Nessa

It makes me think about the movies when the girl becomes completely stupid when she sees a guy she likes or just meet because she likes the way he looks like or whatever the reason might be. Maybe that the look they are talking about : when they look stupid ? I think we just don't get it because we can't feel it and don't generally notice this kind of things, we wouldn't imagine that it could be "the look" for that because we don't think at all of it. When they look at each other we just see people looking at each other but they see something else. I feel aesthetic attraction and I have to say that I don't look to a guy I thing look great to any other guy. It is just a supposition but why not

My mother never had any problem with me not wanted a relationship or kids I am pretty lucky for that. But I had friends who couldn't accept the idea of me not wanting a relationship, for them you couldn't be happy without a relationship it was becoming unhealthy and I couldn't bare it anymore especially as I have discovered that one of them had shared a very important moment of her a life with absolutely everybody she knew except me and she dared minded my life ... I was very upset about that so I stop talking to them. I knew them for more than 20 years and they didn't even try to call me... I feel much better without them in my life and now if people don't accept this part of me well I stop seeing them. I know it is not as easy with family, I have a very big family and my aunts and uncles always ask me what I am waiting for... And I answer that is never going to happen and that it is my life I do whatever I want with it. I don't get how people want you to be happy and can hurt you like this, if your parents want you to be happy they should just let you live the life you wanna live and not the life they want you to have and real friends should accept you the way you are otherwise they are not friends.

Amatonormativity is such a problem for us aros. As already mentionned we are an invisible identity that nobody knows about and it makes things so much harder for us. People don't accept that we are not interested in having a relationship because for most people being in a relationship is related to being happy and we can't be happy without being in a relationship... They don't understand that people can be different about this norm even the lgbta+ people. Life has to be settling down with a partner with or without kids. As you konw, I found out about aromanticism recently too and try to find information about it, read about it, and I realised that not only it is invisible but it is not accepted by the society. Reading about it and learning can be helpful but make things worst sometimes. I have read several times that aromanticism is often related to autism or being a psychopathe. How can you live with the idea of people seeing you like this. I don't have autism and I am not a psychopathe I am just aromantic. It seems like if you don't feel romantic love it has to be because there is something wrong with you, that you are not normal. Here again the amatonormativity is hurting us. It is also hard because a few people only knows about it and it is hard to talk about it with people who don't and don't accept it especially people who are close to us. If we can't talk to people we care about who can we talk to. I still think that if someone really loves you (I am talking about platonic love such as friendship and family) they will/should accept you the way we are. I have to say that I am a very lonely person so the idea of spending my life alone don't scare me and I know how lucky I am about it. Maybe aros who have aros friends could share a flat when they will get older or I don't know what else but I am sure that things can be done for us. I don't know if society will ever accept aromanticism or not but we have to be here for each other to go through bad times even if we don't live in the same country there is the phone, video calls with zoom or whatsapp or even instagram or facebook messenger...

Why should everything be related to love life? Are people unable to have a life by themselves??? Am I the only one to wonder what's wrong with them? Or is it me who is too intolerant about it and annoyed of hearing about love, romance and relationship all the time ???‍♀️??‍♀️

I don't get it either. Being in a relationship looks like having no freedom, you can't do anything without asking previously to the partner, you can't take a decision for yourself you have to take his/her point of view in consideration even if it make you do the opposite of what you want to do and so make you miss something that you really want, that could fulfill you in an other way, make you happy, be a great experience, ... I have never been in a relationship and have never been interested in having one, don't know why people want that. I don't mind watching romantic movies, reading romantic books and I even like romantic songs but I think that the society really has a problem. Making people think that life is to be in a relationship, have children, getting married, everything has to be about that it is just so annoying. Why aren't they able to have a life by themselves. I don't even find normal to need someone to be happy if you are not happy in your life alone how can you be happy in a relationship. It is so selfish to ask someone to make you happy, it is selfish to give such a responsability to someone. Wedding is just a burden and cost a lot of money which could be used for so many other things, I really don't get it. I've never dreamt about it, not even wearing a wedding dress. I know being aromantic makes me not really objective on the subject though.

I always relate a lot to what you write too in every topics. We are really alike you and I and almost the same age. ?

When in high school, I was the only one not interested in having a relationship, everyone was like "I have to find a boyfriend I can't stay single" and me "well we are so young why even bother about that we still have so much time for it". The thing is that I have never been able to picture myself with someone in the future, they were all talking about their lives when they will setttled, get married, have kids and really I couldn't see myself living like this I just didn't understand why people have to see themselves with someone else, why a happy life could only be a life in a relationship. Of course I didn't know then about aromanticism I only found out about it a few months ago. Now I finally know why I have never had any interest in that. Like I found out that I am asexual (or maybe graysexual) which explains why sex has never interested me either I even tried to see if it would change something but I don't like it and really don't feel anything at all. It is more a thing to do when you are bored and want to burn calories. The sad thing is that nobedy knows about aromanticism in France so nobody understand me and accept it so accept me. I am 39 yo and people still harassed me with the "you don't want to be happy" because I don't want a relationship, they still only talk about that even if they are in a relationship they still have no other things to talk about I found it so annoying seriously how at almost 40 you still unable to talk about anything else and have no other interest in life. How sad it is!!!!!! when I hear them I am actually happy to be aromantic it would be a nightmare to be like that.

Being aromantic is hard for me because I live in a country where nobody knows about aromanticism. People don't accept that I don't feel romantic attraction, that I am not interested in having a relationship. The hardest part for me is the people I care about not accepting this part of me, they don't accept me the way I am. Being aromantic is who I am and I can't change it and I am not ashamed of it. Like @Elin W I just found out a few month ago about aromanticism. I am 39 yo. I have to say that it has been a relief to finally put a word on it. I am ace too even if sometimes I think that I am graysexual I am not always sure about my sexual orientation but I am sure to be somewhere in the ace spectrum. In a society where sex and relationship are said the what make you human, alive, happy or whatever people say, being aromantic is really hard. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong here, that nobody will never accept this part of me, that I won't have real friends because the ones I use to have didn't want to accept this part of me. I have the chance to be a lonely person and it really make things easier for me as I don't really need to be around people a lot. However it is painful to know that too many people don't accept aromanticism. It is not a choice, it is who we are, we were born this way and there is nothing we can't do about it. It will take time for you to accept this part of you and to learn to live with it. You will find your own way to live your aromanticism and as @JustMe suggested you could find a qpr if you feel that this is what you need and want. Only you can know what is good for you. Be sure that we all understand what you are going through and don't hesitate to come here if you need to talk.

It is the same for me. I have no idea what it feels like and really don't care. I am not and never was interested in romance in my life and I am 39 yo. I don't see the point of explaining what it feels like because I can't understand something that I can't feel. Like you I know that I don't feel it and don't need more. I am tired of people wanting me to be in a relationship and telling me that romance is what make us happy because I don't feel it, don't need it and I am happy, I enjoy my life as it is, the freedom that being aromanticism give me and I wouldn't change it for a billion dollars...

I've got 50% aroace but like some of you have said if think that some questions are not related to aromanticism and sometimes I didn't even know what to answer as it wasn't really relating to how I feel or see things

Hello Rio and welcome ?

Hello and welcome! I am french I am aroace, not pretty sure with the ace part sometimes but don't have doubts about being aro.

Welcome ?

Hello and Welcome I am Nessa 39 yo and found out about aromantism a few months ago. Like you i've never been in love, have a crush or been in a relationship. It takes time to know for sure but i hope that this community will help you. It is nice to talk with people who are the same and feel the same way.

Hello Andie and welcome. My Instagram is @frenchygreenie_aroace if you want. I know how it is to not having aro around you it is the same for me and for a lot of us. have a nice day

Welcome and have a nice weekend

Welcome I hope that you will find the answers you need. ?

Hello and welcome Frog. This is such a cute name. I hope that you will find the answers to your questions here and that you will enjoy being here with us.

Hello and Welcome!! I know how you feel I was so happy to find this forum and know that I am not the only one. I am pretty tired to with this you can't be happy without a relationship and having a relationship is the only goal of our life!!! Some people has made my life a nightmare with that. I hope that you will like being a member of this forum. Have a nice day! Take care

Welcome Milo! :-D

Hello Kiara, Welcome in the forum!! Nice to meet you :-D I hope that you will enjoy being a part of this community

Hello and welcome. Nice to have a new member. As @Andy Luhas said if you think that you are aro/ace there is nothing wrong with it. sometimes it takes time to really figure out this kind of things. You may think that you are aro/ace for the moment and find out that you are not in a few years and that absolutely valid don't worry. Take the time you need to find who you really are. The fact that you love having sex as nothing to do with being asexual, some aces love sex being asexual is not having sexual desire, not getting hot as some may say, not having an urge to have sex. Everyone is different. Myself I don't have sexual desire and don't like sex, I am also aromantic as I never felt any romantic attraction to anyone, never been in love, and never been interested in having a relationship. I know a lot of aros want to have a platonic relationship, what they call a qpr so you can perfectly be in a relationship and being aro you are still valid. I only knew that I was aroace even without knowing the words I guess that until a few months ago I didn't feel like I had to have a word for it. I knew about asexuality but never heard about aromanticism as these 2 things are completely unknown in my country. When I found out about it I read all the informations I could find and just knew that I was aro. And I have to say that now I am happy to know what I am it is like a relief to know it and to know that there is nothing wrong with me. You will find a lot of different themes in this forum with people talking about their experiences maybe some of it will help you. I hope that you will enjoy being a part of this community. Take care Nessa

Hello Sam, welcome in the forum and nice to meet you. I am Nessa 39 and oriented aroace. Actually I just found out about aromanticism a few months ago and it was as if someone just turn the light on. I finally understand so much things and being in this forum, knowing that I am not alone really helps me a lot. I hope that you will find whatever you are looking for.

For me people who can't live without romance are people with no life, no passion no hobbies, who don't know what to do with their lives, and are scared to be alone.

I relate to what you say. I found out only a few months ago about aromanticism. It explains so many things and in the same time, since I know about it, I wonder if I don't take it as an excuse to hide something or to do not accept that there is something wrong with me that I don't want to see. I think that we need time to really know who we are, I have to say that to have found out about aromanticism made me feel included in a community for the first time of my life, knowing that some other people are like me, go through the same things I do, live what I live. It is really helpful to know that there is nothing wrong with me and there are many people like me all around the world. Somehow it is a relief to know that there is a reason why I have never been in love, I have never been interested in relationship,... As @Kalliehas said the most important is for you to feel comfortable with the way you identify yourself, you have to feel happy being who you are and not who people want you to be, if you are not sure yet if you are aro or not there is nothing wrong with that, take your time to found out and if after a while you change your mind and realise that you are not then it is ok. Just think about you, what make you feel good, comfortable and happy I hope this helps you.