Holmbo

I've been IDing as gray ace for a long time. But recent research has made me question of maybe I'm in fact just ace. Although I've decided it really doesn't make that much difference either way. I don't have any plans to have sex anytime soon regardless.

What kind of physical sensations are you experiencing?

Your preference for men seem more about practicality than a platonic attraction to that gender. So maybe if you want to use the bi gender you could say you're biplatonic and bi- aesthetic. Good luck!

Sometimes one can feel there's one way to be in a community. Are there any ways you feel different or like "you're doing it wrong" about being aro? (Obviously there's no such thing as a wrong aro but it could be a fun discussion)

I could just post this story in my status but I wanted to make a post about it so that others can share their own. For four years I've been living in a smaller city, about an hour train ride away from Stockholm were I grew up. There are many things I enjoy about living here and about my work but after a while I began to grow bored with some of them. So about a year ago I decided to start looking for jobs in Stockholm, to move back there. I would look for postings with the same role I have know, planning architect (I suppose you'd call it in English) but I didn't feel enthusiastic about it, imagining it would be just the same as my current job when I wanted to try something new. I tried finding other kinds of postings that I felt interested in and qualified for but it was difficult. I also felt torn about leaving my current job, abandoning my projects. So one day as I was working it hit me. Traffic planning! So in June I sent some emails to different traffic planning consultants asking what kind of education one would need to work with them. I've only taken a single course in traffic planning so I wasn't at all sure they'd be interested. But one of them suggested we'd do a video call talk. We did so and everything she said felt absolutely right to me. I didn't have to pretend enthusiasm as I had for other jobs. And before I knew it I was in a recruitment process and later I was hired. Also in my current job one of my biggest projects is coming to a close. And another I'll have time to wrap up before I leave. So it really feels like I'm finishing up a chapter in my life rather than just abandoning it. Anyways I wanted to share it to encourage others who might feel stuck and like there are no great options. Just explore and reflect and you might find something. Also, if you're looking for a job, don't just go for the postings, make contact yourself with those you're interested in. I would love to hear others stories about things that worked themselves out for you

Yeah I usually check in weekly rather than coming everyday, cause I know there's not gonna be much new. I feel though that people are good at responding to posts, I rarely see one empty, but not many posts their own. Maybe if we write what kind of posts we're interested in everyone will feel inspired to post more. What kind of posts do you must often respond to @Violet Stars

Yeah this is always my fear too. It's especially dangerous with aro headcannons imo because it's like their lack of love interest becomes one giant build up for them finding "the one". You can never really prove the negative without getting explicit about it.

Love Brake! Another aspect I forgot to mention in my original post though is English isn't my or my friends first language. I read and listen to a lot of English so I'm very comfortable with it, but most of my close friends would hesitate to dive into a academic sounding text like that one. I have some acquaintances that might be interested though, but I would have to sell it to them with my post.

Record of a space born few by Becky Chambers has a pow aroallo character. The book doesn't use the term aromantic, but it doesn't label any of the the other characters orientation either. Instead it uses context to explain, having the aro pow think that romance has never been her thing. The book is third in a series. But each book is pretty much stand alone. However if you do want to read them in order the first book is The long way to a small angry planet. In that book there's also an aroallo character, of sorts. It's an alien whos species doesn't form romantic bonds. I would highly recommend them if you want some feel good read with great characters.

I don't know your friend but to me that response sounded dismissive. Now if it was intended as dismissive that could be for various reasons. Maybe your friend feel hurt by your declaration. You say they uses romantic gestures. Maybe she wants to be in a romantic relationship with you and feel rejected. If you want to know your friends feelings better you could try asking her an open question about it. Such as How do you feel about me being aromantic? And see what she responds with. If she avoids the question you could push a bit and say that it's something important to you. If her response is still IDC then your friendship is probably not working.

True But let's take this a scenario then. Your friend were estranged from their mother (for some third party reason) and never knew her. Suddenly when your friend is 25 they have a chance to finally connect. Connecting with their mom makes your friend so happy and she spends lots of time hanging out with her and talking on the phone, building their relationship. In that case would you feel jelaous that your friendship couldn't have provided her with that?

Recently I've felt this urge to post about aromanticism or amatonormativity on Facebook. It feels strange to me because before I've always wanted to be very private about my orientation. I think the shift came when I realize that my friends never ask about my experience of being aro, even though they've all been accepting when I told them. Maybe if I shared my interest in the topic they would know this is something I'd like to talk about. Of course I could share private links to them. But I feel like maybe it could be interesting to see what aquintances have to say. I'm not sure what to post though. All the stuff I find interesting is things you need to have a basic understanding of aromanticism to understand. What are y'alls experience with posting on social media about this topic. What have you shared and why?

Action is what matters, not the feelings. If you treat them well it's fine.

I don't really feel like that, so I hope others who can relate jump in aswell. I know there are many. Personally I see romantic relationships as an entire different category to friendship. To be jelaousy of it feels like akin to being jelaous about someone's relationship with their mom. A question, is it the ranking itself (putting one person above another) that feels bad for you? Or is it that you're not the top most ranked? I assume you feel different closeness with different friends? That you also priorities sometimes or favor one friend above the other. Are those friends who you don't feel as close to not meaningful to you?

I'm not sure I have any deep friendships. I have two friends which I've known all my life. Because of our history, our friendship feel more important to me but I don't feel like I can share everything with them. Not that I don't trust them but cause they don't understand sometines, we are very different people.

Anyone up for a general discussion on how to grow deeper friendships. What qualifies as a deep friendship to you and is it something you desire? Do you have it currently with anyone? Any advice for people on how to get their with their friends? I'll post my own musings in the comments but I didn't want to make a post just about myself so feel free to add your own examples or questions.

Maybe advice her to come here. Many people feel similar to her so it might help her feel less alone about her feelings and also get advice on how to think about friendships.

Your post is well written and I found it an interesting read. I'm unsure what advice to offer for clarification. What are the reasons you feel like you're not aromantic? Do you know of the concept of squish?

You could still get married as an aro ace. However if I were you I would not focus on the act of marriage but rather think about what kind of relationships I want in my life. Also don't feel like you have to decide now. Really what difference does it make in your present life if you were to marry in ten years?

Maybe the parallel world can have some different norms which would give opportunity for your character to reflect on the concept of sexuality as separate from marriage.

Maybe add some different characters that can symbolize different things for her to reject, so to speak. For example you could include a "super cute" romantic couple and have her realize. I don't want that at all. And later she can encounter someone who's all about sexual experiences (that might be harder for the time period though).

Hi and belated welcome! Do you have any special preference of fiction?

What about just Aromantic plain and simple? ? Is there some reason you feel aromantic doesn't fit you?

When I think about it, why do we even need a Latin term? Wouldn't it be better to just say romancenormativity (romonormativity for short ?) Much more intuitive IMO.