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  1. I'm alloromantic, so I'm not sure I'm allowed to answer this topic, but probably yes, since it's in the "Romantic allies and partners" section...? If not, I apologize and won't be replying anymore unless explicitely asked to :) I think the whole "love is an illness" rhetoric is kinda toxic and mostly used to support amatonormativity - it gets tossed around a lot and from any kind of speaker (and in clickbait articles as well), but let's be real, it's no suprise that a right wing YouTuber, of all people, made a whole video about it :P Saying someone is mentally ill for experiencing a form of attraction is also potentially very pathologizing and ableist. Moreover, it's a slippery slope to some places we don't want to go to (if it's an illness, can it be cured? So we can cure, i.e. rectify, what attraction people feel and how they feel it? So we technically can cure... people's orientations? OUCH) In your post you also say this: "Not to mention that when humans experience romantic attraction, it is an unhealthy obsession with one person, they must know every little thing about that person, and they must possess them for themselves. It's almost an act of greed" - but is this romantic attraction? Or is it your personal idea of what romantic attraction is? Is love inherently unhealthy and greedy? Personally, I think it's an extremely violent view of romance, that can exist only in a very amatonormative framework - and it's often used to justify violence as well :( On the other hand, I think a lot of what you say is strictly tied to romantic attraction can also happen with alterous or platonic attraction :) Hope this wasn't off-topic (and hope I was actually allowed to answer 😨)
  2. Hi! I'm biromantic graysexual and an aspec activist. I decided to make an account because I wanted to answer a question in the aro <-> alloro exchange thread and thought it would be nicer to have an account to post :) Nice to meet you!
  3. Alloromantic graysexual here. I don't know how to answer the "how do allos manage" question. I guess it's because I'm alloromantic myself, but experiencing romantic attraction doesn't sound that harsh to me lol not more than feeling alterous or platonic attraction! "How come you can't just not-be-in-love with someone that doesn't like you back?" Ohh this is a good question. I actually think you can, most of the times, but maybe not straight away. I think what you want plays a role, but it can also be very random. And very hard. When you feel a certain type of attraction for someone, it means something in them makes you feel it. That something may be there even if they don't like you back, so most of the times you can't simply say "okay I'm not going to be romantically attracted to you from now on". Sometimes attractions and feelings change over time and you can move on - let me add: if you want. I personally don't think it's always "needed" to move on, contrary to what we are constantly told, namely that if we can't have a romantic relationship, then we have to forget our feelings or we will suffer o_o Personally, I think I felt romantic attraction for some friends of mine and I was completely ok with the friendship we had O_O Back to your question, let me make two examples. Can people always just consciously stop being sexually attracted to people? I don't think so. Some allosexual friends I have even felt sexual attraction to people they found unpleasant, sometimes. And sometimes they couldn't just say "yeah ok from now on I'm not going to be sexually attracted to you". I don't know if you personally feel alterous or platonic attraction, but... Can you always stop feeling that on command? Of course when people hurt us sometimes our platonic or alterous feelings tend to fade. But I think it's not always the case. In the past I was reaaaally hurt by people I had strong platonic/alterous feelings for. 0% romantic feelings. But at a point, they got fed up with me and didn't want to be friends anymore. It hurt because I couldn't stop platonically loving them right away. I still loved them, and it took time. I never experienced anything like that with romantic attraction, personally, but I guess it can be similar :) Although I personally (personal experience here! I know many, if not most, alloromantics are not like this) find it much easier to "move on" from romanic attraction than platonic or alterous one. "Is kissing someone you're romantically attracted to different than someone you aren't?" ... I was never able to kiss someone I'm not romantically attracted to, due to some circumstances, so I can't answer, sorry! "How can you know that someone is The One?" I think "The One" rhetoric is simply toxic amatonormativity. There's no such thing. Some people believe it and I respect that, but I guess what they feel is not that much different than what I feel: normally I simply feel the person I have a relationship with is a person I like being with, I love them and we make eachother happier being in that relationship. That's it, I guess. I don't think they're the only person in the world I might love romantically or the only one I could like being with and who could make me happier in a romantic relationship. I'm not sure I answered decently, but well, I tried. Feel free to ask anything else :)
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