SoulWolf

I go with agender because nothing really fits. The concept of 'feeling like' a gender doesn't make any sense to me, I have no idea what that feels like. I don't think I've ever felt gender-y. I just put up with people calling me a woman and such because I got used to it and arguing with it didn't make any sense either... it's not like I'd rather be called a man. Although when that happens (people calling me 'he' over the internet), it doesn't really bother me much either. It seems about the same level of 'wrong' as being thought of as a woman does... but I guess it's more amusing because it happens less often. I don't know what you should do though.

I went with something like "I don't think there's anything I can do to help, but if I can, let me know"... 'cause I really can't help or understand. And deep down I don't reaaaallllyyy actually want to deal with rants of that kind of nature...

So I contacted a long-lost friend on Facebook to ask how she's doing, and she says she's leaving her husband and starting over... and I'm sitting here Googling for things to say to someone in that kind of situation, because I don't have the faintest clue. All I can do is copy/paste.

There have been times where I wished that a friend would get dumped by their SO so that I could spend more time with them... and comfort them... and then they'd realize that friendship is better than all that relationship BS after all... and we'd live happily ever after, as friends. ... maybe not quite that dramatic, but... you get the idea...

36 of those were a 'yes' for me. Some were kinda N/A, but I didn't bother to count those. Very few were an outright 'no' though. "You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love." Yes, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to figure it out!

When people (mostly males) do grand ceremonious things for the other person that they could just as easily do themselves. Especially when they make a huge deal out of it and it just takes longer and looks dumb. I mean... most people can open their own doors and pull out their own chairs. And the whole room doesn't need to be notified that someone thinks you can't do it yourself.

I never thought there was anything wrong with me growing up, but I did wonder why all the other people kept acting so strange. I was glad I wasn't on whatever drugs they were on. I've always been interested in love... but not the romantic kind. The unconditional kind. I had arguments with people that they're doing the whole love & relationships thing totally wrong. I still think they are, and that they're the ones missing out... not me. I can love certain friends very very intensely, but I still don't really understand the concept of squishes, or how they are particularly different from crushes... I dunno, it seems kinda like the same thing to me. This is also why I thought for a long time that I can't really be aro at all, because I may have actually had crushes on some people?! It's like they're constantly invading my thoughts and I can't concentrate on other things because they're distracting me. But that period didn't last long, and really only happened once recently... that I can remember. And I didn't want to do romantic or sexual things with them anyway... and now that we're friends I don't get those intrusive thoughts anymore... so... I have no clue lol. When I had these strong thoughts about friends, I actually used to try to imagine doing romantic or sexual things with them, just to see if I would be able to. Oddly enough, it usually seemed reasonably plausible in theory. But it was never like I wanted to do those things in particular... more like "yeah, I could, but.... I can think of much nicer things to do with them". I love being alone but would love living with close friends more. Especially if they are committed to the friendship as much as I'm likely to be... because that's the kind of thing I do. I would never ever use the words 'zucchini' or 'queerplatonic' in a conversation with anyone ever. I dislike them almost as much as 'girl/boyfriend'.

I'll jump in here too. 1. "I enjoy fictional romantic relationships and would like to experience the same kinds of feelings" Not really. In most cases, I interpret the love stories I see in totally platonic, friendship-ish ways and feel disappointed when people point out the romance in them to me. 2. "I like nearly everything about romantic relationships but do not experience romantic attraction" I don't think I've ever found anything appealing about romantic relationships, other than the idea of people growing old together... but that can technically happen with friendships/family/other types of relationships too. 3. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship, just not with anyone I have ever met" I used to think this, before I'd heard of the concept of aromanticism. But I think if the relationship was romantic, that would probably automatically make it incompatible with me. 4. "I love the idea of romance but I can't deal with it in real life" I either don't notice romance, or if I do, I find it annoying. 5. "I would like to be in a romantic relationship for practical reasons (not feelings)" I like the idea of living with friends... so not really. 6. "I think I would like it if someone had romantic feelings for me" Maybe. It depends on how they go about expressing them though... 7. "I would be fine in a romantic relationship or a QPR" I haven't been particularly fine in any of the romantic relationships I've tried in the past. I want some kind of passionate friendship. 8. "I would like to know what it's like to experience romantic attraction" I would like to know, actually... but just once. I don't think it's a feature I'd want to keep. 9. "I'd rather be romantic than aromantic" Naaaah. 10. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life as an aromantic person" I can't imagine spending the rest of my life any other way... I don't even know how the other ways work. 11. "Being in a romantic relationship would help me attain other goals in my life" Not at all, it'd just get in my way. 12. "I think dating sounds like fun" Oh hell no. It sounds awful to me.

You might be aro if you interpret love songs in a totally platonic friendship kind of way. Except the ones with lyrics that sound too needy or smothering, because that's just weird and creepy. You might be aro if you look away when there are people kissing in movies and TV shows. You might be aro if you get irritated when people who have literally just met suddenly act as if they are the only people in the universe who exist and nothing else matters. You might be aro if you wanted to punch things while being subjected to Romeo and Juliet at school. You might be aro if you've had arguments with people over the meaning of the word 'love' and couldn't understand why other people don't see it the same way. You might be aro if you think "RIP, it was nice knowing you" when one of your friends gets married or finds a new partner. (I'm starting to think it's better to meet people after they already have one that they're sticking with - at least that way I have a better idea of what to expect in the future). You might be aro if you tried Googling for advice about friends who are being distant, and only found advice relating to romantic partners being distant, and all of their suggestions seem like things that would probably just make it worse. You might be aro if you never liked the words 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. (I cringed just typing that) You might be aro if you could never understand why these things don't seem to bother other people.

The 3 online tests I took all seem to suggest I have mild Asperger's. Not sure how accurate those are, and while I'm surprised to think of myself as being on the autism spectrum, it sure would explain a few things, like why I always feel so different from other people in many ways... Then again, many of the questions seemed more like a personality test than much else. I looked around on some Aspie/autism forums... there's a lot of people posting about romantic relationships there... so a lot of them are not aro. But also, the amount of people here with Aspergers is interesting... it probably isn't a case of either one causing the other, but they do seem to be related in some way. If there's a relation, there's probably also a relation to other things, like personality types. It's probably a huge interconnected mess of things that interact in complicated ways that can't really be pinned down to any particular cause, other than just being human.

Nope, nope and no way and a bit of not gonna happen.

You deserve better. I think the others have already given better advice than I can... I just wanted to throw in some support too. Good luck...

This amuses me greatly.

This sounds exactly like me... though I've never been checked for autism or anything. I get very very irritable if I have to be around people (even people I really like) for extended periods of time without being left alone to recover inbetween. I have been known to disappear to the bathroom for very long periods of time. The one time I tried a relationship with someone I was living with, it got reallly messy. I thought I'd be ok because we were so close... but nope. That kind of thing just doesn't work for me.

I occasionally mess around with my guitar, but haven't touched in ages. I'm not particularly good at it either. I also like to mess around in FL Studio and make electronic music. I've made about 5 finished tracks that I'm actually proud of... but the rest is just bits and pieces that I don't know if I'll ever finish. Next on my list to play with is Utau... when I eventually figure out how to set it up.

Aaah, that makes sense. The only pattern I've really noticed with my squishes is that they seem to be notably unusual in some sense, or there's some other kind of psychology-related reason for me to get fascinated by them and try to understand them. I don't think gender is relevant to me... although I've only had a squish on one guy, the rest were all female. Which I suppose might actually be relevant due to the fact that most of my friends are actually male, so I meet less females in general anyway... ... I dunno. I tend to feel quite protective of my squishes, so maybe that is why it's less likely to happen with guys, because they (seem to) think they're tough and manly or whatever... This is interesting, I haven't really given this much thought before.

If I knew what it was, I might be able to talk about it. Does a platonic orientation define what kinds of people you would normally want to be friends with? Or whose company you enjoy (in general)? Or is it about what kinds of people you get squishes on? (Are those necessarily different?)

I've never heard of platonic orientations... I tried Googling for info, but didn't come up with much. Do you have any links to more info about that?

Something similar happened with someone I used to know. She met some guy and after going out for a week, he proposed and she said yes. And I just lost all respect for her and never spoke to her again... I find it difficult to tell the difference between romance and stupidity.

Yeah. I also never understood how it's totally understandable to travel great distances to see a romantic partner or relatives, but not a friend. If you travel that far to visit a friend, there must be romance involved. Or how it's completely acceptable for friends to move far away from each other, and the friends left behind are supposed to be supportive and not the slightest bit upset. Or, even weirder, when all the friends left behind actually are supportive, and I'm the only one that's upset... and I don't want to tell anyone this because they'll assume there must be romantic feelings involved!

Not sure if there's already a thread for this sort of thing, but... I just made this:

Person: "So, do you wanna go out sometime?" Me: "... you mean like... outside...?"

Well that was... interesting. The questions involving clicking on pictures didn't work for me, so I skipped those. Some of the others were also nonsensical or just non-applicable to my life... but the overall result seems pretty accurate... I didn't like how the test seemed to be working from the assumption that I'm somehow unhappy with myself the way I am. I just never really cared if people thought I was acting or dressing male or whatever. I just pick clothing and things according to whatever makes the most sense to me personally... I don't believe "cross-dressing" is even a valid concept... if it fits, and it's comfortable... wear it! Bonus if you like the way it looks, if such things matter to you. Your Raw Score is: -300, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous Your appearance is Androgynous Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person. You appear to socialize in a androgynous manner. You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity. You indicated your were born Female. ANALYSIS: Female to Male possible Transsexual

Same. Which is why I especially don't understand why people seek out complete strangers for dates. Like, why on earth would you pick a complete stranger to do all these intimate things with, when you (presumably) already have friends you're much closer to? Also, when two people have been together a while, and live together, (probably married), everything becomes "we". There is no more "I". So my friend got married... she no longer exists - she is now two people, and I have to take both of them into consideration about everything. Yeah, I'm actually concerned for people like that, it seems to me like they're fundamentally disconnected from themselves somehow.

I've been generally evading this topic for years with family and religious friends, saying stuff like "I'm really picky" and "I'm not looking for anyone". Usually got the "you'll find someone someday" thing... easy enough to just brush off. But more recently, because I live with a male friend, now people keep asking me when we're getting married. I'm not really sure which is worse, TBH... I mean, a simple "never" is quick to say, but then the "why not" can be... well... somehow it seems harsh, y'know? They think I'm being horrible to him. Sometimes I just want to yell at them to F*#%& off and butt out of my personal life. I think my parents have probably accepted by now that they're not getting grandkids... that subject hasn't come up in a while at least. At some point, when I've figured out a reasonably efficient way of explaining aromanticism and asexuality, I will probably explain it to people who pester me about it, if I think they're worth my time. Everyone else will just get something like "nope, not interested, because reasons".