PyonPyon

Ok I don't know if anyone saw this post or if it was from the Discord, but the livestream's just ended and the chat was FULL of amazing aro people who LITERALLY CONDUCTED THE DISCUSSION giving so much interesting insight and I just wanted to say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD IT WAS AMAZING THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I've been awake for 20 hours and it's 2AM here but right now I feel so happy I won't be able to sleep THANK YOU AGAIN

Hello! I'm rather sure this is the wrong place to publish this, but I didn't know where it would fit in. I wanted to share here that for International Asexuality Day a 24-hour long stream has been organized (it's ongoing right now!). In 5 hours from now (11pm UTC) there will be a panel about aro-erasure and asexuality and the ups and downs of an aspec perspective in advocacy. I would like to say something smart at this point, but I have been on stream for 14 hours and I'm already surprised I managed to write these few words in a language that is not my mother-tongue. Have a nice weekend :)

Self ID: alloromantic asexual Hope my contribution to the discussion as an alloromantic person - if I'm out of line, feel free to delete my comment or ask me to modify it. This made me SO angry lol Before reading your thread I had no idea they were having debates like those on AVEN ._. Others have answered before about why "sexual" is not a good substitute for "allosexual" nor is "romantic" a good substitute for "alloromantic". I refer to @roboticanary's comment, for example: the prefix "allo-" allowed use to create specific, unmistakable words (which romantic and sexual aren't) to designate our corresponding outgroups. I'm not aromantic, so I'm not going to talk about what "allosexual" can mean and how it can be important for aromantic people as a word - that would make no sense. But I wanted to point out that "allosexual" as a word is hella important for the asexual community, too. It literally designates our outgroup, the other end of a specific axis of oppression we face (as aspecs in general, because of allonormativity, aphobia, amatonormativity, and specifically as asexuals - as it is for "aros" and "alloromantic", I presume). Yeah, I hear the "you lump gays/lesbians/bisexuals together with heteros, so 'allosexual' is HOMOPHOBIC!!!" discourse a lot - from aphobes, tho. Not on f*cking AVEN?! Idk if this can be useful for the conversation (I understand they're talking about "alloromantic" and "romantic" too), but I'll also add my perspective as a user of the word "alloromantic". No, I don't use "alloromantic" to indicate my orientation. As I said, it's an outgroup label. I refer to myself as asexual and bi. When I use "alloromantic" for myself, I do it inside the aspec community or in the framework of aspec events/content/awareness, to indicate clearly I can't and won't speak for aros, because that would be speaking over them. Or I use it to specify my "position" inside the a-spectrum, what my specific experience as an aspec is, or to underline other specific experiences inside the a-spectrum, expecially when they are under-represented (e.g. "alloaros") - I don't consider the use I make of the "allo-" prefix inside the a-spectrum as an outgroup-designating label, it's a modifier needed to identify different aspec identities, different aspec experiences; I wouldn't consider "alloaros" my outgroup. (I know this might be felt differently across countries). I don't have an AVEN account and I never joined AVEN. As far as I've seen, I fear people on AVEN forums (I'm not referring to the AVEN board, I mean literal people in the forums) think they're extremely relevant and important for the asexual community and that AVEN is the place to discuss and decide things like that. The thing is... I'm not saying AVEN isn't important! It was and it is and it will be for a long time, I'm sure. But although some people still think it's, like, the center of the asexual universe (expecially anglophones *cough cough*)... it's not. It's not... anymore? If all the active users on the AVEN forum decided that starting tomorrow "allosexual" shouldn't be used... 60% of the asexual community around the world wouldn't even know. Another 30% would know, would shrug and go on. (EDIT: I re-read this comment and realized maybe it's too angry? ahah I'm sorry I probably missed the point entirely and got angr at AVENites instead)

Hello! Damn, what you did is GREAT. Would you be interested in translating it into other languages?

I think it's in part due to non-anglophone contribution :D For example, I'm Italian. "Aromantic" in Italian is "aromanticə" and the "A" in it is pronounced like the "A" in "arrow". Hypothetically, I know it should be pronounced "ayy-romantic" in English, but my Italian accent usually makes me say "ah-romantic" and "ah-sexual" even when I'm speaking English :P

[self-id: alloromantic sapphic] I'm not sure if this is positive for you to hear, but... it seems that where I live, it's kinda the opposite. LGBTQIA+ groups in general are quite appreciative of the expression of sexuality in a free and positive way and sapphic spaces have a specific tinge of extremely focused on horniness, sexuality, etc. I'm alloromantic asexual, so you may think my perception is flawed - well, maybe it would be, but this is not my perception (I'm not in any sapphic groups), but what I was told by many of my allosexual sapphic friends (even an aro lesbian!). What I'm trying to say with this is... don't give up hopes? I fear more "public" spaces like tumblr may be more subjected to that kind of "discourses" @Jot-Aro Kujomentioned, and be annoyingly focused on "the Soft Pure Wholesome Fairytale Romance Sweet Pure Soft Wlw Couple Uwu thing". But many other spaces definitely aren't! I don't think it's my country only, I think groups may be better than "open spaces" like tumblr for that, maybe? Hope you find a space that makes you feel seen :)

I'm alloromantic, so I'm not sure I'm allowed to answer this topic, but probably yes, since it's in the "Romantic allies and partners" section...? If not, I apologize and won't be replying anymore unless explicitely asked to :) I think the whole "love is an illness" rhetoric is kinda toxic and mostly used to support amatonormativity - it gets tossed around a lot and from any kind of speaker (and in clickbait articles as well), but let's be real, it's no suprise that a right wing YouTuber, of all people, made a whole video about it :P Saying someone is mentally ill for experiencing a form of attraction is also potentially very pathologizing and ableist. Moreover, it's a slippery slope to some places we don't want to go to (if it's an illness, can it be cured? So we can cure, i.e. rectify, what attraction people feel and how they feel it? So we technically can cure... people's orientations? OUCH) In your post you also say this: "Not to mention that when humans experience romantic attraction, it is an unhealthy obsession with one person, they must know every little thing about that person, and they must possess them for themselves. It's almost an act of greed" - but is this romantic attraction? Or is it your personal idea of what romantic attraction is? Is love inherently unhealthy and greedy? Personally, I think it's an extremely violent view of romance, that can exist only in a very amatonormative framework - and it's often used to justify violence as well :( On the other hand, I think a lot of what you say is strictly tied to romantic attraction can also happen with alterous or platonic attraction :) Hope this wasn't off-topic (and hope I was actually allowed to answer ?)

Thank you :)

Hi! I'm biromantic graysexual and an aspec activist. I decided to make an account because I wanted to answer a question in the aro <-> alloro exchange thread and thought it would be nicer to have an account to post :) Nice to meet you!

Alloromantic graysexual here. I don't know how to answer the "how do allos manage" question. I guess it's because I'm alloromantic myself, but experiencing romantic attraction doesn't sound that harsh to me lol not more than feeling alterous or platonic attraction! "How come you can't just not-be-in-love with someone that doesn't like you back?" Ohh this is a good question. I actually think you can, most of the times, but maybe not straight away. I think what you want plays a role, but it can also be very random. And very hard. When you feel a certain type of attraction for someone, it means something in them makes you feel it. That something may be there even if they don't like you back, so most of the times you can't simply say "okay I'm not going to be romantically attracted to you from now on". Sometimes attractions and feelings change over time and you can move on - let me add: if you want. I personally don't think it's always "needed" to move on, contrary to what we are constantly told, namely that if we can't have a romantic relationship, then we have to forget our feelings or we will suffer o_o Personally, I think I felt romantic attraction for some friends of mine and I was completely ok with the friendship we had O_O Back to your question, let me make two examples. Can people always just consciously stop being sexually attracted to people? I don't think so. Some allosexual friends I have even felt sexual attraction to people they found unpleasant, sometimes. And sometimes they couldn't just say "yeah ok from now on I'm not going to be sexually attracted to you". I don't know if you personally feel alterous or platonic attraction, but... Can you always stop feeling that on command? Of course when people hurt us sometimes our platonic or alterous feelings tend to fade. But I think it's not always the case. In the past I was reaaaally hurt by people I had strong platonic/alterous feelings for. 0% romantic feelings. But at a point, they got fed up with me and didn't want to be friends anymore. It hurt because I couldn't stop platonically loving them right away. I still loved them, and it took time. I never experienced anything like that with romantic attraction, personally, but I guess it can be similar :) Although I personally (personal experience here! I know many, if not most, alloromantics are not like this) find it much easier to "move on" from romanic attraction than platonic or alterous one. "Is kissing someone you're romantically attracted to different than someone you aren't?" ... I was never able to kiss someone I'm not romantically attracted to, due to some circumstances, so I can't answer, sorry! "How can you know that someone is The One?" I think "The One" rhetoric is simply toxic amatonormativity. There's no such thing. Some people believe it and I respect that, but I guess what they feel is not that much different than what I feel: normally I simply feel the person I have a relationship with is a person I like being with, I love them and we make eachother happier being in that relationship. That's it, I guess. I don't think they're the only person in the world I might love romantically or the only one I could like being with and who could make me happier in a romantic relationship. I'm not sure I answered decently, but well, I tried. Feel free to ask anything else :)