Holmbo

The article was actually about asexuality and the aromantic mention was just of the type "some asexuals are also aromantic (definition) and some are not". But still I think it's good visibility. Here are the flags they included.

I agree with what others have said but also if you feel like you want to have some negatively proof moment there's nothing wrong with trying out dating. For me personally I realized I was aromantic after going out with a guy who seemed perfect on paper and there just wasn't anything there for me after about the second date. 

I recently learned the term gold star asexual.

The term "gold star asexual" refers to a hypothetical asexual person whose asexuality cannot be attributed to trauma, disability or other external factors. As I understand it it's used to joke about gatekeeping and who's considered "more authentic" (but I don't know if any the ace community also uses it seriously which if so of course I don't agree with).

I thought we could use this to explore what stereotypes would go into making "the gold star aro"? It's like the "how are you a bad aromantic?" thread but the opposite.

I totally get what you mean. Aro really doesn't say much about a persons actions. There are many aros who are in romantic relationships. But as others have said there are other terms which describes choices about relationships. It would be interesting to write some article about this though. Looking at the intersection between aromanticism and single by choice or other labels.

On 2/9/2024 at 1:05 AM, smac n cheese said:

For food, I'd say fast food because it isn't very romantic, to say the least 

And really healthy food is paradoxally also not romantic. Our official meal could be a hamburger with a kale smoothie.

You can't. You can try by making a very big deal of it each time. And not in a fun way but in a boring way which they would want to avoid.

Since aromantic is the absence of romantic feelings it can be hard to define. If you're questioning the best way is probably to read around a bit.

Also even if you've not always felt this way aro might be the best description for your experience currently and that's also valid.

Additionally you might identify with other communities like single at hearth/ non partnered, which are for people who don't desire romantic relationships, regardless if they are aro or not.

I don't think the split attraction model has caught on among most polyamourus people. I think aros can fit well into a polyamourus relationship and it's valid to describe oneself as polyamourus. However you will need to clarify what kind of relationship you're more specifically open for. Which is good to do anyway.

I've also been exploring polya but I label myself as a relationship anarchist.

4 hours ago, me_kachu said:

I got type one last year! If you wanna find out more, Im ya girl

I'm sorry to hear that but good that you've been learning about it. I've heard there are some studies to try to find treatments for it. Do you know of them and if so are you part of any?

2 hours ago, Ekaterina said:

Oh I see, thanks for explaining. I didn't know this part about sexual explanation symbolism (how does this explanation work though if you don't mind telling, do people use analogy to pollination to explain sex?

People don't actually talk about birds and bees. They just use that expression as a euphemism for talking to their child about sex.

I'm reading Don Quixote and in a little side story lo and behold: a super aro woman. I don't remember her name now but her story is she's very beautiful and so many men are in love with her and call her cruel for not returning their love. She just want to spend her time alone in nature and not be bothered, and she calls them out about how can it be bad for a woman to remain by herself when virginity is consider such a virtue.

I imagine you could ask in most online places to get answer for this question. For example on Reddit in the AskReddit group.

2 hours ago, aroneous said:

Right, I was just referring to aromantics who say "I can't relate at all to wanting love and romance", which is a common way for someone to express their aromanticism. I think I can relate and I understand why someone would want it, I just don't want it myself, so I wonder where I stand in relation to them.

It's very specific. I could draw an analogy to imagining you're about to bite into a sour lemon, and feeling your mouth get tense. If I imagine doing something romantic with someone in a specific context, I can feel some inklings of the "butterflies in the stomach" and other sensations that probably accompany romance. It often happens while I'm dreaming and usually tends to be specific people, but I don't think it means I am genuinely attracted to them, it's just something I "note" in the moment and forget about as soon as I stop thinking about it. I'm just not sure how common that is amongst aromantics. I guess it is pretty analogous to asexuality, in that one can imagine situations to stimulate sexual pleasure without necessarily feeling any kind of sexual attraction.

None of this sounds unusual for an aro. We all have variations for sure so if you find a microlabel which feels fit you go ahead and use it. However most microlabels are used to describe how one in some sense revert from the norm. For example grey romantic is about feeling some romantic attraction, cupio romantic is about desiring a romantic relationship.

From what I've heard from other it's not uncommon to be able to understand why someone want a romantic relationship and sometimes experience things feeling kinda like romantic attraction. Romance is a nebulous concept so it can be hard to even say what's romantic or not.

"aros usually just cannot understand the motivation for romance at all"

I don't think this is the case. There are many aros who are in romantic relationships. Maybe you could elaborate what you mean in regards to motivation of romance?

"If I fantasize, I can still elicit in myself the same anticipation of romance and the pleasures involved that previously would have led to actions that would be characteristic of attraction."

Is this with a particular person or can you do this with anyone?

I don't have experience with that in particular but I feel fantasy is very different from actual experience. Not sure you differ from many other aromantics if you sometimes fantasies about wanting romance, same as an asexual might fantasies about wanting sex.

19 hours ago, N1GHTM4R3 said:

Any clothes that make you feel ready to run away from marriage should be fine.

Mm workout clothes. Workout seems pretty unromantic to me. No one is like "I went on this really romantic running date".

On 1/27/2024 at 9:51 PM, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

Sunflowers I have seen as a symbol used by some aroallos. Similarly to yellow roses, it can mean friendship, but I have seen it used to generally mean friends with benefits, being aroallo simply put, the yellow and green of the flower looks similar to the aroallo flag, and sunflowers aren't typically associated as a romantic flower (though, I believe, there was a time it meant romantic feelings or innocent love, because people used to and still do gift it to others instead of red roses, but I digress).

Also heart sunglasses worn by aros because we love being ironic. I actually wish I could buy some, but I'm legally blind without my normal glasses, and buying a prescription pair of sunglasses in the shape of hearts would be expensive as shit.

Maybe you could buy some kind of clip ons

8 hours ago, Balfrog said:

Kissing is quite nice although I don't get why people get the tongue involved. .

It feels good. The tongue has many touch sensors.

Bella Baxter from poor things seems very much aroallo.

1 hour ago, MondoBilby said:

Limes

And subsequently Lemon Lime Bitters (specifically the Bundaberg variety as they are green)

I think I can spot all the aro colours in this picture ^^^ (also it says "aromatic" on the box which is close enough 👀)

Those look good. Have you had them?

I like this MS paint aro flag

I love open mouth kissing with someone who's good at it.

A follow up question: anyone who's aroallo and don't enjoy that kissing? Because I associate it with sex rather than romance but I'm curious if some find it romantic.

Yeah I think romantic attraction would mean the desire to do romantic activities with the person. Maybe you got those feelings for another reason? For example I for a while was very obsessed with a character in a TV show. I would think about them a lot and they would pop into my mind at lots of different moments. When thinking about them sometimes I would feel kinda nervous and Ill at ease though. I did not feel romantic or sexual attraction for them so I think it was just something in their storyline which affected me more deeply. 

8 minutes ago, Helion said:

For my mom specifically I feel nothing good, we have a very rough relationship unfortunately.

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you think you will end contact with her at some point? Because I feel like a lot of people stay in contact with family because they feel a connection to them even if they don't like them. So I wonder if maybe someone afamilial would lack that compulsion.

I have a friend that will send me sad emojis when some celebrity dies unexpectedly. I don't really get it. Sure it's sad if their life ended early but not more sad to me than any other person I did not have a relationship. If I have enjoyed their work I would feel sad to not get more of it. If it was someone I felt I knew, from interviews or such, I might feel sad, but even then it just feels too one sided. I don't think I could care for someone who has no idea I excist. 

What about you?

@Helionso do you feel platonic attraction to your mom?