Intergalactic Indigo

25

porcelain doll

Hi! I'd recommend checking this out: https://www.aromanticism.org/en/identity-terms 

Some terms that came to mind while reading your post are greyromantic, cupioromantic, demiromantic, and quoiromantic. Maybe looking into those could be a starting point. 

And you can identify as both aro and gay! There are lots of people (including me) who are aromantic or aro-spec alongside another orientation. This: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Angled_Aroace might be another thing to look into if you're also ace.

I hope this helps! 

I assumed I was straight, then just thought I was weird and broken, then thought I was bi, then gay, then ace and panromantic, then figured out I was aroace.

Welcome here! I'm glad you're starting to feel comfortable with yourself, and I hope hanging out here helps!

(Also, I love your profile pic)

2063

Hey there,

Your post was a little unnerving to read because you've just described exactly where I was two years ago! 

For me, even once I was pretty sure I was aromantic, I kept doubting myself and thinking that I wasn't aro enough because I wasn't completely romance repulsed. But like Leia said, 

14 minutes ago, Leia Williams said:

there's no such thing as being aro enough.

If you feel like the term aromantic (or anything under the aro spectrum) fits you, you are aro enough. I think it's normal to have doubts about your orientation, and you can call yourself aro without being 100% sure.

When I was questioning my romantic orientation, I was sort of waiting for an epiphany/"lightbulb" moment because that's what happened when I found the term grey-asexual, but coming to terms with being aromantic turned out to be a slow process. Questioning can be really confusing and scary, and there's so much pressure to know exactly who you are, but you can try on a label without committing to identifying that way forever.

So, don't put too much pressure on yourself. You can call yourself aro even if you have doubts, but there's also nothing wrong with being questioning.

Best of luck!

dance floor

Hi Andie! I'm glad you've found the aromantic community and that your ex is understanding!

I understand feeling alone in your orientation. It can definitely feel isolating, especially when you're first figuring it out. I hope meeting other aros on this forum helps you to feel less alone.

Welcome here!

Nice to meet you Leia!

Hello and welcome here! 

I really resonated with what you said about drowning and trying to breath in a romance-obsessed society. The idea that romance is the only way to be happy really is a brainwash that we have to constantly be unlearning.

10 hours ago, Sissi said:

MAYbe find some Brazilians here?

I'm a Brazilian citizen! I haven't lived there since I was a baby though, but I'm hoping to visit the place I was born someday. So... not really what you're looking for, but it's cool to find a bit of a connection.

10 hours ago, Sissi said:

Hope you have a lovely day (or night too)!

It's almost 4 AM where I am, so thanks for recognizing those of us with weird sleep schedules :)

Cheers!

On 6/12/2021 at 2:37 PM, PancakeSnake said:

something that i think was a very aromantic thing for me to do as a kid (age 10 to 15 ish i think?), was when i would look at my classmates and decide to have a crush on a specific person. this would actually take a bit of effort, funnily enough! for example, if my "crush" said something i found annoying, my "romantic feelings" would weaken quite a bit, and i would have to put real effort into cranking that romantic feelings-meter back up

I did this as a kid too! I thought I was supposed to have crushes, so I would choose someone who seemed like a nice person and convince myself that I had romantic feelings for them. I would keep forgetting that I supposedly had a crush on them, and it would take so much mental energy to try to keep up my "romantic feelings."

People keep assuming I either have or want a partner. 

The most recent time was today when I was walking my dog. An old man started making conversation, which was fine, and then out of nowhere, he said "And your husband?"

The weirdest time was at a family gathering a couple years ago. My grandma and her sister made me try on their mother's wedding dress and parade around for our relatives in it. (Apparently they used to make my aunt do this. What a weird tradition!) I was very uncomfortable for several reasons, but the weirdest part was my great-uncles saying things like: "When's the big day?" and "Who's the lucky fellow?" When I told one of them that there was not a "lucky fellow," he offered to "put in a good word" for me at some place where there were apparently lots of nice boys. I said "no thanks." He said "Huh" and stopped talking.

Friendship day sounds amazing! I usually use my friends' birthdays to tell them how amazing they are, but it would be nice to have an occasion to celebrate the friendship itself.

As a little kid I remember some of my classmates having "friendship ceremonies" at recess that were basically reenactments of what we imagined weddings to be like, and at the end someone would say "I declare you best friends. You may now hug." It was kinda cute.

A few I remember being scared of as a kid were Toy Story 3 (the part with the incinerator) and Princess and the Frog. I saw them in theatres when I was about seven or eight.

When I was about 10, my friends made me watch Coraline and Sleepy Hollow. Thinking about those movies still freaks me out.

14

tree

pepperoni

Welcome! I'm not the best at advice, but I just wanted to say hi, and I'm glad you're here and starting to figure yourself out. It can definitely feel daunting trying to find a label that fits, especially when your friends are all dating people, so I hope being on this forum can help :)

On 4/7/2021 at 11:07 PM, Elizabeth said:

I completly miss when guys flirt and when people talk about if someone is cute I've never really known and just go along with it. I used to force myself to have crushes when I was little and just made myself uncomforible. 

Yes! Same. I think a lot of aros can probably relate to this.

Anyway, welcome, and best of luck!

2023

I've had a crush on someone once, and other than that, experience zero romantic attraction, or at least, not enough for me to notice. For me, the experience of being romantically attracted to someone was exciting at first, because I thought it meant I would finally understand what people were talking about, and I wasn't weird or broken. (I knew very little about aromanticism at the time.) After the initial relief, though, it honestly kind of sucked. I'm fairly romance-repulsed, so even though I had these romantic feelings, I was grossed out by them at the same time. And then it never happened again! 

Grey aroace here! I experience extremely small amounts of romantic and sexual attraction, so that's the term I feel is most accurate for me. 

Greetings from another newbie! Your experience of finding the aro and ace community sounds pretty similar to mine. I realized I was asexual, did a whole bunch of research, freaked out a bit, but thought "things will be okay because I'm not aromantic and can still have a mostly 'normal' life." It took me a while to accept that I was aro as well, but I got there eventually. I still have those spirals of doubt about my orientation, but like you said, 

1 hour ago, sunflowerfriend said:

none of us know what the heck is happening anyway, so we might as well accept it.

It's really nice to meet you, and I hope you have a great time here!

Hi Hannah! It's nice to meet you. I'm new here as well, and I also love reading, writing, and music. I'm glad you found this site, and I wish you the best of luck! ? 

Thank you!