Jump to content

Juno

Member
  • Content Count

    7
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Juno

  1. The thing I really don't get is that calling someone your girlfriend or boyfriend seems to be such a big deal. My cousin is dating someone and my family refers to him as "*Cousin's name*'s friend". They put a weird emphasis on the word friend, as they know that my cousin's relationship with this guy is not platonic. But they refuse to refer to him as my cousin's boyfriend.

    One time, before she was with her current boyfriend, my cousin was with another guy. When my dad asked her if she would call him her boyfriend, she responded "I would say we're dating, but I wouldn't call him my boyfriend." Why do people think ace and aro labels are confusing when labels for romantic and sexual relationships seem so complicated?

    The other thing that people make a big deal of is saying "I love you" for the first time in a relationship. For a while I thought: 'why would you date someone you don't love or don't feel comfortable telling you love?' I guess if you go on a blind date or a date with someone you met through a dating site it makes sense. I also think I am much more liberal with my "I love you"s than most people. I tell my friends and family I love them often. "I love you" was the replacement for "goodbye" with my friends and I for a while.

    • Like 8
  2.      Science Fact: Aromantics and asexuals secrete a substance that causes short term memory loss. This substance gets stronger when the person thinks more about being ace/aro, hence people around them tending to only be affected when the person brings up their asexuality and/or aromanticism in conversation. This is just one of many superpower-like qualities asexuals and aromantics posses, such as invisibility.

         OK, not really. But I like to think of it as a superpower. Although admittedly a counterproductive one.

         I find that I have to very explicitly state that I am asexual aromantic in order for people to take it seroiusly and remember. I understand not wanting to make a big deal of it, but if you want the acknowledgement, you may need to have a not so casual discussion where you clearly state that you are ace aro.

         Sort of unrelated story, but I want to tell it anyway. I told one of my friends over text that I am asexual. He has a terrible memory, but it seemed to be important to both of us. He admitted the next day that he was "starting to develop feelings for" me. I didn't say that I am aromantic (too much explaining), but I said that I hadn't even had a crush in years. A year later we were talking about our futures, and he starts talking about relationships. And he says that he can't wait to see what kind of person I'll be in a relationship with. I made some joke about how I would be calling him when I go off to college and telling him about my life with my husband. His reaction was: "Your what? Your WHAT!?!". Did he forget that I'm ace aro? Did he ignore that I'm ace aro? Does he know more about asexuality than I think he does and thinks I'm not aro? Does he think I'm a lesbian and using asexuality as an excuse to not come out and I'll get married to a girl? Does he remember that time I was talking about finding my soulmate, and my best friend explained that I can have a non-romantic soulmate, and he thinks I'll end up with someone, but not married? The world may never know. But I can hope it's the last one. Ugh, I need to take my own advice and have a serious conversation with him. But he's so awkward about this kind of thing...

    • Like 5
  3. I crave physical things like hugs and cuddling as well. I have some friends who like to be physical in this manor. I hug them hello and goodbye. Sometimes I cuddle with friends when I watch movie with them, or lean into them when we are sitting next to each other, but sometimes I feel bad initiating this. Even when a friend has told me that they love cuddling, I sometimes worry that if I ask if we can cuddle that they will reject me. Or that they will say yes, but only because they feel bad saying no. I don't see my friends very often either, as we have very different schedules, so my need for physical attention is rarely met.

    One time I went to my best friend's house, and we decided to watch animated batman movies. I asked if she wanted to cuddle and her response was: "Heck yes!,". That is my perfect relationship. Having someone to cuddle with while watching Batman. Why do I need a boyfriend when I can have that with my best friend?

    Last week I went swing dancing with my friend. It was really fun, and it fulfilled my craving for physical contact. I would definitely recommend it.

    • Like 2
  4. The other day I met up with a friend. I had offered to drive her home, and while we were walking to my car she pointed out a cafe and said "That's where my partner works." The whole ride home I was wondering if she meant romantic partner. I guessed she was, as if it were a friend she probably would have just called them her friend. When I got home, I looked at Friend's social media accounts to try to figure out if she was dating someone. I felt pretty bad for internet stalking her instead of just talking to her, but I can be really bad a talking to people. Friend's twitter profile picture was of someone I didn't know kissing her on the cheek. After digging further I found that she was in fact dating this person. Friend's Partner is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, which is why Friend had said "partner" instead of "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". I knew I should feel happy for her. She looked so happy in all of those pictures with her partner. But instead I felt mildly upset. I don't know if it's because I was jealous that Friend's Partner was getting attention from Friend that I was not getting, or if I was mad that she hadn't told me sooner. We don't talk about relationships often. We talk about everything, and keep nothing from each other. Except that I only hear about her relationships in passing, often months after they are over. I was also mad at myself for not feeling happy for Friend.

     

    I had this terrible thought that I was probably mad because my philosophy is: "I can't have my friend because I don't want them, and if I can't have them, no one can".

     

    I have another close friend who has sex a lot, but rarely finds people she is romantically attracted to, and has never been in a stable romantic relationship. I don't feel jealous that she is having sex (but I'm a little worried for other reasons). I think I worry that if my friends are in romantic relationships, then they will care less about platonic relationships, and i will be pushed to the side.

     

    I was super upset when Friend set up a Pinterest wedding board. I started to think about how in the future she may settle down with a partner and she may give me less thought. Then I worried that all of my friends would find partners and I would be all alone. Part of this is probably irrational, but I worry anyway.

     

    I also realized in looking at Friend's Partner's twitter account that they have the same name as the person Friend said she took to queer prom when I told her I would be out of town that weekend. While I was out of town I was texting Friend, and she said she was at queer prom. When I got back I asked her about it and she said something along the lines of "It was fun. I went with this person named (Friend's Partner). I didn't know them that well. I met them at a party and was like 'do you want to go to queer prom with me?' , and they were like 'sure'" I was a little jealous that she had gone with someone else, but didn't want my being out of town to impede on her fun, so I was glad that that didn't hold her back from going. Otherwise I thought little of it. Now I know that I could have played this little part in Friend getting together with Friend's Partner. That's another thing that sort of upset me.

     

    Sorry for the really long post, but I needed to rant and get all my feelings out. (Rereading my post I realize that I am a very jealous person) Hopefully other aros will understand where I am coming from.

    • Like 10
  5. In 10th grade I went to my school prom with a close friend. It was pretty boring. I'm not sure why, but I stayed for all four hours. The first three consisted of pretending I loved other girl's dresses, eating gross food, and awkwardly shuffling to pop music. The last hour was better because there were more people dancing. My school was pretty chill as far as proms go. About 80% of people who came didn't have a date, and one couple was a same sex couple, which everyone seemed fine with. Although most people were dressed up, there was no big pressure to get a really expensive dress or suit, and I highly doubt anyone rented a limo.

    About a week later I went to queer prom. I'm ace aro and I went with my best friend, who's bisexual. It was pirate themed, and everyone either came dressed as a pirate, or in jeans or a t-shirt. The music was way better than at my school prom, and people were way more into the dancing. In response to @peridotty, I know the group that organizes the queer prom in my area, and they are very inclusive. I consider myself queer, as I am not straight. I though it would be fun to spend an evening dancing and spending time with my best friend, and to have a moment without heteronormativity.

    I don't plan on going to school proms again, but queer prom was fun. I wasn't able to go in 11th grade because I was out of town, but hopefully I will get to go next year. (Also, I'm 95% sure the queer prom I went to was organized by the same group as the one peridotty went to judging by their location according to their profile, and the theme of the prom. But that was the year i was out of town.)

    • Like 3
  6. I have told my younger brother, who is about four years younger than me. I was driving him home from school one day and ranting about how I hate that when I tell people that I like the avengers their first response is often "Who's the hottest Avenger?". I said that it was sexist that they assumed a girl only liked the Avengers for the "hot men", and that I'm not even into big, muscular guys, which is the who the Avengers is mainly made up of. My brother asked me what kind of guy I am into, and I gave an awkward laugh and responded "None of them". There was a short, awkward silence, and then my brother asked me if I'm gay. I said "No, actually I'm asexual. I'm not into guys or girls." My brother went "Huh. I get that," and then went back to playing his video game.

    Maybe I didn't do the best job of explaining. I didn't talk about the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, or genders other than male and female, but I got my point across.

    • Like 3
  7. Hello! I have been on AVEN for about two months, where is where I heard of Arocalypse. I guess I haven't felt like I've found "my people" yet, so I wanted to try Arocalypse. I am asexual for sure. Having sex has never been something that has occurred to me as a good idea. I consider myself pretty much aromantic. Depending on the situation, I may call myself gray aro, but his doesn't happen often. I don't want to date, but sometimes I do have a crush on someone. Someone may seem cute, smart, funny, and give me butterflies in my stomach. But even then I don't want a romantic or sexual relationship.

    So... hi form an asexual pretty-much-aromantic.

    • Like 7
×
×
  • Create New...