Hi everyone,
My name is Valerie, I‘m 32, and I live in Germany.
I think I might be Aromantic, or Lithromantic, or something like that, but I‘m really not sure and very confused. I really hope that some of you might be able to give me advice or help me, as it is hard for me to talk about this with people in my daily life.
Let me start by saying I‘m a Lesbian and I definitely have sexual attraction; but I have only been in very few relationships. All my relationships have been brief, on/off, or just a plain disaster because my partners all felt I was too distant.
I love romance books, but every „real life“ relationship I‘ve been in has felt like such a chore. Seeing my partner more than once every few weeks, or texting all the time just made me feel tired. It was like, I‘m always too busy even when I’m doing nothing. I‘ve often thought: „okay, meet up with them today, so you‘ll have peace and quiet again for a while“.
I always felt like the most awful, cold person because of this. Mostly, I just have crushes on women, and if we do get together it just...fizzles out? The more we are together, the more it just feels like..an obligation? And the romance aspect...oof.
For example: years ago I had a girlfriend who baked a cake for my birthday and her entire family was there to celebrate it with me... I pretended to love this romantic surprise, but on the inside I felt SO uncomfortable.
I was single for 6 years after that.
I recently tried dating again, after all my friends seemed to be settling down and I felt so terribly lonely..but it was a disaster.
It lasted 4 months, and we saw each other 4 times. Every time lasted maybe 1-3 days, and it took me DAYS afterwards to recover from it. I was just so exhausted. I loved her, I think, but I didn’t love her more than any of my closest friends. When I broke it off, I got all the usual accusations: I’m distant, too cold, running away.. that sort of thing. Does anybody else hear those?
I enjoy affection with my friends; cuddling and kisses on the cheek. I would love to see them every day. (I tried dating one of my friends once, and the affection just died.)
I enjoy sex, though rarely, and preferably with strangers.
it’s just.. never the same for me as it is for everyone else I know.
Am I aromatic? Or Lithromantic? Or ? ..I don’t really know. There are so many terms and I am just confused.
I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.. so any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you for taking the time to read my post!!!
