Tylore

On 10/10/2020 at 4:35 PM, Kharina said:

I hadn't realised they had hinted at her having a girlfriend, that's really interesting!

yeah, if i remember correctly, in the promotional art they had a winky face after introducing elsa’s friend, and continue to wink after any sort of hinting toward her being lesbian.

On 10/10/2020 at 4:35 PM, Kharina said:

even just a female character staying single for life whatever their orientation is a good thing for children and especially girls to see that marriage isn't the only way a happy future can be

yeah, society is so weird abt single women. when i was young (before i came out, i’m a trans dude btw lol) they always asked me about “who my husband will be” and “what will he be like” and i was just like,,,,, bruh im a /child/

also, don’t apoligize! hearing abt this was super interesting!!!!

I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING THAT MADE ME QUESTION MY ENTIRE REALITY. Okay, so as a kid, I loved planning my marriage, but hated thinking about who I was marrying, because I didn’t actually want to marry anyone. I didn’t understand why everyone else wanted marriage and romance, but I didn’t. So I participated in it anyway, because I felt like I had to like all these things, because I didn’t want to be different. Could it have also been that I genuinely wanted those things at that time? Maybe. Could that just be me overthinking? Absolutely, and it probably is. God, this is connected to so many of my issues and ID’s, this is so big for me, thank you newbie aropocalypse account that made me think of this, you helped me so much, god. I didn’t even think of this questioning, I’m such a dumbass, thank you.

Yeah, as a kid I loved the idea of marriage, but never any of the actual content or how to get there. It was just a sort of, for fun. I still think it could be a bit fun. You don’t have to have the same experience, though! (Also, thanks for mentioning this, you kind of made a bunch of issues click for me! It really helped me realize some stuff!)

I guess you could start by gently reminding her whenever marriage/kids is brought up that not everyone wants those things? I know that’s scary, but you could use “exploring your amatonormativity to be a better aro/ace ally” as an excuse, as that would probably push her to learn more about the topic. If she says “are you sure you’re not just aro/ace” call her out on her fake ally bullshit. A good argument there would be, “I listen to aro/aces when they complain. These ideals hurt them. You don’t have to be aro/ace to empathize and try to fix what’s wrong” or something along those lines, idk, do whatever’s comfortable to you. (Also, some B&J!)

On 9/18/2020 at 8:35 PM, sSevenofSpadeƧƨ said:

Hey, so I just realized this was a thing... Since I don't really like being called my real name online (privacy reasons) y'all can call me whatever. I discovered I was aromantic around last year, after my friends suggested I might be asexual when we were talking about crushes and I said I didn't really do them for some reason. I like drawing, writing, reading, and making things, especially origami. I also love musicals, and my favorite is Hadestown. Hope to see y'all around

Congrats on figuring yourself out! I also like drawing and reading! Also, have some B&J!

On 11/24/2019 at 11:34 AM, Holmbo said:

Do you feel that this is something that has gotten more common

Absolutely.

On 11/24/2019 at 11:34 AM, Holmbo said:

Elsa in Frozen

The thing with Elsa is, not only is she an unusual example of a main without romantic focus, Disney heavily hinted at her having a girlfriend/being gay in promoting the sequel. Disney is does this so much, what with their numerous cancelled/platform-changing shows, and they’ve made it pretty clear that their stance on LGBT+ is subject to change, depending on whether or not it financially benefits them. They will announce a queer show on Disney+, then move it to a less associated with Disney platform, cancel representation, use targeted ads to promote queer rep for it only to be implied/extras, and they control almost the entire entertainment industry now.

On 5/24/2020 at 5:12 PM, felinelicks said:

Like this guy at my old work kept flirting with me and tried to get my mom to set us up (we all worked at the same store) and when she told me he was going to ask me out I just avoided his area of the store all day. He must have realized I wasn't interested because he completely ignored me after that and was actually kind of an ass to my mom. ? Just a complete 180 after months of pretending to be friendly with both of us. I've never understood why allos are like that.

I think some allos avoid people as a method of getting rid of unwanted romantic feelings. Still, dick move.

Yeah, it’s both a mental health thing (related to ASD, PTSD, similar disorders) and an aro thing. It really sucks, because people always act like having boundaries with touch is this huge big bad deal, n like,,,,, no? It’s not a personal offense against you, I just don’t like being touched sometimes/certain areas/certain ways?

Honestly, I think my original fascination with shipper culture is how complex you could make a single dynamic between two people be. There’s so many different factors, like shared interests, who listens more, inside jokes, shared experiences, how comfortable they are with eachother/others in certain contexts, etc.; I just find it so interesting. Now it’s more of a “wow, you can really ship anyone huh?”

On 7/10/2020 at 4:53 AM, chairdesklamp said:

Anyway, the main character of one (both canon-wise and here) I ended up writing him greyro demisexual without realising it. He's literally slated to break up with his best friend because he loves him, but "he doesn't feel comfortable with" romantic stuff basically and best friend needs it, so they're incompatible (it's'97 in Japan. People know about trans stuff, he's living as male already because I made him trans male instead of cis male, but there's no words for this yet) he later becomes poly with that guy, but they have an understanding, and that guy's (trans) wife is the one he indulge in romance with. The main character's husband at this point, they're kind of likemega-best buds on the adventures of life, a problem solving team, they're always the first to validate each other, and making a giant family together (because the world demanding sterilisation to be valid sticks in my craw, so there) but they're not romantic at all, despite the main character's parents imaginations of them being allo, they're both greysexual and I'm still figuring out what romantic boundaries are, but they're definitely arospec, even though they don't have the words for a long time. (The reason they're greysexual is mostly meta for unplanned pregnancy, and making them cupiosexual was not something that occurred to me, even though if that's a word, it me, as the kids say) The closest to romantic they get is actually husband calming main character down because it's the 2008 housing crash and they lost their shirts. And one other later, reason would take too much words. But both are just... slow dancing to lite rock and the words "I love you." Then cut to others in the room and it's back to being a written sitcom. 

I wanted to share this here in detail because I've been nailing this out since I abandoned the old version (in my native, but this is in English), on Pixiv in *2011*.

OMG THIS SOUNDS SO COOL!?!?!>!@!!@!!!! Are you planning on trying to publish this, please I’m begging, it sounds so cool!

On 5/11/2020 at 8:05 PM, Blake said:

Sameeeee, my background is literally balls with the aro flag colors. Family wise, not a single one has any idea that I am aro. Friend wise, they deduced it once I told them that I was aro, cuz they know I am sneaky showing things. I am amazed that so very people actually suspect about pride colors, given that it is not thaaaat hard to look into the internet. Maybe it is because they go nop-nop and actively choose to ignore it.

I think most allos just don’t think about it, or don’t think about allyship, unless its brought up to them. Kinda weird, but I get it in a vague sense?

1.Not being completely romance repulsed and/or not being completely aro

2.Trauma/depression-related issues that may have caused my reciprocation-repulsion

3.Occasional sex repulsion (area in which I’m sorta questioning) (I’ve seen a lot of alloallos call aro “just ace but fancier” and like,,,no.)

On 9/14/2020 at 3:15 AM, arokel said:

Hey. Discovered I’m Aromantic and not sure I’m very happy about it. It feels like a pretty lonely revelation, If I’m honest. 

I realised I have issues with “dismissive avoidant” attachment. And while I have dated, albeit minimally... I thought I grew up having crushes on guys and figured I couldn’t be aromantic because of that. Yet, I realised those crushes were never based on any desire to be physical with cuddling, kissing or sex. My crushes were a desire to be very close with that person in a unique friendship sort of way. I do desire a sort of unconventional relationship. I like the idea of a monogamous loyal bond with someone. But the idea of physical and romantic intimacy freaks me out. 

I like the idea of people having a crush on me, but I’d rather they didn’t tell me. I think I’m cupioromantic, I like the idea of romantic love and wish I was capable of it, but once it presents itself as a realistic opportunity to me, I get almost repulsed and weirded out. It’s not in my nature as much as I wish it was. 

How do you guys deal with realising this about yourself? 

Honestly? Educating myself on these labels, and the prejudices on it. That might not be helpful to you, though, so what ever works! (Also, the repulsed after opportunity bit sounds a bit like Lithro, but that might just be me projecting) (also, have some icecream!)

God, I have a perfect song but I forgot it’s name, anyone remember a chill alt song with lithro/apro/akoiro vibes?

Anyone else ever experienced dismissal of their orientation based off of trauma, depression, attachment avoidance issues, etc.?

Anyway, this is partially an excuse to rant, so here we go:

I’ve been told I’m arospec because of my suspected depression (Several people in my life firmly believed I have depression, but I honestly don’t know, which is why I put suspected in front of it). It really sucked, because I was trying to open up to them, and they just dismissed it as dangerously low hormone levels. Even if that’s true, why does that matter? Why can’t it be both? Why is this something you think must be fixed? (Sorry, got a little ranty there)

On 5/13/2020 at 9:31 PM, WaywardHeroine said:

So first, hello! I'm Katie and I'm new.  Second, I have a bit of a dilemma:

I think I’ve dated a lot of people for someone definitely on the aromantic spectrum (I assumed I was biromantic until recently, but I think that was just denial, to be honest).  My current partner and I have been together for over six months now.  When we first met, we clicked immediately, and I was even a little jealous when they started chatting with the other people in our group.  Afterwards, we started texting, and things just fell into place.  This was the first relationship I’ve ever actively pursued.  I really really wanted this person in my life.

The thing is, lately I’ve found myself trying to avoid them- making excuses to get out of dates, or finding a reason to be busy on the weekend to avoid hanging out.  It’s gotten really bad in the last couple of months.  I’d write it off as just me being an introvert, but I don’t get this kind of anxiety when I’m just hanging out with my friends.  It’s kind of hard to explain, but whenever my partner asks to make plans, I become irrationally and unreasonably defensive, like they’re encroaching on my space or personal time.  I know it’s stupid, and I feel awful, but I don’t know what to do about it.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, either.  In my past relationships it would happen all the time.  I would be friends with a person, they would confess, and as soon as we started “dating” a switch would be flipped, and I would immediately engage avoidance procedures.  I would get ticked off whenever they would wish me goodnight, or ask how my day was, and I didn’t want to hang out as frequently, even though we’d been hanging out as friends for months.  Not to mention that every time we kissed, I would be counting the seconds, and cuddling made me incredibly uncomfortable.

I assumed those feelings of “wrongness” was just because I wasn’t with the right person.  I’m really worried now, because I care very deeply about my current partner.  I don’t want to feel this way, but lately I have this voice in my head saying, “Okay, is it over yet?”

I really like this person, but I don’t understand why I feel the need to avoid them.  Am I just being irrational?  How should I deal with these feelings?

I’ve had a very similar experience as an apromantic, maybe look into it and it’s other names, lithromantic/apromantic/akoiromantic? Hopefully this helps/makes sense.

On 8/31/2020 at 11:58 PM, Guest Arrow1 said:

How can we tell the difference between lithromantic and attachment avoidance?

Personally, I don’t think the difference matters too much. If a label makes someone comfortable, they should use it. But I can kind of see where you’re coming from, and I don’t know how to answer that. I might get back to you once I’m more educated on attachment avoidance.

Ok, so all I really found so far is that it’s considered pseudoscientific, because it currently has no definable diagnostic requirements. It’s validity is questioned among many medical professionals. Also, who says someone can’t be both? One label doesn’t invalidate another, intersectionality is common

16 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Don't know if this is part of why I didn't discover my identity before (main reason if I didn't know it was a possibility), but yes. I had friends my age but we never talked about crushes at all. Fun fact : I don't know if she is aro or not but one of these friends is still single because she thinks her studies and finding a job are more important right now, and she keeps refusing to date.

So I never relate to the "all my friends say that and I feel alienated" because my friends don't talk about crushes. The only time they did, well they were not really my friends but people of my class. They wanted to know my crush and I said the name of a cute guy. That's it.

I had this too! My friends were always more concerned with critique our government and society than anything else, ha

53 minutes ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Aw man, I did this twice! I feel you, that sucks so hard. I'm glad you were able to figure out what you needed to do in the end; it can be really hard to take a step back and ask yourself what's making you unhappy, if the thing that makes you unhappy is something you feel obligated to have/want/do/etc. Congrats on finding this part of yourself and welcome to the forum!!

Thanks! It was though haha, I’ve been trying to be better at that lately though ^v^

1 hour ago, Holmbo said:

I've never heard of apromantic. What makes you prefer that one over lithromantic?

‘Lith’ is a nod to stone identity, which is A.sometimes considered an exclusively lesbian/transmasculine label (depending on whether or not you want to open the label up) and B. Historically more of a sexual identity, whether it be preference in certain sex activities that is considered unusual, or landing on the ace-spectrum, so I feel like it doesn’t translate as well to a romantic identity? Also, the word root means apart instead of stone, which feels more accurate to the label itself, at least to me.

1 hour ago, Atlamillia Pixie said:

Hiya!

Let me start off with "been there, done that, have the t-shirt" with the dating a friend thing only to realize later I'm aro. That's 13 months of my life I'm never getting back, and to be honest we should have broke it off 2 months in, but amatonormativity is a bitch and we both suffered for it. Haha, I can only hope your ex took it better than mine. My ex and I are finally learning to be friends again 6-7 months after the break up. 

Similar to you when I was looking for info, I found the term lithromantic and it fit at the time. However, I am now wondering if I am lithromantic or if I was just suffering from amatonormativity. Idk if its due to the lack of in person socialization due to the pandemic or if it is due to the fact that I am aware that I am aro, but I am not wanting a romantic relationship like I was a year and a half ago. So, yeah, idk. All I know is that I'm aro and I'm happy. 

I wish you the best of luck in discovering more about yourself and finding happiness!

Oof, I’m lucky mine took it so well. Also, it probably is because of the pandemic, most people have been discovering new things about themselves, I think the isolation just helps with that (god, now I wanna look into effects of isolation studies). Best of luck to you too, thank you!

7 minutes ago, Oatpunk said:

Hello! I see you've already gotten around to making some posts, but welcome anyway, I'm happy you found us!

I'm not apro, but I have been in a similar situation where I thought I felt romantic attraction, confessed it and then had to break it off. It's an awful feeling that I think a lot of people here can relate to. It's easy to feel like it's your fault but staying in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to is only destructive for everyone involved. Romantic attraction is an abstract mess and for many people the only way to figure ourselves out is to experiment and learn from our mistakes.

Have some aro ice cream and don't be so hard on yourself

Thank you so much, it’s been so relieving to know I’m not alone. (Also, thank you for the icecream, it looks delicious :D) 

On 9/14/2020 at 12:22 PM, Mark said:

Professor Brake is your friend.

Oh my god thank you so much for posting this, I got so stupidly excited seeing this, I had no clue they had a blog AJSDLKFJsaldkfjsdklfjs;ldkjflk;dsjflkjd :D:D:D:D:D

On 6/16/2016 at 3:56 PM, paporomantic said:

In this thread, romantics are encouraged to answer aros' questions about romance and, conversely, aros to answer romantics' questions about aromanticism, so that we learn to understand each other better  (This is an analogue of AVEN's 'Asexual-Sexual Q&A Thread'.)

_____________________________________

 

Let me start with a question to romantics (incl. @Nai @HappyBunny @Punable?

 

In the romantic love quiz that is currently in use on Arocalypse as an (inaccurate) kind of a 'litmus test', which of the statements give an incorrect impression about the nature of romantic attraction, and which grasp its nature correctly?

 

On 9/26/2016 at 3:56 AM, Philbo Wiseroot said:

Agreed. I took this a number of weeks ago (so forgive my memory). I got through exactly 8 questions before thinking "aro is not useless human, why does it think that?" A lot of the options I'd choose were "I don't trust people" and the like. The test seems to smush a lot of the trust and support aspects of a friendship into romance exclusively, and I don't like that. 

So, the link to this test isn’t working for me, likely because whoever made it must’ve realized their mistake in including so much amatonormativity (did I spell that right?) in a test about the romantic spectrum, so does anyone here know if they made a new test, or are in the process of making one? Just curious, I guess

21 hours ago, Guest olivia said:

i don’t want a relationship because it seems like too much work, and i just don’t see the point of it, but i would like a sexual relationship. am i aromatic?

That sounds like alloaro/allosexual aromantic (which means you experience sexual attraction, but not romantic attraction), which is absolutely valid!

I can’t tell you what you are though, you know you best! Hope this helps  

Several weeks ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend, feeling horrible and guilty because my feelings for him had faded almost as soon as he reciprocated. Yet, since I felt guilty for how fast they changed with what at the time felt like little warning (in hindsight, whenever I ever thought of confessing to others, I was more scared of them feeling the same than being rejected, I actually preferred the idea of being rejected) I had forced myself to stay for far longer than I should’ve. In the aftermath of our breakup, I felt immensely bad about all this, and tried to find an explanation for feeling like this. Eventually, I found the label lithromantic, and furiously researched it, it’s connection to stone identity, the controversy, anything I could get my hands on, and decided to identify with one of its alternatives, Apromantic. I still want more information on Apromantic though, I couldn’t find who made it, so if anyone knows that would be great. Long story short (or more accurately, medium), I found here!

tl;dr: stupid boy falls for his best friend, confesses to then dates him, only to discover he’s apromantic.

On 8/5/2020 at 12:05 AM, hermi1e said:

Idk if this thred is ded, but hi, hello, I'm also questioning as lithro.  When I first started questioning, I did the appropriate Gen Z thing and scoured the internet for memes about the identity. And I think that the memes about lithromanticism say a lot:

 

1. The identity is underrepresented as shit. I get that it's a tiny minority, but for real. There are like 3 lithromantic memes on the internet, and two of them are comics. Come on people, we can do better than that lol

2. We're aware of the underrepresentation. This is clear, i think, bc half the memes are just explanations of the identity. I feel like the creators are either venting their self-discovery story (i think that finding ur identity feels more special when the identity is little-known, because it's more surprising or can take longer to discover it), educating questioning lithros (because it might be the only way baby-lithros ever learn their identity), or educating non-lithros to spread understanding (because there's not much understanding, obv). Educating others is great, telling ur self-discovery story is great. This is all great. It just makes me sad that we have to focus so so much on explaining and justifying ourselves and grasping at visibility. I'd love if we could make some content for ourselves. (I know there are some great lithro memes like this. I just wish there were more.)

3. We hate being lithromantic. This one is the worst, i think. I personally hoped for memes that displayed pride, and showed that a lithromantic could live a happy life. Instead, i found #lithromanticproblems. And guess what. The problem most lithros have with being lithro is being lithro. "That moment when your attraction fades lol." Idk, it makes me sad. Yes, it can suck to be lithro. But what if all the memes about lesbians were "That awful moment when you're a woman attracted to women lol?" Like, no. That seems like internalized homophobia and shame, not pride. I get that it's good to talk about the disappointment, but I'd also like to talk about how great it is to be lithro.

Such as....

- We don't have to deal with the complications of actually being in a relationship.

- Once we acknowledge that romance isn't in the cards for us, there's no pressure for us to pursue it. 

- We can focus mostly on other relationships, like friendships (this applies to a lot of the aro/ace community, i think).

- We still get the dopamine-inducing experience of having crushes. Legit, just having a crush can reduce stress and increase self-esteem.

- We can find ways to fulfill our own needs without romance, which some alloromantic people never learn how to do. We learn that romance isn't goin to make our lives perfect, and we can live fantastic lives without it. 

 

Basically what I'm saying is, can we make some memes about that stuff? ?  Ok thank you for listening to my meme ramble, byeeeee 

 

 

Time to put my procreate meme skills to use, hehehehehehe

I cannot think of any memes, h e l p

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo

Tumblr link I found that leads to an error page whyyyyyyy

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA why there’s more error link quizzes WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I’m supposed to be in class rn but I’m more interested in this, he’s reteaching us stuff, also I can just ask my tutor for help later so like,,, I get that this is disrespectful but I’m hyperfixated and have no self control

F U C K i reached the last google page without finding ANYTHING, anyone have any suggestions on how to search for it, or more inclusive search engines? I want ALL possible results

So I’ve been curious about some of the history behind aro spectrum labels, and I thought that questing for the legendary AUREA forums would help, so I’m starting this thread for updates on my progress in finding it

So apparently Aurea means gold in latin, so I’m finding all of these forums on random animals and plants lol

I’ve decided to just search “Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy“ and I keep finding all these deleted aro-spectrum quizzes and I get so sad every time I click on one of them and see “error 404, page not found” I wanna take an aro test T.T

Now I’m wondering if they even were original forums, I heard somewhere there were, but I might’ve misremembered?