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Posts posted by Saber_Wing

  1. I feel this way all the time. You're not alone. It's difficult to watch everyone else in your life have what you can't - another person in their life, guarenteed not to leave them alone. To spend life with them, and share everything. I want that - just...without the romance. Does that make sense? But, what's enough for me never will be for romantic people. Instead, I get to watch the people I love the most find someone else they're rather spend it with. It sounds really selfish when I say it like that, but it's the raw, basic truth. 

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  2. Like a lot of you here, I also fear ending up alone. I just get this feeling that I'll never be as important to my friends and family as I once. Time goes on, they pair off, and all of a sudden I'm irrelevant. I don't like it.


    It just sucks, because that deep, committed friendship is enough for me, but not for anyone else I know. I can't begrudge them their happiness; how could I? I can't help feeling second best though, like I don't measure up.



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  3. For me, it's when those in a romantic relationship spend every waking moment together. It freaks me out just thinking about it. Like, don't they ever want to do their own thing? How can they stand not having a break from talking to people?


    You wanna know the dumbest part? It makes me feel so lonely to watch them do it, even though I want no part of it.

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  4. My eyes are awful. It has gotten to the point where whenever I get an exam, the doctor asks if I've thought about lasik. Sure, if you have the thousands of dollars I don't currently have. 

  5. Absolutely not. As an aromantic person myself, I know that dating someone who is romantic is a disaster. I just don't see how it could work on either side. Neither of them would be getting what they needed from each other. 


    That being said, I do agree with what others have said -- it would be up to the two people involved. I think it's an awful idea, but hey. I always think dating anyone ever is an awful idea :rofl:

    • Haha 1
  6. I can tell you I usually feel like less than 1% of the population as far as my orientation is concerned :rofl:

    That being said, I think there are probably more people who are aro than anyone realizes. Many probably go their entire lives not knowing about it. 

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  7. When I explained my orientation to a friend of mine (he's my brother's best friend, known me practically all my life) he was mostly just confused, but we had an intellectual discussion about it, and while he didn't end up fully understanding how it works, when I told him literally everything about romance feels inherently wrong to me, he respected that I am who I am. Anyway, we ended up joking about it after, because at first he just thought: "Okay, wtf is aromantic? Is she a candle? Does she smell good?" :rofl:

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  8. Speaking as someone who carried on a high school relationship for damn near a year without understanding the difference between platonic and romantic relationships, I cannot stress enough that it would be best to let him down gently, and as soon as possible. He will get hurt. There's no way around it, but be honest with him. Try to explain as best you can that you are not capable of the type of love he wants from you. It's not something you can "change." Staying in a relationship under that assumption would be unfair to both of you.

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  9. 1 hour ago, omitef said:

    There are some days where I feel like our friendship's already over, and I'm just friends with the ghost of what I thought our friendship could be, being friends with the dead hope of rebelling together against amatonormativity.



    This right here is exactly how I feel. I relate to you so much right now! I thought we would all have this great, nonromantic life together and now that has been called into question. I almost feel betrayed. I know that's wrong of me, I admit that. I always knew there was at least a slight possibility it could happen. She's gray-romantic, so that possibility always existed. But we've all been through so much together and become so close, we refer to ourselves as family. We've talked about buying a house together. We have cats together. Now I don't know if that's even still something she wants, even though I still do. I guess I'm also not used to having to 'share' her either. We've been friends for over a decade, and inseperable for about half that time, so it's just weird to me still, you know? And then there are the times when they cuddle, and go off to do whatever it is 'normal' couples do behind closed doors. That just makes me feel a little awkward for obvious reasons.


    But, you're right. In the end, all that matters now is what's happening in this moment. What has to be, will be. All I can do in the meantime is cherish them, even if one day, we aren't as close as we used to be. I've come a long way with my mental illnesses, and I've been able to live in the hear and now, instead of being controlled by my anxieties. I'll be damned if I'm going to fuck up my track record now :rofl:

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  10. I'm feeling much the same. You can talk to me :). I have friends who love me, and understand that this is who I am, but they can't really... get it completely, you know? They don't understand. It's a lonely feeling, being different from literally every single person you know on the romance spectrum.  

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  11. My best friends and I live together, and one of them currently has a girlfriend. Although I really like the girl, and consider her a friend as well now, I find myself feeling completely alienated and alone. The closer they get to each other, the worse I feel. I understand why. I'm scared of ending up alone, no matter how selfish that is. As much as I love that they're together, and wish them every ounce of happiness they can find in each other, it makes me feel as if my relationship with my best friend isn't as important. As if now that they have this romantic relationship, they'll one day move out together and do whatever it is couples do in romantic relationships, and I'll be left behind.


    Platonic feelings are every bit as deep as romantic ones. They're just different. That's what I think, anyway. I just feel lonely because what's enough for me never will be for amorous people, and I'm surrounded by them. It will always seem a bit strange, a bit as if I'm 'missing out,' to them. God, all of this sounded a lot better in my head, it's coming out a rambling mess :rofl: 


    This forum and everyone in it makes me feel a little bit less misunderstood and alone. Thanks for that, guys. I just wanted to get this out so that I can begin finding new ways to cope, and if anyone has any advice for me on that front, it would be much appreciated. It's not fair of me to be feeling as if I've lost something because of what they've gained in each other.


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  12. My parents don't seem to care about my orientation either way, which is fine with me. I've explained it to them of course, but they're probably still thinking I'll 'find someone' one day. They don't bring it up and neither do I. Suits me just fine that way. It's a little more awkward for me as far as my coworkers are concerned. I finally got the dreaded 'why don't you date?' question a few days ago, and then the inevitable, 'maybe you haven't found the right person' speech. The part that frustrates me the most is that I don't really have any other way to explain it to them any better than I already do. Eventually I'm reduced to groaning and flailing my arms when they don't understand what I'm telling them. I wish I could let them into my head for just a few seconds, so they would understand my mindset. I suppose it doesn't matter though. I'm happy with who I am. Others don't have to be.

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  13. When everyone in my age group hit puberty and started noticing people, finding them attractive and wanting boyfriends/girlfriends, and I didn't. I wish I'd heeded my feelings back then and taken them at face value, because that was exactly what they meant. Instead, I eventually noticed how 'weird' I was, tried to change, stayed that way for damn near a decade, before I finally found my way again. I've always had a tendency to complicate things though in my head though, when I don't need to. 

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  14. I was just thinking about how society always tells you you're selfish unless you're doing something for somebody else. My sister in law's grandmother just had a heart attack and stroke, and while I've let her know I'm here for her to talk to if she needs it, she also asked me to come to a party she's doing with her for moral support (she's a pure romance consultant. I told her no. I don't want to go, this is the first day off I've had in two weeks, and my sister and I already had plans anyway.) My best friend ended up going instead. We live together. She's the type that drops everything at a moment's notice, and she always thinks I'm selfish if I'm not doing something at the expense of my own self-care, if someone has something bad happen to them. It doesn't mean *I don't empathize what she's going through, or that I'm not there for her, it just means I shouldn't have to be guilted into a party I don't wanna go to because of it. It just sucks to have someone I trust think that way about me, even though I know we're going to disagree about some things. 


    I'm just ranting I suppose, I just think it's ridiculous that taking care of yourself as well as others is so demonized. That's the reason it has been so hard for me to overcome it my whole life. It's good to be there for people, but I have to be there for me too.

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  15. 14 minutes ago, Pufflehugs04 said:

    Luna is an awesome name! She's my favourite Harry Potter character! Her or Neville or Lupin. :D

    Fanfiction.net is dead? >:(


    I usually go by Puffles online most of the time, but I kinda wanna change that to Kai/Kaiger because of how awesome that is.


    No, just the forum, don't worry :D

  16. 1. My first advice is actually the exact opposite of the above posting. Live not for others, but for yourself. That's not to say you shouldn't be sympathetic and kind to others, but they don't dictate how you should live your life. You do. It's very easy to lose sight of that. Don't make the mistake of being so concerned about others, you forget about yourself. If you want to do something for you and only you, that's not selfish. It's logical. It's human. And above all, living your life the way that makes you happy is the most important, at least to me. 


    2. That being said, be mindful of your emotions and how they affect you. They can be both a blessing and a curse. Be kind, be sad, be angry when you need to, but don't become a slave to any of those feelings, because it's all too easy.


    3. Enjoy yourself. Laugh. Go for a walk in the sunlight. Have that extra soda you're telling yourself you don't need. Make a life for yourself, but don't forget to live it.



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  17. I guess I identify with the colors more than an actual symbol. Well, that's not entirely true. I like the bow and arrow for aromanticism, and an ace of spades is fine for asexual. If it were me, I'd probably make the shirt itself black, or maybe dark green, and then color the symbols with the remaining color motifs. I'm more of a dark colors kind of person though. Most of the shirts I've seen are all white, or gray, and I'm not really down for that, so if you designed a different one, I'd be interested in buying one :)

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  18. For the longest time, I was called Angel in my online community because it was part of my username. I created it when I was eleven or twelve years old, and I had since changed it after a few years, but the name stuck. That's what everyone knew me as. I was a moderator on a popular forum on fanfiction.net before it died xD I still have a few people on my facebook from there who probably think of me more an Angel than anything else. Now I go by the current username you see here, usually Saber if anyone asks. Otherwise, I really don't have nicknames. My name is Paige, so there aren't a whole lot of ways to shorten that. I do hear a lot of lame book jokes though.


    My mom calls me Paigey poo, and my brother will call me Paigey sometimes, but nobody else is allowed ;p


  19. I've been thinking about the stigma that has been put on them, and while I understand why people might think of it as a weakness to take medication for mental illness, that still just seems completely stupid to me, especially now that I have been taking them for over 6 months, and have seen how they can help transform your life. Before I broke down, swallowed my pride, and got help, I was a mess. I was controlled by my emotions and irrational anxieties to the point where I could barely function. I was trapped in a job I hated. I couldn't make phone calls or go places unfamiliar without having an anxiety attack. I couldn't send anyone a message or even ask how they were doing without asking myself a thousand irrelivant questions.


    Now look at me. I'm in a career I love. I talk on the phone at work every day. I can take the freeway, or go somewhere I've never driven without my fears overtaking me. I have never been this clear-headed. Never. At least not within my memory. And while it hasn't just been the medication, that has played a huge part in it. It has allowed me to have a clear mind in order to employ the coping techniques I've learned in therapy. It allows me to think with logic instead of letting my fear of everything dictate how my life should go. I'm happier and more at peace with myself than I've ever been. And if I have to take this little pill for the rest of my life to achieve that, then you bet your ass I'm going to do it. Why wouldn't I? It has helped me achieve so much. Become the person I have always wanted to be. Corrected an imbalance in my head I otherwise didn't have much control over. Sure, they make it a little difficult to outwardly show any sadness. I find it more difficult to cry. But if that's the trade-off for everything it has given me, then holy shit, I'll take it.


    That being said, I'm curious about what the rest of our little community here thinks of medication of this nature, particularly SSRIs or anything else of the sort.

  20. I know what you're going through. Before I even knew about aromanticism, I went through a similar situation. I really cared about him. I realize now that there wasn't a modicum of romantic affection in what I felt for him, but at the time I didn't know any better, so I assumed that must be what attraction was, and started 'going out' with him. I was 16. I was with him for almost a year before I realized I completely hated everything that exited the realm of friendship. As time wore on he grew bolder, started kissing me more, holding my hand more, telling me he loved me and that he'd like to have a family, and it literally made me sick to my stomach. I broke it off without understanding why I didn't 'love' him, and for years I thought I was just defective or something, because anyone else I ever tried to date made me feel the exact same way. Only a couple of years ago did I discover aromanticism. I was 22. So, I spent the better part of six years in the dark? That was fun. I ended up dating that same guy thinking I should give him 'another chance' to see if I felt any different, and that's when I found aromanticism, and realized what the problem was. He loved me. I lost a good friend, but I have no regrets.


    Anyway, you need to be honest with her. It's going to hurt. It's going to suck. I hated breaking up with people. I cared about them, just not the same way they loved me, you know? Your situation sounds very similar. How she's going to take it, I obviously can't say, but in the long run you'll be happy you were honest with yourself, and with her too.



    • Like 5

    22 hours ago, Elise said:

    It's not like any orientation is wrong, but it just feels weird to have to explain motives for.... doing nothing when people doing something don't have to. It's like being asked "Why is that you don't spend your money when you don't have to?"


    I feel that labels are only for finding similar people and start discussion, too.


    I guess that's the main difference between aros and amorous people. For us, it's optional. Even unthinkable, but for them...I guess they feel like they instinctually need it? I don't know, that's always been a very strange thought to me, I can't quite wrap my mind around it to be honest. People think it's odd that I don't have this drive to be with someone, but what they don't realize is that it's just as odd for me to witness them jumping from one relationship to another within a couple of weeks of each other like it's perfectly natural. It just doesn't make sense to me. Not that I'm trying to say it's wrong to do so by any means, it's just that the concept is completely foreign to me. When I see people happy in their marriages and relationships I am genuinely happy for them, but part of me will always be cringing on the inside, saying: "Yeah, but why?"



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