When I was a kid, I definitely was aroace. I picked and chose crushes, I couldn't figure out why someone would be "in love", I would never feel jealousy, and so many signs. Naked bodies absolutely disgusted me and i didnt even wanna kiss boys or girls. However, this might be because I was only a child. After hitting puberty, i suddenly became extremely sexual and romantic. I got into relationships with both genders, yet caught myself "crushing" more on men than women. I never fell in love with a man, but dated SO many cause I would simply tell myself I will catch feelings during dating or that aesthetic attraction obviously meant romantic attraction (which I only recently also learned aesthetic attraction existed). I seemed to "crush" on anyone who was kind, who was hot, or who liked me. Sometime during quarantine, I got into a serious relationship with a woman (im F16). This was on the internet. I dont want to be rude, yet i will admit that she was quite unattractive. I remember having to cover her face sometimes because I didnt wanna accept that the person I was dating and was falling for was not my type at all. However, i fell for her. Im sure this was actual love, romance, however some people think that it might have been me falling for her words or just feeling loved by someone (especially because it was quite hard to "fall in love" in 3 months over the internet yet for me, I assume it happeend). I remember crying and feeling jealous thinking of her with other people etc etc. However, a year passed and as more ive moved on, and more i found men more aesthetically pleasing, i tried to date them, and found myself not feeling the happiest. Dating people is no big deal for me, however, recently i realized i havent been getting crushes again? Or ive been confusing crushes from aesthetic attraction. It comes and goes in a way, so i assume in aroflux? I havent been in a relationship since and I dont know if I suddenly BECAME aromantic or if i was always aro/arospec and i just never understood it? Or maybe im wrong, maybe im not aro. However, some signs of me showing aromanticism, also brought up by fellow friends who knew me for years are: never caring who i was dating, able to date anyone, never feeling jealousy, not even caring when getting cheated on, love dating yet never been heartbroken by people in real life, only on the internet, even "crying" when someone broke up with me online yet didnt even feel a single hurt towards the girl who did it when i saw her the next day in real life, only feeling anger that i was abandoned, etc. I spoke to my mother whos supportive and she says i should at least wait until 20, and maybe im just traumatized by falling in love and getting my heartbroken? Or im just afraid to date again?
Is it also okay for me to identify as cupio/aroflux/arospec and being wrong about it? This is all so new to me and I cant figure out whats going on. Thanks!
