SoulWolf

I tell very few people anything substantial about myself, mostly because I don't usually like answering people's questions. I find it stressful and very tiring. So... if you have the energy for that, great! I don't, though.

I mostly only "come out" online, where it's easy to copy and paste links to people that do all the hard explaining work on my behalf.

I haven't seen anyone talk about how it affects website owners who don't reside in the EU and who aren't hosted there. I mean... the EU surely can't make laws on behalf of the whole world, can they?

I know we have them to thank for those irritating "This website uses cookies!" bars that waste screen space (which I will never, ever implement on my sites, and I'm not in EU and none of my stuff is hosted there, so I like to think they can't really do anything... or can they?).

Based on my experiences with people in school and college, I'd say this is probably true. It's the reason I got along better with guys in general - more of them actually talked about things I found interesting.

14 minutes ago, JetSettingAro said:

By the time couples are settled down and having kids, you will be completely ostracized at that point. In fact some people might actually go out of their way to avoid you.

True, to an extent. Some people will avoid you, but I personally would prefer those kinds of people to avoid me anyway. I'd rather hang out with people who can appreciate weirdos.

22 hours ago, arolectriclady said:

If they got a partner, I felt like I could no longer pursue a close friendship because they were already spending a lot of their quality time with someone else. 

 

Idk I feel like we live in a weird culture where you cannot become close friends with someone in a relationship because it would appear as a "threat" to their romantic relationship or something? 

I can relate to this a lot! I've always been extra-awkward around people in relationships, because I don't know where the appropriate boundaries of "closeness" are. Especially with closer friends.

I used to get all awkward and paranoid around certain friends who are very huggy and generally touchy-feely... like... isn't someone going to think you're flirting? Isn't your partner going to think you're cheating?

I have since concluded that it isn't really like that, and most people aren't actually that possessive. I've just read too many dumb psychology articles.

The question responses were really weird how they lumped seemingly unrelated things together... I was thinking WTF a lot of the time.

Also, it said "Your results were not clear."

lol. Thanks, very helpful answer. Not surprising given the weird "answers" i had to select from.

Results: 33% chance I'm aro/ace, 33% chance I'm demisexual, 17% just aro, 17% just ace. I think I broke it.

On 4/2/2018 at 3:21 AM, Somewhatgrey1989 said:

I want to be a normal alloromantic person and be able to fall in love

What is it about falling in love that appeals to you? Genuinely curious, because I don't understand why people seem to enjoy this. To me it seems similar to getting drunk or high, and those don't appeal to me either.  

I kind of agree about labels being restrictive though, but it depends on how you use them. If you use them to describe you, to help others understand you better, then they're useful. If you use them to define yourself, as an identity that you then get attached to, then I can see how that would be problematic if you come across an exception of some sort that doesn't fit the label. Then it's like you could lose your sense of self over one thing that doesn't fit a label you used to define yourself with. I don't define myself with anything, I'm far too weird and full of exceptions.   But aromantic and asexual are useful labels that I can use to help people understand me better, so I use them for that purpose. But they don't define me. No words can possibly define me.

I don't understand gender at all, so all I can provide is my own experience here, for whatever that's worth...

To express gender identity, you have to actually have one in the first place, right? Otherwise you're expressing other things, which maybe some people might interpret as being gender-related, when to you they're actually not. This has been my experience. Like, I'll do stuff, and someone will comment on it in a gender-ey way. Like "that's so un-lady-like!" or ... now I'm trying to think of times when someone has commented that something I do is 'feminine' and I can't think of any. Hah. But my point is, I just do whatever makes sense to me, and gender is completely and utterly not even remotely on my mind when I do things. So if people actually do things for the purpose of expressing gender, that is a completely alien concept to me. But it's interesting how different people are, and until I started seriously reading about trans stuff, I literally thought people were just either playing along with or rebelling against society's gender roles. I didn't know internal gender identity was even a thing until I read about it on Wikipedia.

As far as my external presentation goes, to me it's whatever I happen to be comfortable with. To other people, they might think I express myself in a more masculine way. I don't know why people think they have to gender my hairstyle, clothing and even hobby preferences, but some of them do. It's all a big confusing mystery to me.

My results:

9 - Words of Affirmation

8 - Physical Touch

7 - Quality Time

5 - Acts of Service

1 - Receiving Gifts

Didn't expect affirmation to be that high up. I guess either it means something different than what I thought it meant, or they just kept listing it as the other choice to the gifts option or something.

I got up early in the morning for the first time since forever, and it's cloudy and rainy (I hate bright hot days). And I finally set up my pull up bar which has been gathering dust in its box for years.

If she hasn't heard of aromanticism, then by all means, point her here, or to one of the basic descriptions of it.

The odds of her being comfortable with marriage are probably pretty low though, but I can't say because I don't actually know her. With that said, you might want to look into queer/quasi platonic partnerships, maybe that's something she might be comfortable with, if you really want some way to be with her, and then you two would have to work out the details of what works for the both of you.

So, it may be possible for you two to be 'together' in some way (this is up to her), but it probably isn't going to be according to your idea of marriage or even a 'normal relationship'.

And even if that is possible, don't try to push her into it, because (I'm just guessing) that's more likely to make her want to run away. She needs you to give her space and to accept her the way she is, and not try to make her fit into your ideal of a relationship. It's pretty awesome that you're doing research, though.

Hmm, I felt like this before I discovered the aro/ace concepts, and just finding this site made me feel less alone. I also don't know of any aro/ace people IRL, at least not as far as I know. There is a Facebook group for ace people in my country, but even all 60 of those people (lol) are pretty far away, and it seems many of them are not aro either.

I do have some really weird IRL friends who can appreciate my unusual POV about a lot of things, so that helps, even if they don't really "get it". I would love to meet another aro/ace IRL though.

We're here for you though.

There was this ice rink I used to go to every now and then when I was 13-14 or somewhere around there. The one guy who worked there was always friendly. One day my mom said "I think he likes you". After that I avoided him like the plague.

So many things I've forgotten from years ago that make more sense now...  

16 hours ago, Bardock said:

She even turned down dating a guy she was really  into because he lived too far away, which was few hours drive. And when I snapped about this, she mentioned about the drive getting there and back, being exhausted and the longer distance relationship was a no-go.

I've never understood stuff like this either. Makes me think she wasn't really that into him in the first place.

I also don't get why people have shallow requirements for relationships, like money or looks etc. If they have those requirements, it makes it look like they're just using the person.

I tend to avoid talking/listening to people who whine about relationships though. It's bad for my sanity.

11 hours ago, The Non-Month May said:

why they act like their cat was just stabbed in front of them and then got pepper sprayed in the face

EDIT:

why did I write that

I am curious also...  

Who are 'they'?

14 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

I don't understand the whole I hate you! I hate you too! Let's fight! Now let's suddenly start passionately kissing for a couple hours? Am I missing something? 

Does that actually happen in reality? I've only seen it on TV...

I'm 34.

6 minutes ago, Untamed Heart said:

YMBAI: you listen to the song It's Raining Men and just start pondering the logistics of building an umbrella that would withstand someone landing on it from a great height, and wondering what would happen to all the bodies after the 'shower' was over? How would these men even survive falling out of the sky? So many questions...

lol, yeah. I always thought that was a really weird song... why were they so happy about people literally falling from the sky? Sounds like some kind of natural disaster, and a good reason to stay indoors (preferably underground).

There are other people similar to you out there, and someday you will find them. They will make sense, and they will understand. In the meantime, trust yourself and don't let other people's ideas about human relationships interfere with what feels right to you deep down.

Well, if I had actually heard of this as a concept when I was like 12 or whatever (maybe even earlier, but I can't remember so well), I'd have known instantly it fit me. But I grew up assuming I must be straight... because I was pretty sure I wasn't gay, and that's the only other option, right? So I kept trying to make relationships with guys work (well, a grand total of 3 times, to be honest), and every time I was like "this is the last damn time I'm doing this!"... and "I'm really picky: I really don't date at all actually, but sometimes I make exceptions"...

Pretty sure I would have known earlier if:

1) I had heard of it, and

2) I hadn't let people influence me so much into trying relationships

PS: I'm 34 now.

23 hours ago, NullVector said:

I presume that people have children because THEY like children and THEY want to have said children?

I get the impression that a lot of people just don't actually seriously think about it... they just kinda do it because ... well, that's what people do, right? ... I dunno. Maybe that's how the 'selfishness' comes into play... like "how dare you actually think about things like that and decide for yourself that you want to opt out of this thing that's somehow expected of everyone"... Or maybe they're working from the assumption that you have a partner who wants kids (because everyone wants kids, except you, or whatever), and that you're selfish for depriving them of the kids they want.

I'm just trying to make sense of their nonsense, don't mind me.  

23 hours ago, NullVector said:

I guess it's basically impossible to openly admit that you regret having kids once you've had them. It'd be like admitting to them that you don't love them and you wish they'd never been born. A bit of an ethical taboo, and for some good reasons I suppose.

Yup. It's also confusing for the kids when their parents keep telling them they love them, but their actions don't match their words... then the kids grow up thinking love is something weird and dysfunctional...

On 12 May 2017 at 1:14 PM, SamwiseLovesLife said:

But then I treat people I like how I treat my cat.. cuddles and head kisses 

Haha, a human would have to be pretty awesome to get treated the same way I treat cats.

On 14 May 2017 at 1:08 AM, NullVector said:

Having this one word "Love" is super unhelpful, IMO. The Ancient Greeks were much more sensible about it. Philia, Storge, Agape, Eros. There I guess you could actually be reasonably clear about what you meant when you said "I love you". A bit like this popular notion that the Inuit have a bunch of different words for "snow". I think this also accounts for a fair amount of my resistance. I really don't like the idea of telling people lies - and ambiguously communicated intent is almost as bad. When I say "I love you" what do I actually mean? Outside of a lot of context, it's pretty meaningless - even then, there's scope to have what I'm meaning by it misconstrued by the other person.

Agreed... this is why I never say "I love you" to anyone. I don't want them getting the wrong idea... and they probably will. I do need to find a better way to explain what I really mean though, because as it is, I don't really tell people when they mean a lot to me in any way at all... which is not good.

Also, I've actually never understood the different "types" of love either, because I interpret everything in a platonic kind of way anyway. I used to argue with people that Agape is the only real kind of love, and there are no other "types", only Agape mixed with other feelings maybe. If it doesn't contain Agape in some form, it isn't really love. ... but I don't bother arguing with people anymore, we're from different planets, it's no use.

On 12 May 2017 at 11:40 PM, Ice Queen said:

Also, she once stated that her favourite love song is "Every breath you take" by The Police. The lyrics send shivers down my spine. 

Same here... interestingly, I was also just thinking about this song and how creepy the lyrics are, just the other day...

On 12 May 2017 at 11:49 PM, NullVector said:

That's actually pretty funny, considering what Sting said about that song 

Thanks for that, I had always wondered what the original intent behind the song really was. It's pretty hilarious (and disturbing) how many people have totally misinterpreted it.

The only thing my parents really know about (for now) is that I'm never having kids. I've never brought up anything about being aro or ace, and they haven't asked. They probably wouldn't be surprised about those though, if they understood what it means.

Not many people's ring and index fingers seem to be the exact same length here... mine are... am I weird?