David

I'll start by saying that I am pretty convinced that I am both aro and ace, since I've never had a crush in my life on anyone, despite being in my mid thirties. I almost never feel emotionally attached to anyone, so I don't even think I've ever had a squish before. The thing though, is that over the past few months I become quite emotionally attached to this girl that I have been talking to online, who is a friend of my sisters. I have met her before irl a couple of years ago, but we never really talked much. So when she recently told me that she was done with romance and instead was just going to marry her best friend (who is not me) and live the rest of her days like that, I just felt devastated. I assumed this was due to me having some romantic feelings for her, but I do not think that is the case, as I really don't want to do anything romantic/sexual or even physical with her, except just give her a huge hug. What I instead think has me devastated is that I wish I was that best friend and could spend the rest of my life with her, to the point that I am almost depressed that it's not going to be the case. Most of all, I am just very confused by this. I suppose I wonder if it's possible to feel so strongly for someone on a purely platonic level? An intense squish perhaps? Maybe someone here has experienced something similar? Like wanting some sort of QPR with someone only to find out they also want that, but with someone else?