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About XesEri

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  • Orientation
    Grayro? apothiromantic
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    xe/xem/xyr or they/them/their
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  1. As a person who really likes word origins, this is something that's bugged me for a long time. I've known for a while that the word "aromantic" as we use it today was primarily coined in ace spaces such as AVEN, and I started doing some digging. Prior to 2002, a search for aromantic brings up only cosmetics products. Unfortunately, some pages which were posted in the early 2000's but which were later edited skew results (such as people's AVEN profiles now updated that say aromantic), however it is safe to say that through 2004, if aromantic was a word it was still considered synonymous with asexuality to some degree, as there was a vote as to what should be used for nicknames for asexual people and "A" won (thus other "A" terms didn't exist, or were considered a part of another group) over the now-popular "Ace." (1) The first remaining mention I found of what we would recognize as Split Attraction was in June 2005. According to the post, there were other mentions of it before this post, but they seem to have been lost to the ages. While there were earlier mentions of preferences in relationships, types of accepted touch, etc., this is the first time I could find a person calling themself Xromantic Xsexual (as well as some other labels that we no longer use in this way), albeit the model shown here is not the same one that we use now, having been exposed to less use and thus being, for lack of a better word, "clunkier" than our current model. However, seeing as this was the infant internet, and a lot of different words were being thrown around to see what worked and what didn't, this thread does have some definitions "mixed up," that is, they were probably the common sentiment of the time, but looking back from now we use similar words in very different ways.(2) However, seeing as I am but a young person doing research on a time before I'd ever heard of any of this (seriously I was 6 in 2005...) it would be great to hear from anyone who knows more on the origins of this than I. It would be especially enlightening, I think, to hear from anyone who was around AVEN at the time, or who can confirm/deny some of my suppositions about the origins of aromanticism as a term in ace spaces. Or, if you can totally tear my argument apart because you know of aro groups that were meeting in the 90's, even better. I just want to learn about the past. (1) http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/5943-nicknames-for-asexuals/ (2) http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/9433-relationship-definitions/ *when I say "didn't exist" I only mean that there was not a label for the experience. the people existed, the depth of language we now have did not.
  2. Not sure if you know about this stuff, but my grandfather had very bad eczema and used O'Keefe's Working Hands on it. Apparently it works wonders if you use it regularly (he would only use it when the itching got bad and he had started picking).
  3. I've always thought of this almost the opposite way, with my tiers being broken up into direction and magnitude or condition (for attraction), and gender being presentation (appearance, name, and pronouns), then sort of the way you have with labels used publicly (if a totally accepting person asks your gender, and you could be out to this person, this is what you say), and then super deep detail (this is the stuff that really isn't necessary to explain to other people, but might help you come to terms with yourself or understand yourself). For example, if a person is demiromantic and homoromantic, the "direction" level would be homoromantic. That is what other people who know this person would think when they look at this person's relationship history and it's generally the information that will be relevant more (excluding when in aro spaces, of course), and gives prospective partners an idea of whether this person could be attracted to them. The magnitude or condition then becomes relevant if the direction is satisfied. So, if the hypothetical demi/homoromantic person meets a nice person of their own gender, their condition for experiencing romantic attraction is a close bond, which they may (or may not) explain to their prospective partner. After establishing this bond, they may or may not be attracted to the person. It's uncertain, but such is life. Gender is pretty much the same rationale. For example, a few weeks ago at pride prom I met a person. This person would have seen (as he had eyes that see) that I was wearing a dress, had long hair, and other gender expression that typically reads as "girl," but when we were introduced, heard a fairly neutral name and pronouns. That's as much as a stranger on the street is going to see/hear. While it's not a label in its own right, it's a sort of public identity that everyone has, being perceived socially as one of 3 groups, "masculine" "feminine" or "uncertain". If he had asked, as it was a safe place and there was no reason to not tell the truth, I would have been okay telling him that I'm genderfluid, but that's really all the clarification that should be needed. Gender doesn't really matter all that much in most interactions and as long as the right pronouns and such are being respected specific identity labels really don't affect a ton. Beyond that, labels are generally private "me things" that nobody else really cares about, that aren't worth bringing up except maybe in trans circles. For example, I could tell people that I am a librafluid demiboy nan0girl* but it is pretty much meaningless to most people and, honestly, most people really don't care beyond making sure they have the right name and (some people) right pronouns. Super-specific identity labels are more useful as a way to monitor my own thoughts. *disclaimer: I do not actually identify as such. I just wanted to use an example of an identity that someone could have that would be beyond what is socially necessary to know.
  4. @Kitson Finch Sinaelo Absolutely! I loved ice cream when I was younger, but I had it right after I got braces put in and it's never been the same for me. Now I drink milkshakes in the summer instead of eating ice cream cones.
  5. same. except that it just makes me sick now because of run ins with bad ice cream... non ice cream aro buddies for the win!
  6. Not knowing what your starting line is, in terms of presentation, being genderless-looking is more about removing gender tells and looking like a mix is more about adding tells of the other binary gender. So for example, removing male tells would typically involve being clean shaven and softening sharp features (ie facial contouring and loose clothing that drapes). Removing female tells would involve sharpening features (facial contouring in a masculine manner, binding if possible, thick eyebrows) and using little makeup (neutral colors for contouring and light eyeshadow, for example). I also recommend specifically jean jackets. Most are pretty neutral, even the ones that are mens'/womens' specifically.
  7. Your english is far better than my spanish. I swear that I tried but our language education kind of falls short. I didn't start spanish classes until I was 11, and then we never have any reason to use it outside of class setting (it would be one thing if we did a pen pal type thing but our school doesn't allow it) so it never really sunk in. My claim to fame is once stuttering in a presentation and turning playas arenosos into playas araƱosos. Needless to say, I'd rather not visit a spidery beach.
  8. Pennsylvania. I live on the edge of 2 different swarms (brood V and brood VIII) so I get to do it all over again in 3 years.
  9. I'm mostly an outdoor person, but right now there's a 17-year-cicada swarm and I am Not A Fan of that. They're big and loud and every 2.5 steps one lands in my face.
  10. I would say that aro allo people tend to be more likely to be in (for lack of a better word, forgive me, I don't like it either) "alloro passing" relationships. Because we are constantly told that sex without romantic love is either nonexistant or unacceptable in society (eg, the cheating bi/pan stereotype), we seek out relationships that fulfill sexual attraction while also being romantic enough from an outsider's perspective to look alloro. Plus, typically nobody says anything about aromanticism until waaay down the identity rabbit hole, god forbid the person is cis/heterosexual and aro, they may never find out. tl;dr: allo aro people are less likely to learn about being aro in general, then having sexual partners erases being aro thanks to good ol' amatonormativity.
  11. I'm pretty much the opposite of the norm I think. Hugs are awkward to me. It's one thing if it's very explicitly friend-to-friend and even then I need some warning or I get really freaked out. Even then, I never initiate hugs, my friends do. Kissing I like because I tend to view it in a sexual/sensual way rather than romantic. I will never understand why I feel this way, honestly. Cuddling I can take or leave honestly. If it's with someone that I'm attracted to, it's good, I like it for the most part, I like the being physically close. But I really don't like "friend cuddling," probably because it's more sensual to me than platonic and I don't feel like that about my friends So yeah basically because I "incorrectly" learned romance vs sexuality I'm okay with a lot of socially romantic things.
  12. XesEri


    Ayyyy! You're from PA too! Not Pittsburgh side, by any chance?
  13. English is my first language, though I also speak Esperanto. I used to know ASL pretty well (to about the level of my esperanto right now) because my brother didn't speak for a very long time and we used ASL to communicate with him. I also know very little Arabic (enough to pick out certain words but I only took it for ~2 years and I know a lot of phrases and a little grammar so...) I'm trying to bring myself back to at least moderate proficiency with ASL and Arabic, and I really want an espeanto pen pal but sadly most of the people on language exchange websites don't actually care to respond.
  14. My gender identity has never affected my attraction to other real, present people. Always, "in the field" so to speak, I'm pansexual and if I like a person, I like them and neither person's gender has anything to do with it. But if I think about a relationship of any kind, it's pretty much always with a person of my own gender regardless of what it is at the time (so, like fantasy-omnigay). The romance part is more complex. My romance tolerance starts pretty low. I have pretty much always considered it kind of a waste of time and effort, and as a "girl" I more or less just find it tedious and pointless. But in "guy mode" or even sort of in the middle, it makes me really uncomfortable. To the point that (I think I said in my intro) my ex used to ask me if I was "allergic to kindness" because he would offer to carry my books to my locker, or he would give me candy, or whatever, and I didn't want to accept it. For a long time because of it I had a lot of reservations about IDing as aro because I felt that it "wasn't valid aromantcism" because it was so heavily influenced by social gender roles and dysphoria. But obviously I got older and wiser and now here I am.
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