flapi_bird

Hey, as someone who is aromantic bisexual, I had a similar experience of having a new crush every week, especially when I was a teenager. Then later I would sometimes get interested in people, but I never had the desire to date - just the idea of dating was like... meh... uncomfortable... no. I've never felt heartbreak at the end of a relationship, and I'd totally have sex with people of any gender. TL;DR: My experience is really similar to yours and I'm aromantic bisexual.

Hey friend! I discovered I'm aromantic a year into a long-term relationship, so I can relate a bit to your experience! You are not a bad person!! Everywhere in our society we are told that finding a romantic partner is one of the main goals of life. You knew that you were close to this person, and you know that when you're really close to someone you're supposed to go on dates and ask them out - so that's what you did. In the past I've ended several relationships (short and long) that I started myself because I ended up realizing that I just wanted out and wasn't comfortable with dating the person. And I had no idea I was aromantic at the time - it made me feel really bad and really guilty. When I realized I was aromantic, I talked to my partner of over a year, and we decided to continue our relationship because 1) I'm not romance-averse 2) we both really enjoy our relationship and 3) my partner doesn't mind that their romantic love is not reciprocated - I love them in plenty of other ways! I won't be able to tell you if you're aromantic, but I can relate to what you're saying. I've spent my whole life thinking platonic love + sexual attraction = romantic love, and I can tell because I used to have "crushes" on everyone, have crushes while i was in a relationship, have crushes on any attractive person that I got close too. I often feel like my partners are just close friends that I have sex with, I've often wanted to break up during my past relationships, I've never been heartbroken at the end of a relationship (I always felt only relief). But your experience may be different from mine! My advice is to read some posts on this forum, read about the different aromantic identities, and see if you relate to them. FIRST PIECE OF ADVICE: TAKE A SECOND TO THINK. When I realized I was aromantic, it took a week of shock and fear before I really came to accept it. I know the disappointment and sadness that you feel right now - it's a natural reaction when everyone has told you your whole life that true romantic love is the best thing ever. BUT - once I got used to the idea, I felt only relief and happiness, and no disappointment. I finally understand myself and can free myself of guilt and frustration. So take a sec, don't rush into anything, think about it. It's not a race! There are some good videos and posts here about acceptance that might help you. Okay, once you've taken time to figure out your identity, it's time to decide if you want to stay in your relationship or end it. Either way, you should consider telling your boyfriend about your aromanticism (if you think they would react well). If you keep dating, it's important to communicate stuff like that so you can stay healthy. If you decide to end the relationship, it should help them understand why you made that decision and should help settle some of their insecurities. I understand the fear that your friend group will get awkward. I actually broke up with my ex while we were in basically the same friend group. I'll admit that it was a bit difficult, but after a small awkward period things went back to normal. We spent like a month no-contact before going back to being regular friends, so maybe try that if you can (unless you go to school together or something). Finally, keep in mind - you've only been in this relationship for a bit over a month. Relatively speaking, that's not a very long time. If you know you're going to end the relationship eventually, better to do it sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the more your boyfriend will fall in love with you, and the harder it will be on him when you break up. Ending it early also minimizes the awkwardness in the friend group. Best of luck :)

Hey there! I think I have a similar experience to you! (You inspired me to create an account and make my first post). I'm in a relationship right now and I've been in one other relationship before that. My first relationship ended because I felt trapped, couldn't really imagine spending my life with that person, felt like I loved her a lot less than she loved me. So I related a lot to your reasons for ending your relationships! I've constantly had feelings that I wasn't as into my partner as I should be. When I told my ex after figuring out I'm aromantic, she was glad to finally understand why I stopped (romantically) loving her all of a sudden. My current relationship: I didn't really have romantic feelings at the beginning either. I had no idea I was aromantic, this person had had a crush on me for a while, we had a lot in common, we were good friends, and we were casually hooking up. I started dating because it felt like that was the "right" thing to do - we did all the things people did when dating, we just... weren't dating. Over the course of the relationship it started feeling less weird to say "I love you" and i got comfortable being romantic with them - but mostly because I felt like that's what I should do, and it makes them happy. Once I read about aromanticism everything clicked - all the issues I'd had with relationships just made sense. We're still together, by the way, since we both enjoy the relationship a lot and they are OK with their romantic love not being reciprocated (I still love them platonically very much!). Also, when I discovered I was bi, I tried dating a guy but it ended pretty quickly, and that led me to believe I was sexually attracted to guys, but not interested in dating them. Now I've realized it's just everyone that I'm not romantically attracted to ?. It's been a very confusing experience, since I've been in two longterm relationships - but for both of those I dealt with so much guilt about wanting out, and I feel much more comfortable now. (TW: arophobia) What do I think? I think it's very likely you're somewhere on the aromantic spectrum - i relate really hard to a lot of what you're saying. Just keep in mind that there's all kinds of aromantic-ness - you might only feel romantic attraction rarely, or feel it less strongly, or only after you really know someone well, or not at all. The exact label isn't important - what's important is that you use this newfound knowledge to be confident in what you want out of life and be comfortable with who you are!