Daydream_dog94

romantic advances on me kind of weird me out. like, i dont know what to do with this info but thanks, i guess.. XD i am the ultimate friend zoner its not even funny lol i always found it odd that my favorite genre of manga is yuri romance. like, besides a few other fantasy series, yuri is pretty much all i ever read and enjoy, especially the romantic aspect of it. for a while i felt like maybe i wasnt aro because i like romance, but ive worked through that pretty easily. its ok when its other people, but when it involves me, i get super uncomfortable. i woudnt say im repulsed tho, like, im open to the idea and would be willing to try for the right person. like, if i met someone who i felt was special to me and being romantic was something that would make them happy, i would try. but other than that special condition, i never really have romantic urges.

fruit punch

im only 22 so i cant even begin to imagine how it feels to question yourself after 15 years of identifying as something, but i can relate a bit in terms of your brain pulling the rug out from under you. not much i can say to help im afraid but i do believe its ok to want to be in love despite being aro/ace. wanting something, and then actually going and doing it are can have completely different feelings/emotions tied to it so i wouldn't make assumptions. i find that, for me, i enjoy myself a lot more when fantasizing about things rather than actually going and doing them. i can create an almost perfect situation in my head, like when you imagine standing up to the school bully and saving the day. but in reality if i actually went and did that id be a blubbering mess lol i think that can be applied to fantasizing about having romantic relations with someone, but when you actually go and do it in reality, it doesn't feel quite as good and can give you anxiety. levels of attraction and the human brain to too complex to pin down a solid explanation for what your going through but i would just take it slow and really listen to your heart (cheesy, i know, sorry XD) but yeah, i wouldn't draw conclusions until you meet in person to confirm these feelings you are feeling. as for my experience, i started talking to someone online when i was in highschool. we were just friends, two lonely people with similar interests, but he was going through a breakup and looking for something more. despite not knowing i was aro/ace at the time it just didn't feel right, so i disclosed immediately that i had no interest in his advances. he respected that and we remained friends who occasionally flirt (we are furries its what we do lmao) anyway, fast forward a few years and he's kind of growing on me? i dont know what it is but i have this fondness for him ive never had for another person and started to have thoughts of maybe being more than friends. so i kind of freaked out and ghosted him for a few months (dick move on my part.. truly shameful but i had to take a step back) in the time we spent apart i sorted out my feelings and by that i mean, i dont allow a label or what i think i am, dictate what i do and how i act. my feelings for him challenged my aro/ace identity, so i got scared and i ran hurting him in the process. we have since reconnected and i only feel platonic towards him now. i still dont know why i felt the way i did before i ran. all i can say is attraction is complicated.. like, too complicated.. i try not to think to hard about it lol all i know is that im happy with the way things are now between us, so thats good enough for me also im not sure, but i believe there is a word for when you like romance/romantic relationships in theory, but not in reality. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/119238-a-list-of-romantic-orientations/ here is a whole list of sub categories or aro identities you might find helpful maybe?

well, people having their assumptions of what it means to be aro is a given. to most, its hard to grasp the idea of not experiencing romantic attraction, so they naturally jump to "well, maybe you just haven't found the right person" or "you just don't have enough life experience to know for sure". to an aro person, these comments can come off as quite rude but i would just keep in mind that your sister probably isnt saying these things to hurt you, she just may be confused and also concerned for you. so my advice would be to provide lots of info and try to educate her on what she might not understand. to do this, maybe find a good article that explains what being aro really means or even link her to this forum! for the actual coming out you can try to write out what you would like to say and practice as if you are talking to her. i find this helps build confidence. despite what she may think, you have to be confident in your identity and tell her how it is. with time and understanding, she will come around eventually! and finally, good luck! i hope all goes well for you :D also i like your profile pic!

yep! gave me Pokémon vibes too lol and thanks for sharing! i can relate to alot as well being afab and thinking i had to be attracted to boys and also how its possible my dysphoria could be a slight factor behind my aromantic/asexual orientation. i also think its really cool you are finding comfort in arospec labels now, its nice to know there is a community of similar people to vibe with!

the matter of my sexuality was never a thought in my mind. i was never really "attracted" to anyone and didn't really care/ think about it. just thought, you're either gay straight or bi (i was like 12) so i assumed I must be bi because i didn't really have a preference. after learning from the internet that there are more than 3 sexuality's when I was 14, i adopted the label "pansexual" because once again, gender was never really a considering factor. not that I was considering in the first place. i was still pretty uninterested with sex and romance/dating, didn't see the appeal and also, just didn't ever naturally find myself thinking about it. yeah, in theory i should be pan sexual/romantic but it took another 2 years to realize that im not romantically or sexually interested at all. which led me to "asexual". it was a very blunt and kind of flat realization. like, "oh yeah.. that actually makes sense haha" because i still feel the same way i did when i was 12, (im now 22) the only thing that changed was my understanding of that feeling, my knowledge of sexuality in varying stages of youth, and the label i identified with. just thought this was worth sharing. i was thinking about this on my drive to work today because i recently told my mom im aro/ace and she took it ok i guess mind the "maybe you just haven't found the right person" comment (i let it slide because her understanding of asexuality is archaic lol) .. but in an effort to understand she then asked if i was "confused" when i told her i was pan 8 years ago? and i know she means no harm, but the way she said it just rubbed me the wrong way.. so i had a conversation with myself in the car trying to explain it to her in an imaginary conversation lol. just helps to talk/write stuff out and i feel its kind of relevant to the topics discussed here :) imalso not sure if i should put this in off topic or a main thread? its kind of just a personal ramble feel free to share your evolution story!

yeah, arousal to me is more of a biological response? like, sometimes it cant be helped, it just happens. where sexual atraction is the active thought of "i would be down to have sex with that person". that's just how i think of it.

im not often romantically or sexually atracted to people, but if i had to be with someone it would be ideal if they knew how to make bomb mac and cheese. not the box stuff im talkin home made! and like, i'll help! i dont expect them to cook for me lol its just my fave food that ive tried to make and failed at so many times its sad so if someone came into my life and also happened to make good mac, i would be happy

i stopped watching ages ago but greys anatomy!! like, i understand that relationships make for good drama but i feel like 2 characters couldn't interact normally without eventually having sex or dating.. it just became repetitive lol yeah, honestly same.. also the movie is called "brother bear" and i feel like the first one did a really good job of portraying that.. didnt need a sequel and ESPECIALLY didnt need a sequel with a love story. at that point it completely disregards the title, which should have been red flag number one lol

something similar happened to me in elementary school! this really nice kid would always go out of his way to say hi to me and was just really friendly and everyone in my family was like "OMG HE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU HOW CUTE!!" and i avoided and was even a little rude to this kid because the whole thing just made me really uncomfortable.. im 22 and still think about how we honestly could have been really good friends :(