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Posts posted by Saber_Wing

  1. Thanks for all the feedback, guys. It's definitely nice to know I'm not the only one thinking about this. Initially, I found the labels to be comforting. They made me feel less alone and still do to a certain degree, but the more I come out to people, the more frustrated I get. I think what some of you have said makes a lot of sense in that some people simply don't deserve to know me like that. Maybe I should stop trying to give away pieces of myself for no reason. I've always had problems with that. It's as if I feel selfish for not giving my all to everyone I meet. Man, that makes even less sense when I type it out xD This is why I have a therapist.

    • Like 4
  2. I've been tossing this around in my mind for a few days. I wanted to understand why it upsets me every time I try to explain my orientation to someone who doesn't know me, and then something occured to me.


    It's important that we raise awareness for aromanticism, and asexuality for that matter, but I can't help but wonder if I'm placing a little bit too much stress upon myself with the tireless labels. Not that I would want to pretend to be anything else, or hide who I am. I just don't think I should feel the need to explain the inner workings to every single person who asks why I don't have a significant other, only to get the same blank, confused stares. Maybe I should be content to say, "I'm not interested in relationships of those sorts," and leave it at that. People who want my friendship must earn it, and in turn, they must get to know me gradually themselves. Why deem complete strangers with no respect for me worthy of that knowledge? Besides, those who consider themselves 'straight' don't have to walk around explaining why they're straight, so why should I feel compelled to do anything of the sort? I realize awareness won't go up if we don't talk about it, but give me a break. I am who I am, who cares, can we all please just accept it and nevermind all of the discrimination, hate, and increasingly complicated labels? Don't get me wrong, it's important to have those labels so that we know we're not alone, and so we have a way to define ourselves, but sometimes I feel we spend too much time working out precisely what bracket we fit into. Time we could be spending simply being who we are, rather than deriving new ways to explain who we are to other people. Am I making sense?


    I'm rambling, actually. Frustrated, I suppose. Just some thoughts I've been having that I wanted to share with you all. I just want to live my life, and be who I am. What do I care what anyone else thinks of it?

    • Like 11
  3. I don't really think of it as hate so much as invisibility. It definitely exists though, particularly between aros, asexuals, and the rest of the LGBTQIA community, about whether or not someone should be considered 'queer,' or whatever the fuck. I've never paid much attention to it all. Utterly ridiculous. It just baffles me that people who can be so against discrimination discriminate against people who should be considered a part of the cause they fight for. I just don't get it.

    • Like 4
  4. I can be like this too. It's hard for me to let people in. Usually I either want a very close bond, or nothing at all, which is unhealthy, or so I've been told. I've been working at trying some more casual friendships too. You know, people you can go to lunch with, or go to a movie with every once in awhile without having to tell them your life story. Might be nice. 

    • Like 2
  5. On 7/18/2016 at 0:44 AM, Juno said:

    The other day I met up with a friend. I had offered to drive her home, and while we were walking to my car she pointed out a cafe and said "That's where my partner works." The whole ride home I was wondering if she meant romantic partner. I guessed she was, as if it were a friend she probably would have just called them her friend. When I got home, I looked at Friend's social media accounts to try to figure out if she was dating someone. I felt pretty bad for internet stalking her instead of just talking to her, but I can be really bad a talking to people. Friend's twitter profile picture was of someone I didn't know kissing her on the cheek. After digging further I found that she was in fact dating this person. Friend's Partner is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, which is why Friend had said "partner" instead of "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". I knew I should feel happy for her. She looked so happy in all of those pictures with her partner. But instead I felt mildly upset. I don't know if it's because I was jealous that Friend's Partner was getting attention from Friend that I was not getting, or if I was mad that she hadn't told me sooner. We don't talk about relationships often. We talk about everything, and keep nothing from each other. Except that I only hear about her relationships in passing, often months after they are over. I was also mad at myself for not feeling happy for Friend.


    I had this terrible thought that I was probably mad because my philosophy is: "I can't have my friend because I don't want them, and if I can't have them, no one can".


    I have another close friend who has sex a lot, but rarely finds people she is romantically attracted to, and has never been in a stable romantic relationship. I don't feel jealous that she is having sex (but I'm a little worried for other reasons). I think I worry that if my friends are in romantic relationships, then they will care less about platonic relationships, and i will be pushed to the side.


    I was super upset when Friend set up a Pinterest wedding board. I started to think about how in the future she may settle down with a partner and she may give me less thought. Then I worried that all of my friends would find partners and I would be all alone. Part of this is probably irrational, but I worry anyway.


    I also realized in looking at Friend's Partner's twitter account that they have the same name as the person Friend said she took to queer prom when I told her I would be out of town that weekend. While I was out of town I was texting Friend, and she said she was at queer prom. When I got back I asked her about it and she said something along the lines of "It was fun. I went with this person named (Friend's Partner). I didn't know them that well. I met them at a party and was like 'do you want to go to queer prom with me?' , and they were like 'sure'" I was a little jealous that she had gone with someone else, but didn't want my being out of town to impede on her fun, so I was glad that that didn't hold her back from going. Otherwise I thought little of it. Now I know that I could have played this little part in Friend getting together with Friend's Partner. That's another thing that sort of upset me.


    Sorry for the really long post, but I needed to rant and get all my feelings out. (Rereading my post I realize that I am a very jealous person) Hopefully other aros will understand where I am coming from.



    I identify a lot with what you're saying. I have two roommates I live with, who are really more platonic soulmates than they are friends. We've been through too much together and loved each other too much to be simply friends anymore. One of them is aro ace like me, but the other is grayromantic, and graysexual, and she is the definition of platonic soulmate. I love this girl deeply, just obviously not romantically. We're inseperable. We finish each other's sentences. She recently joined a dating website, and while I want her to find someone who makes her happy, and to have everything she wants, I can't help feeling jealous, and maybe a little scared, you know? We've all decided to already spend our lives together, even buy a house together, and she assured me that is never going to change, but part of me will always be afraid of everyone marrying off and leaving me alone I guess, lol. I always feel less alone when I come to this forum though, so that means a lot to me too :)

    • Like 3
  6. True, true, the green is very understated. Honestly though, if I buy this and wear it, it's going to be more of a symbol for me than for anyone else. It's not that I don't what people to know, it's just that this ring resonates with me, and I feel that that's the most important thing. That's why honestly, we're probably going to be hard pressed to settle on one design, one color.

    • Like 4
  7. I'm big into shipping. If I had to pick a few main ships I love, I'd probably say Spirk (Kirk x Spock, Star Trek), Stony (Tony Stark x Steve Rogers), and Squall x Seifer (Final Fantasy VIII), although there are many, many others. As far as reading stories about it, however, there has to be more than just romance and sex. It must have a good, well-rounded main plot, with the romance being secondary. I also start to get annoyed when after they get together, it's just endless sex scene after sex scene. When that happens I usually either drop it, or skip those scenes. It's like, okay, awesome, they're together now, can they not have sex every time they enter a room together?

    • Like 1
  8. 7 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

    I'm finding this frustrating lately because my 2 school friends have got crushes, one of them a potential relationship. I'm happy for them and I want to listen to what makes them happy but last time we hung out they wouldn't stop talking about their crushes. I was somewhat drunk and even that didn't prevent me from getting frustrated (and also incredibly sex repulsed when being questioned about my sexual experiences - that's personal! And also somewhat of a trigger) so that definitely put a dampener on the night and I think I was also scared of what would happen when they were finally in relationships.


    They've been best friends for 12 years, whereas I've only known them for 6 and only got closer to them recently. I imagine a lot of double dates would ensue, which makes the fact that they go to a different uni to me and live a bit further away from me all the worse. I've never had doubts until now because they've always placed friendship as a high priority and I don't want to lose what I have with them.


    I can relate, it's definitely hard. It's happened to me in the past, and though you want to be happy for them, and are, you can't help but feel slighted, and left behind. I'm fortunate enough to have people who are similar to me in sexual and romantic preference, but it doesn't stop that feeling of alienation among coworkers or other friends, because you're happy for them, but you can't relate, and don't want to. It almost feels like a rift opening up between you and them. Hopefully, your friends will make the effort to keep you included regardless. Maybe it would help to talk to them about how you feel?

    • Like 3
  9. 8 hours ago, RedNeko said:

    Is that a common problem with psychosis and anti-depressants?

    It really depends on the person, and the type of disorder you have. Bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed, and as such, treated with the wrong types of medication. It is a risk with all anti-depressants though. One of the side-effects can be suicidal thoughts, so it's mostly just a frustrating process of elimination. "Okay, I can't take this, so I'll try this one."

  10. I'm not really sure if this counts me as disabled, but in a manner of speaking I suppose it could. I have anxiety and depression, but as much fun as those have been for me, they pale in comparison to my PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). It's an extreme form of PMS, a disorder attached to your menstrual cycle that causes extreme mood fluctuations, very painful cramps, breast tenderness, etc. My medication helps to regulate that along with my other mental disorders. Without it, I find it nearly impossible to function normally for about two weeks out of every month. The closer you get to your period, the worse it gets. Symptoms let up when you finally start bleeding, but then the cycle begins anew. I could always tell precisely how far I was from my period by how out of control I felt. It's been much better recently thanks to zoloft, but I can still tell when my moods dips, and why. Chances are I'm stuck with that for my entire fertile life. The chemical imbalance it causes just sucks. I'd tell them to take my reproductive organs, but I'm way too young. They'd never go for it. 


    I can definitely relate to you guys on the med troubles, though. It sucks finding one that works, without the unbearable side effects. The first one I tried broke me out in hives, and it just deadened every emotion I had. Someone could have burned my house down and I would not have cared xD


    • Like 3
  11. I was placed in Slytherin, and honestly, I definitely get it. I'm snide, sarcastic, and if you cross me, you'll get it back tenfold, but I'm also very loyal to those who show me love and loyalty in return. All in all, I think my house really gets a bad rap. Our flaws are only more noticable than those of the other houses because so much negative attention was called to it by Salazar Slytherin, Voldemort, and the Death Eaters.

    • Like 1
  12. I feel that the term "queer" is what you make of it. I understand that it has been used for generations as a derogatory slur, and many still see it that way. That's fine, but so is using it to identify yourself if you choose. If anything, I think it's important for the LGBT+ community to reclaim that word and make it our own. I've never attached any negativity to the word queer which is why I've never had a problem using it to define myself from time to time, but no one should be forced to claim the title if it makes them uncomfortable either. 

    • Like 2
  13. My best friend and I talk about this, and honestly. I don't think we're entirely joking anymore. We already live together and are inseperable, I have zero interest in romo, and she really doesn't either. We've talked about marrying and sharing health insurance benefits, if one of us every needed to.. My ideal would be to share my life with her and my other best friend, who also lives with us. I'm keeping my last name though, fuck that xD

  14. Okay. I'd like to start by saying I know this has the potential to upset people, but it's an issue I've been thinking a lot about, so I thought maybe we could all have a discussion about it. I will also say that respecting each other's views, while agreeing to disagree is very important in achieving that, so I'll only say this once: if you're not sure you can do that, please hit the back button now. I'd also like to take the time to caution you that some of what I am about to say is very bluntly stated. If that bothers you in any way, you may not want to read any further. You have been warned. 


    That being said, I'll get to the point: There is a difference between wanting others to empathize with you, and wanting them to feel sorry for you.


    There's nothing wrong with reaching out to each other; with coming together in communities and circles to discuss the problems going on in your life, or the things happening to you that have/had scarred you. That's why most of us are here. To relate, and empathize with each other. It's not good to keep it bottled up inside. But as I said, there is a difference between wanting people to empathize with your feelings, and wanting others to feel sorry for you, and unfortunately, I have begun to see a disturbing number of the former. I'm not saying here, just everywhere I turn, internet and real life alike. All of a sudden instead of empathizing with each other, I'm seeing people making a pissing match out of it, trying to decide who deserves validation more based upon who has it "worse." Both inside, and outside of the LGBT+ community. Quite frankly, I find it repulsive, and very childish. Suffering is not a competition. Honestly, if people spent as much time sharing with each other as they do invalidating them, we wouldn't have millions of people thinking everything is all about them, because their lives are 'worse.' Yeah, boo hoo, prince(ss). I don't give a flying shit what your problems are, they don't give you an excuse to treat people like crap.

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