than anything else. I don't want to get "fixed" in order to be able to date, I just really want to know what's going on in my head and make things more comfortable for myself, hopefully even become more assertive and stuff
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Things I've learned in the last few days:
I'm not 100% straight (was IDing as ace, but that went out the window on Friday in Tesco when I had a very weak, but definite 'pull' towards a male staff member, and have been vaguely attracted to other women too...). Maybe I'm about 96% het, not that I'm looking to get with anyone anyway. The Flippity Flop Feelings, Everything Is On Fire Ride isn't one I'm willing to take anyone else on right now, even if I didn't prefer being single.
Animal species that have no natural predators tend to be patriarchal (hippos, for one).
Romance apparently evolved between parents and their offspring as a means of ensuring they would be nurtured well enough to survive, and there's no biological reason romantic/sexual orientations need to match.
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Where; in this wide world; can I find someone to be able to speak and ask to on why am I a walking, talking, thinking, moving, reacting, mental, psychological, emotional, and living disaster?
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I accidentally woke up a few hours too early cause I went to bed early. Mostly because I got no sleep the previous night. And then I couldn't go back to bed because I was worried about heart palpitations that are most likely harmless. A+
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Got an email from work saying my online course progress had been reset, I think it just means I have to do it again anyway as it's meant to be yearly, but I kind of feel like I played a really lame, drawn-out boss fight and forgot to save my progress.
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Currently up when I should be sleeping. Nothing new there.
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Changed my display name here to be the same as my Discord name. I know this means I won`t be able to change it back for a month, but... it`s worth it, I guess.
not sapio either, because I have fancied people who weren't very bright before 
I do prefer interacting with intelligent people, but I don't find intelligence a turn on in itself.
Just leaving a note since you liked it before I updated it.
