CharCharChar

@Vhenan I'm good with blunt ? The "it makes sense to" comment was about past incidental participation before I reflected on why/if aro is important to me, it's not my reason for being here now. My theory is that prioritizing my aro identity --> will help me be more comfortable with my aro identity ---> will make it easier to be happy. But it's a good point that I'm not obligated to prioritize my aro side until it's "equal" to my ace side, and I'm not obligated to be active in the aro community because I'm aro. Although, I subscribe to the philosophy that as a content creator I have a moral obligation to understand the larger concerns and intersections of my identity-communities to reduce the risk that my identity-content causes harm. But this "moral obligation" can be fulfilled with spot checks. I'm choosing to explore further for myself. I enjoy introspection and advocacy and talking to people. I want to be here.

Trigger: discussion of arophobia The prompt this month for Carnival of Aros is about whether or not and how you prioritize your aro identity. The truth is I don't. I'm aro-inclusive in my projects, but that's about being a good ally not because I'm aro too. I joined the carnival of aros, but that's just because I joined the carnival of aces and it makes sense to do both as an aroace. I hosted an aro ace panel, but that's because I was volunteering for an ace event. I still have the mindset that it's unfortunate not to be alloromantic and have access to the normative "happily ever after". There are steps I can take to deconstruct my internal arophobia, but I don't have to rush into it. I can join this forum. I can make vague plans to read more aro fiction. I can get amped for AroWriMo and collect aro writing prompts. But it's not an aro emergency. I recognize there are other prioritize in my life right now (both time wise and emotional energy wise). I can lay the ground work now, inch forward in the coming months, and attempt a deep dive in February while the community is amped up for ASAW. So ... I here. ?

This is a question I've been mulling over for myself. (though not exactly the same details). I've come to the conclusion it's not that I secretly think "trans men aren't men" or afab enbies are "women-light." I think it's that I have a level of comfort and comradery with fellow AFABs, and a level of learned anxiety and distrust towards those raised in toxic masculinity. Another theory I have is that the few people I've felt some form of attraction to are those who shake up gender expression expectations (whether that's crossing the binary or just being unique within their gender norms). I think this is more about how they are speaking out against the gender norms that trap me (even before I realized I'm agender) or have potential to be a solid friend due to this rebelliousness/confidence and it's not specifically about their gender. __________________________________ TANGENT -------------------------------------------------------- ((Also just want to throw it in there that having phobic assumptions doesn't make us "bad". It's part of being human and it's important to process them so we don't unintentially harm others.)) For example, I've realized I need to shake my stereotype that transmen are "adorable tea-drinking city-dwellers." The problem is I watch one youtuber transguy so much, that it's overriding my logical knowledge that transmen are as diverse as everyone else. ((But that's on me and not the youtuber)) _________________________________ DOUBLE TANGENT ------------------------------------------------------ I find this raises interesting questions -- does the "problematicness" of attraction to a gender/assigned-sex combo lessen if it's not romantic/sexual attraction which can be linked to power-dynamics / claiming / entitlement, whereas platonic/aesthetic/other attractions don't have a negative connotation. Is is possible to feel attraction to specific gender/assigned-sex combos in a non-problematic way? Does your own gender/assigned-sex combo play into if it's problematic or not? Being asexual/aromantic, I have been wondering how current-genitalia/assigned-sex play into gendered attraction, but now I'm really getting off topic.